Disclaimer: I do not own .hack or any of its characters. .hack//Roots and G.U. are owned by Bandai Namco and .Hack Conglomerate.
"Man, I hate this…"
It was an afterthought, a thought she voiced in solitude as she rested on the hillside with her hands laced behind her head. It wasn't until she thought to look around that she realized that it really was the kind of area that didn't suit someone like her.
The deep purples and dark reds of her avatar clashed with the lively greens and gentle blues, but it was more than that. The grass was too soft, the feeling that she was lying on feathers strangely wanting to make her get up even though she was lazy. Instead, she tilted her head up and her burgundy eyes caught sight of the beautiful expanse of blue above. She stared at a cloud as it eclipsed the sun, but, seconds later, the radiance that hide behind the whisper of white rained down on her like she asked for it. She sighed before scooting into the shade provided by tree behind her.
It was too peaceful.
There weren't any monsters. There wasn't much of anything. With the exception of the hill she laid on and the lone tree on top of it, the area was a plain that nearly stretched all the way to the horizon. Turning her head, she could see the sea far off in the distance, but she had no desire to stare at the water.
She didn't come to relax. She came for a reason. That was why she fought off boredom by surveying the Lost Ground, but looking at it was just as boring as playing with the serrated edge of her sword. In fact, it almost made her feel stupid for choosing to come. She had thought it'd be better to pick a place that seemed less conspicuous, but the entire area just seemed grate on her nerves.
Blinding rays of sunlight? Lush grass free of insects and weeds? The unreachable sky and the computer generated birds that were doomed to never rest their wings? The last thought struck a chord with her and she found herself looking up again, watching as the doves continued their endless trek. Cursed? Perhaps. Maybe there was something to be happy about in being able to fly forever, but she allowed the idle thought to drift as rings of blue materialized net to her.
It was him.
She was up and armed long before he knew he had an opponent. "Haseo!" She spat out his name like it was nasty and swung her sword in his direction without pause. She put all of her strength into the assault, the sheer impact of blade meeting blade ending with her being forced back.
"Bordeaux…?" He lowered his dual guns as she slid down to the base of the hill. "What do you want?"
"What do I want?" She smiled after echoing him, her toothy grin seemingly baring fangs as she looked up at him with no humor in her eyes. "What do you think I want?"
"Don't know and don't care." Haseo smirked, standing his ground as her expression soured. "If you want to fight then-"
"Shut up!" Bordeaux rose to her full height and leveled her sword at him. She was serious, her voice dripping with the rage she managed to contain until his arrival. "I lured you here for my revenge!"
"Huh?" He was completely confused, his eyebrow arching as he tried to recall crossing the volatile player killer. "Revenge for what?"
She smiled again, sincere and spiteful all at the same time, but it was a far cry from the sarcastic grin she gave him earlier. He didn't know. She knew he didn't know so she smiled at his ignorance as she took a step back up the hill. She took another step and, then, a hasty one after that. Before long she was running up to him, her smile just as dangerous as the sword she held high.
"For everything!!"
-
Fly Away
A .hack//G.U. story
-
Haseo switched weapons so fast that she didn't know what hit her until she was already sprawled on the ground. Her face uprooted grass as she literally ate dirt, but she was on her feet long before she had a chance to think about the taste.
Bordeaux charged him again and his massive sword cut through the air to meet her halfway. She was blasted into the air even though she blocked. Slightly dazed by the collision, it wasn't until she heard him shooting that she realized he was firing at her. Unfortunately for him, deflecting bullets was something she could do blindfolded.
She shielded herself from the gunfire with ease as she thought of what to do next. She smiled, knowing exactly what she was going to do as she started to drop back towards the ground. "Haseo!" She screamed his name, delight mingling with the fire in her eyes as she started her descent towards him with her sword firmly in hand.
"Bordeaux!" He met her with equal intensity as he changed weapons again. He spun around to gain momentum and swung his sword at her the same way one would swing a baseball bat. "Give up!!"
In an amazing show of agility, she landed on the flat slide of the blade and ran down its length. She was halfway between hysterical and recklessness, livid in the fact that she was closing in on him with her sword at the ready. "Never!"
Haseo abandoned his broadsword, releasing it in favor of the twin blades he used to knock her down earlier, but she wouldn't be denied. She broke his guard, the hand she used to pull his wrist down giving her the only opening she needed. He gasped as she momentarily let go of her sword just to reverse her grip on it. She punched him before she slashed him.
She disrespected him before wounding him.
"D-Damn it!"
The Adapt Rogue threw out a quick, aimless attack if only to make some distance, but she ducked and countered instead. He cursed, committing to mind that she managed to poison him as dashed backwards. The space he made between them was closed the second she advanced, and the pressure she poured on him forced the mistake she was waiting for. He summoned his scythe only to have it slapped away. She was laughing out loud as she hit him, but the hit points he was losing didn't matter. The fight itself didn't even matter but, faced with her smug satisfaction and cheeky grin, he knew that he couldn't let her do it.
