The television was turned on. Static at first, then a black screen before showing trees.
"What are you doing, love?"
"Hm? Oh, I'm testing out the camera I got for Christmas. I don't want to miss this."
Alfred's face came into view and he smiled into the camera, then he breathed on it and wiped the lens off with his sleeve. The world blurred after, then focused on
me. I yelped and ran from the lens, holding my hands to my face.
"You git! Don't record me!"
"Come on! Just do it! Please? I want to keep it on record before you change your mind!"
I sighed and lowered my hands so I was looking at the camera, then I dropped them to my sides and I gave a nervous smile.
"Okay, now say it!"
"I don't want to! Not on camera!"
"Please? Just once?"
"I said it once before you turned the camera on."
I gave him a look of faux-innocence.
"Arth uurr!"
"Don't whine!"
"Then say it!"
"Fine! Gosh…."
I took a deep breath, cheeks a bright red as I prepped myself up to say the words recorded. The camera moved closer and I laughed nervously, covering my smile
with the grey sleeves of Alfred's jacket I was wearing. It was so big on me.
"I, Arthur Kirkland, have agreed to sign away my life and soul to marry you, Mr. Alfred F. Jones, and give my love, both physically and emotionally, to you and
only you. No matter how stupid you can be sometimes."
Alfred began laughing and I laughed with him, then he picked me up and spun me around, holding the camera out to show us sharing a soft, slow kiss before the
scene flickered to show the kitchen of our house.
"And this is the- oh, Alfred, you took out that bloody camera again?"
"What? I wanted to document this. Actually, I'm planning on documenting any and all special occasions from now on!"
"Ha! Let's see how long that lasts!"
"Shut up, dude. C'mon, let's go see upstairs."
"Hmm, okay. Let's go."
"You be in front, I'll follow behind."
"Fine, fine…"
We walked up the steps quietly, and the camera zoomed on my lower half. Alfred snickered, but I apparently didn't hear him. We reached the top.
"Oh, look, the bathroom is so nice!"
"Whoa, there's so many rooms up here!"
"Yeah, you're right. We can probably sleep in that one down there… And we can use the one beside that for our work and the computer. This one can be
your work-out area."
"How about this one? It's really big and really bright in here. We don't need to store anything do we?"
"No, we don't. Hey, look, the back there has a stork painted on it."
"This must have been a child's room…"
The camera turned to me, who was leaning against the doorframe with a thoughtful expression. I looked at the camera, then Alfred, then back at the camera.
"Arthur…"
"Hmm?"
"Do you want to have a baby?"
My brows rose and I blinked at Alfred, then I looked back at the room and smiled. After a few silent seconds, I turned back to the camera and nodded.
"Yeah… Yeah I do."
"Yeah?"
"Do you?"
"'Course. With you, definitely…"
"Well then, let's make a baby…"
"Yeah… Okay…"
He moved closer to me and the camera dropped and filmed the door at the end of the hall upside down. The sound of us kissing could be heard. The scene changes
again, showing a beautiful, healthy blond woman. She smiles at the camera, but she looks a little nervous.
"Your name, please?"
"Angelina Robins."
"And what's your age?"
"Twenty-eight."
"Okay, any… any genetic diseases? Cancer?"
"No, sir. Well, there's stubbornness."
Alfred laughed softly.
"That would be in the family either way. Okay, and you don't have any diseases? STD's?"
"Nope. I even got tested before I came. And six months before. I'm clean."
She handed over her papers, and Alfred took them.
"Good, good. So… you're okay with doing this? I'm sure Arthur will have more questions when he gets home…"
"Of course, of course."
"Wonderful. Oh, I think Arthur's home."
The scene changed once more and it showed the woman lying on a bed with her legs propped up in a hospital. She was smiling and waving at the camera, and the
doctor between her legs rolled his eyes.
"Oh, I don't know how to work this bloody thing."
"Just point it, its recording."
"Really? Oh, I suppose it is. Thank you, Angelina."
"Mhm."
"Alright, you two, I'm going to put the sperm in now."
"Are you excited?"
"Yeah, I just wish Alfred were here to see this. He's so excited about having a child…"
"Well I hope you are too!"
"I am!"
"Good. I don't want this child to grow up in a br-OH! D-doctor how about a warning first?"
I begun laughing, and the doctor glanced at me, then continued to do his job. Angelina took in a deep breath and let her head fall back, trying to stay relaxed as she
was inseminated. When the deed was done, the doctor stood.
"Just rest for a while for the sperm to take."
"Okay."
The doctor left, leaving me and Angelina alone.
"Does it feel weird?"
"It feels like I just had very unsatisfactory sex, if that's what you mean."
"Haha, no, I meant… oh nevermind."
I sat beside her and she smiled at me.
"Angelina?"
"Yes, Arthur?"
"Thank you. For doing this, I mean. It… really means a lot to us."
"I know it does. I'm happy I can help you two out. You seem like a sweet couple."
"Thank you."
She stopped smiling and she gave me a worried look.
"Arthur, are you okay?"
"Y-yeah, I'm just…. Just happy…"
The sound of me sniffing and sobbing softly was registered.
"Come here."
"W-what?"
"Come here and hug me."
"…. Okay…"
The scene changed once more, briefly showing Angelina sitting on the porch bench, her mid-section distended, Alfred's soft laughter could be heard. Angelina turns
her head towards the camera and smiles, running her hand over our son.
The scene changes again, showing Angelina sleeping in the hospital bed, the sound of a heart monitor beeping in the background. The camera turns to show me
sleeping in one of the chairs, then turns once more to show the baby in Alfred's arms.
"His name is Peter. Peter Kirkland-Jones. And he's beautiful."
"Mmm… Alfred…"
"Yes? What's up, baby?"
"C'mere…."
"What is it, Artie?"
The camera moved closer to me, then was pulled away and settled on the armrest of the far chair, showing Alfred bending down with the baby cradled in his arms
and me still curled up in the chair, gripping Alfred's jacket and pulling him closer. We kissed softly, and my arms wrapped around his neck. When we pulled away,
Alfred smiled at me.
"Happy, Artie?"
"Mmm…."
"Is that a yes?"
"Mhm…"
"Want to hold your son?"
"Mm-mm…"
"Why not?"
"Artie?"
"Mhm…"
My arms expanded for the child, and Alfred chuckled and allowed me to hold Peter. I pulled the baby to my chest, getting a soft whine from him, but he stayed
sleeping. Alfred laughed softly and stood up straight, grabbing the camera and filming me sleeping with the baby lying on my chest. If Angelina wasn't there, it
could've looked like I had given birth myself.
"Good night, Artie. Good night, Peter."
The scene changed, showing me walking around the house in a rush with a crying Peter on my hip. He looks a year old now.
"Alfred, where's the formula?"
"It's in the fridge, Artie."
"Formula…. Formula…."
