Trigger warning, dealing with self harm and depression right now and this story is how I'm dealing with it so it's gonna be dark. It's also not going to be very well written because I'm writing while upset and crying, so I apologize now for that.

Taylor had been getting bad again, she was always angry, always tired, always sad. Taylor had kept it quiet about "cutting" before she entered the Foster home. And when Lena found her the second time after school she promised that she hadn't touched her skin. But Taylor had harmed herself before, she used a pen cap, It cut enough for there to be some blood, but it wasn't deep enough to leave any scars, days later they would fade and she would pretend it never happened.

She had tried to kill herself once but Stef had stopped her, she clearly wasn't in the best mental health before but now she had been acting as if everything was better. Not to mention the therapy and pills had worked for a while. Stef and Lena really did try to make sure that their daughter was alright, and in a safe mental health place. But those were only band-aids to the solution, especially since Taylor had stopped taking the pills over a month ago and her therapist said she didn't need to go to regular sessions anymore. Taylor had tricked the system. She had tricked herself, she had pretended to be happy for long enough, she almost believed it.

Stef and Lena began to believe that that Taylor was the flawless child. The strong kid who had been through some horrible stuff but was still one of the happiest girls ever. Maybe the strong kid wasn't so strong, maybe the happy child, wasn't very happy at all.

But now, now things at school were getting worse. And she seemed to be angrier and angrier at her family. She and Mariana were currently in a fight but Taylor was too depressed to remember what it was about, or even to care.

Taylor had been sitting on the couch when Mariana came into the house yelling at her, "I hate you! You should go kill yourself!"

Taylor was shocked, tears began to stream down her face. She quickly jumped off the couch and ran up the stairs past Stef and Lena who were standing on the stairs and into her room where she locked the door and fell the the floor sobbing. As she was sitting on her floor she pulled out her journal, another hidden thing from her past. She flipped to an open page but couldn't find the words to write anything, she couldn't focus enough to write. Shaking, she quickly stood up and began to pace while sobbing. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, she had been wanting to cut for a really long time. Taylor knew that Mariana's words shouldn't have hurt her that badly, she knew Mariana probably didn't mean it, but something about how she said it made Taylor believe that not even her family cared about her.

Taylor dug through her dresser drawer and found her shaver. The blades within the razor were sharp enough. She dropped it to the ground surprised at how easily she had gone straight for the blade and not for her a lighter object, like a pen cap.

Pacing some more, still sobbing, Taylor punched a wall. Again she tried to control her sobs and shaking body but couldn't seem to calm down enough. She had been having this problem a lot lately, nightmares waking her up at 2am and not being able to sleep or stop shaking afterwards.

She had been having trouble eating, and when she didn't have trouble eating she ate way more than she should. She couldn't sleep most nights and the nights she did she slept for hours and had trouble waking herself up in the morning to get to school. It was clear to anyone who knew the signs, Taylor was severely depressed. She knew it herself, but refused to admit it.

Finally sitting down again, she somehow managed to quiet her sobs. Taylor was still shaking but somehow managed to take the razor to her arm and made a relatively straight mark. Frowning as she looked at her arm, dropping her razor to the group she grabbed the cap of her pen. It was a quicker way to cut her arm.

"Your sister told you to kill yourself, now you have no one. Even your family thinks you should kill yourself." She whispered. Taylor sitting still staring at the marks on her arm, Taylor noticed the blood that began to flow from her arm. She quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her arm tightly hoping it would stop the blood before someone came to ask why she was locked in her room.

With the towel around her arm, she went to lie down on her bed. Closing her eyes, and resting her head on her arm that now had cuts and scratches across it she stopped crying. She was still alive and her arm hurt more than her everything going through her head, for the moment.

After about five or so minutes, Taylor's arm had stopped bleeding. Quietly curling up into a ball, Taylor calmed herself enough to stop shaking. Cutting had done what she had hoped, she didn't feel anything anymore, she wasn't overwhelmed, she wasn't angry, hurt or sad. She just felt, numb. Taylor quietly sat there for another few minutes, a teacher had asked her the other day if she cut and she wanted to tell them yes, she wanted to stop and she wanted help but she was afraid that Stef and Lena would then find out. And she didn't want them to know, she didn't want people to start fussing over her, she didn't want to always be watched, and she didn't want to pity of people when they found out what she did.

Author's note:

I'm actually really sorry about this chapter of my new story. I'm not sure if any of this made sense but I relapsed today after my sister coming home and yelling at me about how she hated me and I should just go kill myself. I will develop this story more, I just really wanted to write a chapter now to try and keep myself busy after I did what I did. Anyways, I got a review on my other story with Taylor telling me to worry about my health before writing and if writing wasn't what made me happy not to write. I love writing and I love your reviews, I just need to write a story that deals with more emotional things than a story with a love story and a happy girl. Anyways, would you like me to continue this story? And if I do continue the story should I continue to put myself into taylor or just follow a storyline. I could do both if that's what you wanted. Either way let me know what you think and I'll probably update this, (and my other Taylor stories) soon. Thanks!