Title: Dance of Fireflies
Author: ThirdReInCaRnAtIoN
Disclaimer: Kenshin and all his little friends aren't mine. pout Besides if he was mine Battousai would be appearing a lot more and in the motion picture he would NOT have PINK hair! I'm sorry Battousai, but I just can't find pink threatening.
Summary: Sometimes we sacrifice ourselves for the ones we love, even if they don't remember us afterwards. Battousai/Kaoru

Prologue:

ときに　おわれて　なかば　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　むりやり　な　ひび　の　さき　に　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　は　なに　が　あります　か。

Being chased by time,
Living for a purpose.
But what's there for the future?

- Hamasaki, Ayumi

It was an age of chaos and corruption that sired the Battousai and the darkness that preyed on the weak that called his sword into action. Yet, in this grotesque era of war, destruction and blood, he had still found his salvation, in something as simplistic as a woman.

Kaoru pondered that thought as she watched the fireflies flitter around the shadowy trees. A woman, it had taken a woman who had been the epitome of perfection to ease his pain and to soothe his nightmares.

She could only imagine his pain after she had died. To have absolute happiness within your grasp and then to have it snatched away by a cruel twist of fate. A stab of empathy speared through her and made her insides lurch with pity. He was so strong, she never would have survived. She had learnt how precious love was, and the happiness it brought – but she was intimate with the sorrow. Love returned was like blossoms on the sakura tree, blooming and unafraid to fall, unrequited love was like rain, soft and sad, rolling down the rooftops like tears.

She sighed, the soft air puffing out from between her slightly parted lips, a misty white against the moonless night. In some ways she was glad he'd found what he considered a form of redemption. That he called her home his home. That he saw them as a family, no matter how mismatched they were. In other ways she felt inadequate, feeling that she would never match up to the salvation that had sprung from his love for the one named Tomoe Yukinshio, the wife that had died by his hand.

No matter how much she loved him and wished that he'd never leave, his life was his own. He couldn't be forced to feel for her as she prayed he would. His past still called to him, it haunted him with its guilt, betrayal and sin. He was a Rurouni and he would always leave. He held no bond with her as he did to Tomoe. Together they did nothing but hold together a flimsy façade of how they pictured life should be. All his smiles she knew were pretend and that he would never smile for her – never look at her the way she wanted, no, needed him to.

She felt herself sink down into a pit of solitude. The night's still, cold air traced its way over her cheeks and invaded her thin, flimsy yukata. Shuddering she wrapped her arms around herself and stared up at the mournful sky, lacking the brilliance of its shimmering moon. It was like Kenshin in a way, the thought invaded her mind before she could bat it away. They both lacked something that was vital to them, what was the sky without the moon? What was Kenshin without his soul?

He was such a kind man, with so much to offer the world. Only to be held back by those who would hold his past ideals against him. Sometimes it made her so angry. Other times, she was ambushed by a deep longing. She was nothing like Tomoe. In truth they were polar opposites, she was stubborn, brash and violent. She didn't have the manners of a lady, or the vulnerability, she wasn't fragile. How would it ever be possible for anyone to find her fit to be a wife? Much less the man she loved?

She rubbed her cold hands together and glared at them angrily. They were calloused and red. The nails were jagged and crooked from were they'd caught and been ripped off in various parts.

"Tomoe, were your hands soft and small? Did they run over his scars and sooth his hurt? Did you forgive him then? Did you forgive him for killing your fiancé, for killing you?" Her eyes stung and she forced down tears. She desperately wished, wished for one moment that she could have been Tomoe. Even if she suffered all the pain, all the heartache that Tomoe had. It would be worth it. She heaved; gasping to still what she was sure would become sobs if she didn't stop them.

She closed her eyes and quietly returned her focus to the outer world, she would force down this pain. She would not feel sorry for herself. Even if he could never love her, she would be strong. He had endured the loss of the person he loved more than anything in the world, she could do nothing more but obey his wishes if her love could not be returned. Her eyes opened sadly and she looked out across the town, across the fields and towards Kyoto where everything had started.

The land showed signs of age and weariness. The ground was hard and cold and the trees were gnarled, devoid of their leaves. But there was hope to. Small buds were beginning to sprout, showing that winter was fading slowing and with spring there would new life. Flowers were straining from the hard earth, their scent soft but still there. One in particular seemed to stand out. ''White Plum' Kaoru thought.

She slowly started to stroll down the garden path towards the trees. As she walked the fireflies hummed around her, lighting her face with a soft pale glow.

'He will always be the Hitokiri Battousai, just as he will always be the Rurouni and Kenshin. They are one person. I accept this, but there's so much I don't know about him. I said I didn't care about his past, but his past has made him who he is today. If I know nothing how can I help him? I want him to be happy. More than anything I want him to smile – truly smile for me.'

Cupping a lingering firefly in her small hands, she felt longing sear through her. She wanted to help him so badly that it pained her when he shut her out. How could she ever lessen his pain if he would not share it with her?

'If only Tomoe was still around.' Kaoru's eyes began to blur. He'd confided in Tomoe, he'd let her into his fragile mind and let her ease him into comfort. He would never let her in. He would shut her out, afraid that she would become close just like Tomoe had. He thought that if he loved Kaoru he was betraying Tomoe's memory. Two small tears fell down her cheeks. It hurt so much to know she was second best to a memory, to a woman who had long since ascended to heaven. In her grief she prayed.

