Goodbye
Raven was in her room, trying hard not to cry. She held her phone in her hand and searched her contacts. When she found the person she was looking for, she dialed and held her breath. Carefully she started a conversation with the person, stalling and buying herself and the other person some time. Finally, she said, "Hey, can I read you a poem?"
The person, the man, at the other line, replied with a "Sure."
She got out her notebook and got to the page where she had written one of many poems for the man she was talking to. She took a breath and looked at the neatly written words she had written some time ago when she was recovering. "I wrote this while I was… recovering from the… mission," she informed him.
"I'm sure it'll be lovely."
"'A tear slides down my cheek; a sob ripples through me. More tears are spilled. My heart pounds uncontrollably against my chest. I don't want to, but I must. What I am about to do is a bit selfish. But it is necessary for my sanity and rid me of some of my adding pain.'
"'This word… it is difficult to say and a wave of pain drags me down, drowning me. But I manage to say it. Even if it is through gritted teeth, I manage to say it: Goodbye. And after I say it, I want to take it back; to say that it was a mistake; that I don't mean it, but I DO mean it and that's what makes me feel worse than I should.'
"'And I say it again, just once more to convince myself that this is what I want. I've always been terrible at them because that never were necessary. But this one is; for my sanity. And so I repeat it. Goodbye.'"
By the time she finished, Raven began feeling worse and regretted reading it. But there was no going back.
"It was lovely, yet sad. Beautiful, really," the man commented. "Who is it for?"
"Andrew?"
"Yeah?"
"Goodbye."
"Oh, you have to go for a mission. Okay then– "
"No, Andrew. I mean 'goodbye' as in, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I need you out of my life. I don't want you."
There was silence for a moment before the man asked, "Rae?"
Her heart began hammering uncontrollably once she heard how small he sounded. She opened her mouth to tell him it was a joke, but forced out a cruel, emotionless "Yes?". The man demanded to know what was going on. If that was her choice. He demanded to know everything that made her lead to the choice in which she would get away from him forever. She inhaled loudly, and exhaled tiredly.
"Look, I have been sacrificing way too much for you and there is no mutual sacrifice done for me. I've always put my feelings aside for those that I love to be happy, but now, it's time for me to think about myself; in how I am going to keep my sanity and believe me. I don't want to do this, truly. But I must because this is really wrecking my life, as a hero, as a humane being. I am not perfect which means I have my flaws, I make mistakes. And one of the stupidest mistakes I have ever done is talking to you. Because if I hadn't, then we would not be having this conversation.
"You've damaged me way too much already. I am no longer the dark, strong, independent girl I used to be because you've wrecked me. Now I am just another damsel in distress and I hate it because I can live with myself depending on only me. Yes, I know this sounds cruel, but it is necessary for me. I don't want to hurt you, honest. But I've let this go on way too long. And now I just need to get away from you; forget that you ever came into my life. It is time I think about what I need and what is best for me, not anyone else. I've lived like this for my entire life, pleasing everyone when I suffer. And you are no different.
"So now it is time to part. So please, don't stop me. Don't try to convince me because my mind has already been made up and I can't go back to you."
"But what about me?"
"You've lived without me for your twenty years of life, you can keep on going. After all, I will be forgotten. Just another person you've met. And I can live my life without you, too. I've done so for my seventeen years. And I will keep on living without you."
"Don't you love me?"
Her throat closed and she bit her lip. She gulped and sighed. "This is not about feelings, it is about necessary measures for one to remain completely sane and alive."
"But, Rae–"
"I almost died for you!" she blurted out. Her violet eyes widened in horror and she wished she hadn't said that. But it was late. "During the mission you gave me to find you a mate, I almost died. The energy I had left was just enough for me to keep on breathing; I was barely alive. And I can't keep on doing this anymore! I've sacrificed myself too much for you, just another selfish person. You are no different, no matter how you act. You are selfish too, and I…" She trailed off slightly before finishing, "And I don't want you in my life."
"Raven…"
"This is a goodbye, Andrew. Now, before I go, promise me this: You will not do anything reckless or self harm. Promise me you will forget about me and live your life. Promise me." She was pleading and her voice was cracking slightly.
"Rae… I… I promise you that I will not harm myself or do anything reckless. I promise I will forget about you and live my life like I should. I promise, Rae."
She sighed in content; a pained content. She cleared her throat slightly. "Then this is goodbye, Andrew McCall. Take care. I – I love you." Quickly, she hung up.
And for the first time in ages, Raven cried. The strong violet haired girl cried. Her tears streamed from her face as she knelt at the corner of her bed and buried her face in the crook of her elbow.
Yes, I do realize Raven is way out of character. But I needed her to be like this for the story to be like this… After all, she needed to show emotion from losing the man she loved. Oh! Andrew, I'm sorry… I love you… ~rymilu