"Find it?"
"Aha! Yes! Okay, Peter, open up…. There we go… good boy…"
"He's not a dog!"
"Oh shut up, git!"
"Don't call me that."
"What?"
"Dammit, Artie, what is it?"
"I love you."
"Huh?"
"I love you. Just making sure you know."
I stepped out of the kitchen and walked away. The camera stayed on for a while, and Alfred laughs softly.
"Love you too, Artie!"
The image flickers, then shows me running in and out of a room with toys and a bottle of milk and small books that played music upon opening. I looked panicked
and disorderly, and Peter could be heard crying.
"Peter, lad, look here, isn't he cute? Look, Peter."
"Waaaah!"
"P-Peter please stop crying!"
"Waaaaaaaah!"
"Sh-shut up already!"
I burst out of the room crying, and I shove past Alfred, who grunts, then walks into Peter's room, capturing him in the lens. He sings a quick lullaby, rocking Peter to
sleep in his crib. When he's calm, Alfred turns back and goes to me, who's crouched by the sink in the bathroom, crying still. He bends down in front of me.
"Arthur…?"
"Go away!"
My hands cover the lens, but I'm still crying.
"I know it's hard, but-"
"No, you don't! You're always at work! You never spend time with Peter, and I'm stuck here handling the damn brat!"
"Arthur, don't call him that."
"Well it's true! He's a brat and I wish we never had him!"
"You don't mean that."
"I do!"
"No you don't."
"Arthur…"
"…. Leave me alone…."
"Baby, come on-"
"Don't call me 'baby'."
"….. Hey…"
"What? Go away already."
"Nuh-uh."
"I said go away!"
"No."
"Alfred, what-"
"I love you."
"Liar."
"I do."
"I know it's been hard on you, and I know you're stressed out, which is why I took overtime for the last month."
"Like that's supposed to help?"
"It does. It will. I got you something?"
"What? Divorce papers?"
"Don't say that."
"I told you to go away."
"I got you tickets."
"I don't want to go to a bloody concert, Alfred."
"To England, Arthur."
"… Huh?"
"You're going to England. I even rented out a hotel just for you."
"But…. What about Peter?"
"Well, he doesn't have a Daddy for nothing, baby."
"Don't call me that…"
"I'll take care of Peter while you're on vacation. Two weeks, and you'll come back refreshed and happy."
"Two…. By myself?"
"M-hm. It wouldn't really be a vacation if I were around, I would just annoy you."
"….. That's not true…"
"Well, even if it's not, I want you to be at peace. No worrying, no working, just relaxing."
"…. You must trust me a lot…."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well… two weeks is a long time. How do you know I won't just take off and find someone else?"
"Because you wouldn't do that."
"How do you know?"
"… I don't."
"Then why are you letting me-"
"Because I love you, and if you going to England and finding someone else who doesn't have a son makes you happy, then I will see you off myself. Hell, I'll
even be at your wedding."
My hands drop from the camera, and I'm a mess. Puffy red eyes, long tracks of tears, and even a little snot coming from my nose. I'm the furthest from attractive.
"You're an idiot…"
"I know."
"I hate you."
"I love you, too."
"I'm never coming back."
"I'll keep the place clean for your return."
"I'm getting a divorce."
"A honeymoon? Oh, that sounds perfect."
"I'm going to sleep with so many men. I'm not even going to think of you."
"I'll miss you, too."
"When do I leave?"
"Tomorrow."
"Oh, Alfred…"
I pull him down for a kiss, a snotty, teary kiss, and the camera films the ground as the noise of our lips smacking and my pitiful whimpers fill the room. The scene
changes, and it shows me in the airport with a suitcase, walking towards the terminal to get on my plane.
"Say bye to Mommy, Peter."
"Ba-Ba."
"That's right, bye-bye mommy."
"Mama?"
"Mommy's going on vacation."
"Oh, plane!"
"Haha, yes, he's going on a plane."
After a few quiet seconds, the camera starts quickly moving forward.
"Arthur!"
I turn around.
"Huh? What's the matter?"
"Take the camera."
"What?"
"Take it! Film yourself! Please?"
"I'm not taking the camera."
"Come on, just take it."
"No! I'm not taking your bloody camera!"
"Arthur!"
"Alfred!"
"Take it!"
"No!"
"Why
not?"
"I…. because I want you to hold onto it and film Peter for me."
"Liar, you just don't want to break it!"
"What? That's not true!"
"It's so true! You break everything, dude!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Fine!"
The camera gets spun around, showing Alfred and Peter. Alfred is smiling.
"You're so annoying, you git."
"I love you too."
We kiss.
"Now go, before you miss your flight."
"Alright. No partying while I'm gone."
"No drinking while you're there."
"Love you Alfred."
"Love you too."
"Ba-ba, mama."
"Bye, Peter, love you. Alfred, I told you to stop telling him to call me 'mama'."
"What? But it's cute!"
"No, it's not."
"Flight 238 leaving at terminal three. Flight 238 leaving at terminal three."
"I have to go."
"I'll see you in two weeks, Arthur."
Film changes, shows me setting the camera on a table. I'm in a hotel room, and I'm smiling.
"Okay, I finally figured this out. So this is day three on my trip. I spent the first day adjusting to the time difference and the hotel, and the second day I spent
walking around. God I missed this place. You should really come here one day, Al. I know you said the food here isn't pleasant, but it really is. I assure you.
Uh, let's see…. I don't really know what to talk about yet… Hmm…. Oh, I know. I love you, Peter, and I love you, Alfred. I miss you, and I wish you two could
see this beautiful place."
Knocking at the door, and I smile.
"If you'll excuse me, I have drinking to do."
The date changes and the camera is in the same spot. I'm on the bed with a bag of ice on my head.
"I drank sooooo much yesterday….. ugh…. Well, I got over the nausea part of the hangover, so I thought I'd do this again. Okay, so after drinking, I watched
TV for a while. Doctor Who is bloody brilliant. Ugh, my head…. Well, I'm definitely relaxing. Oh, the sun's going down. I'm planning on going to see Big Ben,
then find my mom. I told her I was coming but…. Well, you know. I promise, this is going to be the only thing I stress out about. Love you Peter, love you
Alfred."
The camera changes scene and position, and it shows me lying in bed with the camera filming my face. I'm crying.
"….. …. ….. I…. I talked to my mom…. And…. Well, things haven't changed. I wish she would just…. I wish she would accept me…. But I guess that's just too
much…"
"….."
"But you know what…"
"I'm happy. I don't need her in my life. She doesn't need or want me. And she's missing out. I'm bloody happy. I've got a husband, I've got a son, and I've
got me. And I'm the dog's bullocks, I am. And I guess you're pretty good too. And Peter… Oh, Peter is just perfect. He's our perfect little brat. I love you both.
Good night."
