Title: Mirror, Mirror
Author: Sapphire Smoke
Beta: BellaRei713
Fandom: Final Fantasy XIII
Rating: M
Pairing(s): Serah/Lumina, Lightning/Serah
Timeline: Post LR
Summary: Serah wanted a mother, a sister, a lover. She still wanted all of those things, but if becoming all of those things for Lumina was the closest she could get to it, then she wasn't going to just toss them aside.
Warning(s): Sibling incest,unhealthy relationships,psychological fuckery, and a whole lot of self-hate.
A/N: Originally this was supposed to be a one shot, but it's gotten fairly long so I've decided to just split it up into parts. I'm estimating about five in total as of right now, and updates will be weekly.
I.
"She's afraid."
Soft lips traced the curvature of Serah's jaw, and the woman's head tilted backwards as she exhaled a quiet breath. The words that were whispered against her skin went ignored, but not unheard. Just the sound of them resonated so deeply within Serah that it felt as though they had carved a hole into the pit of her stomach, and soon everything that she had buried deep inside of her – her guilt, her shame – would come pouring out to stain the carpet below their feet.
In the end though, that was most likely Lumina's goal.
"She thinks she's going crazy," Lumina taunted, trying to garner a reaction as her fingers pulled apart Serah's blouse, her warm palms covering a pair of taut nipples. Serah gasped hard at the feeling, and a wicked smirk crossed Lumina's face as she pondered, "Do you enjoy it? Watching her wake up in the morning confused and distressed, all the while knowing exactly where she's been in the hours she's missed? You must, right? Otherwise you'd tell her…"
"Stop it," Serah demanded, grabbing Lumina's wrist tightly in her hand before pulling her away from her breasts. The girl giggled, having always found something so amusing in the taunting of her sister. Why then, Serah insisted on having this sordid little affair, she didn't know. It was nothing short of masochistic, and yet… she looked like her. She was her. Sort of.
And it was that which bound her to the little demon.
"Please, Lumina," Serah tried, a sense of tiredness behind her tone as she continued to firmly hold the girl's wrist. "Today isn't the day for games."
"Why, because you and Snow got into a big fight?" Lumina questioned with a raised eyebrow, and Serah was so taken aback that she had even known that that her grip slackened, allowing Lumina to pull out of it. The girl took a step backwards and rolled her eyes. "Oh boo-hoo, what a tragedy. Remind me again why you're bothering with him, when all you do is spend your time pining over Lightning like some love-starved stray?"
Serah shot her a glare. "I love Snow, you know that. Stop twisting things to make me look terrible."
Lumina twirled on her heel. "Right, you love him so much that you've postponed the wedding… how many times is it now? Three?" Her gaze met Serah's then, and she grinned like she knew all of her secrets. And she did, which was why Serah hated her. Yet at the same time, the love she held for Claire burned so fiercely inside of her that she couldn't help but project it on this broken image of her sister's youth.
It had become some sort of sickness.
Yet instead of dignifying Lumina's inquiry with a response, Serah countered with a question of her own. "How did you know about what happened between Snow and I today? You weren't around for that."
Lumina looked at her like she was being thick. "I don't sleep, silly. Not like Lightning does." She sauntered over to her then, with so much more sexuality and purpose than someone her physical age should really have, and Serah couldn't find it within herself to stop her when Lumina pressed her palm to her chest, guiding her to sit on the edge of her bed. "She enjoys it, you know; when you two fight. It's her guilty little pleasure, watching your relationship crumble to pieces."
As Lumina straddled her lap, Serah's hand shot out to stop her from getting too close. "You're lying," she accused, but the words got caught in the back of her throat. The possibility of it both hurt and thrilled her, because on one hand she was devastated by the idea of Lightning enjoying her pain, but on the other, a small part of her foolishly hoped that it was because she was jealous. But that was stupid, wasn't it, because Serah knew her sister; she knew Lightning could never look at her in that way. She loved her too much to taint it with something as dark as this.
Lumina cocked her head to the side and grinned. "Am I? I could be. After all, it is fun to watch you get all riled up…" She leaned in for a kiss then, but Serah scowled and pushed her away as she turned her head. Lumina's expression suddenly crumbled.
"I already told you once that I wasn't in the mood for this today," Serah reprimanded, trying not to focus on how she sometimes used her 'teacher voice' with the girl atop her. It really made the situation all the more vile, because it really put into factor the difference in their maturity. "Just go to your room until Lightning wakes up. I have work in the morning and I need to sleep."