He couldn't let her beat him.
Haseo turned on his heel, twisting his whole body to avoid her attack before charging her. She was ready. Sidestepping, she put herself in position to defeat him for the first time ever until he lowered his shoulder low enough to ram into her stomach. She lost her balance and he was all too happy to help her to the ground.
"Ah…" When she finally regained her senses, he was already on top of her with his dual guns so close to face that she had to tilt her head to the side to see him. She let go of her sword as disappointment and, later, failure started to register on her face. "So this is the end to my magnificent plot, huh?"
"Ha," He lifted his shoulders and let them fall. "You can't really call it a plot when all you did was send me some stupid emails to get me to come."
"Guess so…" Finished with the small talk, Bordeaux relaxed under him and closed her eyes. "Finish me off then."
When nothing happened she cracked open an eye to find him barely keeping his composure. He probably liked it. He probably liked seeing her helpless, but to the winner went the spoils or something like that. If he wanted to laugh at her weakness then she didn't care and she didn't have the right to complain since she lost.
"Do it…" She sighed, turning her head to the side before she continued. "Shoot me."
He exploded in laughter, immediately rolling off of her and down the hill as tears started to build in his eyes. At first she was confused, blinking and slowly turning to look at him until she started to get angrier than she was before. She was humiliated, the hint of pink that touched her cheeks mixing with the anger that welled up inside of her.
"You…" Bordeaux shot up, forgetting to retrieve her sword in her haste as she marched down the slope. She lashed out an accusing finger to point at him, trembling as she looked down at his avatar. "You… I… I hate you!"
"Ha…" He dabbed at the tears that managed to slip out as his amusement breathed its last breath. "I already knew that." The look in her eyes reinforced the fact. "Don't blame me because you're-"
She held up a hand, effectively silencing him as she narrowed her eyes. Her eyebrows dipped along with her slumping shoulders. Her entire presence shrunk with her demeanor as she took a deep breath and let it go. It wasn't until she raised her head that he could tell that she definitely wasn't in the mood to be mocked.
"I'm quitting… I don't feel like playing anymore."
That got his attention.
"Wait… what?" He must have misheard her, but she was never one to repeat herself in case he did. "Why?" His dark red eyes searched her face for anything to answer his question but found nothing.
When she didn't say anything, he took a guess. "You almost got me." His voice became softer, little more than a whisper as he told her the truth. "You almost beat me this time and I'm… I'm sorry I laughed at you."
He honestly looked apologetic so she calmed down. "That's not why and…" His rare apology caused her anger to dissipate, her expression softening to the point that she looked more depressed than angry. "I didn't really mean it when I said I hated you."
"Then why?" He pressed her. "Is it something I did?"
Bordeaux scoffed, laughing behind the hand she held up to cover her mouth, but nothing was funny other than how stupid he was. How could he not notice?
"You really don't know…?"
"That's why I'm asking you!" She was testing his patience. "You said you got me to come here for revenge, but I didn't do anything to you!"
"Didn't do anything to me?" Bordeaux blinked, taken back by his words as he shook his head. "You…" She paused, taking the time to walk over to her sword as she tried to think of a way to tell him. "You hurt me…" She said it, but she didn't have the strength to face him as she shared her feelings.
"Huh…?"
That was all he said as she retrieved her sword, but she still didn't turn around. "I just wanted to try one last time…" She continued with her back facing him. "I won't bother you anymore. Can you do me a favor and watch out for Negimaru and Grien?"
"Wait…" He ignored her request as he dashed up the hill after her. "Wait! You have to explain or I'll never understand!"
"You won't be able to understand now…" She reached the top of the hill and he met her there. "You have too many friends."
"Look." Haseo grabbed her, the hand that wrapped around her wrist the same one that pulled her back from the warp gate. "I can't make any promises about babysitting your lackeys, but I can try if you explain."
"I didn't give you my member address because I was bored." Bordeaux looked down at the hand that kept her from turning around. "I…" She sighed, as she summoned her courage and looked him in the eyes. "I want to be your friend, but you never treat me like one."
More than just wanting to be friends, she wanted to be close to someone that was like her. He was a loner just like she was. They both had associates, guild members, and tons of other contacts but they didn't need them. They didn't need anyone to do what they did best, but knowing that it was someone out there like her was always a relief that she could never take comfort in because he didn't let her.
"Friend?" The word sounded so strange coming from her. "How can you be lonely when Kestral is the biggest guild in the game? What about those two-"
"I'm not lonely!" She wasn't. She had people she could talk to and she was never really alone, but there was more to it than just that. "You know I couldn't go back to Kestral after losing to you and they aren't like me at all!"
"Then what's bothering you?" He let go of her and his hand fell back to his side. "I'll listen to you…" He coughed. "I mean since I'm already here and all."
"Alright," Bordeaux shifted her eyes away from the warp and backed away from it. She sat down next to the tree, making sure to get in the shade before she started. "I'll tell you but don't…" She suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Don't laugh at me again."