Date changes, the camera is back on the table. I'm in the shot.
"Okay, it's been a few days, but I'm back on my feet! Oh, just when you think you know this place like the back of your hand, something new is added. I got
lost the other day, and it took me two bloody hours to find my hotel again. But I did discover a quaint little shop that sold these queer things."
I lift up a paper weight knick-knack that has the flag on it.
"Isn't it bloody useless? I bought one, too! How much of a dunce am I? Lord…. Well, I guess it's ours now. Haha, I kind of like it, to be honest."
A new day is filmed, and I'm in front of the camera once more with a stupid smile on my face.
"It's been a week today! I'm so excited that I'll see you both next week, but I'm so distraught that I'll be leaving! Why can't we live here instead? I'm sure
Peter would love it! Oh, okay, so I was walking around yesterday and I ran into this weird guy who was flirting with me and stuff. I'm quite proud to say that
I kicked him in the bollocks just for you, Alfred. Now praise me! Ha ha, I love you, Peter, and I love you, Alfred. I better not come home to a wrecked house!"
Scene changes and it's night. The lights are on, but it's still dim. I'm wearing a bathrobe and I'm sitting on the bed.
"Uh… oh…. This is so embarrassing, but… well, make sure Peter isn't watching this okay? I… Alfred, I… I can't help being away from you for two weeks. This is
going to be dirty and horrible and I'm going to kick myself in the morning for doing this. Hell, I'll probably delete it when I'm done! B-but… well…. Having the
camera on and filming me… it makes me feel like you're there, watching me too…. So…."
I slip off the bathrobe. I look embarrassed and nervous, but needy at the same time. I'm naked, and my I begin to slowly touch myself.
"Uh…. Ah…. Al…. I wish…. I wish you were here…. I wish you were doing this to me instead…. Mmm…. Ah… I bet you're laughing at me…. For doing this…. Mmm
yeah… Oh, Al…. Nng… I miss you so much, ah…. Ha-aah…!"
My fingers slip inside of me, and I'm lying back on the bed so the camera can see everything.
"Alfred…. A-Alfred… uuhn…. Yes….. oh….!"
My fingers begin thrusting frantic, my other hand pumping myself quickly.
"Oh God…. Oh god, Alfred! Yes…! Ah…. Ahn…. Nnng! Ah! Mmm…. Yeah…. Uhn, Alfred….."
I gasp lewdly.
"Al! Al! Oh, fuck, Alfred! Yes! Hah, ah! Ah! Oh, yes! Ahhhh! Ahh… hah…."
I finish quickly, and I sit up and remove my fingers.
"It's not enough, Al….. God I wish you could just come here and touch me…."
I grab the camera.
"Oh… How do you delete this… shit…"
A new day, and my suitcase is in the background, half packed.
"This is my last day here. I'm so sad to be leaving. This place is my home…. But I'm so glad to be coming back, too. I missed you so much, Alfred. I missed
Peter too. As much as I like to pretend that this is where I belong, I know that I fit better in your arms than England's. And I don't mind it. Thank you so
much, Alfred. I've never felt this happy. I've been away from you two for too long, though, and as much as I love England, I-"
My phone begins ringing, and I look at it curiously.
"Hold on, Al. Hello? Yes, this is he….. I don't mind, connect the call. … Hello? M-Mother? Uh…. Hi…. Yes, I'm leaving tomorrow, though…. I, uh… I'm at the
Egerton House Hotel. Yes, Egerton. No, Alfred paid for it. C-coming? Here? Are you sure? Uh… okay….. I'm in room two thirty eight…. Mum, you really don't
have to….. oh… okay…. yeah, I'll wait for you…. Okay…. bye…."
I hang up and look into the camera. I then pick up the camera and place it on my suitcase, hidden. Time goes by, then a knock is heard. I let in my mother.
"Arthur."
"Hello, mum…."
"Well, you look tidy… that's good."
"Mhm…. Here, let's sit."
We sit on the couch.
"So… I was thinking. When you came to visit me, I… I was out of line."
"Please, Mum, it doesn't bother me anymore."
"Well, it bothers me. You're my son, Arthur. Even if you're not as… masculine as your brothers…. You're still mine. And I have to accept what I made despite
its faults and diseases."
"I'm not diseased."
"Hush, sweetheart. Just because it isn't curable yet doesn't make it a disease."
"As I was saying, I had time to think about our spat, and…. Well… I guess I just really want you back in my life. Damaged or not. Of course, I would be
happier if you divorced that incapable gay and married a young lady instead, but I can't have everything. And if you think this brings you happiness, then I'll
try my best to accept it. But the day they come up with a cure, I'll make sure you take it. Then you'll be normal."
"I am normal, mum. Just because I have a husband doesn't make me some kind of alien. Even if he is a little slow…"
"Don't try to hide the truth, sweetie."
"I'm not. This is the truth. I love him, and I'm glad that you're trying to make me feel better and make everything alright, but if you can't accept the fact that I
love another man and our son, then I won't-"
"Wait, wait a minute, Arthur…. You have a son?"
"Yes. His name is Peter."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Be… Because you've never accepted…"
"Oh, Arthur, I was upset because I thought you homos wouldn't have children! I've always wanted a grandson! And what with your brothers not
impregnating their girlfriends and not getting married…. Do you have a picture of him?"
"Y-yeah…. Here…."
"Oh, he's so precious! Arthur!"
"What?"
"You git, what are you doing here without your son?"
"I… Alfred sent me here for vacation."
"Oh, he sent you, did he?"
"Yes. I was having a hard time at home. Alfred was working, and I was stressed about taking care of Peter."
"So he isn't a good husband?"
"What? No, he's a perfect husband!"
"Well, he sent you off, didn't he? Are you sure he's not sleeping behind your back? Maybe he's got a neat young woman?"
"Mum, stop, he's not straight."
"How do you know?"
"I…. Uh…."
My cheeks turn red, and my mother has an invasive look about her.
"Well? Spit it out!"
"Um…. You see…."
"Just say it, Arthur!"
"O-okay! Ugh… When… when we met…"
"Yes?"
"Well, it was at a Halloween party…"
"Okay?"
"And I was dressed up as a …"
"As?"
"As a….."
"Arthur."
"A…. a playboy bunny…"
"A what?"
"You know, those girls in skimpy outfits in the adult magazines…."
"Erm… okay…"
"Anyway, so I was walking around in…. that, and I looked really good, I suppose. A lot of men were flirting with me…"
"Get on with it."
"Right, sorry. Anyway, um, I saw Alfred, and I tried flirting with him. He was dressed as a –"
"I don't care what he was dressed as, just hurry up."
"Right… Um… so… so I tried flirting with him, and the first thing he said to me was, 'Dude, I'm sorry, but I'm not into that tranny cross-dressing crap. I like
men, not a woman in a man's body.' I have to say I was… pretty insulted…."