"What? No," Lumina protested, pouting as she scrambled for Serah's attentions. "I was only teasing, Serah; don't send me away. It's boring in there!"
"Then maybe you should have thought of that before you deliberately pushed me. You know I don't like when you do that."
"I'll be good, I promise!" Lumina pleaded, reaching out to lightly brush her fingers across the curvature of Serah's jaw, coaxing her gaze back to her. "Come on, sis," she tried, her voice taking on a sickly sweet tone that was nothing like how she usually spoke to her. But Lumina knew her weaknesses, knew Serah had a hard time pushing her away when she sounded like she cared, because that was all she wanted from Lightning; this kind of attention, this kind of love and devotion. Lumina's thumb dusked her bottom lip as she cradled her sister's face in her hand, bringing their mouths just a hair's width apart.
"Don't be a spoil-sport," she breathed, the words tickling Serah's lips as she herself pouted in protest. "I know you need me; you always need me whenever you fight with Snow. I can make it better…"
She really couldn't, and yet Serah didn't know how to stop her when Lumina allowed her lips to press gently against her own. Nothing could make it better; she was destroying a relationship she was perfectly content with due to her twisted infatuation with her own sister; betraying Snow almost daily as she bedded a mirror image of the woman that she loved. Nothing about this was alright, and yet Serah had sunk too deeply into the fantasy that she no longer knew how to escape it. She knew Lumina wasn't real; she was barely a whole person, only bits and pieces of Claire being manifested into this teenage nightmare that Serah couldn't find it within herself to let go of.
Because this Claire… this one craved her touch, her love, her attention. Lumina might have the tendency to be cruel, but there was also another side of her that had grown attached to the kind of love and adoration that Serah was able to give her. It was why she obeyed her; at least most of the time. Lumina not only found an older sister in Serah, but she also found a sort of mother figure. Which was incredibly disturbing in and of itself, because it made Serah realize that she was acting out some kind of backwards fantasy; it was making real all the times she laid in bed at Lumina's age, wishing Lightning would take care of her the way she was taking care of Lumina now. Serah wanted a mother, a sister, a lover. She still wanted all of those things, but if becoming all of those things for Lumina was the closest she could get to it, then she wasn't going to just toss it aside. She needed it, needed her; it was all she had ever thought about for years.
The entire situation was utterly depraved; so much so that she could barely look her own sister in the eyes anymore. Yet Lumina's touch was like a drug to her, and it was as though she fell into it now without any conscious thought, as suddenly she was on her back as lips were placed gently along her inner thigh. And she knew she should feel disgusted with herself, looking downwards as her gaze connected with Lumina's wide, innocent eyes. But it was all an act, she reasoned with herself, because Lumina might look young, but she was far from innocent. She just liked playing that way, because she had realized that it was one of Serah's darkest desires. When she was her age, she had often touched herself to the thought of kneeling between her sister's legs, looking up at her with excitement and trepidation before begging to be taught how to please her.
What do you want me to do to you? I'll do anything, Claire. I want to make you feel good, just teach me how…
The thought of it caused a hot wave of shame to roll up Serah's spine, and she had to cover her face as Lumina gently removed her underwear. Why, why was she doing this? There was something so wrong with her; something sick, something broken…
"Tell me," Lumina coaxed softly, her nails lightly raking up the inside of Serah's thigh. The girl's wanton gaze twisted her stomach into knots, a small flutter of excitement rushing downwards to settle between her legs. Maker, she shouldn't want this… "Tell me what you want me to do. I can be good for you, sis, just tell me how…"
It was disturbing, how well Lumina could read her; maybe even more than what was happening at that moment.
Lumina's words had thrown her into this mirrored projection of a long time fantasy, and Serah groaned as she felt herself tighten with need. The girl between her thighs grinned, having watched her sister's muscles contract from only her words, and she allowed her fingers to gently dust over Serah's most intimate area. The touch caused the woman to shudder and fist the sheets, and Lumina bit back a smirk before placing her lips against the inside of Serah's knee.
