A/N: As always, I don't own the Potterverse. In this specific story, I also don't own How I Met Your Mother, Lethal Weapon, or any characters or concepts from them. This story was written for the Scrabble Bonuses Competition, with prompts James Sirius Potter, O.W.L.s, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Extendable Ears, and Seeker.
It had been a long day for Kingsley Shacklebolt. But most days seemed to be that way for the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Kingsley knew he wasn't even young by wizarding standards any more, but more and more often he felt as though even middle age might be passing him by. Each day brought new troubles, new issues, and new reasons to say "I'm getting too old for this."
When the "I'm getting too old for this" feelings would appear, Kingsley would set out the two things he needed to alleviate them. First, a glass filled with three fingers of Ogden's Finest. Second, his personal Murtaugh List. Every time Kingsley brought out his list, it garnered a small smile, as he recalled why he had the list in the first place.
It started, as all good stories in the Wizarding World do, at Hogwarts. James Sirius Potter, as part of his 5th year Muggle Studies course, was required to study and report on a specific part of everyday Muggle life for his O.W.L. practical exam. James, taking strongly after his namesakes, chose to study the phenomenon known as the situation comedy, sitcom for short. He became entranced by an American sitcom called "How I Met Your Mother" after watching an episode dedicated to the group of adult friends coming to terms with getting old and things they could no longer do as a result. It was there that James first heard the idea of the Murtaugh List, a list of things one considered themselves too old to do anymore. James got an O on his Muggle Studies O.W.L., and by the end of summer had started work on a Murtaugh List of his own.
When James graduated Hogwarts and joined the Auror Corps, his list became well known in the DMLE. Once the concept had been thoroughly explained to everyone, a large number of the Aurors began creating their own list, including the head of the Corps himself, one Kingsley Shacklebolt.
The first entry on Kingsley's list was perhaps the easiest to understand: "Playing Seeker in pickup games." Every so often, the Department of Magical Games and Sports would get together and organize a summer picnic day for the Ministry, which always was conveniently near a Quidditch pitch for those looking to relive their school days. Kingsley had been a Chaser when in school, but as one of the few Ministry workers still in nearly as good of shape as he had been during Hogwarts, he was often nominated to play Seeker instead. That all changed when Kingsley had fallen off his broom during a match and cracked a few different bones all at once. His stay in Saint Mungo's was only a day (magical healing being what it is), but he was on desk duty for the two weeks following as well while recovering completely. That was the day his Murtaugh List acquired its first entry.
A little farther down the list, Kingsley saw another memorable entry: "Using Extendable Ears to monitor the kids." Kingsley had seen the effectiveness of Fred and George's product back during the days of the Order, and made sure the Department was always well stocked when he became the Head. He also used a couple of the Ears to keep track of his own children when at home, but that practice came to a quick halt during the O.W.L. year of his oldest, Harrison. A few Charms here and there, and suddenly Kingsley found that his spying device heard less and less of his son's comings and goings and more and more of the Weird Sisters' hit "Dance Like A Hippogriff" on constant repeat. When his last attempt caused the volume of the song to reach nearly deafening levels, Kingsley had to concede that his son had figured it out, and added the Ears to his list once the ringing in his ears stopped.
That brought Kingsley back to the present, and the newest item on his Murtaugh List. He picked up his quill and his Firewhiskey, and after taking a drink, he added "Apparating all over London to catch a criminal." Putting his quill down, Kingsley finished his glass in one swallow, leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and sighed. "I'm getting too old for this shit."