"Oh poor little Ginerva Weasley. Your time is almost up. I'm sorry my precious girl that you will never have a chance with Harry Potter. Your body will be mine soon. Never fear dear girl, I will take good care of it. I will make sure everyone knows your name. Just like you wanted. To be known... You'll be able to hear there screams never fear my sweet child, you will be hated by all. Never fear I will always be there…."
Ginny Weasley a sixth year at Hogwarts school of witch craft and wizardry sat up in a cold sweet clutching her hands to her chest terrified. He was back. Voldemort was back she knew it. She could sense him they had been bonded once. And she could sense him.
Taking deep breathes, that were not calming at all Ginny climbed out of her four poster bed, it was Christmas so no one was in the dorm with her. Only a few people were even left at school. Most people had gone home because of the threat of Voldemort running rampage over the wizarding world. There had been many deaths, even her family had been hit hard by the Dark Lord, her older brother Percy had been killed, as long with his 6th month pregnant wife Penelope. They had been killed the spring before, Penelope was in fact related to the Malfoy's and when she had denied the mark, and Voldemort set to kill her.
Walking into the bathroom and spelling the door locked she ran to the last stall and wedged out a brick in the wall letting it fall cracking the tiles of the floor. She reached into the hole and grasped the one thing in her life that would always be there for her. Her dagger. It had a picture of Serpent on it with wings, on the other side of the dagger hilt held the words that had somehow found them selves there, 'if you love me you'll let me die' Ginny didn't know how they had gotten there but they had. She thought it oddly ironic that those words would fit her life so well.
Pulling off her clothes she threw them to the side and sat a huddled girl in the corner of the last stall cradling her already scared and scratched arm. She sat there looking at the cuts, wondering why she did it, why she couldn't stop. She didn't really care, it was just thoughts that plagued her every night. She ducked her head down letting her red hair fall around her face and her sides. If one were to look in they would see a girl with red hair covering her body nothing else. Ginny knew though, she was something else. She was alone. That's all she was. No one ever cared about her, not after her first year at Hogwarts. Not after Voldemort. No one could ever lover her after being in league with Voldemort against her will.
Tears running freely down her face, heart broken sobs erupted from the broken girls throat she made her first cut on her arm for that night. Blood formed slowly she had realized that the deeper she cut, it took longer for the blood to pool out. She took this as a good sign. And made another gut deeper this time. She needed to get it out. She needed to cut, to get him out of there body, her mind. Everything about him was in her, it made her sick. It made her cut again, and again. It felt as if Ginny would never stop what she was doing she had to cut more and more. She needed to have him bleed out of her.
As Ginny sat there watching the blood flow from her arm. It felt good. It also disgusted her. She knew that Tom would never be gone from her mind. She still had to try. She shuddered as memories of the time she had spent with Tom came to her head….
Tom clutched Ginny's shoulders tightly pushing her against the wall of the Chamber. This was the way that they had bonded. Tom ripped down her pants that she was wearing exposing her underwear that he ripped away too, leaving Ginny exposed in front of him.
"Tom, your hurting me stop please' Ginny cried as Tom shoved her to the ground hard, taking off his own pants and coming down on top of her. Holding her down once again. "Stop!" Ginny screamed as she finally grasped what Tom was going to do. The haze that she was living in finally breaking. She realized then what she had done and all the pain that she had caused.
Tom took no notice of Ginny's cries to stop, he slapped her hard across her face. His teenage hormones coming up full throttle. He didn't care, she was his. Bending down he gave her a bruising kiss. Letting his hands roam over the juvenile girl underneath him. Loving the shivers it brought her. Ginny tried once again to scream for help. That had set Tom off and he kissed her once more before making her his. She bleed, she screamed, she cried for mercy. None of it reached Toms ears, taking something that Ginny would never gain back. The one thing that was hers only. Her virginity this broke Ginny for the first time.
Ginny screamed loudly remembering the pain that she felt. She could still hear his cries of pleasure as he had rammed into her. She could hear his breath in her ear, on her neck. She could feel his hands roaming over her body. She could feel his.. no she wouldn't remember that. It was too late she cut again. The same words that would always be engraved in her thighs, 'slut' and 'whore' they would always be in her legs. She had cut her legs so many times. That was what she was. If she hadn't been so stupid, she wouldn't have been through any of that. It was her fault.
These thoughts would not leave her as she cut more and more. She hated all of this. She wanted it to stop. She needed it to stop. Her screams echoed around the silent room. Her screams of anger and frustration, her screams of fear and loneliness. Her screams of pain as she cut down there… between her legs, trying to cut away anything Tom might have touched. She stopped quickly though. The amount of blood around her made her see stars. Closing her eyes she drifted into the land of unconsciousness.
