Me: Yo! So I was sitting in chemistry one day with my teacher who doesn't really teach us anything (if you've read my other fanfics, it's the same teacher who taught me bio last year) and then. . .it happened. . .the fanfic was born!!

Shadow: You know I still think you should work on one of your other fanfics that already have chapters and stuff. . .

Me: Leave me alone!! It's my fanfic, meaning it's my choice what I work on . . . anywho- on with the fanfic!!

Shadow: Disclaimer you idiot. . .

Me: Oh yeah. . .

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Square Enix, etc . . . it would be a scary world indeed if I did. . .

Me: Now on with the fanfic!!

Vexen gazed around his lab. Something was wrong. Someone had been in here while he researched in Hollow Bastion. How did he know this? For one thing, that scalpel had not been lying on a table when he had left. It had been in its proper place: a drawer devoted to scalpels that had blades precisely 5 inches long. For another thing, his Bunsen burner was turned on, which by the way, was a fire hazard. The most obvious evidence of foreign occupation, however, was the bottle that Vexen had found near his desk which contained a clear, bubbling liquid.

Vexen stared at the bottle now. What was it? Was it a clever ruse to poison him? An attempt to trick him into drinking a severely acidic substance? Or was it some sort of practical joke; or unpractical joke as Vexen called them. After all, what was the practical, fundamental point of a 'practical' joke? Well, Vexen was much too scientific to make the mistake of drinking the contents of the bottle himself: he had seen far too many experiments gone wrong to even consider such a foolish, juvenile act. No. The only way he would figure out what the mysterious substance was would be by experimentation: and he knew just the guinea pig he needed.

Vexen was looking discreetly down the table that night at dinner. He gazed impassively as Axel reached for his cup, too preoccupied with Roxas to notice the bubbles rising from his water glass. It had been simply too easy to slip the contents of the bottle into his cup, even easier considering Axel's obvious infatuation with the young keyblade bearer prevented him from noticing anything out of the ordinary. Vexen's interest heightened as Axel lifted the glass to his lips. As he drank the liquid, it stopped bubbling. Then, the most peculiar thing happened. . .

When Axel had swallowed the substance, his face immediately formed a look that could only be described as grandmotherly affection.

"Roxas, have I ever told you how adorable you are?"

"What?"

"It's just; you're so small and cute! You know, not yet an adult, but not a child either. Just discovering who you are!"

"Are you on crack or something?"

"Don't be ridiculous! Oh, Demyx, would you be so kind as to play your sitar for us? I think it would be wonderful to have some music while we eat this wonderful meal! After all, you're so talented!"

Vexen blinked in surprise. What was that potion? Was it some sort of alternate personality generator?

"Axel, what the hell has gotten into you?" Xaldin asked. No sooner had the words come out of his mouth than Axel had dissolved into hysterical tears.

"W-what d-do you m-mean? Am I n-not g-good en-enough?"

"Axel, what's wrong?" Demyx asked, however this just caused Axel to go into a whole new set of hysterics.

"H-how s-sweet of y-you, a-asking ab-about my well-being!" Axel responded as soon as he could somewhat catch his breath.

"Dude, I seriously think you need to take a trip to the wacky shack." Xigbar said.

When Xigbar said this, Axel's tears abruptly stopped. Axel raised his head, glaring with puffy, red eyes at the sniper.

"Dude? Did you just call me dude? Don't you dare call me dude you two-faced bastard!"

"What?"

"You heard me! What? You think that just because you beat me in paintball last week you can just call me 'dude' whenever you feel like it? Well you can't!"

Vexen was completely and thoroughly confused by this point. What exactly did all of this mean? What the hell was the effect of the potion? Vexen was brought out of his meditations, however, when he noticed a spoon, thrown by Larxene, flying through the air towards Axel. It hit him right in the middle of his forehead, which by now was turning into a nice shade of purple. Axel then turned his glare away from Xigbar, and toward the rest of the Organization.

"Who threw that? Who?" Axel yelled after a few seconds pause. "Well? Who in here dared to throw a spoon at the Flurry of Dancing Flames? What? No one has the guts to speak up? Well fine then. . .I'll just have to teach you all a lesson in humility!" And with that, Axel's face formed a maniacal smile as fire formed in a ring around him and he summoned his chakrams. This was going to end badly. Everyone knew that. As soon as the fire began to move, everyone ran for the door, pushing each other back as they did so. No sooner had they all exited the room than they heard a low, malicious chuckle followed by a powerful heat wave. Vexen immediately set off for his lab.

Vexen stared at the nearly empty bottle wondering who had made it and for exactly what purpose. Time passed and Vexen still couldn't figure it out. Yes, the once mighty elder scientist couldn't find the answer. Despite his amazing volume of scientific intelligence and analyzing skills, he was at a loss for even so much as an educated theory or hypothesis. The mighty had indeed fallen.