"How does this prove he's not straight?"
"Mum, he practically said it. After the party, when I took the bloody corset off, we ran into each other and when he recognized me, he laughed at me and told
me I looked much better."
"What did you do after?"
"Uh…. Erm…. We… we went to his…."
"Oh God, just stop."
"Okay…"
"So he's gay?"
"Yes."
"Gay gay?"
"Yes, mum."
"Hmm….. Well okay…. I want to see your son, Arthur. In person. And he better not have this disease you and your husband have."
"Mum, if Peter turns out gay, you're still going to love him. I'll force you to love him."
"I'm just asking for one normal grandson, sweetie. It's not that hard."
"What do you expect me to do, post pictures of naked women all over his bedroom?"
"I want you to keep him pure and right."
"Mum, you're being cruel; it's not something we choose."
"Arthur, I'm sick of having this debate. You're diseased. You need help. You need a woman. I'm glad you have a son, but I hate that you had a son with
another man!"
She stands.
"Until you turn right, I won't be talking to you. Unless you bring Peter, of course. I will make sure that boy stays normal."
She leaves. I sigh. The image changes, and it shows the plane window and the Earth far below it. Big Ben can be seen. The scene changes again, and it shows
people in the airport terminal passing by. I'm walking through the crowd, and soon Alfred and Peter are seen in the distance.
"Mama!"
"Arthur!"
Alfred walks forward quickly with Peter in his arms, I laugh, and we embrace each other. Peter looks happy, and Alfred looks even happier.
"Hello, you two. Oh I missed you so much."
"We missed you too, baby."
"Mmm, I had such a great time."
"Yeah? That's good. All relaxed?"
"You know it. Oh, we have so much catching up to do, though."
"Catching up? I guess we'll put Peter to bed early, then."
"I love you so much."
"I love you too."
We kiss. We start walking towards the exit.
"So… did you sleep with anyone?"
"Alfred, really?"
"Just making sure, Artie."
"Ugh…. Yes, I did."
"What?"
"Mhm. He wasn't that good though."
"What was his name?"
Alfred looks panicked, and I snicker.
"Left hand."
I begin laughing, and Alfred laughs with me. We get in the car, and Alfred puts Peter in his car seat.
"Did you think of me while sleeping around?"
"No, I thought of my other husband."
"Ha ha, shut up, Artie!"
"Heh heh, you're a git."
The scene changes, showing me lying on the bed with a frazzled and anxious look. I try to cover my face, but Alfred's hand comes and holds my wrists down. The
camera is jerking up and down rapidly.
"A-Alfred, not now! This is so embarrassing!"
"But I want to keep this for forever, Artie. You don't know how much I missed you, ugh, God… I dreamt of you every night, baby."
"D-don't…! Ah…!"
"You're so beautiful, Artie… You're so sexy…"
"What if P-Peter sees? Nng! A-Al…"
"He won't see, baby. This is for us. This is for me and you. F-fuck…. You love it, don't you? Oh, you're so dirty…"
"Sh-shut up, git!"
"I won't, because you get off on it. Ugh… I love you, Artie… I love you so much…"
"Hah…. Ah….! Alfred! Oh God…. Al! ... I… I love you too, Al!"
"Good…. Ugh… Artie…"
The camera drops to the floor and the bed continues creaking. Our voices could be heard, and a few minutes later, we finish. The camera is picked back up, then
turned off. The next scene shows Peter sitting at the table, surrounded by a bunch of other children. He looks excited, and everyone's singing happy birthday as a
cake is brought out. When the song is done, he blows out the candles, and everyone cheers.
"Yeah! Five years old! Woohoo!"
"Al, shut up."
"Ha ha, I can't, I'm happy for him!"
"We're both happy for him."
"Heh heh, yeah. He's growing up too fast, though. Artie, make him stop growing."
"Git, I can't make him stop growing."
"Well too bad! Do it!"
"God you're so annoying!"
"Aww, I love you too, baby."
"Shut up."
"You know you love it."
"Daddy, daddy, look! A light saber!"
"Alright! Just no hitting others with it, okay?"
"Awww!"
"Well, you can hit them between their shoulders and their belt, okay?"
"Okay!"
"Alfred!"
"What?"
"Don't tell him that! He can't hit anyone with it!"
"What? How is he supposed to be a kid, then?"
"….. ugh."
"I know, I know, I'm annoying."
"Yeah, and I'm in love with you, too. That's what makes it more annoying."
"Boo-yah."
"Shut up."
The scene changes, and it shows me and Peter at the park. We're on the swings beside one another, and Peter is going on and on about something. I'm smiling and
nodding and listening, and soon Peter looks over at Alfred and hops to his feet, running toward the camera, then hugging Alfred who's holding it.
"Daddy, I love you!"
"I love you too, Peter. Did you tell Arthur that you love him?"
"Yeah! And he said he loved me more than he loved you! Haha!"
"Oh did he now? I guess this means we'll be fighting for Artie's attention, then!"
"Haha, Daddy, Mummy's mine!"
"No way! He's all mine!"
"Roar!"
"Ah! No! Don't eat Daddy!"
"Not until you surrender Mum!"
"Never!"
"Roar!"
"Up you go!"
"Eep! Ha ha ha!"
Peter is being spun around in the air, then he's kissed on his forehead.
"I know, let's go ask Artie to see who he really loves."
"Okay! But I already know he's going to say me!"
"I doubt it!"
They come closer to me, and I've been watching them the whole time with a smile.
"Artie! Who do you love more, me or Peter?"
"Mummy, he says you're his!"
"Oh, boys, you both know the answer!"
"Ha! He's mine, Peter!"
"Nuh-uh, he's mine, Daddy! I'm gunna marry him when I grow up!"
"I'm already married to him!"
"Too bad!"
"Out with it, Artie, who do you wanna marry?"
"Peter, of course."
"Ha! Yay! Mummy loves me more!"
"What? Boo! I demand a recount!"
"A recount of what, Al?"
"A recount of votes, of course!"
"Ha ha ha, you're such a git."
"Hmph!"
The scene changes again, and it shows Peter sitting at the dining room table doing his homework. I'm in the kitchen heating up pre-made dinner.
"Hey, Artie?"
"Hmm? What is it, Al?"
"I have some news."
"Oh? What, are you pregnant? What's with that face?"
"I… uh… I got an offer for a promotion."
"What? That's good, Alfred! Why do you look so down?"
"Well… in order to get it, I… I have to go to Canada for a while…"
"…. How long is a while?"
"Three months…."
"Oh…"
"Yeah…."
"Did you accept it?"
"….. no…"
"You git! Why not? It's a promotion, Alfred!"
"B-but… I wasn't sure if you'd be upset with me!"
"Why would I be upset with you? Idiot, you're getting a promotion! If you have to be out of the country for a while to get it, well, I won't mind."