"I won't." He promised, the way she looked when he did coming to mind as he continued to stand. "Now what's wrong?"
She looked at him for a long minute until she finally opted to speak. "That girl, Atoli…" She tilted her head up and looked to the sky as she spoke. "Why did you…"
She trailed off but he knew what she was talking about. He knew, but that didn't mean he was ready for it. She was really hurt. The pain that laced her voice made it sound like she was close to crying. He knew her well enough to know she'd be long gone before she let witness such a scene.
Haseo eased himself to the ground to sit down, leaving just enough space between them as he followed her line of sight and watched the birds fly. "That's why you're leaving?"
She pulled her knees up to her chest. "Part of it…"
"You… feel that way about me?" He felt just as uncomfortable as she did as he touched upon a subject neither one of them liked to talk about. When she nodded, his heart started to beat a little faster than it did before. It only served to make everything feel even more awkward. "I never noticed."
"I didn't know how I felt about it until you married that Harvest Cleric."
"Atoli said it'd make her happy so I went along with it… It's nothing big."
He didn't have to explain himself. She knew they weren't drooling over each other, but it was just something about seeing him with her that lit her fuse. "I understand that, but you…" She hugged her knees and seemed even smaller than before as she bowed her head. "You never tried to think about how I felt… what I-"
"We can never be friends, Bordeaux."
She promptly turned towards him in shock, her mouth agape as he said something that couldn't possibly be true. He leaned back after interrupting her, but the memories that surfaced in his mind didn't allow him to take in the view the hill provided. "We… We did some pretty bad things to each other you know."
He was right.
She turned one of his friends into a lost one, and he nearly sent her into a coma. She practically terrorized his guild members, and he disgraced her in front of her guild leader. She willingly accepted the power to destroy him and was intent on doing so. He used his avatar to crush her, and accepted her hate so he could be justified in his cause.
"Oh…"
She was shattered, her spirit cracking as his words had an obvious impact, but she was never weak. Though it was rejection, it wasn't like she came expecting anything else so she accepted it the same way she accepted everything else.
"There goes our chance at being fuck buddies."
In jest.
If she took it as seriously as she was supposed to then she would be no better than the babies that cried when she player killed them. By turning everything into a joke, she could keep herself from feeling stupid and somehow try to laugh it off, but it wasn't working.
She almost wished he would laugh at her instead of telling her something like that. He was always blunt, but to just come out it say it like that didn't make her feel any good at all. In fact, it made her feel like scum. It made her feel so low that even if she looked up she'd still be looking down, but his honesty was what she wanted after all.
"I'm sorry… for everything."
Burgundy eyes burned into him as he offered an apology. He wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the sky, scanning the distant blue like he was looking for something in the air and couldn't find it. "If I could do it all over again I'd try to be kinder to-"
"I'm obsessed with you so…" She, too, turned her head to look at the sky. "Don't say stuff that'll make me stay."
He didn't say anything so, when the rings of aqua blue started to envelope her, he didn't even get the chance to say goodbye.
0
Silabus liked to think he was a reasonable guy and always put forth an effort to be a better person than he was yesterday. That was why he had no problem giving new players discounts. That was why he never thought about turning a profit. To him, the important thing was having fun with his friends, and nothing was more fun than maintaining the guild shop. Greeting people with low prices and waving goodbye with a smile on his face was easily the highlight of his day, but the girl in front of him wasn't nearly as happy as he was.
"I…" He gawked at the pile of items and equipment she dumped in front of the stand. "I… Um… I appreciate it but…" He tried to ignore the greedy glares of everyone around him as he bent at the waist to pick through the pile. "I can't accept all of this."
Bordeaux towered above him, blocking out the artificial sun as she narrowed her eyes.
"Take it."
"We can't…" Gaspard whined as he stepped out of the shop, his head bowed so he wouldn't have to face the same woman that almost made him quit playing. "We don't have enough to buy all this from you."
Her eyebrow twitched as she made a hasty grab for her sword, but she quickly quelled the desire to kill them. It wasn't like she could do it in town anyway. "Stop being stupid, chubby!" She insulted him before turning around and walking away. "I know your puny shop doesn't have enough money. I already said you can have it."
The pudgy Shadow Warlock looked up with his eyes brimming with joy. "Y-You really mean that?"
"God…" Bordeaux threw her arms up in the air as she sighed. Frustrated, she turned around and started walking away from the obnoxious pair. "If I wanted the stuff don't you think I'd have better things to do than pile it up in front of you?"
Silabus thought to pose a question but wisely decided against asking her if it was all stolen. Instead, he thought of a better question to ask. "Why are you giving us all this?"
She stopped walking. Why did she give them, two of the most annoying players she ever encountered, nearly everything she possessed? The crowd of spectators that marveled at the valuables made way for her as she turned around, but she stood in place and simply looked at the character clad in green. "I made some… trouble for you, didn't I?"
