A/N: This, also a present for my sister, Shadow, is a long, rambling attempt at humor, and a follow-up to Waiting to Grow. That particular story was very generic, meant for anyone. This is my rendition of what happens afterward. All characters except for Tilia and Jessy belong to Rowling. Tilia is mine, as those who have read some of my other stories will know, and Jessy belongs to Shadow-ofthe-Night35. I'm just borrowing her. The card game was inspired by a picture done by Marta over at ArtDungeon. The lines quoted in the Christmas notes are from Shakespeare's Much Ado about Nothing, from which I have also pulled part of my title. I hate iambic pentameter and am writing in this century, therefore, I cannot be Shakespeare, and the lines are not mine.
Much Ado About Sirius and other Distractions
Remus Lupin was rudely awakened from a post-full-moon afternoon nap by a large something bouncing on the edge of his bed. The sleepy werewolf rolled over and opened one eye, groaning as his bed creaked in protest at a level of abuse it was unused to. The bouncing mercifully stopped, and Remus was able to focus on the something—no, someone—who had woken him up. It was Sirius Black, one of only two people who could get away with waking Remus the day after the full moon.
"Moony, wake up," Sirius said, grinning.
"I already have," he responded peevishly. "What do you want?"
"Do you know what today is?" Sirius asked, ignoring Remus' question.
The werewolf put a hand to his forehead, kneading his left temple as though staving off a headache. "The day after the full moon," he growled in answer.
Sirius grinned wickedly. "Still sore are we?" Remus glared, but Sirius continued on, unimpressed by the other boy's sleepy ire. "Do you know what today is?"
Remus sighed. With Sirius, it was never a straight answer, and he never took a hint, however blatant. He possessed a singular dog-mindedness that would have been ironic if it wasn't so annoying. "No-o," he said in a drawn-out tone of long-suffering. "What is today?"
"It is the first of 23 days I have to plan Jessy's sixteenth birthday surprise," the blackhaired boy announced with the air of a king's herald proclaiming a ball. Best not mention that to Sirius, Remus thought as Sirius continued talking.
"The first of 23 days I have to come up with something unforgettable. The first of 23 days I have to come up with something so spectacular she will have to notice that I've grown up. I've stopped running around. She is the only girl for me…"
Remus groaned. "Great," he muttered. "Now there are two of them."
"The first of—what?" Sirius cut off his monologue as he caught Remus' words. "Did you say two of me? There will never be another Sirius Black."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Are you telling me that you bloody woke me up on the day after the full moon to rhapsodize about your dream date's birthday?"
"Er—yes?" Sirius offered feebly. Remus rolled over in disgust, so he did not see Sirius brighten, non-plussed by his friend's bad mood. "That's not all I woke you up for, you know."
"Do I know?" Remus asked. He had no idea what Sirius was talking about.
"You know what today is," Sirius said confidently.
"You mean something beyond being the day after the full moon and the first of 23 days leading up to the next time you make a fool of yourself in front of Jessy Elwyn?"
"Yep," Sirius said, smiling.
The werewolf rolled back over, a glazed, dumbfounded expression on his face. He shook his head in sheer disbelief when he realized his friend was waiting for an answer. "No, Sirius, I don't know what today is," he said in exasperation. "Maybe you told Moony last night and he forgot to relay the message."
Sirius blinked. Remus was only flippant about his furry little problem when he was really cheesed off. No—Wormtail was the one who got cheesed off, but—whatever. It was a good word. Sirius wondered if he dared say what he had planned. He looked at the annoyance written all over his friend's face and grinned. Sirius did dare.
"Are you going to tell me what today is?" Amber fire flashed in challenge.
Sirius loved challenges, and playing with fire. "Today is our first annual Marauder beat-the-October-blues game of strip poker."
000
James Potter had expected Sirius' idea to go over badly. He had not, however, expected Remus to react by jumping to a sitting position with a resounding shout of "WHAT?" He also had not expected that said reaction would send Sirius, who had been precariously perched on Remus' bed, to fall off when the covers were jerked out from under him.
Despite Remus' uncharacteristically volatile reaction, James was pleased to see him five minutes later, dressed in proper school uniform, being dragged down the stairs by the sleeve of his robes. Sirius was grinning, a pleasant change from the howling that had been the result of falling flat on his rear end.
"I see you've found the truant, Mr. Padfoot," he said. Remus glared.
"Aye, Mr. Prongs. He was still a-bed. Imagine, still a-bed at this hour." The effect of Sirius' mock-disapproval was diminished by his smirk.
