Dead girls don't matter.
That's the lie he told himself every time she plagued his thoughts. Dead girls don't matter anymore; they're dead, gone, forgotten. Or supposed to be forgotten. He tried to get her out of his mind but she haunted him, forever haunting him. Why wouldn't she leave him ALONE? That's all he wanted was to be left alone. Left in peace to remember her, as she should have been, bubbly, sexy, cheeky, mischievous and larger than life. His Lilly was now gone and her haunting him in his dreams was a constant reminder of how his life was now empty without her.
But he hadn't just lost Lilly; he'd lost Veronica too. Veronica bloody Mars. The cause of all this trouble to begin with her. She chose her father over them, over him, which had hurt probably more than hearing about Lilly's death. He thought she was supposed to be with him, through everything they'd stick by each other. But no she chose her father so what else was he supposed to do? He knew Lilly would kick his ass if she was around to see him doing this but she wasn't and Veronica wasn't who she was supposed to be either.
So he did what he did best…pretend. Pretend that she didn't exist anymore, that she wasn't still alive, pretend that the girl she once was, that he once knew had died along with Lilly that day. Because he reasoned if she was dead then she wouldn't matter anymore and he could forget about her. But pretend didn't always work, pretend only lasted until he realised that something had to be done over her. So he ostracised her from her friends and everything she once knew. Left her to crumble and fend for herself. But he had forgotten that things that crumble more often than not come back again and stronger than before, and that's just what she did.
He could no longer pretend that she didn't exist. Could no longer pretend that she didn't matter. This was a long time coming but he knew that he couldn't be able to class her as a dead girl in his mind, because she wouldn't let him forget her. She was living up to the legacy Lilly had said she would become. And that irritated him. Irritated him more than Veronica, and more than Veronica not letting him forget her. But she irritated him, always could and always would. He couldn't forget her. She lived on in Veronica Mars. Lilly wouldn't be forgotten ever. And that irritated him, because she was dead, and he would always love her; she was his first girlfriend, but she shouldn't matter anymore she was dead.
He mused to himself and dead girls don't matter right?