With a sigh of defeat, Vexen picked up the bottle and walked over to his desk to place it in a drawer for later experimentation. Then, just as he was about to open said drawer, something caught his eye that had eluded him before. It was a small file. Curiosity aroused, Vexen picked it up and opened it.

What's the Matter- failed prototype #27

Vexen stared at those six words with shock. What's the matter? Was that the best the mystery hooligan could come up with? Wait a second . . . failed prototype #27? This person had trespassed in his lab no less than 27 times! People just didn't have any respect for their elders nowadays! With a snort of disgust, he kept reading the "lab report" that had been left behind and immediately froze in surprise.

1 megaton (MT) TNT = about 4.2e15 J or the energy equivalent of about .05 kg (50 g) of matter. For constant effects d = d0 + vt + .5at^2 v = v0 + at v^2 = 2ad: Experiment Failed- potassium hydroxide molecules did not bond properly to the nitrogen acetate ions- Instead of simulated emotions, causes dramatic increase in a single emotion at any given time.

Note- do not allow subject to get angry (results could possibly be disastrous)

Vexen stared incredulously at the report. Who had written this!? Who in the organization (with the exception of himself) could possibly have the scientific insight to conduct such a well planned experiment and explain it at such a high level of understanding? Well he immediately discarded the possibilities of Axel and Demyx, but none of the others seemed capable of such a feat either. Vexen had to find out who had conducted this experiment. Whoever it was had nearly invented one of the two things the organization existed to discover: real emotions. Upon further reflection, Vexen decided that there was someone who might have had the motivation for something like this.

A few minutes later, Vexen stood outside the door of Superior's office. If anyone could care enough about the organization's purpose to attempt to invent stimulated emotions it was Xemnas. When Xemnas beckoned him inside, Vexen strode forth with a purpose, still holding the lab report.

"Superior, I must say, I'm very impressed with your work!" Vexen said when he was in the room.

"What are you talking about Four?"

"Wasn't it you who conducted this experiment?" Vexen asked, holding up the lab report for Xemnas to see.

"Yes, obviously I wrote 'what's the matter' on a piece of paper." Xemnas responded sarcastically. As he continued to read the report, however, his mouth dropped open.

"Four. . .you have to find out who wrote this report. Whoever did is clearly an intellectually superior being who may have found our way to Kingdom Hearts. We must find him because we may never find our goal otherwise. This. . .genius may be our only hope of a quick solution to our dilemma. . .our existence. . .an existence that was never meant to be. . .an existence where we lack the one thing most important to life. . .our hearts. Kingdom Hearts is the only way we can obtain what we lost in our past lives. That is. . .unless you can figure out who wrote this report! Whoever wrote it just may be smarter than the great Ansem the Wise who was too foolish to learn the secrets of the heart. . .not like I am. . .he may call me foolish, but the foolish learned from the more foolish and I am most certainly not as foolish was Ansem the 'Wise'. Unlike him. . .I am not afraid of the heart and I embrace the darkness and the nothingness in the world without pause or remorse. So find who wrote this report and make them find the secrets of the heart to earn us our salvation. To earn us our hearts without the aid of Kingdom Hearts.

Vexen blinked at the conclusion of Xemnas' rant. The only thing that had registered in his mind was the fact that Xemnas had not written the report. Vexen knew what he had to do now. . .he had to go to each of the original six and find out which of them conducted the experiment. Somehow, Vexen would find the answer to this mystery.

Me: Wow. . . that was the longest rant ever to make up. . .

Shadow: Psh. . .don't be a wimp, it could have been a lot longer!

Me: True. . . but still! I counted! I used 'Kingdom Hearts' 3 times, 'heart' 8 times, and 'foolish' 5 times!

Shadow: Wow. . .you really have no life if you actually took the time to count. . . .

Me: What else do you expect me to do in AP? Listen? Yeah right. . . So anywho- will it be one of the original six who wrote the holy of holies lab report?? Or will Vexen fail miserably and have to figure out a new plan?? And will the mystery science prodigy strike again in the meantime?? Will-

Shadow: Ok. . .enough with the suspense. . .just type the next chapter already. . .

Me: Psh- fine. . . Anywho- review plz! I worked hard on this! (especially the whole trying to understand half the science stuff I wrote thing)

Shadow: You should know it. . .Ms. Drummer explained it all in class. . .

Me: Just cuz you're a chemistry nerd. . .

Shadow: Says the one who got a higher grade than me on the test. . .

Me: Muahaha!! So back on topic: NO FLAMES!!

Shadow: All flames will be given to me for our chemistry-test-bonfire!!