"Cloudtail?" the white tom picked up his head from his trembling and looked over at me. He was standing on Brindlefaces grave.
"Thornpaw?" he murmured, "Is that you?"
"Yes," I murmured and walked towards him. I notice fresh blood on the ground. I blink and look up at Cloudtail. His face is dark, moody, greif-struck. I touch her shoulder gently with my nose. Hes cut his legs in dozens of places, trying to kill himself.
"Cloudtail, why are you doing this?" I ask him. He turns away from me and cuts a new gash in his leg, watching his dark blood flow out and stain his fur.
"I don't feel cat, Thornpaw," he whispered, "The only time i feel cat is when I bleed. It makes me feel alive." He watches the blood stop in his gash and gets ready to cut another one.
"Cloudtail," i place my paw over his and gently put it down, "You're hurting enough, Brindleface wouldn't want this to happen to you."
Cloudtail relaxes his paw and i take mine away. He's crying now, salty tears running down his face. He feels hurt inside. I can tell. Brightheart looks at him the same way every day now, with concern of his wounds. I want to comfort her, to tell her everything is alright and that Cloudtail will be fine. But i can't. Cloudtail isn't alright.
I'm not jealous of Cloudtail for being and warrior before me, he deserved it, but also, whenever I'm near him, i feel normal in more ways then one. I can't help it. Deep down inside, even though i havn't admitted to it, i love Cloudtail.
Cloudtail pushes his face into my shoulder, trembling in a shaky voice about how he's forgotten about all of his freinds. And apologising to me. I want to say it, but i can't. He loves my sister. I lead his back to the camp, where he goes to visit Lostface. I wait outside, looking in through the ferns. I love you Cloudtail, I say to myself. But it is a forbidden love.