"Teach me how to make you come, Serah…"
Lumina had known perfectly well what made her come by now, and yet Serah fed into the lie as her mind clouded and her body was set ablaze. "Kiss me," she instructed, her fingers sliding past a small patch of hair and into slick, wet heat. "Here. Gently, Lumina…"
It made it so much better, in a way, to feel as though she were corrupting Lumina, exactly in the way that she herself ached to be corrupted. By now it was all a lie, Lumina having been bedding her for the better part of the last few months, but it was a lie Serah could immerse herself in, because she constantly told herself that it wasn't real. It was how she justified it, despite knowing that she was just grasping at straws. If she hadn't been, then she wouldn't erupt in this fierce sense of shame and self-disgust every time she met Lightning's eye.
It was almost unbearable, and she and Lightning's relationship had suffered for it. Serah would avoid her at all costs, only making herself available at the times Lumina was around, because that was the only version of Claire that knew, that accepted, that immersed herself in Serah's depravity. But she missed her, devastatingly so; Serah missed just hanging out with her big sister, talking about nothing and everything and laughing at the most stupid of things. But now, every time she looked at Lightning, she had this overwhelming feeling of guilt. She felt like in a way, she was betraying her by being with Lumina; possibly even taking advantage of her, because despite having Lumina's consent, they still shared a body. They both couldn't exist at the same time; not anymore.
Serah wished she knew why, but at the same time, didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so she didn't ask questions. She just accepted it as something that was happening now, because it was she who was benefiting the most from it.
A sharp gasp ripped its way past Serah's lips as Lumina suddenly went from gentle, to an all-out assault on her clitoris, causing the older girl's back to arch and her palm to slam heavily against the headboard of her bed. Throwing one of her arms over her eyes, Serah panted out her approval as she tried, desperately, to not think about why this was so much better than when she slept with Snow. A part of her hoped that it was simply because she was gay, but deep down she knew, she knew that it was because it was wrong. It was Lumina, a part of Lightning, and it was so goddamn wrong.
Serah's demand for Lumina to kiss her was breathless and desperate, her fingers wrapping around the girl's arm as she practically pulled her towards her. When their lips collided Serah could taste herself on Lumina's tongue, and she devoured her mouth with renewed vigor as she began tearing at the girl's clothing. The rest of her own were removed just as quickly, before suddenly Serah cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure, Lumina having sunk her teeth into the base of her neck.
Apparently, she had grown tired of playing innocent.
Serah's fingers dug into supple flesh, her nails just barely piercing the skin as she guided Lumina's sex against her own. They ground into each other, their pelvic bones pressing hard enough to cause bruises, and Serah watched as pleasure etched itself across Lumina's face and she breathed out a quiet, needy, "Fuck…"
"No," Serah demanded, her chest heaving and her cheeks turning a deep crimson. "Don't. Don't swear."
"Why, because you think your precious Lightning wouldn't?" Lumina demanded, her tone sharp as a razor as a flicker of anger showed behind her deep blue eyes. Serah's chest constricted, knowing this was dangerous territory to find herself falling into.
Lumina wasn't stupid; she knew Serah fucked her for the sole reason that she was but a mere shadow of the woman she fell in love with as a girl, but that didn't mean she was entirely happy with it either. There were times when she gladly reaped the advantages of it, but then there were others where she almost acted as though she were jealous of Serah's unhealthy little obsession with her older sister. Lumina was still a child though, still dominated by her uncontrollable emotions, and while she wasn't an entirely whole person, she was whole enough to feel used. And she was being used, but at the same time, it was still far more complicated than just that. Serah had grown attached, seeing parts of her sister that she thought were long dead, and thus feared upsetting Lumina because she couldn't bear for her to leave her.
"No," Serah lied, although that was entirely the reason why. Lightning, she just… didn't seem like the type. Not as she was now, anyway. Reaching up, she cupped Lumina's cheek, allowing her thumb to lightly dusk her bottom lip. "You know I just like you innocent, Lumina, so can you be that for me…? You asked me what I wanted you to do before and that— that's just what I need right now."
Lumina looked down at her, and Serah wished she could read her expression, but for the life of her, she just didn't know how; it was too conflicted. And then Lumina moved her hips; slowly, purposefully, causing Serah to grasp the bed sheets and let out a shallow moan. So she thought she had convinced her, thought it was over, but then Lumina opened her mouth again.
"You don't know her," she accused, and although the words probably weren't meant to be that harsh, they still hit Serah like a punch in the gut, because she thought she knew Lightning better than anybody. "I see her, I see what she does at night; hear what she says at night, when she thinks she's alone. She hasn't changed, cause we're still the same, you know; her and I, no matter how much she tries to pretend otherwise."
