"I want- I want to see him-"
"No- Katie-don't!"
The shout from Angelina did nothing; hysterical, Katie ducked under her arm and sprinted to the body.
"No-no-" Tears poured down her face, and she shook her head in denial, because he had just been knocked unconscious, because he was just asleep, because he couldn't be leaving her, he wouldn't do that-
And then she was lying beside him, his eyes were closed, but she turned his head to face her, resting her hand on his cheek, vowing never to move from him...
"Katie you look like hell." Alicia said bluntly.
Katie stared dazedly at her friend; it was as if she hadn't even heard her.
"What?"
"When was the last time you washed your hair?" Alicia asked gently "The funeral?"
"I don't- yeah, I think so." She didn't care. No one saw her in bed.
"Come on." Alicia sighed "I'm going to run you a bath."
"I don't want one."
"Katie-"
"No!" Katie screamed, covering her ears. "Leave me alone!"
She could hear them talking about her. Alicia had tried, but after weeks of no response from Katie, she'd called in reinforcements. Angelina, Lee, Leanne....none of them had been able to help.
"He was all she had." She heard Alicia tell the new visitor tearfully. "Since her parents died...I think his death just tipped her over the edge. I just think it might help if she knew she wasn't alone."
Katie scurried back to her bed as she heard movement and pulled the covers over her head. She knew who was coming to talk to her, and she didn't care what he had to say.
The door opened and closed and she heard him sit down at the desk.
"Go away George."
"It's not George."
There was a surprised pause. Surprise at the voice, then surprise at feeling anything but pain or anger.
"Oliver?"
"That's right."
"Go away!"
She heard him stand up, and then suddenly the duvet disappeared and Oliver was towering over her.
"Get up Katie." He said roughly.
"Fuck off!" she snarled, rolling off the other side of her bed and grabbing her wand, pointing it at him.
"No!" Oliver had his own wand out "You need this!"
"I don't need anything," she shouted "except for people to leave me alone!"
"So you can wallow in your own self pity?" he yelled back.
"Shut up!" she screamed, so loudly she felt as though her throat was tearing "Shut up!"
"No, Katie Bell, you shut up!" he bellowed back "You think you're the only person suffering? That you're the only one in pain? Do you think that the world should rotate around you and your hurt, and that no one else matters? Do you think that this is the best way to cope with it?"
"I don't know how else to cope!" She marched over to the door and flung it open "Go on, get out."
He stormed over and seized her by the shoulders. "What about George?" he demanded "How do you think he's coping?"
"I. Don't. Care." She spat out.
"Well I do." He hissed "But I care about you more."
She couldn't hold his gaze, and instead stared at the floor, tears leaking out.
"Katie, I still love you." He said in a low, intense voice that barely concealed his pain. "I know you've never returned my feelings, and never will, but I can't bear to see you-"His voice cracked "I can't bear to see you like this."
He ducked his head and kissed her lightly on the lips. Katie jerked her head back so quickly she hit her head on the door and pushed him back.
"Don't." She whispered "Please."
"Live, Katie." He said quietly "It's what Fred would have wanted."
Katie tipped her head back and let him kiss her neck and shoulders. If she kept her eyes closed she could pretend that it was Him.
His lips suddenly jerked away from her and her head fell forward into space.
"Get off her!" she heard someone snarl.
"Lee?" she squinted, unable to focus properly.
"It's ok darling." Lee put her arm around his shoulder "Lets get you home."
"No-"moaned Katie "I don't wanna-"
"Yeah, leave her alone dreadlocks" A slurring voice said. It sounded familiar-was it- Michael-Warner-Corner-
"Piss off." Lee warned him "Before I break your scrawny little legs off."
"She likes it-"
"She's out of it!" Lee shouted "She doesn't know what she's doing!"
"Lee..."
"Come on sweetheart." He said, glaring at Corner. "Let's go."
"Where the hell were you?" Alicia demanded as soon as Katie walked through the door "Its 11am! You just took off with some guy- I've been so worried!"
"I'm fine." Katie was feeling sick. "So just calm down."
"Calm down?" Alicia repeated incredulously "Calm- Katie you're drinking like- like an alcoholic, and sleeping with random guys every other night- I don't know you anymore! I don't know what to do!"
"You don't have to do anything." Katie replied, surly.
"Kate- what are you doing?"
Katie smiled bitterly "Living."
"Katie, you're too thin." Alicia sounded worried "You don't eat. You drink all the time. You don't sleep, but have sex with random guys you don't know. And you never stop smoking-"
"Food makes me feel sick." Katie said in a monotone "Alcohol makes me forget. Sleep gives me nightmares. Sex makes me feel better. And cigarettes...fill the time."
She looked at Alicia. Alicia looked back, terrified by the blank look on her friend's gaunt face.
Katie half smiled "You're a Healer." she said "Is it actually possible to die from a broken heart?"
"Kate, please." Alicia kneeled by Katie. "You're scaring me. And I'm here for you, I want to help, but I don't know how much more I can deal with this." She sounded close to tears.
"Well, maybe we'll get lucky." Katie said flatly "And neither of us will have to deal with it anymore."
Katie kept drinking even though she knew it was going to make her sick. It was numbing...
numbing...
numb...
Fred was standing there. Hesitantly, she took a few steps forward, then broke into a run towards him.
"Fred!"
He was running too, and they crashed into each other. He was there, real, solid, flesh and blood and bone and beating heart, his arms were around her, enfolding her, making her feel warm and safe and whole.
"You're crying." He murmured.
"You're here." She said through the tears. "I've missed you so much, constantly..."
"I know, I know," his lips covered hers urgently "I've seen you."
"You have?" she thought in horror of all the nights with random men.
"Yes." He whispered.
"But you're not- you're not-"
"I am." He said gently.
"But you're here." She shook her head to shake out the realisation that was dawning "Am I dead too?"
"No. Not yet. You get to choose. You can let go. Or you can go back and fight."
She clung to him "I can stay with you."
He shook his head "Don't do it."
"But I want to die." She said hoarsely "It hurts too much to live. Missing you is physical pain, every single second, and it hurts."
"But you have so much life ahead of you." He urged "I can wait seventy years to see you again. You deserve more. You deserve to enjoy life. You deserve to love someone."
"But-"
"You get a choice Katie." He said softly "I didn't, my time was up. If I had the choice, I'd go back."
She pulled him to her and kissed him like a dying man inhaling his last breath of oxygen."But I love you." She breathed, clutching his shirt.
"I love you Katie." He gasped "I always did, and I always will. But choose life Katie."
"No..."
"For me..."
"No...no..." She couldn't let go. Ever. She was his, and he was hers and they were connected forever....
"No...."
"Forever Katie..."
No...
No...
Forever....
Let go.
She blinked. She was in a hospital bed. The light was blinding.
"Katie!" Alicia was deathly white, tear tracks clear down her cheeks. She grasped her friend's hand.
Katie didn't reply. The pain that Fred was still lost to her washed over and she caught her breath, drowning...
But then she smiled. He could see her. She had her life ahead of her. She would just have to wait to see what tomorrow would bring. She closed her eyes and turned her face to the sunlight streaming through the window.