"Look over there."
I knew what he wanted me to do.
"No."
I wasn't sure I was ready.
"Please."
I was young. I was alone.
"No."
My parents were gone. One day Lika would be gone.
Ororon had promised me forever, but…
"Chiaki, really now. If you don't look now, you'll miss it."
He had grown overly fond of this game. I would look away, and he would move something, change something, and have me figure it out. Or worse…
"No, I'm not playing this game with you. Not now. Go to sleep Ororon."
He would sneak into my space and steal something.
A kiss, a grope, an embrace.
"I'm telling you, there's an owl right outside the window. It's staring at me. It has the look of something that cat of yours would befriend."
But tonight was different. We had played this game earlier and he had held me, kissed me. That kiss…
"What's that supposed to mean?"
It had felt too much like saying good-bye.
"Take a look for yourself."
"Ororon, you promised."
"…"
I heaved a sigh, "Fine, but when forever is over I will not look away. Even if you beg me. Even if it kills me inside, I'm not taking my eyes off of you."
I rolled over just as the owl took flight with a screech and a fluttering of wings. Slowly, painfully, I rolled back over to face the empty space where Ororon had lain.
"I won't look away. Never again."
A hollow, mewling noise clawed its way between my clenched teeth.
"You promised me."
In the end, it made no difference.
Death comes whether you look away or not. Watching its arrival doesn't make it any easier to bear.
I can still hear him in my dreams.
"Chiaki, look over there."
And I always do.