Serah tried to speak, but Lumina wouldn't let her. The girl was breathing heavily herself, but whatever was driving her was keeping her pleasure at bay until she was ready to really feel it. Serah, on the other hand, wasn't dictating the pacing or pressure at all, and so Lumina had her completely at her mercy as she made every nerve ending in her body spark to life and alight with a roaring fire. And so instead of words, the only thing that escaped Serah's lips was a pleading moan, as she grasped for Lumina's hips and begged the girl with her eyes to just leave it be.
But she didn't. Instead she shot her a wicked grin and leaned down, pressing her lips to the edge of Serah's cheek.
"She bites the skin on the back of her hand, you know," Lumina breathed into her ear, the quiet words causing a noticeable shiver to run down Serah's spine. "Right before she comes, right after she swears… and says someone's name."
Serah's eyes widened as suddenly a fierce sense of jealousy and despair washed through her body. She didn't—she hadn't thought Lightning was interested in anyone, and it had made it easier in a way; easier than watching her parade around with some unworthy person on her arm. Because Serah didn't care who they were, she just knew they weren't good enough for her sister; they couldn't be, not like… not like she would be…
"Stop it!" Serah demanded furiously, hitting Lumina's shoulder hard enough to cause the girl to sit up on her. She didn't want to think about that; she didn't want to even fathom that it was true, and so she rapidly convinced herself that Lumina was lying to her just to get a rise out of her. "I wasn't trying to hurt you before, so why are you doing this to me now?"
"What?" Lumina asked innocently, tilting her head to the side as she looked down at her. But even through the façade, Serah could see the hint of cruelty behind her eyes; she was doing this on purpose. "You don't want to know who it is? It could be you…"
"Don't insult me," Serah snapped, out of breath and suddenly furious as she tried to push Lumina off of her. But while the girl might be smaller in stature, she still had the upper hand from being on top; and with gravity on her side, Lumina was able to push Serah right back down again and pin her wrists to the bed.
"No, I'm not done!" she cried, almost sounding like she was throwing a damn tantrum over possibly being denied an orgasm. But that wasn't it at all. "I want to fuck you, Serah; I want to be good for you, not her! You should love me; you should love me!"
Serah's eyes widened, her heart constricting in her chest as the anger she felt made way to panic. She hadn't wanted to upset Lumina this badly, and out of fear that the girl would end things if she didn't make it right, Serah grasped for her. "Shhh, shhh," she hushed her. "I do—of course I love you. I have never lied to you about that. I would never."
A wave of emotions passed over Lumina's face as she pursed her lips and looked down at her. Serah should have expected this; Lumina was entirely made up of all the things Lightning didn't like about herself, so much that it made the girl's personality seem very erratic. Claire's ability to handle her own emotions, to deal with them in a mature way, had stayed with Lightning, and thus Lumina had no way to stop herself; once she felt something, she expressed it. She didn't know how to do anything else.
"Do you promise?" she asked softly, her voice suddenly sounding much more hesitant and childlike.
Serah's lips upturned into a sympathetic smile as she brushed a few strands of hair away from Lumina's eyes. "I promise," she responded softly, because she did. Despite what it was that attached her to Lumina, it didn't change the fact that she loved her sister; because that's what Lumina was. She might be a broken, mirrored image of Claire, but she was still her, and Serah had enough love in her heart for both sides of her sister.
Weaving their fingers together, Serah coaxed her down with a whispered, "Come here." Lumina came to her, and Serah encouraged her to roll over so that it was Lumina who now was on her back, the older Farron hovering over her lithe form. "I'll show you," Serah promised, her lips brushing over the expanse of the girl's chest, then downwards to nip at the skin around her bellybutton. "I'll show you how much I love you. I'll show you how much I appreciate you."
Gently sliding Lumina's knee towards the ceiling, Serah placed the girl's leg over her shoulder and kissed the inside of her thigh. As her fingers trailed further downwards, Serah's gaze flickered from Lumina's face to the apex between her thighs. She often wondered if Lumina was a perfect duplicate of Lightning, albeit a younger one in the midst of puberty. Her breasts were most certainly smaller, and her stature much shorter, but from what Serah could remember, Lumina looked startlingly similar to how Lightning did when she was that age. So she couldn't help but wonder if… other things were relatively the same as well.
She hoped so. After all, this was the closest she was ever going to get.