"Really?"
"Of course. Peter, don't you agree."
"I think Daddy should go get a promotion!"
"Exactly."
"But… I'll be gone for three months!"
"And we'll be here waiting for you to return for three months."
"Why-"
"Because I know that once you're promoted, you'll finally be managing businesses and making more money. I know you'll be doing what you love."
"….. You knew…?"
"Of course I did, Alfred. It's obvious you like leading people and being the boss."
"I…. I didn't want you to think-"
"Al. I've been married to you for more than ten years. I know you like being the leader, and I know you're ashamed of it too. I don't care if you like bossing
people around, because I love you. That's kind of the reason why I married you in the first place."
"Artie….."
"Come here and kiss me already, then."
"I love you so much."
We kiss, and Peter groans in disgust.
"Eww, kissing!"
"Oh hush and finish your homework!"
"Ha ha, I can't wait to see the day that Peter finds himself a little girlfriend. Then we'll tease him about kissing!"
"Nuh uh, I'm not going to kiss a girl! Girls have cooties! Plus, I'm going to marry Mum!"
"Oh, right, right. What about me?"
"Hmm…. I guess I'll marry Daddy too, but only because he makes yummy food and Mum can't."
"W-what? My cooking is fine!"
"Artie, the mac and cheese!"
"Oh, bloody hell!"
"Ha ha ha, oh man, maybe we should get you some cooking classes before I get sent to Canada!"
"Shut up, git!"
"Daddy, on second thought, take me with you!"
"Huh? Why?"
"I don't want to starve to death!"
"Peter!"
"Ha ha ha! That's my son!"
The scene changes and we're in another airport. Alfred has his suitcases and is dressed in a business suit.
"Are you sure? I could always cancel, Artie…"
"I'm positive. I want you to succeed, Al."
"I'm going to miss you so much…"
"I'm going to miss you too…"
"Tell Peter I love him, okay?"
"I will. Every day."
"Alright…. I'm going to go then…."
"… Al, wait."
"Yes? What's the matter?"
"I…. Take the camera."
"What?"
"Take the camera, Al. I… I want you to do what I did for you when I went to England. Please?"
"No, Artie… keep the camera."
"Al, just take the bloody camera."
"….. Arthur…"
"Please. Please…."
"Last call for flight 238. Last call for flight 238."
"Artie, I have to go."
"Take the camera."
"No, Artie."
"Alfred!"
"I really have to go."
"Wait, please! J-just… one more kiss!"
"…. Alright."
We kiss, and the screen goes black.
"Have a safe trip, okay?"
"I will. I'll call you when I land."
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you too, Artie."
Alfred's shoes are picked up on the camera, and soon he's being seated on the plane. The camera is pulled out, showing the seat in front of him and his pants. Alfred
laughs.
"Arthur, you idiot…. God I love you…"
The camera is turned off, and a new image is shown. Alfred is in a car and is filming the snowy streets as he drives.
"I don't have a lot of time to do these, Arthur, but I'll try my best. It's been a week since I've come here, and it is fucking cold! This is the first time I'm seeing
snow, actually, and it's brilliant! I threw a snowball at my neighbor's kid the other day, and we spent twenty minutes in a war! Then his parents got home
and I got chewed out, oh man, it was hilarious. I went home that day, imagining you laughing when I told you this story. I imagined you in my kitchen with a
wooden spoon, waving it at me and cracking up. I bet you're laughing now, aren't you? Ha ha, well, good, because it's pretty funny! What I would give to
have you and Peter here with me now… but no, Peter has school… But that's okay. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. Oh, so you know that time you
brought home that stupid little paperweight from England? Well I found its brother! Ha ha, now you'll have a useless piece of junk!"
"There's my work. I have to go now, Artie. I love you, and I love Peter too!"
The camera turns off, and the next scene is of Alfred walking around his house.
"This is the Arthur-less living room where I do most of my work. The table's pretty cluttered, so you can just ignore that. This is the Arthur-less kitchen where
I eat my food. Ain't it pretty? Ha ha…. This is my Arthur-less hallway. Doo doo doo…. Aaaaaand this is my Arthur-less bedroom, complete with an Arthur-less
bed! My Arthur-less bathroom is over there, and right here is my Arthur-less closet! I don't miss you at all! Ha ha ha…. Heh…. Ugh, Artie I miss you too much!
You and Peter! It's only been two weeks and I'm going crazy! I swear, I thought I heard you laughing the other day, and I got so excited! Baby, I wanna go
home! Damn!"
The scene changes, showing the snow-covered sidewalks and Alfred's snow boots.
"Snow makes a great sound, doesn't it? I wish it snowed more down in the States. Or at least where we live. Hey, we should bring Peter up here some time.
He'd love it here, the kids are so nice, and the snow is great. I would say we should move up here, but it's too damn cold to live here. I like my California
summers. That and once I'm done here, I'll definitely be working in California. We should come here for vacation, though. Winter vacation. I'll buy us a little
house up here and we could relax and go play in the snow and drink hot chocolate and coffee and tea and eat pancakes for breakfast and be together.
Wouldn't that be awesome?"
"Hey, hey you!"
"Huh?"
The camera moves up, showing a tall man with silvery hair and a scarf. He's also wearing a cheesy Christmas jacket.
"Are you okay? You're muttering to yourself."
The man comes closer, and is soon completely in the shot. He's got a strong bone structure and bright violet eyes, but his childish smile throws off his entire look.
"Oh, yeah I'm okay. I'm just recording my walk."
"For what?"
"Well, I'm here on business, and my husband and son are back home. It's kind of a… thing me and my husband do…"
"…Husband?"
"Yeah."
"What's his name?"
"Arthur."
"What's your name?"
"Alfred. What's yours?"
"Ivan… Nice to meet you."
"Yeah, you too."
"What business are you here on?"
"Oh, I'm training to be a manager."
"I see, that's pretty nice."
"Yeah. Do you work?"
"Yes."
"What as?"
"I work at the clinic downtown. Pediatrics doctor."
"Oh, that's cool."
"Mmm…"
"Is this your house?"
"Hmm? Oh, no, this is my husband's house."
"Husband?"
"Mhm."
"You live in a separate home?"
"Yes."
"….Why?"
"Because he hasn't said yes, yet, but I know he will marry me."
"Oh…. Okay…. How long have you two known each other?"
"Hmmm…. As of now…."
Ivan checks his watch then looks back at Alfred.
"Twenty minutes."
"H-huh?"
"Mhm. Want to see him?"
"Uh…"
"Matthew!"
"Look, I don't want to disturb him if-"
"Nonsense, Comrade! Matthew!"
"W-what is it?"
The front door opens and a blond peeks out with long wavy hair and a nervous expression.
"Come meet Alfred."
"Alfred?"
Matthew walks out in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans.
"Um, hello…."