Trouble…
If it was just an understatement then it would have been a laughable one, but what she did to them wasn't funny at all. Chasing them down, stalking them, and intentionally making the fat one cry just so she could laugh at him… He begged and pleaded for her to stop, but she just kept cackling until he logged off.
She gave them way more than just some trouble.
Raw emotions caught her, ensnaring her in the memories of slaughter that resurfaced with a jolt strong enough to send her back to a time when she thought it was fun to hurt other people. Making people cry was her forte, something she was good at in real life, but, in the game, she didn't have to worry about being scolded. In the emulated world, she could have her fun. She could beat up anyone for any reason. She was the infamous long-legged, dark-skinned woman with death on the edge of her sword and just sight of her sent fools running like she was walking napalm.
She was…
"Bordeaux," She blinked, snapping out of her reprieve as her vigilant eyes automatically looked for sight of any motion. She watched Gaspard happily dive into the small mountain of treasure. He wasn't the one that called her. She shifted her sight to the side and found Silabus, the silent moment of deep reflection not lost to her as they locked eyes with each other. "What's in the past is in the past…" He paused as the nerve he unknowingly hit caused the full extent of her glare to be focused on him, but he had to continue. "I just want you to know that we don't hold grudges or anything. If you're giving us this stuff to say you're sorry then-"
"Why do you like doing that?" Dark, tired eyes turned towards the stand behind him as she cut him off and pointed at the shop. "How can something like that make you happy?"
"My friends." He blurted out. "I mean, I like spending time with my friends."
Seemingly satisfied with his response, Bordeaux turned around and blended into the masses. She let the wave of people flow over her as she ventured deeper into the floating city. She walked without knowing where she was going until she suddenly stopped again, bumping into someone and sending him off with a glare before she started walking again.
"Friends, huh…"
She slowed to a stop again as she voiced the lingering thought. She gave a lot of people shit just because she felt like it. It was fun, she supposed, to mess with people, but it quickly lost what little appeal it had when she seriously stopped to think about it. She was hurting people for some cheap laughs but she didn't want to be hurt, she didn't want to be laughed at. She wasn't just a hypocrite. She was an ass.
She couldn't say things like sorry so she tried to make amends by giving them a ton of stuff they probably didn't even need for real. That was the best she could do without straining herself and she sincerely hoped that it was enough to make up for what she did but, as she walked the streets of Breg Epona, she came to the conclusion that it wasn't.
No amount of items or equipment would make them forget the things she did and realization set in as she neared the railing. She was way more immature than she thought she was. Bordeaux sighed as she reached for the only thing left in her possession aside from the armor she had on. It was her sword, Spider's Karma. Though it took its name from an arachnid, the curves reminded her of a slithering snake and the edge made her think of a saw more than anything else.
It was her only friend.
Players scattered as she hoisted it as high into the air. She admired it one last time before drawing her hand back and throwing it as hard as she possibly could. People gasped, some of them running to see where it landed as it kissed the sky and began to descend. Burgundy eyes followed the sword until it dipped out of sight and later watched others run up to the railing to see it fall. She was tempted to see if anyone was dumb enough to go after it, but she didn't care. She was finished. She didn't have anything tying her to the World anymore.
Bordeaux felt strangely free as people flocked to the railings and whined over the lost of such a rare sword. She wasn't like them. She never played the game because she wanted a strong character. Equipment and items never mattered to her. The real reason she played was just because she was angry and the game provided a release she never had before. It was simple. She wasn't angry anymore so she didn't need to play anymore, but she was hurt. She was hurt so she figured there was at least one more person she had to see.
0
"Wow…" Bordeaux whistled as she strolled into the guild hall. "Not half bad for such a crappy guild."
She drew the attention of everyone, the eyes she felt on her back not nearly as heavy as the feelings inside as she caught sight of the person she was looking for. Atoli, her affairs with the new members halted, looked over her shoulder and leveled her gaze at the woman that narrowed her eyes at her.
The tension divided the room, recent and new members alike making more than enough room for their senior and the intruder. Every word was held, every move stilled in hopes of avoiding the spark that would set either of the two off, but Atoli was quick to relieve their fears when she smiled at the visitor.
"This guild isn't meant to be strong or wealthy." The Harvest Cleric turned back around to focus on the documents she arranged. "We just like helping people."
The eyes around her lit up as she spoke, but it wasn't because she was well spoken. In fact, she didn't believe herself to be even half the orator her guildmates thought her to be. Talking to people, simply communicating at all was never something she was good at. One thing she could do was make a solid point and, with newfound confidence, that was all she needed to do.
"Everyone is here to help." Finished and satisfied with the job she did, Atoli turned around to face the girl that sought her. "I believe we can have fun and help each other at the same time… That way no one has to be sad. That way no one has to be lonely."