As Serah leaned over her, she took Lumina's leg with her until it was almost stretched to its capacity. The girl below her exhaled a soft whimper as Serah entered her with two fingers, groaning herself at how tight she still was. She kept her eyes trained on Lumina's face, watching as her movements inside of her caused the girl's eyelashes to flutter and her pupils to dilate. Lumina's breathing was raw and shallow as Serah rubbed tenderly against the sensitive spot inside of her, just enough to tease her slowly and gently towards the edge.
Usually whenever she was inside of her, Serah took the girl roughly and without any precedence. Lumina was like an animal in bed; one that spent their life in a cage and was finally tasting the freedom of release. Which Serah supposed she understood, as Lightning tried to suffocate the life out of her long ago; she kept her hidden and contained, just waiting for her to die on her own. But she hadn't. Bhunivelze had ripped the girl completely from the prison Lightning had kept her in, finally giving Lumina chance to breathe and the freedom to express everything that made her her.
Serah had to wonder if Lumina was the reason she never saw her sister get involved with anyone. She wondered if this side of her was just another thing that Lightning hated about herself; because it distracted her, because it wasn't practical, because it was wild and unpredictable. The more Serah thought on it, the more she realized that it would make a lot of sense if that was the case, because sex and love really did seem like something Lightning would throw away under the guise of maturity and responsibility. Lightning liked things simple, and emotional entanglements like this were anything but.
Still, for all of Lumina's passion, for once it didn't seem as though she desired for Serah to practically violate her in any way she saw fit. Instead she allowed her sister to fuck her slowly, purposefully, as she stared into identical blue eyes. The only sound in the room was erratic, labored breaths, and it seemed as though the silence otherwise had enveloped them. Lumina was waiting, curiosity in her eyes as she awaited Serah's next move. This shift between them was completely unprecedented.
"You were my first," Serah told her softly, still moving her fingers inside the other girl's body; twisting them just enough that they caused Lumina's breath to hitch in the back of her throat. "My first fantasy. Did you know that…?"
Lumina's eyes clouded over. "She—"
"No," Serah interrupted, needing the girl beneath her to understand. "I was twelve, Lumina. I barely—" knew what I was doing, "but when I… what I thought of; it was you."
A small whimper got caught in the back of Lumina's throat as Serah put just a little more pressure on her G spot, still coaxing her ever so slowly towards the edge. The girl's lashes fluttered as she sucked in a sharp breath, trying to fight the haze in her mind so she could formulate a response. When her eyes finally found their focus, Lumina stared up at Serah, her lips gently parted in surprise as she did the math on that.
"She looked like… me, then."
"No," Serah corrected, needing Lumina to stop differentiating; maybe to even stop differentiating herself, as it was only making things harder on the both of them. Her breath tickled the younger girl's lips as she leaned in, putting more pressure on her hand as she made every thrust firmer now; dedicated, purposeful. "You looked like you. You're a part of her, aren't you? Your name is Claire Farron, and you're my sister. You're my sister and I love you."
"I'm… not even real," Lumina gasped out, her fingers digging into Serah's flesh as the sensations Serah was giving her made her involuntarily shudder. "I'm not whole, not even a person. She won't let me be, because she doesn't love me; she doesn't want me." A small tear formed at the corner of Lumina's eye, and with one blink it was running down the contour of her cheek. "I wanna be real, Serah... why isn't it my turn yet?"
Serah's chest constricted at the sight. It broke her heart, to see what her sister was doing to herself. She threw away all of the parts of her that couldn't even function on their own. Lumina had no discipline, no restraint, no maturity. She was stuck with everything and anything that Lightning hated, making her entire being nothing more than a badly stitched together patchwork doll. For Lumina to be real, Lightning had to accept her back into her heart, and then they would finally both be made whole.
But how? Serah had believed that Lightning had done so before, but Lumina's presence here was indication enough that she hadn't. At least, not fully; as now the girl was still tethered to Lightning, sharing a body with her instead of separating completely. Serah wished she knew what it was that caused Lightning to have second thoughts about needing that part of herself back, but for now all she could do was try to comfort the part of her sister that feared, that longed, that cried.
"You're real to me," Serah told her passionately, cupping Lumina's cheek with her free hand as she dragged her thumb across the girl's bottom lip, staring deep into her eyes. "And I promise you, even if Lightning never wants you, I always will." Emotion choked up Serah's voice then, but she continued, because Lumina had to know. "I know you… I know you get mad sometimes, about how much I love her, but what you don't understand is that I've always loved her; long before she tried to hide you away. I love all of my sister, all of Claire, and that includes you, Lumina. I will always cherish you."
