Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. It's very sad, really. I'm so broken up by it that I want to cry.
A/N: Takes place somewhere before Hush, I think. A slightly different take on the meeting of the Willster and Tara that actually is plausible if you were to translate the expressions on Willow's face during the Wicca group scene a bit differently—yeah, never mind. I'm babbling and that usually equals general badness. Just enjoy.
I've always been most comfortable in a library. Even before I met Buffy, back when I was a kid, I would sneak off to where the books lived. Xander never got it; he always rolled his eyes and scuffed his feet on the carpet a lot when I dragged him into the building. I didn't mind too much—still don't, really, even though he hasn't changed in the slightest—because the library is and has always been my thing.
I paced through the stacks at UC Sunnydale. I wasn't restless; I enjoy pacing. It helps me clear away the noise that likes to accumulate in my head sometimes.
It was still hard to believe that Oz had left. I had thought for so long—although, really? It hadn't even been three years of my life that I'd been with him—that we would be forever. Then again, I had thought a lot of things would be forever, hadn't I? A part of me had thought high school would never end, that Buffy and Xand and I would just keep going around that campus forever, that Giles would always be the librarian, that Cordelia would always be running her mouth, that Angel would always be lurking in the shadows with some cryptic smile waiting at the edges of his brooding mouth…
If you had asked me a year ago, I would never have expected the Mayor to go all evil and snakey. This was the Mayor, for Pete's sake; the man was a germaphobe. Who've thunk he'd go mental and try to eat the entire senior class?
Not the Willster, that was for sure.
Everything was different. Xander was trying his hand at actual work—and wasn't that just a shock in itself? Buffy was busy trying to juggle what seemed like two hundred things at once—all right, so not everything had changed. Buffy's always been juggling things, ever since I've known her. And she's always been good at it, at least on the outside.
Giles was trying to grow used to life as a non-librarian, a life without so many visits from us. I wanted to smile every time I thought of him. Sure, I'd had a bit of a crush on the Watcher when I'd first met him—and how weird was that to think about?—but he'd quickly become more of a surrogate father for all of us. It was comforting, to know that there was at least one adult out there who actually cared what happened to us.
As for me?
I was pacing the library.
The first time I came into this place, a librarian had swooped down on me, throwing out pleasantries and hopeful suggestions. I had smiled kindly back, but when the young woman tried to follow me…well, let's just say I was in a bit of a show-offy mood. She went away after that.
I know libraries. They all smell similar, which is a rare comfort in an ever-changing world, and they've all got the same warmth radiating from the shelves. It's difficult to be cold in a room filled to the breaking point with stories and battles and romances—
I cut myself off there, in front of the romances. Pondering the novels, I ran a finger over their spines and wondered absently if I was really ready for something like one of these just yet. The pain of Oz, though more of a dull ache by this point, still hurt like crazy when I thought about him too much. Was I really prepared to read a four-hundred-page book about my agony?
No thank you.
Bypassing that particular shelf, I found my body heading for the magick-based books. No spell books, of course, but the library had a small collection of history books with references to witchcraft and all the other things I'd been finding so interesting since senior year.
Traveling a similar path, my thoughts headed toward my Wicca group. It was a waste of time for the most part, I knew, but I couldn't bring myself to stop going. The girls involved may not have been real witches, but they at least played the part—sort of—and that helped the loneliness that had been growing inside. I was beginning to get how Buffy felt, that sense of being the only one like you for miles around. It explained wholeheartedly why she had embraced Faith so well…well, before the darker Slayer turned homicidal on us all.
My fingers found a book on the Salem witch trials that I'd never seen before. Pulling it from it's nestled place between two hardbound novels, I flipped it open and perused the first page.
"Interesting," I murmured, although it wasn't really. Truth be told, I had yet to find a really simulating witchy book in this library. Anytime I wanted to read up on magick, I had to sneak over to Giles' apartment and steal something small to scan while he was busy making tea or something. Giles wasn't overly fond of my interest in the dark arts, probably because of the trouble he himself had gotten into around my age. He couldn't stop me from learning when I was out and about, but while I was in his home he tended to "slyly" move his more intriguing books to a higher, more locked-up shelf. It would've been annoying if it wasn't so endearing.
Something moved nearby and my eyes slipped from the paragraph they had been looking over. Was that another human being in the witchcraft section? What were the odds of that?
Sure enough, a pair of sapphire eyes were watching me through the space my book had left. I smiled warmly, excited to find someone here with me, even if they were just writing a paper or something.
"Hi there!" I said happily, closing my book and leaning a bit closer. The eyes widened and disappeared from the hole. I frowned.