Bordeaux felt like laughing as she looked around. Everyone brought into the cheap philosophy with cheers, embarrassing the Harvest Cleric with applause like she did something incredible. With jaded eyes, the player-killer scanned the crowd for the gullible and found exactly what she expected. Unlike the blushing girl that politely offered her thanks for the unconditional gratitude, Bordeaux easily saw the opportunists and the spiteful in their midst.
In the span of just a few minutes, she realized that she was right all along.
Atoli was stupid.
The concept of help was one that any self respecting person only thought to consider, but the drones around her flocked to it like the light at the end of the tunnel. The help they craved was nothing other than a chain, a helping hand that imprisoned them in emotional debt. It was pathetic. There was nothing wrong with needing help. Even she would admit to needing help sometimes but, people who actively desired it disgusted her on a level that it made her flesh crawl just being close to them.
More than that, the players that sought to take advantage of their ignorance was the same ones that nodded along with them. It probably really was a guild formed with the intention to help, but it was also a garden of fools ripe for the picking. She'd have a good time making fun of them, but she didn't come to get some laughs. She came for answers so she'd let the wolves keep their wool. The only reason she wasted her time coming was to face the girl that was at the center of the nonsense.
Atoli.
The disgusting sum of all the things she hated. The color of her clothes, the way she looked, the way she acted, the things she liked, the way she walked, and even the sound of her ear-torturing voice… Bordeaux hated her long before the silly ceremony she had with Haseo, but she was also the only person that could answer the few questions she had.
"…Miss Bordeaux?"
The guild hall was back to normal when she came back to her senses. People were talking to each other again, new members being signed up as others did various things to kill time. It was only when she looked that she realized how close the cleric was and that she was saying something.
"What?"
"I was trying to ask you if Haseo got you to come." She beamed at the prospect. "I finished my tasks already so I can be the one to-"
"Fuck. No." Bordeaux put cold emphasis on both of the words as she turned down the invitation before it could be made. "I'm not joining this crappy guild. I only got a question I need to ask—Wait." She had another, less important inquiry to make. "Make that two."
"Um…" The complete rejection sullied her smile and subdued any attempt to regain it. "Sure?"
"Who is really in charge of all this?" Bordeaux took in the grand sight of the guild hall and the people inside.
"I guess…" Atoli, too, paused to take a brief look at her guild mates. "I guess I am. I'm the only one that really seriously gets involved with the recruiting. I really wanted to keep track of the guild's progress so everyone kind of left it to me since I volunteered."
She figured as much. Atoli wasn't like her, she wasn't like him either. She was naïve and proud of the fact she worked to make the game a happier place ignorant of the fact that some of the very people she opposed were in her guild.
It didn't matter.
It wasn't like she was going to be playing anymore.
"Why does Haseo like you?"
"Why do you want to know?"
The warmth in her eyes chilled as she glared at taller woman. It was the same way she looked at her earlier, the glimpse she gave the player-killer when she walked in something she caught when they first locked eyes. It was a hint in those eyes, a sign that she wasn't as stupid as people thought she was.
"Because I like him."
Bordeaux accepted the challenge with a smirk, the rainbow of expressions that danced across Atoli's face a delight that she couldn't help but indulge in. All she wanted to know was what made Atoli the best thing since The World, but, if she wanted to play games, it was the girl smiling that held all the cards.
"I… I… y-you…" Atoli dropped her sight to the floor, her fist balling at her sides as she stuttered. She lost any bravado she had in light of the truth and her confidence crumbled. "I have s-something I should be-"
Four little words dropped the girl in anguish. It was too easy! Bordeaux was beside herself, awed by the fact that she did it without even trying for real. The tanned woman arched her back before doubling over, laughing all the while as she drowned out all the commotion in the room with nothing but her amusement. Again, everything slowed to a stop as everyone turned to look and she decided to give them a sight to see.
"Oh, don't go anywhere! It's just now getting good!" The player-killer walked her down just to laugh in her face. "You're scared I'm going to take him from you? I could if I wanted to!"
Silence.
"You're not crying yet, are you?" Bordeaux circled her prey, her voice the only sound in the hall. She leaned into Atoli, her head nearly resting on the girl's shoulder as she whispered into her ear. "You should be for being such a stupid bitch!" She exclaimed before straightening her back and looking at the mass of people around them. "Stop right there, you fucking fatty!" The character froze mid-step, his attempt to leave halted by the woman that yelled at him. "No one is going anywhere until you know how shitty your fearless leader right here is. Isn't that right, Atoli?"
"Why…" She cried, her voice smaller than her presence as she dared to ask a question. "Why are you being so mean…?"
"Mean? I'm telling the truth!" Bordeaux turned her full attention to the cowering girl before her. "Anyone that looks you in the eyes can tell that you're a just fucking hypocrite! Even you can't believe half of the diarrhea that comes out your mouth!" She raised her head and scanned the crowd. "Anyone who believes in this all-for-one bullshit, raise your fucking hand!"
She waited for a minute and then another just to let the feeling sink in. Downcast eyes, jilted whispers, and cowards were around in all shapes and sizes, but not a single arm was held up for the sake of the girl she loomed over like a monster.
