Note: This story was written with the comics universe in mind, but it does contain some elements of the TV show.
After becoming fast friends with Kevin Keller, Jughead quickly learned Kevin's greatest flaw: his positively lousy taste in boyfriends (next was his chronic overscheduling, leaving himself no chance to relax). If there was a scumbag in the vicinity, Kevin was either interested in him, flirting with him, or already dating him. The prime example would have to be Jason Blossom, but there were plenty of others.
So when Jughead walked into Pop Tate's with Betty and noticed Kevin all over some jock type in a leather jacket, he could only assume Kevin had found yet another loser to chase after.
And Good Lord, were they ever losers. Always and unquestionably, without fail. It wasn't just a matter of Jughead being jealous that these guys were dating Kevin and he wasn't; all of the gang agreed that Kevin somehow selected the absolute worst of the worst every time.
Kevin saw them and waved, a smile brightening his whole face. It was Kevin's smile that he liked best, not that Jughead was much of one for romance. The expression always was so welcoming and genuine.
"Who's that James Dean impersonator?" Betty asked as they joined their friends at the large round corner booth in the back. Reggie, Veronica, Midge, Moose, Dilton, Nancy, Chuck, and Shrill were present, but it looked like Valerie and Archie had yet to show. It was the last Saturday of Christmas break, and they had planned a night out to spend some time together before school began again.
"Yeah, and what misdemeanor did he commit to capture Kevin's devotion so quickly?" Jughead added. He would never understand why Kevin always fell for the criminals and slimeballs that he did, but then again, some of Kevin's favorite comic book characters were supervillains.
"His name is Nick St. Clair," Reggie looked distinctly unimpressed as he checked the time on his Rolex, either because of his low opinion of Nick or his exasperation with Archie's late arrival. "He's the nephew of my neighbors, the Andersons. He got sent here because of trouble at his last high school. He also thinks he's tough because he has a Harley, never mind that he can barely drive the thing. God, if I had a time for every time that jackass almost sideswiped when I was turning down our street, I'd have even more money than I already do."
"So you know that Kevin's probably already planning his wedding to Nick," Midge said with a roll of her eyes. "Really, I have no idea why Kev feels obligated to get involved with every moron who drunkenly stumbles into his path. It's not like he couldn't get any guy he wanted with his looks."
Inwardly, Jughead agreed with her. Normally, he didn't pay much attention to people's appearances, but Kevin was undeniably attractive, with blue eyes, golden blond hair, and smooth, fair skin. He had a runner's body, wiry and slim, with lean muscles, narrow hips, and long legs. In Jughead's opinion, he looked better than even the frothiest of milkshakes.
"Well, in this case, I think Nick's motorcycle helped seal the deal." Veronica was gazing into a compact mirror, meticulously applying mascara that probably cost more than the average pair of Nikes. "But in general, I think Kevin's terrible boyfriends are his way of rebelling." As one of Kevin's best friends, she had been stuck putting up with more than her fair share of Kevin's unscrupulous suitors.
"What's he rebelling against?" Moose asked obligingly
Feigning disinterest in the conversation, Jughead pulling the shared basket of fries toward himself, listening closely all the while. He had never told Kevin about his feelings for him and really never planned to, reasoning that it was just a crush and it would disappear soon. Those feelings hadn't vanished yet, but even if they never did, Kevin was one of his friends, and Jughead would hate to ruin a perfectly good friendship over something silly like romance.
" 'What have you got?' " Chuck quoted, ever the film buff.
"Bingo," Dilton replied, glancing up from the app design he had been showing to Moose and Midge. "Like Marlon Brando in The Wild One , Kevin is trying to find a pursuit that lets him break away from the mundane. For Kevin, it just happens to surface in his dating life."
"Exactly." Veronica set down her mascara and began fluffing her hair. "Kevin is a dear friend to me, but honestly, I'd go crazy if I had his schedule. It's so packed the gills he barely has time to breathe, and honestly, I get the impression that he hates it. All of those extracurriculars, honors classes, combined with basically raising his younger sisters since his parents are away ninety-five percent of the time—he hardly has any freedom to do what he actually wants. He has really nothing to enjoy on a daily basis."
