This is just a sweet conversation between Jasper and Bella, set a few weeks after the end of Breaking Dawn. There were so few moments between these two in the books that I felt like they deserved a little bit of attention.
Disclaimer: Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm simply playing around with her creation.
I was interrupted from my reading by a soft knock on the door, followed by the question "Bella? May I come in?" I had been so lost in my book that I didn't hear my brother approach the cottage I shared with my husband and daughter, who were currently out hunting together. It was one of those rare instances that I found myself alone these days, and as much as I was enjoying my time by myself, I didn't resent Jasper for interrupting my solitude. It had been several weeks since the confrontation with the Volturi, since Jasper and Alice had returned home, and between everything that was going on in the aftermath, I hadn't really had the chance to speak with him alone.
"Of course, Jasper. Come on in." And he did, shutting the door silently behind him before he walked over to the couch I was sitting on. I patted the spot next to me as an invitation, which he took with a grateful smile, smoothly sitting down beside me.
"You know, you don't have to knock. Alice and Emmett tend to just burst inside without any warning. Even Rose just walks on in." It was a little irritating, to tell you the truth, and by Jasper's chuckle I knew he could feel my annoyance. Thankfully, nobody had walked in on something embarrassing, yet. Emmett would never let them live it down if he did.
"Yes, well, I felt uncomfortable interrupting your alone time. I see you were catching up on some reading." He glanced to my old, worn copy of Wuthering Heights, which I'd laid down at my feet when he came in. "I would have thought you'd had that book memorized by now. It's your favorite, is it not?"
I turned my body towards him, folding a leg underneath myself, and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I love it. The love between Catherine and Heathcliff is so passionate, its all-consuming and destructive at the same time. The story never gets old. Don't tell me you're like Edward and you hate it as well?" I loved talking books with Jasper. From what I could tell from the limited conversations we'd had before, he loved literature about as much as I did, and had good taste as well.
"No, I don't hate it, but it's not one of my favorites either." Jasper admitted, glancing back at me before he looked away again. He shifted in his seat, looking decidedly nervous, much to my surprise. Jasper was always so cool and collected, I could count on one hand the number of times I had seen him loose his composure. What could be bothering him now? This obviously wasn't just going to be a social visit.
He must have felt my confusion because he turned his gentle gaze back on me and said "There's something that I would like to talk to you about. I've been meaning to do this for awhile now, however," he faltered, "I'm not quite sure where to begin." He took a moment, gathering his thoughts I suppose, before he sighed and began.
"I'm sorry that I never got to know you while you were human." he said quite bluntly. "I was always worried, as was the rest of our family, that I would lose what little control I had and hurt you. As you know, I struggle the most being around humans, and I would never have forgiven myself if I'd snapped and actually hurt you in some way. Obviously, looking back at your birthday party, those fears were well founded. I planned on getting to know you, on making up for lost time, after you were turned, when you were a newborn."
"You see, I was, excited, for lack of a better word, that I would be able to put all of my years of training to good use. You remember my story, about my years down south. There aren't many others out there who know more about newborns than I do, and I had hoped that I could be useful, that I could help make your transition into this life as easy as possible. I had it all planned out." he laughed without any humor. " I suppose I envisioned myself becoming a protector of sorts for you. Along with Edward, I was going to be with you almost constantly, reigning in your wild emotions and helping you get used to your new body and your new mind. With my insight into newborn behavior, and my power, I'd hoped that I would be able to help you in a way that nobody else could, and that with all the time I thought we'd spend together during your first year, we'd finally begin to get to know one another. Your thirst was something I thought I would be able to help you with as well. Out of everyone in our family, I think it's safe to say that no one understands the struggle as well as I do. I never expected you to wake up as you did, though, with that level of control. I really didn't know how to react to you; you're like nothing I've ever seen. You didn't need me, at all. You didn't need my help, or my protection, not even from yourself." He sounded disappointed at this.