"Look…" Bordeaux practically salivated as she grabbed hold of the girl's head and forced it up. "Look…" She repeated in a whisper just as sharp as her tongue. "No one cares. He doesn't-"
"He does!" Atoli screeched as she tried to wrestle away from the hold the stronger girl had on her. "He cares about me!!"
"A fake ass wedding doesn't mean he's really your husband."
Bordeaux pushed her to the floor and she stayed there until she logged off. It was only then, the moment the girl was touched by rings of blue and gone from her sight, that she felt a euphoria akin to a high.
Fuck the dumb ass questions she thought she needed to ask. Forget kicking her virtual ass and pretending that she really hurt her. She didn't need to be nice because she really was mean. She was not a good person so she didn't need to pretend she was. All that mattered was that she got her back.
She got even with her.
"C-Can we leave now?"
Weaklings.
Bordeaux automatically reached for her sword before she remembered she didn't have it anymore. She regretted throwing it away for a moment, but she didn't need it anymore. She never needed it to do what she did best.
"I don't think I fucking said you could!"
0
Bordeaux sighed from where she laid at the base of the tree. It was dark, the fact that the moon barely gave her enough light to see her hands in front of face the same reason why she choose to return.
It was her favorite area, but only when it was night. She could feel the comfort of the grass under her, but she couldn't see the fields of green that seemed so endless. She couldn't see or hear anything. It was silent and still. Everything, including the sound, was stolen by the black around her. It felt like home.
She visited the area from time to time. Usually, she only came when she needed to think, but she already thought long and hard about what she did and what the consequences were. She regressed. Her attempts to be kind, her efforts to be a better person for at least one day, failed all because she couldn't help but have a little fun with Atoli.
Fun…
Bordeaux turned on her side and caught sight of the shimmering reflection of the moon resting on top of the water. It was high tide, the water met the shore with gentle waves and the soothing sound of each one coming ashore was like music. The sea seemed so much closer at night. It was pretty. It was peaceful. It was completely different than her.
The waves that touched the beach possessed a subtle strength, something similar to resilience as the night continued. It was strong, stronger than she was anyway. She tried just for a day to be better than what she already was and the only thing she succeeded in doing was ending up more pitiful than she was before. She couldn't even apologize to the idiots when she gave them her stuff so there was no way she could just walk up to Atoli and honestly say she was sorry.
"Bordeaux…?"
It was him.
He came sooner than she expected. She rolled over, her back meeting the grass again before she hopped to her feet and took a stance. She didn't have anything to fight with, but she wasn't going to have her last fight lying down.
"Haseo…"
They greeted each other even though what was going to happen couldn't be any more obvious. He was going to beat her up. He was mad because she made his girlfriend feel bad. He was going to tell her stuff she didn't want to hear again and she had to be strong enough to endure it all.
Haseo moved closer to her, his steps just as measured as his demeanor as he neared the girl who braced herself. He stopped his advance in front of her and drew his sword. She bowed her head, quietly surrendering to him as she dropped her stance and hugged herself.
He didn't do anything.
She opened her eyes in fear of seeing him delivering the blow and found that he already did. The sword that he planted in the ground cut into her conscience and she could already feel her eyes starting to water as he waited for her to take it.
"My sword…" Bordeaux felt chocked up as she fell to her knees and clung to the sword she threw away. "I… How…" She felt like an idiot as she tried to force her self to speak, but it was hard to find her words.
"Silabus sent me a message. He told me what happened so I went to go find it." He sighed, kneeling to get on eye level with her as he spoke. "It took me hours going through areas, but I kept going because I knew that it was important to you."
"I… I…" She was speechless, awestruck as she stared at him with wide eyes. "I… thought you were angry, that you wanted to get even with me."
"I'm not angry. I guess I'm more…" His eyes shifted away from her as he thought of the right word to use. "I'm just disappointed. Atoli is really sensitive to what people say about her and I know you always go around saying things you don't mean. You have to send her a message or something before she starts thinking you really hate her."
"Why do you like her? Why do you stay around her?"
She felt bad about what she said to Atoli, but the questions she asked only concerned her own feelings. She didn't care if the answers hurt anymore. She wanted to know, she needed to know why and the small smile he gave her promised that he understood.
"I know how it feels to be alone even when you're around people. When you feel like you don't know anyone, it's really easy for someone to get your attention." He met her eyes with his. "I got obsessed with someone. I wanted to help her. I was so focused on trying to save her that I started to lose my way. It wasn't until I stopped to think, that I realized the people—No." He smiled fondly in remembrance as she stood back up. "I realized my friends were pointing me in the right direction all along."
"But why do you-"
"I like Atoli because she's one of my friends. It's the same reason I like a lot of people now, the same reason I was able to do what I did." Haseo turned his sight to the waves. "It's the same reason I like you, Bordeaux… I should have made it clear earlier. I like you. I don't know if I like you as much as you like me, but I do care about you a lot."