"Hey, sorry, he called you before I could stop him."
"That's okay. What are you recording?"
"Huh? Oh, just a video of anything for my husband back in the States."
"Husband?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, that's sweet. What's his name?"
"Arthur."
"Cute. How long have you been married?"
"Ten plus. He says it's been thirteen, but I say it's been fourteen."
"You lost count?"
"Nah, we're just debating whether or not our relationship before the ceremony counts as time or not. I think it does."
"How come?"
"Because I've loved him since then."
Matthew smiles, and Ivan looks down at him possessively.
"Matthew…"
"Yes, Ivan?"
"Can I come back in?"
"Uh…"
"You kicked him out?"
"W-well…. I told him to go home."
"He kicked me out."
"Dude, that's harsh."
"Don't say that…."
"It is. I am so cold out here, Matthew."
"Come on, man, just let him back inside. Offer him some coffee or tea or something."
"B-but-"
"Matthew, I think I will get frost bite."
"Oh, fine. Hosers…. Come on."
Matthew goes back to the house with Ivan, and Ivan turns back to Alfred to smile at him. Alfred begins walking again.
"Oh yeah, I'm the greatest love guru."
The scene changes and it shows Alfred sitting on his couch, eating a plate of pancakes.
"You know what, Arthur? I think I like it here, despite the cold. Of course, I don't like the not having you part, and I definitely don't like the not having Peter
part, but hey, we could probably live up here if I ever retire. Oh, hey, check this out. So I ran into those two, Matthew and Ivan, last week, right? We ended
up becoming friends, and they knocked out at my place after having some drinks. Look, look, look!"
The camera is picked up and Alfred pads down the halls, then pushes open the door to his bedroom. Matthew is asleep on the bed and Ivan is knocked out on the
ground beside Matthew.
"Ah, damn! They were spooning a few minutes ago. I guess Matthew shoved Ivan off. Well, anyway, I thought it was funny. They act so strange around each
other. Matthew says Ivan is like that with everyone, but he never did it with me. Every time Ivan sees Matthew, he goes up to the blond and cries, 'Matthew,
become one with me! I'll treat you right!' Oh, it's hilarious! Every time he sees me, though, he just says 'Hello, comrade.' I think he's really got a thing for
Matthew. Poor guy."
Alfred goes back to the living room and resumes his original position.
"You know, seeing them together makes me think of the first time we met. Remember? That Halloween party one of our old friends threw? I dressed up as
fucking Superman, and you were some playboy bunny. You came up to me and said the most ridiculous pick-up line! I can't remember it, though! What was
it? Let's see…. I think it was…. 'Man of steel, huh? I'd love to feel your steel sometime.' Ha ha, I bet you remember, though. I'll have to ask you when I get
home. Man, I was such a douche to you, too. I called you a chick! You looked so angry at me after that…. Then when we met afterwards, god did I see how
wrong I was. You were so beautiful…. I've loved you since then, Artie."
"Alfred…?"
"Huh? Oh, hey, Matthew."
"What're you doing?"
"I'm just recording myself eating pancakes."
"Why?"
"For Arthur. Remember?"
"Oh yeah…"
Matthew plops down beside Alfred, laying against the armrest and sighing. Alfred smiled and pats Matthew's head lightly.
"Why don't you go back to bed?"
"Mmm….. no."
"Why not?"
"Ivan was there."
"Jeez…"
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing…"
"Tell me."
"Well… don't you think you're being mean to him? I mean, he's like a puppy when you're around."
"He does it with everyone."
"No, he doesn't, dude."
"Well, he doesn't mean it, then."
"….. What's wrong with you?"
"What?"
"In the week that I've known you two, I could see that that guy has got something going on for you."
"Yeah, right."
"Dude, seriously?"
"Yes, seriously. Look at me, I'm plain. No one, guy or girl, is going to like someone like me."
"Plain my ass."
"Your ass is plain."
"Dude! Ha ha, you're a dick."
"You're a hoser, ha ha."
"The hell is a hoser?"
"The hell is a dude, eh?"
"You're so Canadian!"
"Sue me."
"МатФей…?"
"What?"
"Oh, it's Ivan, he's waking up."
"Yeah, but he said 'Mat-vey'."
"Yeah, that's how you pronounce my name with a Russian accent."
"He's Russian?"
"Mhm. He moved to Canada in order to learn pediatrics. He said he preferred the schools here than in Russia."
"Whoa…. That's pretty far, though. What about his family?"
"Oh, he doesn't like to talk about it much…"
"Really?"
"МатФей, where are you?"
"I'm in the living room, Ivan!"
Ivan shuffles in, wiping his eyes and looking like a big kid. He spots Matthew and moves him over to sit on the couch, then he pulls him back down so his head is
resting on Ivan's lap.
"You should go back to bed, Ivan."
"Нет. I want to be with МатФей…"
"Ivan, you're still sleepy."
"Нет."
"Just let him sit here, Matthew."
"Oh, alright…"
"Alrighty…. So, anyway, Arthur… What was I saying? Um…. Oh, right, when we first met! Ha ha, well… man, I'm glad you weren't some tranny. I mean, I'm
sure I would've loved you either way, but it would've been rocky at first. I should probably apologize for being a douche to you that night, but…. Well…
consider this an apology, okay?"
"Hey, you want some fresh pancakes? Those are cold and gross."
"Huh? Yeah, sure, why not."
"Ok."
Matthew gets up, Ivan is sleeping already. Alfred smiles then turns off the camera. The next scene shows Alfred sitting in his car, obviously on a business call.
"Yes, that's right. No, I want them to move the structure to the left side of the building. I know it's not part of the plan, but I want it there. I promise you, it'll
be a good change. Well, sir, we'll never know unless we move it. Alright. Good. Okay, I'll check up on that later. Brilliant. Yes, I'll see you tomorrow.
Goodbye."
He hangs up, then looks at the camera and smiles.
"Hey, baby, I'm sorry I didn't make a video for so long. I've been busy lately with work. Don't be mad, okay? Okay. So, this is month two that I'm at while in
Canada. One more month and I'll be back home with you, Arthur! Aren't you excited? Is Peter excited? God I can't wait to see your faces again. I love you
both so much. Well, training has been going well, and the higher-ups seem impressed with me, which is lucky, because we both know how annoying I can
be. Oh, I saw my lucky numbers the other day! I'm excited, because that usually means something good! You know about that, right? My three lucky
numbers? Whenever I see them, it usually means something good is about to happen. I think they protect the people I love, too. Hey, I'm going to tell you a
story about that now, so sit tight, okay?"
Alfred begins driving.
