Fear and Love
Chapter 1
Fear's dominated Elsa's life. It's what's kept her and Anna apart. But when that fear nearly kills Anna she'll do anything prevent it from happen again. But with her emotions in turmoil over her parents death, how can she even begin to master her powers? And what about these strange feelings that they start to feel towards one another?
AN: So the last minute of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" bothers me a lot. Or rather it upsets me, especially the last two lines of the song. It actually brings tears to my eyes. And then it hit me that the last verse speaks of courage. So I wondered something. This is the results of my muse.
ELSANNA incest.
You have been warned.
Anna hesitantly knocks on Elsa's door. The sounds that echo along the hallway were like the hollow feeling in her chest. She almost chokes on the words she wanted to say. She needed to try. Elsa had to be hurting as bad as she.
"Elsa," she called out. Her throat tightens and her eyes water. "Please come out." Anna's breath shudders trying to keep herself together. Tears dribbles down along her freckled cheeks, but she doesn't care anymore. "I know you're in there. Please open the door. You're all I have left."
Silence.
She leans back against the door and slides down. "What are we gonna do?" she quietly asks.
And then she asks the age old question: "Do you wanna build a snow man?"
Silence.
She waits. She waits, and she waits. Even as the clouds outside blow by, and the servants have long gone to bed, she waits. She tightens her grip on her dress. Elsa had to answer. Elsa had to open the door. They were the last of their family. That had to mean something, right?
Anna takes a shuddering breath. "Elsa?" she whispers.
Silence.
At first the tears were the occasional drops. And then her eyes watered. And then she let out an agonizing scream. Her face falls into her hands and she cries a most heart wrenching scream. Never had she felt so much pain. Never had she felt so alone in her life. First Elsa just stopped playing with her one day; disappeared from her life. And now her mother and father were dead. Up until the funeral she held on the belief they were just running really late. But the ceremony and the marker that overlooked the fjord brought a sudden finality to it.
But what hurt the most was Elsa. Not a word. Not a single response. Not a single sign she even acknowledged her.
Like she was gone.
"Why?" she sobbed. "Why me? Why me?" The tears refused to stop. Her chest hurt. It hurt so much. Her heart so much; so much more than ever before. Despair fills her heart. She had nothing. She had no one.
*break*
Elsa heard Anna knocking on her door. She heard her pleas, but she fused to answer. She just kept repeating the mantra in her head, 'Conceal, don't feel." but even then she couldn't control it. She stares hopelessly at her room; completely and utterly frozen. It looked so dark, so desolate, from the ice she used to make as a child. No long did it have that sparkle or glimmer. Just dark and dank. She couldn't let Anna see this. She couldn't let her see her powers again. Not after –
"WHY?"
Elsa jumped in surprise, yanked from her thoughts. She looked to the door, where she knew Anna sat on the other side. She could hear Anna. She sounded upset, distraught, alone, confused.
She wanted to be there. She wanted to open the door, but she couldn't. She could not. It was too dangerous. Even all these years she couldn't control her powers. What both she and her parents had opened had yet become a reality. She was nowhere near closer to controlling her abilities as she did when she was eight.
She's about to settle down again when she hears something that stops her heart. "Elsa, I need you." Elsa's barely able to stifle a sob from coming up. Her heart clenches hearing how utterly defeated Anna sounded. It was such a far cry from the bubbly, energetic voice she associated with Anna. Every fibre within her being was demanding she opened the door, consequences be damned, and be there for her sister. To be there and become the support she needed.
But she couldn't. It was too risky. She might accidentally freeze Anna again. She couldn't!
She began picturing it: Anna slumped against her door, curled up in a ball, with this devastated expression on her face. The tears would flow nonstop. Her eyes would be dull, a far cry from the glimmer shade of blue she remembered. Her cries would be heart wrenching –
Elsa backs away from the door, gripping her head. She wanted to clear the image from her mind, but no matter how hard she tried it stayed. And the more she resister the stronger the image became. The more she could see how truly distraught she was, especially accompanied by the dying sounds of her sister's cries. Long gone were the mournful cries. But her door radiated in depression and despair.
She needed listen to her sister anymore to know how much pain she was.
But how could she? She had her own emotions to deal with. How could she help with Anna when she had her own emotions to deal with. She lost her parents too! She lost one of the few constants in her life, and the only source of human contact she had left.
Elsa gasps and falls to her knees. Her only course of human contact were gone. Dead. Her parents were dead. Gone. Never coming back. Tears of her own fell as the reality of it set in. She never got to say goodbye. She never got to hug her parents goodbye when they left. She never really appreciated how much they supported her.
They were there every day. And now they were not. They wouldn't come by everyday to say hello, or to see how she was doing. To gently remind her to control her powers. To be there when she needed someone to talk to.
She hadn't really thought it about it. In fact she had refused to think about it. She had refused to accept that they were dead. She had refused to go to the funeral.
In her mind they were running late. That they would come back, that their ship was delayed.
But they were gone. They were truly gone. She had no one left to talk to. No one who knew about her powers. They were truly gone.
"No," she whispers in disbelief. "No, no, no, no, no."
The king and queen where dead.
"NO!"
*break*
Anna's suddenly thrown forward as the door's blown from the frame and flies out the window. The princess scrambles away from the door before she turns around to see what happened. What she sees blows her mind away.
Elsa's room was a miniature snowstorm, and it was growing. Unexplainable winds howled inside. Snow and hail flew from the holes in the wall, filling the hallway with snow. And inside it all, Anna could barely make out her sister on all fours screaming out in anguish.
Elsa's in the middle of the storm.
Elsa's in the middle of the storm.