"That shit about me not being your friend?"
"We're definitely not friends but—I don't know—I guess we're something more important than that." He laughed a little in spite of himself. "You were right when you said I had too many friends, though. Too many people trying to know me, but there's only one person that tries to kill me every time I log on. It keeps me from getting rusty."
"Don't try to butter me up." She stood, her expression as languid as his as she took in the sight of the sea. "It's been a long day, but I don't get stupid just because I'm tired."
"I mean it. We can't be like…" Haseo paused, his eyes closing as he searched for the right way to explain it. "We can't be like… that with each other, but I feel like I understand you as much as you understand me." He looked thoughtful, pensive as they watched the waves. "Bordeaux, why are so angry?"
He didn't come to fight. He wasn't thinking about the tall, beautiful woman that always sought to carve him into pieces. He was asking about the girl behind the character, the delinquent that had time to play since she was suspended more often than not.
She was taken back, the burgundy orbs that stared at his profile told him that much, but what he wanted to hear was the reason. He wanted to know why. It wasn't surprising. Everyone wanted to know, from her mother to the people she killed in-game, but he was the first person to ask.
Why was she so mad?
"I…" She wasn't Bordeaux anymore. "I hate how fake people are. It annoys me when people pretend to be something they're not. I hate when people give me fake smiles and act like they're not as selfish and greedy as the next person."
She was Nina. She was the girl that didn't really have any friends, the girl that hated her family, and the girl that had rather be deaf than listen to the nonsense people preached. The reason Haseo was important wasn't because he could beat her in a game. He was important to her because she could tell that he was just as, if not more, angry than she was.
He was important because, even though she never told him anything before, she knew he'd understand.
"I found myself." She didn't have anything to hide. "When I played this game, I realized that I was just as petty as everyone else. None of this shit I do really matters but…" She looked down at the sword she held and smiled. "I love it. I love the useless stuff I do because it made me different. I wasn't the little, mean girl that no one talked to at school. I wasn't the kid that grown ups hated. I was a woman… I was someone that didn't have to rely on someone. I was independent, but my fucking mama pays for the game."
"So?"
"So…?" She felt like laughing, but her mirth was in short supply. "I ended up being exactly what I never wanted to be. I know I'm a bully. I won't deny that, but I… I'm fake now."
She was a hypocrite.
It was easy to point out the faults of others, but her flaws were things she always pretended not to see. It was precisely because she knew herself that she tried so hard to be something else. She didn't want to be Nina anymore. She wanted to be Bordeaux. She wanted to be pretty and strong when, in reality, she was just a girl with a foul mouth.
In trying to escape from the people she hated the most, she became just like them.
"Idiot." Haseo smiled, the eyes that seemed to look directly at the girl she was held no pity or contempt. He understood. "We can only be who we really are, Bordeaux… I don't know how you really look, but who you really are is right there." He raised his hand and pointed at her. "You can't be fake when you're feelings are in front of me."
"Ha ha…" She laughed a little, as she looked into his eyes. She felt better, way better than she felt before. "Does someone pay you to say corny shit like that?"
He laughed as well as he turned away from her. "No…" The laughs gradually died down until all that was left was solemn look on his face. "Just thought it'd make you feel better."
"Haseo…"
He understood her. He knew her better than anyone else and he wasn't even her friend. She loved him and they didn't even like each other. It didn't matter how he really felt about her. She needed to tell him how she felt. Her face became clouded, the faint tint of red on her cheeks something that embarrassed her far more than her actual feelings.
"I l-lo…" It was harder to say than she thought it was. "I lo-lo…" Way harder. "I…" She couldn't do it! After all the bullshit that happened, she couldn't say it. She had to, though! If she couldn't tell him, she'd never be able to tell other people how she felt. If she couldn't tell him, she'd never be able to be honest with herself again.
"I love you." He was looking at the birds, the dots of flapping white more than easy to see in the dark night sky. "I love you, Bordeaux…"
"What the fuck?" She felt faint, her world starting to tilt a little as she openly stared at his back. If he was trying to make some kind of joke, it wasn't funny. To make sure she heard right, just to make sure she wouldn't push his ass into the water, she had to hear him say it again. "W-What did you just say?"
"I love you." His voice was always strong, but it sounded unnaturally tender as he repeated it for her sake. He still didn't turn around. "I… I know that I like you, but it's more than that. I used to hate you, I really did but it's different now. It didn't really hit me until I was looking for that sword… I wouldn't have even bothered with it if you weren't that important to me."
"Hmm…" She hummed contently, thoughts of how her feelings changed coming to mind as she held the sword he found for her. She didn't have any idea when her attraction to him started to outweigh the challenge of beating him and she didn't know when the thought of him started to make her feel warm. She was glad. "This is probably the first time we haven't fought each other on sight."
"About that…"
"Yeah, yeah." Bordeaux started walking up the hill, her back to him as she examined her sword. "It's about due time, right?"