Lumina's breathing was still shallow, Serah having refused to stop showing her the meaning behind her words. Her eyes were still watery, but no more tears fell as she blinked a few times, taking a shuddered inhale of breath as uncertainty and fear shown behind her gaze. "So I'm not bad?" she asked softly, sounding so much like the self-conscious child Lightning hated having once been.
"No," Serah assured her strongly, despite feeling as though her heart was cracking straight down the middle. "No, sweetheart; you're not bad. Just because Lightning can't understand why she needs you, doesn't make you something awful. You and her, you're both perfect… just the way you are. I'm just sorry she can't see that."
Serah gave her a soft, sympathetic smile before she leaned down, covering Lumina's lips with her own. It destroyed her inside, to have realized how unwanted Lumina felt. It honestly made Serah feel terrible, because she had spent so much of her time fantasizing over the Claire that was older, that she remembered growing up and falling in love with, that she kept looking at Lumina like she was some cheap copy. But she wasn't, because she was part of the reason.
She was there at first, tethered to Claire when Serah had first realized that she loved her sister more than she probably should. But over the years, Lightning's suffocation of Lumina had almost made Serah forget that she even existed. But she could see it now; could see her sister's vulnerability and her fear behind her crystal blue eyes, could taste her desperation for acceptance and her touch that craved to be loved. Serah could feel it all; everything Lightning deemed to be weakness, and it broke her heart because it was this part of her sister that Serah first fell in love with. Lightning… she admired her, idealized her and fantasized about her, but Lumina's gentle smiles and playful disposition was what drew Serah to her sister in the first place.
The realization was almost enough for Serah to ache for Lightning to accept Lumina back into her heart, to become the person she was always meant to be, but then where would that leave her? It was selfish; awful and selfish and terrible, but Serah didn't want to be left alone. She feared Lumina was only with her because she was the part of Lightning that was impulsive, irrational, and blatantly sexual. She didn't feel guilt, or any sense of moral wrongness in doing this with her own sister. But Lightning… Lightning would.
And Serah couldn't take that chance. Lumina was all that she had; she couldn't lose her.
Tiny beads of sweat began to litter Serah's brow as she straddled one of Lumina's legs, pushing her thigh up against her hand as she fucked her deeper, harder, faster; the movement causing her center to grind against the girl's supple flesh. It sent sparks to every nerve ending in her body and as she devoured Lumina's mouth, stealing her desperate pleas for release, for love, storing them deep within her heart while promising herself that she would always give them to her, because Lumina truly did deserve them just as much as Lightning did.
She was saying her name. The sound was muffled and broken, but Serah felt it etch against her lips as Lumina grasped for her, the movement clumsy and desperate as her nails left red marks on the skin of her back. And all Serah could do was choke up, finding something so perfect in this moment that it made her feel so terribly guilty. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she panted against Lumina's lips, unable to say anything but that, for it was all she felt. The girl probably believed she was still talking about Lightning's rejection of her, but she wasn't; it was her own.
I'm sorry I never appreciated you. I'm sorry I didn't think you were enough.
Lumina tore her mouth away as her back began to arch, a cry of pleasure falling from her lips as her eyes suddenly flung open. "Serah!" she gasped, but it sounded almost fearful, apologetic, and frantic. "She's coming…!"
Suddenly, Serah couldn't move; she couldn't even breathe. But it didn't matter, because Lumina didn't need her to keep going, as she was already there. She came with a shout, and as she fell back to the bed, she struggled through her haze to push her sister's shoulder with the little strength she had. "Run," she told her breathlessly, before something inky and black began to surround her body.
Serah flew off the bed in an instant, nearly tripping over her own two feet as her body was dealt a nasty shock from the sudden change in emotions. She didn't know where she was running to, she just knew she had to get out of there before Lightning came to and realized she had just been fucking her own sister. The world blurred around her as Serah stumbled into the first room she could find, closing and locking the door behind her before she leaned against it, pressed her hand to her mouth, and let out a strangled sob.
She was going to know. Lightning was going to know, and then everything was going to come crumbling down; and Maker, Serah didn't know what to do.
[x]
Lightning Farron did not panic. She had been through extensive military training where she was taught to analyze even the most strenuous of situations with a level head in order to figure out her next move. However, no amount of training would have ever prepared her for what she awoke to, and now Lightning was having trouble even taking her next breath, let alone trying to think of how she got into this situation or how to get out of it unnoticed.