"But Kevin isn't forced to do most of those things," Nancy pointed out. "No one makes him be part of the yearbook or the cross country team or swim team or Amnesty International. He chooses to get involved."
"That's probably because he knows his parents would just make him devote an even greater percentage of his life to taking care of his sisters," Veronica returned. "Filling up his schedule with other activities is the only way he gets a break from his family. It's like they don't expect him to have a life beyond them."
"Be fair, Ron. Mr. and Mrs. Keller have to travel for their jobs," Betty told her.
"True, but that doesn't mean they get to use Kevin as a full-time nanny," Jughead contributed. All too many times, he had tried to invite Kevin out to the movies, to his house for video games, or just out for a burger, only for Kevin to be stuck grocery shopping, going to parent-teacher conferences, or attending athletic awards ceremony for one of his younger sisters. Honestly, he thought it was ridiculous; Jughead's parents expected him to regularly help out with his younger sister, but they didn't leave him alone to care for her for weeks at a time. "Reluctant as I am to agree with Veronica, I do think Kevin should be allowed to have fun, even just once in a while."
"Gee, thanks." Veronica sent him a nasty look. "Trust me, Jughead, I'm just as surprised to find myself on the same side as you. But Kevin's problem is that he sublimates. I learned about it in psychology class. Kevin doesn't want to upset his parents, so he channels his anger into something else. He can't outright rebel against them, so he rebels against them in small ways, by dating individuals they and the rest of society deem unsavory. Am I right, Dilton? Isn't that what sublimation is?"
"Not quite," Dilton began, but he was interrupted by Moose.
"Hey, Archie and Valerie are here!" He announced excitedly. "I wonder if Valerie can tell us when her next show is going to be?"
"I hope it's soon!" Midge crossed her fingers. "I loved the Pussycats' new album, and I can't wait to hear those songs in concert."
But when Archie and Valerie were walking towards their booth, Nick and Kevin were leaving their own table—and Nick ending up turning around and smacking straight into Archie.
"Watch where you're going!" Nick snarled at him.
Kevin looked thoroughly taken aback by Nick's response, and offered an apology to the couple almost immediately. "Hey, Arch, Val, I'm really sorry—"
"Let's go, Kevin," Nick snapped at him, quickly maneuvering Kevin under his arm and steering him out the door.
Instantly, this guy's unwarranted aggression pinged Jughead's radar as marking him somehow even further below Kevin's usual brand of degenerate boyfriend, and he decided to act.
"Actually, gang, I'm going to double check if Kevin's sure he doesn't want to go to the movies with us," Jughead said, standing and hurriedly grabbing his jacket.
"I'll join you." Shrill, a relative newcomer to their group, rushed after him. "I have a car," she told Jughead as they exited the shop, her long lilac hair flowing out behind her. "We can invite ourselves along to hang out with Nick and Kevin if we need to."
Jughead nodded. So Shrill had the same thought as he did—that Nick's temper could mean he might not be the type of guy Kevin should be alone with.
They were too late, however. Before they even could round the corner to get to the parking lot, a motorcycle was already roaring past them and away from them, Nick driving and Kevin seated behind him, his face nearly unrecognizable underneath the helmet's visor.
"Too late." Jughead sighed.
Shrill rested a hand on his shoulder supportively. "You tried to help, and that already makes you a good friend."
Even though he was troubled by Kevin's abrupt departure with Nick, Jughead tried to give her a smile. "You, too."
They rejoined the gang outside the restaurant to walk to the movie theater; finding parking spaces at the theater was such a pain that it was worth it to walk the two and a half blocks. Jughead sent Kevin a quick text, and was relieved when Kevin responded fairly swiftly and happily.
"So that's Kevin's latest boyfriend, huh?" Archie asked him on their way over. "He seems like a total tool."
Jughead snorted. "Does Kevin have any other type? You should have heard Veronica's psychoanalysis of his dating history before you got there. As delusional as she normally is, I think she actually might have been onto something."