James shook his head. "Shame."
"Shut up," Remus muttered resentfully.
"Yeah," Sirius added. "I didn't see you volunteering to wake him."
"Only because you and Tilia are the only ones who won't get strangled," James said. He winked at Remus, taking the sting out of his words. "I'm not fond of strangulation."
Remus sighed, and gave James a weak smile. Good, James thought. At least he's not too mad at us.
"So, Padfoot," he said, trailing off intelligently as Lily Evans, Jessy Elwyn, and Tilia Manoran walked by. Sirius, staring, mouth slightly open in a very dog-like expression, did not even say, "So what, Prongs?"
Remus, who was wishing he was back upstairs and in bed, was wholly unaffected by his girlfriend's appearance. Perhaps, James thought, it's because they're already dating. Merlin he hoped not. He wanted to go on wanting to watch Lily forever.
"Can we help you?" Lily asked, noticing their silent ogling.
"No," Sirius said.
"Yes," James said simultaneously. Lily and Jessy blinked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Tilia, used to their antics and idiosyncrasies, merely shot Remus a questioning glance.
"No," he said firmly. "We're fine."
Lily looked at him. "You look awful, Remus. Are you sure--?"
"He's fine," James said quickly. "He's just a little tired. Late night. Studying, you know. He missed dinner, poor chap, so we're off to get him some food," he babbled, inventing wildly as he went.
"We are?" Sirius and Remus asked, destroying James' already shaky answer. Lily raised her eyebrows. Before she could say anything, Tilia interrupted.
"Where's Peter?"
James looked around, coming more into his usual cocky self. "Why, down in the kitchens, I believe. Come on, chaps." He made a grand sweeping gesture, and started towards the portrait hole. If he remembered, he might ask Remus to thank Tilia for stopping him from digging a deeper hole. Oh, he'd almost forgot.
"Evans, will you go out with me?"
000
Peter Pettigrew heard James' shout, and Lily's inevitable, "Drop dead, Potter!" as he sat outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, waiting for someone to let him in. He hoped James would leave the common room now, or, if not James, then Lily. She sometimes stormed out after James annoyed her. Peter just wished he could remember the password for once. If only they were shorter…
The portrait opened and Peter's three friends tumbled out. He jumped. If only he wasn't so twitchy, maybe they wouldn't be so surprised to see him.
"That was a close call," Sirius said. "I love your girlfriend, Remus."
"Hey!" the other boy exclaimed.
"What?" Sirius asked innocently.
"Hello, Peter," Remus said, rolling his eyes at Sirius.
James sighed. "What are you doing?"
"I—just got back from the kitchens," Peter lied. Yeah, 30 minutes ago, he thought, but they didn't need to know that. They'd laugh.
"Oh, well, we have to go get food now," James said.
"We do?" Peter asked, brow wrinkling in confusion.
"I wish people would stop questioning me," James said, pouting slightly. "And, yes, we have to go get something for Remus to eat because we told the girls we would."
Peter had definitely missed something, but that was nothing new. He tagged along faithfully anyway, wondering why they were headed toward the third floor instead of the basement.
000
That was how they ended up with a load each of sweets and more butterbeer than was good for them. Sirius sighed as he unbuttoned his shirt. He had thought that strip poker was a good idea in theory. In practice, however…
He glanced around the table Moony had transfigured in an unused classroom where they would not be found by any unfriendly parties. Peter was losing badly, wearing only his boxers and a conjured blanket. Five minutes ago, James had stuck the joker to Peter's head in frustration: Peter had somehow shuffled it into the deck and attempted to convince them it was a winning hand. James, who had lost robes, tie, and shirt, was begging for belts to be separate articles of clothing. Sirius had knotted Prongs' tie around his friend's head in shame. Sirius himself would be down to his boxers, tied with Peter for last, once he got his shirt unbuttoned.
Sirius looked at Remus, who was grinning in a very un-Remus-like way. Sirius blinked. Tie, shirt, pants…Remus had only lost once? Moony was—winning? That couldn't be right, but it was. He finally pulled his shirt off, and dealt the next hand. James lost. Now they were all sitting in a freezing classroom in their boxers. Peter pulled his blanket closer.
"You guys could conjure blankets, too, you know," he mumbled sleepily.
"Nah," Sirius said. "If we keep playing, this'll get embarrassing. Let's just give Moony the win and head off to bed?"
"Sounds good, Padfoot," James grinned.