The next morning around mid-day found Ginny finally turning on the water washing away the blood that surrounded her. Everywhere hurt. She had cut everywhere how far she went last night had really scared her. She shouldn't have but she couldn't help it. She had to get away from him. That was the only way. If she hurt herself No one else could right?
Ginny quickly finished cleaning up. Though not her cuts. She never cleaned them. What was the point? If she made them why not let them be? All she ever did was wash them with soap and a little bit of salt just to make them sting. Taking a deep breath she walked over to the vanity mirror in the main washroom. She stared at her reflection for a little while. Her once happy face was sunken, dark circles surrounded her eyes, once bright blue/green were now so light they were almost white with specks of dying life behind them. Her skin was clear, she had never really had a Sirius problem with acne and such. She had spelled that away when she was a young girl, in first year. She had wanted boys to like her. The evil red dots would never plague her again. Sighing she shook her head. Hating her appearance. Everything about her was ugly. She hated everything about herself.
Shoving away from the table Ginny sulked back into the dorm room. This was the first day of Christmas holidays, she would beeline for the next 3 weeks. Finally alone, with out worrying about other people. Slipping into a pair of track pants (aka jogging pants) and a black sports bra, she stuffed a shirt and a towel into a bag and headed outside into the cold day. Yes it was snowing, and yes she was cold, did she dare put on a jacket? Never. She was the cold, the cold consumed her a long time. She wouldn't let it bother her. It never did. The cold accepted her, and embraced her, never hurt her.
Ginny took time running 5 laps around the Quidditch pitch breaking into a sweat as she finished her 5th lap. She sunk to the ground and did 25 push up and then 35 crunches. Getting up again she did another 3 laps this time running as hard as she could, tears crossing down her face as she tried to work her anger out by physical activity. Quickly Ginny summoned a punching bag, she had gotten one by buying a duffel bang and stuffing it. It wasn't the best one but it worked. And proceeded to beat the hell out of it. For the next hour the shit, punched, spit, and pretty much killed the poor thing. Finally exhausted she banished the objects, picked up her bag and walked towards the frozen lake. She loved the lake when it was frozen it was so beautiful. She walked carefully across the frozen ice onto the other bank, there she laid out her towel onto a large rock that jutted out over the water, she crossed her legs and sat there, marveling at the beauty of it all.
Sighing the red head pulled out her journal, also a muggle thing, and a couple of pens and set to work writing. She loved to write, as well as sing, though she would never tell anyone about either of them. She didn't have to think about it she let the words come flowing out. The words that she could never say aloud.
I'm still here do you hear me
Do you see the tears I'm crying
Care enough to help me
don't' let me bleed and die
Save me help me
don't' let me go
I'm fighting will you do the same
will you fight for me not against me
will you help me not beat me
can you see the tears that I'm crying
the screams that I'm yelling
can you see the pain I'm feelings
see the red lines crisscrossing through my heat
do you see it. at all just a little.
(edit half out)
Misha April 24, 2005
She was breathing hard as she finished the last line, signing her name at the bottom. Smiling at it she stood up levitating it before her to free her hands she sang the words she wrote, the words erupted from with in her. Screaming, singings, whispering the words that were her very being. She was once again crying by the end of it. Knowing that she had written something terrible. Yet oh so very wonderful at the same time.
Ginny walked back to her dorm room by herself, by the time she got there the sun was already setting. She always took a long time writing, it was one of the only ways to get what she felt out, with out cutting herself.
Flopping onto her bed she didn't realize that something was there until she landed on it. "What the fuck?" She said jumping back on high alert. There was a small package sitting on her bed with a letter. Taking out her wand she quickly cast a few revilement charms to see if there were any curses put on it. Nope none. Setting down her wand she jumped up beside the package and read the note first.
I heard you singing. It was beautiful. For such a beautiful girl I leave a token of my gratitude, hoping for an encore tomorrow night.- Dracornis
"Righty then… eh… fuck it you got it babe!" Ginny laughed ripping open the package to see something that made her blood run cold. There was a pendant of a serpent with wings, with blood red rubies for eyes. It seemed to move under her hand. Shocked she dropped it, and it was still again. Being mesmerized by the beautiful piece of jewelry she looped it around her neck, sucking in a deep breath as it rested against her breast bone. It was like a breath of fresh air, it would keep her safe... she knew it.
That night still wondering about the mysterious letter she was sent with her serpent pendant so fell asleep. A small sad smile on her face, she didn't have a single nightmare. She slept soundly with a serpent its self-sleeping above her bed.
I wrote that small part of that song because its what I feel. I'm sorry if my former remarks offended anyone, because that was not my goal at all. Please accept my apology. marauders4ever