"So, when I was a kid, I always got picked on by this mean albino kid named Gilbert, right? We fought over who was better than the other, and this one time
he shoved me off the school building. And the school was two stories high. He shoved me out the second story window, and I survived the fall with nothing
but a scratch down my leg! My lucky numbers tie into it because that day in class, before Gilbert shoved me out the window, I got handed back a paper with
a jumbled up score on it. It was some essay we had to write, and it was out of a hundred. Well, the teacher meant to write fifty-eight on mine, but she wrote
the five upside-down and only got the right side of the eight before realizing she messed up, so it looked like a twenty-three. She wrote an eight after that,
too, then she wrote fifty-eight on the corner with a little note saying 'Sorry, Alfred, I couldn't find any white out.'
"Of course, I didn't think anything of it after I got shoved out the window. I just thought I got lucky, and so did everyone else. But then, this one time I was
in the car with my Dad, and we were heading to the baseball game. I think it was giants versus the red socks or something. Anyway, we were on our way
there, and on the way, I saw this big, flashing sign that read 'Road two thirty eight closed for reconstruction.' Dad told me there was no such road, and we
got to the game. In the middle of the game, Dad had to go down the street to get money from the bank. On the way there, he got in a terrible accident. His
car was bent in half both ways, but he crawled out of the wreckage like it was nothing!
"So, on my way to work today, I was heading there when the snow clumped up on my windshield. It looked like a two, three, and an eight, and now I'm just
waiting for something bad but good to happen! I just hope my house isn't on fire or anything. Oh, the camera is running out of battery. Alright, Artie, I'll talk
to you later. Love you, babe, and love you Peter!"
The scene changes to show Alfred in his kitchen, eating oreo's.
"Hey, Artie. So remember the other day when I mention my lucky number? Well check out what I found!"
He flashes a letter.
"I'm going to read it out loud, okay? Here we go. Ahem… 'Dear Alfred, It's your bloody husband, Arthur. I miss you too much, and I want you home so bad,
but I know you're working. Peter misses you too, and he's constantly asking when you're coming home. I want to go see you, but Peter has school to
attend. And this is why I've decided to write you a letter. I don't want Peter missing any classes, and I don't want to go see you without him.
I've started a second relationship while you're away. They're twins this time. One of them is named the Hitachi Magic Wand, the other is named the
Tormentor. They're not as satisfying as you, but they get the job done.' Oh, Arthur, you're so dirty! Ha ha ha, let's see… 'Peter is doing well in school, but
he's failing maths class. I'm thinking of getting him a tutor.' I agree. If he needs the help, we'll get him a tutor. 'I'm also thinking of getting a job myself,' Oh,
baby, you're so independent! 'but I'm not going to until you get home. I don't want to leave Peter by himself at home, mostly not at this age. Well, we miss
you, Alfred, and we can't wait for you to get back. I hope you're having a good time up there, and I hope it's not too lonely. I know how you can get
sometimes. We both love you, Alfred. Love, Arthur.'
"Thanks, baby. I was missing you so much, this makes me really happy. I knew I saw my lucky numbers! I'll be excited to get home, but for now, have fun
with your 'twins'. When I get home, I'll make sure I satisfy you completely."
The scene changes, its night, and Alfred is lying in bed with the camera.
"I come home next week. I got the promotion, too. I'm so excited, baby. I told Matthew and Ivan that I would be leaving next week, and they both started
complaining, telling me to stay and bring you two up here to live with me. I told them to move to the States with me instead, but they said no. Oh, did I tell
you? Matthew finally started dating Ivan. I feel awesome for hooking them up! It took so long for Matthew to agree, but now Ivan and he are pretty happy.
It made me miss you even more, though, seeing them together like that… Also, I've started my own little relationship up here in Canada. Meet my hand. He's
quite the whore, but he isn't as sexy as you. He does dance, though, look."
He begins to do the can-can with his fingers, then he laughs and looks back into the camera.
"I love you, Arthur. I love you Peter. I can't wait to come back home."
The image changes, and it shows an airport terminal and Matthew and Ivan.
"Look who came to see me off. They told me to come visit them sometime, and I'd like to if you allow me, baby. You and Peter are invited too, of course!"
"We could spend Christmas together!"
"Yeah, Matthew makes perfect Christmas pancakes."
"Hee hee."
"Yeah, we could come up for Christmas pancakes! It's definitely better than my pancakes, I promise you! Plus, they really wanna meet you. I told them we'll
be visiting during the summer next year, and we better!"
"Flight 238 has been cancelled due to weather. All passengers for flight 238 must board flight 541 to Washington, then transfer onto flight 545 to California.
There is no need to buy new tickets. All passengers for flight 238 must board flight 541 to Washington, then transfer to flight 545 to California."
"Oh, your flight has been cancelled!"
"That's bad. When does five fourty one come in?"
"It comes in ten minutes, actually."
"Well, at least it's quick, right Alfred?"
"Alfred?"
"Huh? Oh… yeah…"
"Is everything okay, comrade?"
"Yeah, it's…. everything's okay. Um…. I just… I'm a nervous flyer."
"You'll be fine, Alfred. Soon you'll be back with your husband and son. We'll miss you."
"We will miss you, comrade. Very much."
"I'll miss you two, too."
Matthew and Alfred hug, and Ivan nods.
"All passengers for flight 541 please make your way to terminal 3A. All passengers for flight 541 please make your way to terminal 3A. Thank you."
"I'll see you two later, okay?"
"Okay, Alfred. Bye!"
"Good bye, Alfred."
The camera turns off. The screen goes to static. I sigh. I sit up on the couch from my lying position, and I disconnect the camera. I take it with me into the
bedroom, then the bathroom connected to it. I sit down by the counter and turn the camera on, letting it record me. I stare into it for some time, and all I can really
see is the blinking red light. I don't want to turn on the lights, in case I wake up Peter.
I begin to cry softly. I grip the camera tighter and I keep crying. I can hear my tears hit the lens, and I try to wipe it clean, but more and more fall. My soft whimpers
turn into shaking sobs, and I continue to stare into the camera. I'm shivering, but not from the cold. I bring the camera up close to me, my hands shaking, and I
kiss the lens. I continue to cry, and I kiss the lens twice more.
I hear footsteps, and my bedroom light flickers on.
"Mum? What's the matter?"
"It's nothing, Peter, go back to bed…"
"But you're crying…."
"Go back to bed, Peter."
He ignores me and sits beside me, taking my hand and resting his head on my shoulder. I continue to cry, and Peter begins caressing my hand, patting it nice and
slow and gentle, and he closes his eyes.
"I love you, Mum."
"I love you too, Peter... I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault, Mum. I don't blame anyone, and neither should you."
"But..."
"Neither should you." He repeats, looking into my eyes. I stare at him, my eight-year-old-son, in disbelief. He just stares back with all the seriousness and certainty
like his father. I cry harder, and Peter hugs me around my neck. I hug him back, and I continue to cry. He starts crying too, but he's trying not to. I pull away from
the hug and look at him, I look into his eyes.