'If only she hadn't died. I could stand here happily even if he loved another, if I just knew that he had finally reached some form of peace. I'd be happy if he was free. I could let him go.'

The shoji screen slid open behind her and Kenshin stepped out onto the wooden lattice work that made its way around the simplistic garden like a porch. "Is Kaoru-dono getting cold? Sessha has a blanket; he does not wish Kaoru-dono to fall ill from such bitter spring chills."

Kaoru scrubbed away evidence of her tears and turned, startled that he'd shown up so soon after his confession. She had expected him to leave her alone to her thoughts. It always seemed that it was in his nature to stray away from conflicts; physical or otherwise. If she had been acting like her usual self, he would be running – trying to avoid blows from her bokken. But she wasn't her usual self. She felt exhausted. She barely had the energy to stand and breathe let alone hit him.

Staring at his soft, scarred face, she remembered the sorrow she'd seen etched into every feature as he'd told his heartbreaking tale. Her heart constricted painfully.

'So much suffering' she thought, her insides aching.

"Will you ever be free?" she whispered to the sky.

"Oro? Free from what Kaoru-dono? Sessha does not understand"

Kaoru looked at him, and then turned away, unable to bear looking at his face any longer. It didn't seem right for him to ever know her feelings. He wasn't cruel and for him to know that every time she saw him she hurt deep inside, would hurt him too.

"It does not matter Kenshin. Go inside and rest, I will retire to my room shortly." Kenshin nodded solemnly and turned to open the shoji door once more.

"Oyasumi Nasai Kaoru-dono" he said quietly. The shoji door slid shut with a rustling sound as Kenshin went inside.

Releasing a shuddering sigh Kaoru looked down at the firefly that remained trapped in her hands. Its glow brightened her heart somewhat and she smiled gently.

"My Mother once told me that fireflies were dead souls going to heaven. She told me that if you made a wish, the firefly would carry it to heaven on its back." she paused. What would she wish for?

'Happiness' her soul cried immediately. 'For you, for him, for everyone.'

Kaoru conformed to that singular thought with every fibre of her being. For them all to be happy. She saw it in her head. Yahiko was smiling, working at the Akebeko with Tae and Tsubame. He was learning how to fight with Kenshin. She saw Sano with his arms around Megumi, both grinning as she bandaged a scrape on his arm. Her stomach was rounded with child. Finally she saw Kenshin holding onto a woman with midnight black hair. Kaoru understood. It wasn't her. She reached out and traced the woman's features as she turned. "Tomoe." Kaoru whispered as the woman's mouth widened in a smile. Breaking away from the picture she felt the ground fall from beneath her feet.

It was such an impossible task; she could no more fly than raise the dead. The firefly's wings beat between her fingertips and she smiled sadly. Her heart knew her wish. She wanted their happiness before she wanted her own. She was young; she could leave and start somewhere anew. Maybe even fall in love with someone who could love her in return.

The thought made her ache to her bones. She knew it was a lie. She could never love anyone else. Grimacing she shook off her feelings like a snake shedding skin. She knew what he needed. He needed the solace he'd once been able to find so easily, in her, in Tomoe. Her mind swam back to the vision, where her family all smiled.

"I wish someone had been able to save her." The words passed her lips, invoking agony and turmoil within her but her resolve remained firm. She felt something slip within her and part of her wondered if this was madness. She felt calm and quiet. Her inner voices had fallen into a void.

" It would save him so much pain."

The firefly batted its wings and turned to face her. It didn't move. "Please." She whispered, gently blowing it from her hand. It flickered brightly before joining its friends.

Kaoru watched for a moment longer before sliding the shoji door open and heading for her room. She never wondered what would happen if the wish came true. That night she dreamt of smiles and laughter, but it turned her skin cold. Not one of those smiles was hers.

In the courtyard the fireflies danced frantically. Swaying to and fro, gaining speed until they became blurs of light. Finally a light streaked towards the heavens and the frantic dancing stopped.

Within the ring of fireflies the light shone back down. It wavered then filled out into the ghostly shape of a girl. Eyelids fluttered to reveal dark brown eyes, and the shadowed figure's rogued lips parted. Two words fell from the lips as if falling from the pinnacle of a waterfall.

"Wish Granted"

There was a legend among villagers of a Goddess who watched the world through fireflies. She had been a woman once, of court and it was said she had been the most beautiful. Men from all countries and status begged for her hand in marriage, each claiming to love and cherish her more than the last. She refused them all. As a child she had given her heart to her best friend – the son of a high lord and vowed that when they reached eighteen they would marry. But it was a time of war and although she remembered her promise with each breath she took. He quickly forgot. Her married another, loved another and she felt her world crumble before her.

She could not eat or talk and instead sat emotionless. One day news came that his wife had died and for the first time in months, a sign of life appeared in her eyes. She had wished for that woman's death so many times. She had hated her for taking something that was hers. But then she received news of how he faired. He had fallen to the madness. She wept and hated herself. In her selfishness she had wished the death of the one person that made him happy. So she prayed. Many days passed before a Kami came to her shrine. He proposed a trade. She would give herself to him and he would save her beloved. It was then she learnt that for every wish a sacrifice must be made.

Quotacular:

"You humans are so embarrassing, turning every little trouble into a death scene"
-Inu Yasha