"Really? What did she say?" Archie seemed intrigued. "I always thought Kevin picked his boyfriends because he wanted a project, someone to fix. But remember when he was dating Jason Blossom? Jason would sit around insulting everyone and everything, and Kevin would just be sitting there looking annoyed or trying to get him to shut up."
"Who wouldn't be annoyed by either of the Blossoms?" Forget Veronica or Reggie, the Blossom twins were two of Jughead's least favorite people of all time. "And the less time they spend talking, the better. But Veronica thinks Kevin is trying to get revenge on his parents for constantly giving him all sorts of adult responsibilities."
"Yeah, their continual determination to put him into the position of a single teenage father is pretty freaking weird," Archie agreed.
Later on, once they arrived at the theater, Jughead found that Archie and Shrill weren't the only ones critical of Kevin's latest romantic interest. Reggie gave his own opinion when Jughead was just about to pay for his snacks at the concession stand.
"Hang on, I've got it," Reggie said resignedly as Jughead was just about to reluctantly sacrifice twenty-five dollars of his hard-earned cash. It was a difficult dilemma, because while Jughead loved to eat, he really hated to part with money, as it meant he would have to work to earn more.
"Why, Reggie! I never knew you cared!" Jughead mocked as Reggie pulled several crisp bills out of his Givenchy wallet.
Reggie shot him a scathing look. "Please. The only reason a solid ten like me would ever be interested in a negative seventeen like you would be out-and-out charity. And they won't give me tax breaks just for going out with ugly people, unfortunately."
Jughead gathered his pile of food, only managing to grasp his paper cup with two fingers. "Then I'd ask if you paid my way out of the goodness of your heart, but I know you only have a cold, empty black space where that vital organ should be."
"Har, har," Reggie retorted as they stopped by the soda fountain machine. Noticing Jughead struggling to work the touch screen with his hands full, he heaved an aggrieved sigh and took the paper cup from him. "Here, I'll get your drink for you. What flavor?"
"Mello Yello with grape, please," Jughead responded promptly. "So, why are you acting like a decent human being for once? Are you having an identity crisis?"
"I helped you out because I saw how you wanted to help out Kevin." Reggie moved to give Jughead his drink, but seeing as he had no hands free, continued to carry it as they walked down the hall back to the theater where their movie is playing. "I was still sitting there, trying to process, and you were already out the door. Shrill, too—I bought her Twizzlers for her. I hate to say it, Jones, but you did a good job."
"Oh, really?" Jughead's eyebrows shot up. He himself was very close to Kevin, considering him his other best friend besides Archie. And while Veronica was Kevin's other best friend, Kevin and Reggie were also pretty close. "I'm guessing you're sick of Kevin's ongoing parade of deadbeat boyfriends, too, then?"
"I was a long time ago," Reggie admitted. "But I'm really not in any position to criticize others for their poor decisions."
"Ain't that the truth," Jughead commented.
"Shut up." Reggie scowled at him briefly, but then his expression cleared as he gave a shrug of ambivalence. "You know, your friends are your friends. I can't ditch Kevin just because I don't agree with his romantic choices. And I wouldn't want to. The best I can do is help him pick up the pieces after it's over."
"Did your heart grow three sizes over Christmas?" Jughead snarked. Truthfully, he was impressed by Reggie's loyalty to Kevin, but Reggie's ego didn't need to be inflated any further.
"Don't be a jackass," Reggie told him with disgust, even as he held the door for Jughead.
"You're right, you're right." They reached their seats with the rest of the gang, and Jughead set down his food and clapped Reggie on the shoulder. "You're trying and succeeding in being nice. We should just celebrate this rare event."
Even as the opening trailers started across the screen, Jughead's thoughts remained on Kevin. Few forces were capable of uniting him with both Veronica and Reggie, but tonight Kevin's involvement in Nick St. Clair had done so in less than an hour. If both of them agreed with him that Nick was bad news, Jughead was sure it could not bode well for Kevin.