"You don't have to hold back, Peter. We'll cry together, okay?"
"O-okay..."
And we cried for the rest of the night. We eventually cried ourselves to sleep on that linoleum floor, and the camera recorded us sleeping. The next morning, I
awaken to a gentle nudge, and I open my eyes to see Peter before me, dressed messily in a black suit with his hair brushed back.
"Mum, it's time to get up."
"Okay..."
I get to my feet and he does too. I decide to help him fix his clothes before I dress myself, also wearing a black tux and a black tie. I usually don't like ties, but for
this occasion, I would wear one. When we're both ready, we head out to the car and begin to drive, arriving to the place we needed to be in under an hour. As we
walk across the grass hand-in-hand, I look over the large crowd gathered there, all wearing black and sullen, distraught faces.
The closer I get to the crowd, the more people stare at me and Peter. Peter lets go of my hand and finds a seat beside my mother. My mother runs her fingers
through his hair and whispers to him, only to get an upset look from him. I could guess what she would be asking, and I knew it was inappropriate for the occasion.
I walk down the small isle in the middle of the two sets of seating, and people stare at me as I go. I could feel the tears running down my face.
I reach the front of the seated crowd, letting my back face them for a short while. The pastor is standing beside the podium, waiting for me to come and say
something. I look at the pastor, and he bows his head respectfully, then motions to the podium. I nod silently and step forward, gripping the sides of the podium I
stood behind and looking out into the crowd.
"Alfred... Alfred and I, we had always tried to remember the good things in our lives. He carried around this stupid camera all the time, flashing pictures and
recording videos of things we did, always wanting to see us smiling. He even filmed us at our worst. When we fought, when we cried, when we were nearing a
mental breakdown... He always wanted to film it.
"I thought he was crazy, really." A few people laugh, "I thought he was absolutely bonkers. But you know...."
"I spent all of last night watching these stupid clips. I spent six long hours listening to us talk and fight and cry and laugh... and I think I realized why he wanted to
record us so much."
"He wanted to film everything his family did because he knew that at one point... He knew something like this would happen... And if not this, then something
worse. He knew there would be a point when one of us would be alone, and he just didn't want that... I wouldn't have wanted that... I'm sure any of you wouldn't
want that for your loved ones either."
People shift in their seats, and I lower my head and let out a slow breath.
"As I was watching the videos from last night... I found one and... and it made me so happy... It made me happy that we had spent that time together. It... It was
the first thing he recorded with that stupid camera. It was only five seconds long. It was after he opened it on Christmas Day. It was me and him, and he filmed us
together, half awake at three in the morning. He held the camera out to show both of us, and he said," I laugh softly, "'Baby, I'm too damn tired to understand why
you bought me a fish.'"
Everyone laughs now, but it's a sad, soft laugh. I lift my head, smiling morosely with tears in my eyes.
"I remember hearing something before... I don't remember when, and I don't remember where, but... But I remember what it was. It was... 'When people die, we
don't grieve because we're sad that we lost them. We grieve because we're sad that we lost what they did.' And a good example of this is definitely Alfred, because,
and let's be honest here, how many people do you know can easily put away six hamburgers in under thirty minutes? Or... Or get a tampon stuck up his nose and
not know where the bloody hell it came from?"
A wave of sad laughter again. My tears fall.
"I see so many people here today... and I don't know all of you. I can assume, though, that you're here because in some way, Alfred was able to have an impact on
your life like he did mine. I mean, of course he would have an impact, we're-... we were... married..."
I bring a hand up to cover my eyes. I don't want to cry.
"You know... the day he was supposed to come back... I was at the airport and when I heard his flight got cancelled I thought... I thought 'Alfred... If you don't come
home today, I'm going to kill you.' But... I guess he beat me to it..."
I begin crying, and the pastor puts a hand on my shoulder to try and calm me down.
"Mum...?" Peter calls out.
"I'm okay... I'm sorry..."
I suck in a deep breath, then I look down at the crowd with a strong look, trying my best to hold in the tears for later, for when I'm alone.
"This speech has gone on for too long. You all must be annoyed, ha ha... Well... I'm glad that he's at peace now. I'm glad to see that so many people cared for him. I
wish this never happened, but... but it did. And now we have to bear with it. As my son, Peter, said last night, no one is to blame. Not the pilot, not the weather, not
God... and definitely not Alfred... I... I loved him so much, and I will always love him... All of you will still care for him, too... So... together we'll bear losing him..."
"I'm going to sit down now before I start telling his life story." I laugh, and a few more people laugh with me. I force myself away from the podium and take my seat
beside Peter who rests his head against my shoulder and grasps my hand, and I try my hardest not to begin crying again. The pastor stands at the podium and
begins praying, and everyone joins in, bowing their heads respectfully and murmuring with the prayers. I bow my head too, and I could hear my mother praying for
Alfred to go to heaven. Peter was praying, too, and all I heard was that he wanted Alfred to watch over us, and particularly me. I prayed Alfred would keep Peter safe.
Afterwards, when the pastor was done praying, everyone stood and began talking with one another. I let Peter run off to play with the other children, not wanting to
see him mope around. I stood alone by the casket, but I was joined soon by two others who I recognized from the videos.
"Hello, Arthur."
"You must be Matthew and Ivan..."
"Yes... How are you doing?"
"I'm... I'm coping, I suppose... Thank you for coming, by the way. It was a long trip, wasn't it?"
"It was nothing..."
"Arthur...?" Ivan joined in, looking down at the dark brown, closed casket.
"Oh, yes?"
"Why are you burying an empty casket?"
"Well, they never found his body... But I needed some kind of closure..."
"I see..." Ivan looks away from the casket, and back at me, "We should stay in contact, Arthur."
"Even though we live in Canada, it would still be nice if you would visit." Matthew added, moving his hands behind his back and smiling. I smiled too, then nodded.
"I think we will, me and Peter... But not soon, I'm sorry. I have to... go through his stuff..."
"Will you be okay, comrade?"
"Yes... Yes I'll be okay. I just... have to get out of this slump..."
"Well... we'll be in town for a few more days. If you need us, give us a call, okay? Here, this is our phone number, and our address in Canada. We'd really like you to
visit when you can."
"I will..."
Peter comes running up to me and he holds my hand. He doesn't look at Ivan or Matthew.
"Mum, are we going now?"
"Yes, Peter... We'll grab something to eat on the way home, okay?"
"Okay, Mum..."
We say our goodbyes and head to my car, and when Peter is buckled in safely, I begin driving. The drive doesn't last long, however. I pull over on the freeway and
begin crying, and Peter just watches me silently from the back seat. After a few minutes of silent sobbing, I feel his hand on my shoulder and I see his smile in the
rear-view mirror.
"Mum..."
"I'm sorry Peter..."
"It's okay. I love you, Mum."
"I love you too."