"And I'm happy that you're not struggling like everyone else did. I truly am. The madness that is involved with a typical newborn year is not something that I would wish on anyone, and I'm glad, for whatever reason, that you've been spared that dark period. As it is, though, you entered this life with a relationship with everyone in the family but me. Carlisle and Esme were your parents, Alice was your sister, Emmett was your brother, and even Rosalie had an understanding with you. I suppose I felt a little out of place around you. I didn't really know how to approach you, or even if you wanted me to. And with Nessie, with all the time you spend with Edward," he gave a small smile, "and then the Volturi, I never actually had the opportunity to speak with you alone, to get to know my baby sister the way I'd planned." I was touched. Jasper had never really shared his feelings with me like this before. Well, at least not verbally. I was also surprised, which of course Jasper immediately picked up on it. He tensed up and was talking again before I could explain.
"Even right now you're surprised, just like you were when I voted for you to join the family. Forgive me, I'm sorry I've never made my feelings towards you clear before. It kills me to know that you may have suspected that I didn't like you, or that I didn't welcome you into the family. That hasn't been the case at all. I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel unwelcome…" I cut him off, placing a hand over his mouth, tired of hearing his apologies. I was a little concerned as well. Obviously this is something that had been bothering him for a long time. And I thought Edward was the one who apologized for everything.
"Jasper, please, stop. I was surprised, yes, but not for the reasons you're thinking of. I understand that you had to keep a distance from me while I was human for my own safety. Trust me, I understood your reasons and I never confused your distance from me for dislike. Rosalie disliked me, that was painfully clear, but you were always nice to me, you always talked to me whenever you could. In Phoenix, you told me that I was worth it, and you have no idea how much that meant to me. As for the vote, I wasn't entirely sure what your thoughts of me joining the family were at that particular point. After that, though, I assumed, like you did, that we would get to know each other after I was changed when it was easier for you to be around me. So much was going on after I was changed, though, we never got the chance to sit and talk about everything like we're doing right now. I think it's about time I really got to know my brother." I smiled, removing my hand from his face, and shifted to rest my head on his shoulder. "It's nice to know that we're on the same page, and that you feel the same way that I do." It really was. I had always considered Jasper to be another brother of mine, even though we weren't particularly close, but I had never been completely certain that he saw me as a sister. I had thought that I might just be Alice's friend, or Edward's mate to him. I was relieved he saw me as more than that.
Jasper finally relaxed completely into the couch, smiling back at me. He looked lighter, like a huge weight, one that I didn't even know he'd been carrying, had been lifted off of his chest. "But why were you surprised earlier?" he wondered, moving his arm to wrap it around my shoulders, tucking me closer to him. I ducked my head in embarrassment, a human trait that I hadn't quite got rid of yet. There was no point, he knew everything I was feeling, even without my blush to give me away. "I just poured my heart out to you, and you're the one embarrassed?" he teased.
"It's nothing. It's just, you called me your baby sister. You've never called me that before, and I was taken off guard for a second." He didn't say anything, but he laid his cheek on top of my head, and we sat there for a few moments in silence. It wasn't awkward, just peaceful, and I hated to disturb that, but there was still something I wanted to say. "You were wrong, you know."
"About what?" Jasper asked, not moving from his comfortable position. I liked seeing this side of Jasper, this relaxed, happy version. It wasn't something I was used to seeing, or at least not with me. I liked it, and I wanted to see more of it.
"About me not needing you. I may not be a normal newborn, but I still need you Jasper. You're my oldest brother and, crazed newborn or not, a girl always needs her older brother to protect her, and to get her out of trouble. That's never going to change." I felt him shake against me with laughter.
"Is that right? Well, looks like I have a full time job ahead of me then. You don't have the best track record for staying out of trouble."
"Not funny Jazz." I poked him in the side, but couldn't help but laugh right along with him. His laughter was infectious. He calmed down, but I could hear the smile in his voice, "I think I'm up to it though."
So...what did you think? Good, bad, hate it, love it? Let me know!