She was completely naked on Serah's bed, covered in sweat and other bodily fluids that Lightning prayed was just her own. But she was alone, which Lightning wished gave her some semblance of comfort – as perhaps she had just masturbated on her sister's bed – but even that thought revealed a whole other set of problems and fears that threatened to crush her whole, because clearly these black outs she'd been having were robbing her of her impulse control, and that was dangerous.
Maker, if she had hurt Serah…
Lightning felt her throat constrict at the thought, so hard that it shot pain all the way down her esophagus. Scrambling out of the bed, Lightning wished she had time to analyze her surroundings to try to figure out what had happened, but she was so fearful of Serah finding her in there in her current state – if the girl wasn't painfully aware of it already – that she could think of nothing else but slipping out unnoticed. She wouldn't know how to explain it if Serah caught her; she barely understood it herself.
Her legs felt weak as Lightning quickly made her way to the threshold of her sister's door. It was wide open; which either meant Serah got away from whatever she was doing to her, or in her blacked out stupidity, Lightning hadn't cared about masturbating where anyone could walk by and see. She prayed it was the latter. After taking a deep breath and willing herself to calm down, at least for a second, Lightning peeked her head out from around the corner. The hallway was completely empty, but there was a singular light on in the bathroom, and Lightning was certain she could hear the shower running.
That was either a really good sign, as Serah took fairly long showers and perhaps never knew what Lightning was doing; or a really terrible one, and now her sister was washing off the traces of whatever she had forced on her.
Lightning felt sick.
Forcing down her bile, Lightning fled from her sister's room and into her own, closing the door behind her before she frantically searched for clothes. She didn't know what to do, but she knew she had to somehow find out what happened. Her vision was blurring as she threw on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of low cut shorts, and Lightning had to remind herself to breathe before she ended up passing out. But it wasn't working, and suddenly Lightning felt her knees give out as she collapsed in a ball on the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks as she prayed to any God that was left that she hadn't done something unfathomable to her baby sister.
Lightning knew she was sick; she had known it from a very young age when she accidently walked in on Serah in the bathtub and couldn't get the image of her sister's naked body out of her head for weeks. She had thought she would grow out of it, but she hadn't; if anything, her infatuation only grew with time. It sickened her, but no matter how often she tried to lay her focus on something or someone else, Lightning couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to be allowed to touch her. It was something she had learned to suppress though; to ignore, save the times few and far between that she would finally give into the fantasy, and come by her own hand with Serah's name on her lips. But it was only supposed to curb her desire, not fuel it. But now… with the black outs she had been having lately, Lightning was afraid that she had lost all sense of self control, and that—that was so dangerous for Serah, because all Lightning had ever wanted was her.
Serah was, and always would be, her one and only focus in this world.
It took a few minutes for Lightning to pull herself together, but when she finally stood she reminded herself that the most important thing right now was Serah, and seeing if she was okay. No matter what had or hadn't happened, Lightning had to know that she hadn't scarred her sister for the rest of her young life. Serah's wellbeing came first; everything else could wait.
Sucking in a shaky breath, Lightning steeled her resolve, and exited her bedroom.
The bathroom door opened at nearly the same time, startling both of the Farron sisters so badly that Lightning noticeably jumped and Serah shrieked, clutching her towel to her form as her back collided with the threshold. Both of them just stared at each other, unmoving and unspeaking, until Serah forcefully looked away and asked her in an odd tone, "What… what are you still doing up?"
"I…" Lightning tried, wishing she could read her sister's expression, but unable to do so for the life of her. It'd been like that lately though, with the two of them drifting farther and farther apart. Lightning wished she knew why, but at the same time, was terrified of the answer given her current condition. "I just… wanted to see if you were alright."
"Why wouldn't I be?" Serah countered, but her voice still held that funny tone that set off warning bells in Lightning's head. Serah was clearly hiding something, but Lightning also knew that she had gotten into a pretty nasty fight with Snow earlier today, so for all she knew, it could be about that.
She prayed it was about that.
"There's just…" Lightning began, but found she couldn't continue. She wanted to tell Serah what was going on; confide in her that she could no longer remember significant chunks of her day and she was terrified of what she did during those time periods, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, she gently grasped her sister's wrist and looked her imploringly. "You would… tell me though, if something was wrong? Because the last thing I want is to see you hurt, Serah."