Elsa's in the-
"Elsa!" Anna scrambles to her feet and runs in only to stumble back. Undeterred she dropped her cloak and tries again. She raises her arms to protect her face while braving the heavy winds. Elsa's only a few steps away, but it may have been miles anyways.
"Elsa!" she cries into the storm. "Elsa!" She struggled against the wind. She fell to her knees as the wind and snow pelted against her. Her dress was getting ruined, and here arms were stinging from the harsh wind and snow but she didn't care. At the moment her sister was in the middle of whatever this was. She needed to get her out.
"Elsa!" she called out again. This time she hears.
Elsa looked up, barely hearing her named being called out. Her eyes widen in fear. Anna's just a scant few feet away from her, and getting closer. Then she wondered how she entered her room. That's when she notices the gaping holes in her walls, her missing door, her shattered windows, and destroyed room. And then she realized that she was in the eye of a massive miniature snowstorm.
And then the horror dawned on her.
She lost control of her powers.
And Anna was getting close to her.
"Anna, get away from me!" she screamed out over the winds.
"I will do no such thing," the younger princess cried back. "I'm getting you out of here!"
"You can't do anything," Elsa called back. "I'm the cause of this!"
"You are?" Anna asked, in a mixture of confusion and surprise. "Then why don't you stop it?"
"I don't know how! I don't know how to control my powers!"
Despite her surprise, Anna continues to draw closer. "But how did you do it before?"
"By controlling my emotions!"
Even if it was a little bit at a time, she would get to Elsa. "Then why not this time?"
"I'm already trying. It's not working!" Elsa slowly back away as Anna drew near. She couldn't let Anna get close. She couldn't risk hurting her again.
"Stop trying to back away!"
"I don't want to hurt you!"
"You couldn't hurt me anymore than you already have!" she said, and she immediately regretted it.
And suddenly the storm ceased.
Anna looks up to see Elsa's hurt expression, but also guilty.
Anna jumps to her feet and before the older girl can react, she drops in front of Elsa and pulls her into her arms.
"It's over," Anna mutters.
Elsa, however, disagreed. "No, it's not. It'll just happen again."
"You don't know that," Anna retorts and pulls back enough so she can look Elsa in the eyes. "Elsa I promise you, we're going to figure this out. Together."
"No we can't-"
"Yes we can," she firmly says. "I'm not letting you shut me out again. You've done that enough. I'm with you on this. Whether you like it or not."
"Anna listen to -"
"No you listen!" she screams into her sister's face, rendering her sister mute, shocked by Anna's outburst.
"You don't get a say in this. Just like when I didn't get a say when you stopped playing with me." Anna's chest in pounding. Years of pent up hurt and frustration boils over and she let it out on the one person she's wanted to say for a very long time: Elsa.
"Go away Anna. Leave me alone Anna. Every single day for the past 10 years that's what I've heard. Leave your sister alone. Your sister's busy. I'm sorry, but it's up to Elsa. Every day mother and father told me that. Every day of my life I was alone. I had no one my age to talk to. I had no one my age to play with. I had no one to grow up with. I had to make up games. I had to talk to paintings. I had to grow up and become something I don't know. I don't know what I am. I don't know who I am. Do you know what I know? Huh?" Anna's question was met with Elsa's stunned silence.
"Nothing. I'm a princess. I'm your sister. I'm a woman. That's it! That's it! No friends, no accomplishments. Just the person I was the day I was born! All because for some reason mother and father closed the gates.
"Well not again. Do you hear me Elsa? Not again!" Anna wipes the tears from her eyes. This was her chance. This was her chance to finally let it out.
"I can't take it anymore Elsa. They're gone! They're actually gone. Do you understand what that really means? Do you?" Anna could see that Elsa had come to the same realization she had.
"That makes us the only ones left. We have no one. Because of something that happened we don't know anyone. Not even the few servants we have. It's just you and me. And I can't live with just me. It has to be us. Do you hear me? Us!" Anna tries to speak but her words are drowned by a fresh wave of tears and she collapses against Elsa's chest. She wrapped her arms around the platinum blonde and sobs.
Elsa just sits there, shaken. She knew that in some way Anna was affected by her imposed isolation. But to see Anna, to really see Anna as she was right now, and to hear the sorrow in her voice, and to hear how hurt she was all these years shook her to the very core. It made her question if she did enough. Did she really do enough to control her powers, so that she could be safe to be around Anna?
She brought her hands up and looked at them. Really looked at them. The gloves that somewhat helped her shackle her powers. Did they truly look up any other solution? They she ever consider that there was someone out there who could've helped her control her powers?
No. She did nothing.
And that realization tore at her. She could've done more. She could've come up with an idea and ask her parents what their thoughts were. She could've mentioned something. Maybe they could've found something years ago that could've prevented this. Maybe they could've seen the trolls again, see what they had to say.
But in the end, she did nothing.
But she was afraid. Because she was afraid of her powers.
Anna slowly pulled back, sniffling, trying to keep her emotions in check. Her voice was far more subdued, but was just as intense.
"We will find out how to control your powers, okay?" Anna says. She took Elsa's gloved hands into hers and squeezed them tightly. "Together. We will do this together."
Elsa wanted to draw her hands back. Anna shouldn't be touching her. She might accidentally freeze Anna. But her grip's too tight. She looked down at her hands and she's gasps in terror. Ice was already forming along where their hands met. She tried even harder to break her grip but Anna's grip's too strong, along with the ice that encased their hands.
"Anna, let go," she pleaded. "Your hands are freezing!"
Anna realized what was happened. But to her horror she couldn't move her hands. "Elsa, what's happening?"
"I don't know! I don't know!"