Angry letter to writers

A/N: I've been reading these fics and OMG I just love them sooooo much! So I said, you know what? Why not write one? This not only helps me with my writers block but it also helps me express my opinion about few things in fics. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter. Also, some were inspired by various writers who wrote the similar things, but I repeat, I NEVER plagiarized. Never did, never will.

Chapter 1: Harry Potter

Dear Fanficiton writers

Alright, I have lots of things to say and I don't even know where to begin! Well let's go one by one.

My name is Harry James Potter. Harry, stands for Harry. Nothing else.

I do not have a brother or sister. Also, unfortunately, Dursleys are my only living relatives. I do not have any other uncles or aunts in my mother's side or my father's side. My grandparents also died long time ago, about when I was one and before my parents were killed. Again, I am an only child and I do not have a twin. I do not have a twin who got separated from birth.

I repeat, I WILL NEVER GO DARK OR JOIN VOLDEMORT. He killed my parents for goodness sake! How could I do such thing and disgrace my parent's memory?

Also, another thing. Let's say I do have a twin and he or she was called the boy who lived or girl who lived. How dare you suggest that just because my sibling is the hero, my parents would neglect me or abandon me? You people should be ashamed of yourself.

Last time I checked, I am a male.

Last time I checked, James Potter is my father, and I'm proud. Sirius, Snape (yikes) and Voldemort (WHAT!) is not my father.

And finally, the thing I found most ridiculous. The pairings. Let me explain step by step why it's absurd.

Hermione: Ok, for some reason this is extremely popular. I will admit I love Hermione… AS A SISTER. Honestly, I never even thought about dating Hermione. Ron would have had my skin!

Malfoy: ME? WITH HIM? I'll have you know, I am straight. Even if I was homosexual, I would never date this ferret faced ponce. I DO NOT LOVE HIM.

Luna: Look, I get that Luna is a nice girl and all. But still, that doesn't mean I wanted to date her or anything. I asked her to go to Slughorn's party as a friend. In reality, I wanted to take someone else…. (sigh)

Cho: God, you never let me live this down do you? Yes, I had bit of a feeling for Cho at 5th year, but come on! It was temporary, and anyone could see the relationship isn't going to work out.

Bellatrix: Me, with Bellatrix. Voldemort's top death eater. The psychotic death eater who drove Neville's parents to insanity and killed my godfather. Me with her.

Snape: Look, I admit I am grateful for Snape for protecting me all these years. That doesn't mean I love him. In case you didn't notice, he spent first 6 of my Hogwarts year hating my very existence!

Fleur: Fleur is easy to look at. There I admit it. Are we close? Definitely, especially since we both went through Triwizard. Do we love each other? Yes. In a manner sister in law loves a brother in law. Do we want to snog each other? No.

Katie, Angelina, Alicia: We are team. We work together in Quidditch field. They were like my older sisters. If Hermione is the older sister who preaches me about studying, they were my older sisters who played sports with me. Also, why do I always get hooked up with all three of them in the fics?

Susan Bones/Lisa Turpin/Su Li etc: Umm... Are you talking about the Dumbledore's army members? Cause, that's as far as my relationship goes with those girls.

Narcissa Malfoy: The Ferret face's mom? Really? If I had to date someone, I rather date some one who isn't frowning all the time. Besides, I prefer red head. (not red heads, but the red head)

Mrs Weasley: Come on. She's like my mother. Also, Mrs Weasley would never cheat on Mr Weasley. They love each other very much.

My mother: Incest is wrong. While I wish I had my mother by my side, it does not mean I wish to be involved with her in a romantic way.

My daughter Lily and my nieces: Do I look like a pedophile?

Voldemort. No. Just no. Alright?

Just admit it. Ginny is the perfect girl for me. And no, SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE MY MOTHER. Ginny did have a crush on me, but she eventually grow out of it and became the strong women I came to love. Would I have married her if there was anything else? No. Let me make this clear. I LOVE GINNY. PERIOD.

Sincerely, Harry Potter.

P.S, when I give myself a fake name, can it please be something else besides James Evans, James Evanson or Daniel?

P.P.S I would like to thank those who wrote story between me and Ginny. Many of them really showed me I could have noticed her earlier.

P.P.P.S Sadly, my parents didn't keep a portrait of themselves. Only time I actually got to talk to them was at the graveyard and with the stone.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Also, while some chapters (like ones with the main characters) will be long, some will be shorter than this. What do you think? Please leave a review!