Remus smiled sheepishly.
"Ah, go ahead and enjoy it, Moony. You don't win very often," Sirius said.
"Payback for waking me up, I guess." Remus' smile was more genuine this time.
"Glad to see I'm forgiven," Sirius smiled back.
They joked and laughed as they got sloppily dressed and squashed themselves, and the remaining butterbeer under the Invisibility Cloak, their pockets crammed with a last few chocolate frogs. Realizing that it was well past curfew, they slunk back to their dormitory, then collapsed in a heap on the floor.
"Crap, that was close," Sirius gasped. "We've gotta find a way to know if Mrs. Norris is coming."
"Yeah," Remus wheezed. "A tracking bell, or something."
"That won't work on Filch," James panted.
Peter simply whimpered.
"Sounds like you want a tracking map," Remus said. "That's impossible."
"Is it?" Sirius' eyes gleamed for a moment, before he leaned back with a sigh and opened another butterbeer. "So, what am I going to do to impress Jessy?" he asked his friends.
Remus rolled his eyes, James shrugged, and Peter began to snore. So much for that idea, Sirius thought, letting out a soft snort of disgust at his friends' reactions.
They sat in silence for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling. Remus' voice spoke suddenly out of the darkness. "Padfoot, why did you admit defeat down there? You never say you lose."
Sirius didn't reply immediately. He thought it might have something to do with Remus' winning being payback for what Sirius had done earlier, but he wasn't sure. His brain felt fuzzy. "I don't know," he finally replied. "I think I've had too much butterbeer."
000
Sirius sighed as he looked out at the snow covering Hogwarts. It was now Christmas. The first of November had come and gone, and his blatant effort to win Jessy Elwyn's heart had been utterly disregarded by the object of his affection. So, for once, he had taken Remus' advice instead of James', and gone with a subtle present.
And for some unaccountable reason, the overconfident, over sure Sirius Black was nervous.
"Moony," he whispered. Remus didn't respond. "Moony!" he hissed louder. Remus twitched and woke up. He glanced blearily at the clock, and then at Sirius.
"Do you know what time it is?" he asked with an edge in his sleepy voice.
"3:00 Christmas morning?" Sirius asked hopefully.
"Go to sleep, Sirius, and get us all up in another four hours," Remus grumbled, already halfway back to sleep.
"Do you think she'll like it?" Sirius whispered.
"Tilia said Jessy wanted it. You just exploited your own absurd fascination with the subject and got her something she actually will read."
"But do you think she'll like it?" Sirius asked plaintively.
Remus took pity on his friend. "Yes."
"Good," Sirius said. Remus didn't hear; he had already fallen back asleep.
000
Jessy Elwyn had no idea who had sent the last present in her pile. It was large and heavy, a book, perhaps. She pulled the attached piece of parchment open. Her eyes widened in surprise as she read:
Fair lady,
For your special Christmas laugh, I bring you a purely fictitious conversation.
You: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signor Benedick, nobody marks you.
Me: What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?
You: Is it possible Disdain should die when she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to Disdain, if you come in her presence.
Me: Then is Courtesy a turn-coat: but it is certain I am loved of all the ladies, only you excepted.
Here I must digress, for I have been tricked and honest feelings have surfaced recognizably. I would write you a sonnet expressing my love through newly awakened eyes, but alas, I was not born under a rhyming planet. Pray, but I prattle on, as is my wont occasionally. I bid you a Merry Christmas.
Yours,
Signor Benedick
Frowning in confusion and curiosity, Jessy pulled the plain brown paper from the package. Her eyes lit and she smiled when she saw the Complete Works of Shakespeare lying on her bed. The ribbon bookmark was turned to Much Ado About Nothing.
Signor Benedick, she thought, and I'm Beatrice. Her eyes widened as she realized who must have sent her the book. She never would have thought that he would know Shakespeare…
She blushed when Tilia and Lily came over to ask what she had gotten. Rather than answer her friends' questions she quickly flipped through Much Ado, and began to write a return note.
000
Sirius tried to sit still during Christmas dinner, he really did, but Jessy hadn't once glanced his way. He was beginning to think he'd been too subtle, and she hadn't understood, when a silvery owl dropped a note beside his plate.
Good Signor,
What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adieu
No glory lies behind the back of such.
Here I also digress, and shall we at least attempt to be friends, and see what happens thereafter?
Yours,
Lady Beatrice
Grinning, Sirius glanced down the table to meet Jessy's eyes, and she smiled.