She wasn't leaving. That was enough for him. Haseo smirked as he turned around and checked his dual guns. "When you lose, I'm going to drag you back to guild and make you apologize to everyone."
"Fat chance." She met his smirk with one of her own as she looked over her shoulder. "Only one sorry per win and I'm definitely not losing this time you bastard."
He switched weapons, the twin blades that replaced his guns perfect for the kind of fight he wanted to have with her. "I guess we'll both be seeing Atoli then."
"That's fine… I said some fucked up stuff to her so we can go after this." She slid her foot back, finally taking her stance as she raised her sword above her head. "One thing, though."
He was an idiot. Encouraging her obsession with him was a dangerous thing. She liked him and, if what she did to Atoli any example, she got jealous easily. She was his stalker and, after he said all that, there was no way she could ever leave him alone. She wasn't even sure what kind of relationship they had, but they could sort it out later. What came afterwards wasn't all that important. What mattered was that he cared. What really mattered was that he loved her and…
"I… I lo-lo…" Bordeaux frowned, the tip of her sword wavering as she lost her concentration. She didn't understand how people could just up and say it so easily. She didn't know how he could say it like that. "Haseo, I lo…" Frustrated, she averted her eyes. She still couldn't say it. "Fuck!!"
He rushed towards her, blades of grass crushed and trampled, locks of the color of silver caught in the wind as he dashed up the hill. "Save it for later!"
"No!" Bordeaux knew she was blushing just as much as he was and she didn't care. She ran with abandon, the chip she carried on her shoulder something that fell off as she took the air. She jumped as high as she could into the night sky and it felt like it accepted her. Instead of falling, it felt like she flew towards him. "Haseo!"
"Bordeaux!" He kept running up the grassy slope to meet her head on until a thought struck him. He abruptly slid to a stop, his twin blades cast aside in favor of spreading his arms out. He was smiling, the look on his face the same one mirrored on hers. He was definitely an idiot. He was being stupid and she was, too.
Her sword fell as she let go of it, but she didn't watch it fall. She only looked ahead. He was there. He was waiting on her even if she was mean. He liked her even though she was a bitch. Whenever they met in real life, the first thing she'd do was kick him in the dick for making her feel like shit earlier, but, as he caught and rolled down the hill with her, there was only one thing she wanted to do.
They flipped, rolled, and tumbled until they finally came to stop at the bottom of hill. Though she was slow to do it, Bordeaux stood and shook the grass out of her hair before looking down on him. "I win!" She claimed, the thud of her boot landing on his chest punctuating her victory. Even though she stomped on his sternum, he peacefully laid right where he was with his hands tucked behind his head. He was waiting on her. He was giving her the chance to say what she wanted to say.
"I'll tell her I'm sorry…" She gave him a private smile, the kind of smile she'd never show anyone else. "I'll tell anyone that'd listen to me that I'm sorry for the things I've done to them." Her smile slipped and her head tilted a little to the side as she looked at him. She sighed, her dark eyes holding a glint of affection as she took her boot off his chest. She didn't forget what she did to him and she didn't forget what she needed to say. "Haseo, I'm sorry and I love you."
There it was.
She said it. She gave him her heart and the sincerity she never offered anyone else. Her face was hot, her heart damn close to bursting out of her chest as she waited for him to say something.
"Hmm…" Haseo slowly opened his eyes to look up at her. "I was expecting a little more than that." He shrugged, the little sigh he did before closing his eyes again the reason why she could feel almost feel herself getting ready to explode. "I mean it took a long time to find that sword and all…" He yawned. "Guess people don't know how to say thank you anymore."
Her eyebrows dipped in anger, her entire body trembling with rage as she started looking around for her sword. She was telling him shit she was scared to admit to herself and he was trying to be funny? She'd see how many jokes he could tell when she stomped his ass into the ground!
"I love you, too."
His eyes were still closed so he missed the slow seconds of shock that flashed across her features and he didn't see the dark smile that crept onto her face. He found it easy to say because he meant it. He was sure of himself whereas she had to summon the courage to even acknowledge how she really felt. One day, she'd be able to say it like he did, but she was just happy she could say it at all.
"I'm glad you think you're so cool!" Bordeaux kept her smile and didn't try to hide the deep red that spread across her face. She didn't forget what she needed to say to him, but she didn't forget what he said either. "I was going to say thank you until you opened your mouth! Since you want things early, I guess I'll pay you back for almost making me cry earlier!"
She was happy but…
"Huh?" Haseo cracked open an eye just in time to see her boot coming his way. "What?! Wait!" She laughed out loud when he instinctively brought his arms up to guard his face. She wished she would have known he was so easy to fool with feints.
That didn't stop her from lightly stomping on him.
-Fin
Author's note: Hello everyone, glad you made it through my first and last .hack story. I kind of decided against putting this up until I looked through the section and didn't find any stories that featured Bordeaux being paired with Haseo. Back to my other stories for me.
Thanks for reading.
CF