She wasn't the one I was planning on running into tonight. She wasn't the one I'd been hoping to see. But here I am. With her. And I am not upset about it. She is important to me. She keeps me balanced, and I'd like to say it's likewise. She's my support when no one else cares to be, and a part of me loves her for it. Even though I've never given myself time to really go there. I've always been occupied with wives and mistresses. Not that she'd exactly been pining for me in the shadows. She had a husband of her own, and a beautiful baby boy. Has. She has them. She wasn't stupid like me. She knew how to balance, and I did not.
"Hey." I offer sadly as I sit down at the bar beside her. I can honestly say I'm surprised she's here. She usually goes straight home. Usually, I would just dive right into my problem, but something tells me that tonight won't be about me, and I owe her that. A night about her.
"Hi." She responds, not bothering to look at me. This must be bad. She always looks at me. If nothing else just to give me some sort of recognition. "What are you doing here, Shepherd?"
"I was about to ask you the same!" I grin, glancing at my watch. Twenty minutes till midnight. It is definitely late for her to be out.
"I'm thinking." She slowly runs her finger along the rim of her glass. A glass that doesn't show any evidence that she'd been drinking at all.
"Me too." I nod, counting down from five to see how long it'd take her to snap at me. The snap never came. A small sigh escaped as I glance at her again. 'What's wrong?" I ask softly, not wanting to intrude, but wanting to show that I care. This is kind of new for me. Mark isn't exactly the type of guy that bares his soul, probably because he doesn't really have many problems. Unless you count trying and failing to get into Hahn's pants. Poor guy doesn't know what no means. Not that he's ever been told no. I don't even say that with a grudge, now that is progress!
"Let's not do that." She frowns, finally taking the glass into her hand and drinking it in its entirety. It was weird seeing her like this. So unkempt, almost broken. I hate it.
"I can listen, ya know?" I offer, gesturing to Joe for a double scotch, the usual.
"Don't you have some intern or nurse to chase?" She snaps at me finally, and I can't help but feel relieved.
"I resent that! It was one intern.. And.. Well.. Ok. It was still one nurse!" I mutter, grumbling to myself about how I let one kiss screw everything up. It was all going so well too. Damn it.
"Where's your sidekick?" She asks, and surprisingly I don't know. I haven't talked to him all day. Was he off today? I think he was.
"Probably with some sexcrazed playboy." I laugh softly and I love that she smiles. She really doesn't smile enough. She has a very nice smile.
"McSteamy." She huffs, shaking her head in disbelief. "What kind of doctors do we have! McDreamy, McSteamy. What's next? McScruffy?" She rolls her eyes before finishing off the second drink in front of her. "I used to work in a normal hospital. I used to have non sex-driven coworkers with normal home lives. I used to have a normal home life! I used to.. I used to be a good person!" I watch sadly as she downs the second drink. I hate seeing her like this.
"You are a good person!" I finally respond, making my voice stern, leaving no room for debate. "And you are a great doctor!"
"Yeah. Apparently I can't be both." Oh. Marriage problems. Now this, I can relate to!
"What's going on at home?" I ask, placing my hand on the small of her back. I don't know if it's the sincerity in my voice or the alcohol, but she surprisingly relaxes when I touch her.
"I... I am getting a divorce!" She whispers hoarsely, and it's only then that I see the silent trail of tears on her cheek.
"Hey.. Hey. Don't cry!" I run my hand up her back soothingly as her head falls against my chest. I wave off the drink Joe was about to give her. She definitely doesn't need more alcohol. "Everything will work out." I whisper into her ear, hoping that it's true.
"No." She shakes her head sadly, pulling away from me slowly. "No, it won't. He's going to get my baby! He's going to take my baby!"
"Hey. Hey! Listen to me!" I turn her chin with my hand, making sure that she meets my gaze. "That doesn't have to happen. It's almost a new year. Anything can happen!" I smile as best I can, praying that they work for me as well. I need a new start.
"I should be with him now. Trying to work it out. I should be begging for forgiveness, and kissing into the new year. But I'm not. I'm here. With you." She frowns at me before reaching for the bottle on the other side of the bar before I can stop her.
"So go home." I offer, trying my best to keep up with what she's saying, but now I'm just getting confused about what she wants.
"I don't think I want to. I mean, I love my son. But what.. What if I don't love my husband anymore?"
I sigh, knowingly. It's a tough pill to swallow, to admit your marriage is over. "Like I say, it's a new year." I raise my glass to hers, tapping it softly before drinking it.
I can hear the tv in the background, the newscaster is clearly excited about the new year that is only a minute away. The countdown will begin soon enough and I try to remember the last New Years I spent alone. I can't.
"TEN!" The rowdy crowd yells along with the tv, making me wince momentarily as my ears adjust to the volume.
"To a new year." I yell over the crowd at her with a smile on my face.
"NINE!" They continue, and without realizing it, I can feel the anticipation building in my veins. There's nothing quite like the last ten seconds of a year.
"To a new beginning." She matches your smile with one of hers as she turns towards you.
"EIGHT!" I barely can hear the crowd anymore as we lock into the stare. I've known her for a long time now, and yet I feel like I know an entirely different person now. Someone who is stronger than ever. I can't help but get lost in her knowing eyes.
I'm not shaken from the moment until the buzzer sounds, signaling that the new year had come without proper counting on my part, yet it doesn't bother me as I lean towards her. I have to say, I'm surprised she hasn't slapped me. I can feel her breath on my skin before she speaks. "What are you doing, Shep?" She whispers, and for once I don't feel like I owe her an explanation.
"Happy New Year, Miranda!" I grin before lightly kissing her lips. It only lasts a moment before she pulls away, but she didn't hide the smile fast enough. I saw it.
"Shouldn't surprise me that you forget what a wedding ring means." She grins, shaking her head playfully at me before standing up. "Goodnight Derek." She winks at me before making her way out of the bar.
If I was thinking clearly, I would have at least walked her out. But I wasn't. I had just kissed Miranda Bailey, and I am smiling! I can only imagine what this year has in store for me! Whatever it is, I think I'm going to like it.