Panic briefly showed behind her sister's eyes, and Lightning felt her stomach drop as she hastily let go of her, fearing that it was her who had caused such a reaction. But maybe it wasn't, because Serah's gaze dropped to the floor, and the words that fell from her lips weren't about her at all. "It's—it's nothing," Serah tried to assure her, even though the way she said it made it sound like it was everything. "Snow and I are just fighting, that's all."
Lightning released a breath of air she hadn't realized she had been holding, a wave of relief washing down her spine. So it wasn't about her, which meant she definitely didn't do anything to Serah, and it was unlikely that Serah had seen what she had done in her bed. Even though Lightning, by all rational reasoning, was still terrified about what was going on with her and why, that at least lifted a huge weight off of her chest.
"Oh," Lightning responded, even though she already knew that much; she had heard them screaming at one another on the porch this morning. From what she overheard, Snow was convinced that Serah was postponing the wedding for the umpteenth time because she was cheating on him, which had apparently insulted and infuriated her sister to no end. "Do you… want to talk about it?"
Lightning knew what the answer would be before she even asked, however.
"No, it's… I'll be fine," Serah assured her, feigning a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Serah never wanted to talk with her, not anymore. Lightning couldn't even remember the last time they had been around each other for more than five minutes. "Besides, it's late, and I have work in the morning."
Lightning tried to suppress her disappoint, as perhaps it was best that they didn't talk right now. She was still pretty shaken up about what had happened, but still… she hated that Serah felt like she couldn't talk to her anymore. And if she didn't know any better, she would be afraid that her sister was constantly going out of her way to avoid her. But maybe that was stupid, because Serah had a lot of things going on in her life; she was an adult now, and her world no longer revolved around Lightning.
So instead of trying to get her to stay, Lightning just gave her a short nod and relented, "Alright. Goodnight, Serah."
But after Serah had said her goodnight and turned towards her room, Lightning exhaled a quiet gasp at the image she was confronted with. Serah whipped around, clutching the towel to her chest as she demanded, "What?" sounding completely terrified all of a sudden.
"Your back."
It was covered in fresh scratch marks, and as Serah turned around to look at her backside in the hall mirror, her face noticeably paled. "That's… uh. I-I mean, that's probably just…"
"Who did that to you?" Lightning demanded, wishing her voice wasn't shaking and that she didn't feel like she was going to vomit. Because even though logic indicated that whoever it was, it couldn't have been her – as Serah most certainly would have been acting much differently than this if she had raped her not an hour previously – Lightning was still irrationally terrified that it was of her own doing.
"I was just… hiking in the woods earlier, and I guess maybe some of the branches—"
"Serah." Lightning knew she was being lied to, and Serah had to avert her gaze as a fresh blush crept across her cheeks. She looked ashamed of herself.
"It was… Snow, okay?" she forced herself to get out, her hand clutching the towel to her body so tightly now that her knuckles flashed white. "And it was consensual so don't—please don't yell at him for it or anything. If it's anyone's fault, it's my own; I asked him to do it."
The mental image of that made Lightning want to punch a hole clear through the wall, but she kept herself still because it didn't matter; Serah was still lying to her. She could hear it in her tone. Still, if it had been her, it didn't make sense that Serah would lie to her and cover it up, regardless of if Lightning remembered doing it or not. So the woman just eyed her sister suspiciously, and silence washed between the two Farron women for a moment.
"Serah," Lightning began softly, hesitantly. "Are you cheating on Snow?"
Serah clenched her jaw, but she never gave Lightning the answer she wanted to hear. In fact, she didn't give Lightning an answer at all. Instead she turned back towards her room, and reiterated, "It's late. I need to sleep."
And then she disappeared into her room, practically slamming the door closed in her wake, and Lightning exhaled a heavy breath as she slumped against the wall. Either that was a yes, she had been cheating on Snow, or that was an indication that Serah was now furious with her for even daring to think that it was a possibility. Lightning doubted she'd ever get a straight answer either, as it wasn't as though Serah was telling her any of her secrets anymore. That time had long passed.
Lightning closed her eyes momentarily though, and tried to push that out of her mind. Right now, what was going on with Serah wasn't the important thing, as thankfully she wasn't severely damaged by whatever was going on in her life at the moment. Lightning, however, was. And should she ever hope to trust herself around Serah again, she needed to find out what was happening to her, and how to make it stop.
Otherwise, the next time this happened, it could be far worse than just masturbating in her sister's bed.
TBC…