"Hey, where are you going?"
It took a minute, but a voice finally responded, sounding shaky. "I-I'm s-sorry," it stammered. "I w-wasn't t-trying t-to…"
"Hey, calm down." I peered through the space, trying to get another glimpse of those eyes. "I don't mind. It's nice to find someone else here for once. Are you interested in witchcraft?"
The words just continued to blow out of my mouth before I could rethink any of them. Those blue eyes dropped behind a curtain of long blond hair. So it's a girl. Cool.
"Y-yes," she answered. "I mean…yes."
"That's neat," I said cheerfully. "Are you a part of the on-campus Wicca group?"
The head nodded hesitantly. I beamed and reached a hand through the gap.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Willow."
"T-Tara." The girl took my offered hand in her own and squeezed very lightly, as if she was afraid I would break if she held on too tight.
"How come I haven't seen you before?" I asked. As soon as the question was out, I felt terrible; I really hadn't seen this girl before, but how could that be possible? I hadn't missed more than two meetings of Wicca group and I had thought I knew who everyone was.
When the girl said nothing in response, I blurted, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean I…I just haven't ever…I mean, maybe I was too distracted or maybe you were sitting behind someone…do you usually sit behind someone?"
I thought I saw the eyes crinkle in a small smile. "N-no. I u-usually sit on t-the floor."
"Oh. The floor is nice. I mean, some civilizations have forsaken chairs entirely for the floor, haven't they?" Goddess, babble a little more, Will. Way to make new friends.
If my ramblings bothered her, Tara didn't show it. Slowly, hesitantly, she edged out from behind the shelf until we could fully see one another. She was taller than me by a couple of inches, and dressed much more moderately in a long gray skirt and black long-sleeved shirt. She clutched an armful of books to her chest as if they were her last line of defense.
She was very pretty, in a quiet, unassuming way.
"Have you been…" I stopped the rest of the question before it could escape. What I had meant to ask was, "Have you been practicing long?", but odds were she was no more a real witch than the rest of them. It really wouldn't do to scare her off.
On the other hand, I could sense a strange sort of warmth emanating from her. Sort of like the books, only very different. It was similar to the feeling I'd always gotten from Amy Madison, I supposed, only…not.
Not too confusing, I thought wryly. Not too complex at all.
She was standing with her head cocked to the side, clearly waiting for the rest of my question. Thinking fast, I asked, "Have you been part of the group long?" Not quite the thing I wanted to know, but it would have to do.
The girl nodded, a quick bird-like movement. "For a c-couple of m-months now. You?"
"Same," I answered, pleased. "I'm a freshman."
"Me t-too." Was she blushing? It certainly looked like it.
"And you…do you help out a lot with the bake sales and stuff?" Such a dummy question, but it was the best I could come up with. For all her apparent shyness, this girl had the most intense blue eyes and they were burning into me almost thirstily.
She laughed quietly, a gentle sound that surprised and delighted me. She didn't seem like someone who had cause to laugh much.
"N-no. I…I don't f-follow with that sort of s-stuff."
"Oh?" I lifted an eyebrow. "What sort of stuff do you…I mean, do you actually…what I'm trying to ask is, are you a—"
A bell tolled and the girl's amused expression disappeared instantly.
"I h-have to go," she blurted, clasping the books in her arms more tightly. "I've…I've got a c-class. I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay. I've got one too." I gave her a grin. "Occupational hazard of going to college, I guess."
Her lips lifted in a lopsided little smile, one I instantly loved. It reminded me of Xander's grin, only with a lot less confidence and a lot more innocence.
"But I will see you again?" I asked, uncertain of why the answer was so important to me. "At the group?"
She nodded. "I-I'd like that."
My grin widened. "Hey, maybe you can save me a spot on the floor next to you! I'd love to see the wacky view from below."
Her smile grew shyer and she nodded. "I-I'll be sure to…to save you a spot. Like y-you said."
"Cool." Reaching out on pure instinct, I touched her arm. "I'll see you."
"B-bye," she called after me. I smiled once more over my shoulder, glad to have met this sweet girl. It was refreshing to meet someone so nice and obviously gentle. And suddenly I couldn't wait for the next meeting. That was refreshing too; I'd been growing to dread each time I had to sit with those phonies. Maybe with Tara, I could find entertainment in it again.
And maybe I could find out what it was I had felt radiating from her. That had been puzzling, to be sure, but it was certainly worth looking into.
A/N: Okay, I'm at a crossroads. Part of me wants to continue this, but the other part is content with leaving it a one-shot. So I suppose it's up to you guys. Review and let me know which you think is best and I'll go from there.