As soon as Lucy got home, Gray knew he was fucked. She had this murderous gleam in her eyes – the kind that made him know it was probably wisest to turn tail and run right then.

Before he could act on his thoughts, her hand reached out and snatched at the back of his collar.

"Hold it," she growled. "You and I are having words, dear brother."

Damn it! He knew he should've taken off his shirt… a stroke of genius hit him suddenly. He could take off his shirt at that moment.

Practically laughing at his pure smartness, Gray wriggled out of his shirt and bolted from the stairs, hearing Lucy's angry shrieks from behind him.

"You get back here!" she screeched, charging after him.

"Hahahahahaha!" he laughed maniacally. "Over my dead body, Heartfilia!"

That's when he heard her scream in a way that seemed a bit more scared than angry. He turned around from his vantage point at the top of the stairs to see her sprawled out on the ground, making small noises of pain.

Shit shoot shot.

Scrunching up his face in determination, he gathered his courage and carefully headed back down the stairs to approach his volatile, potentially explosive half-sister. Please let there be no tears. Please let there be no tears.

"Lucy… you okay?"

Lucy sprung up, tackling him and grabbing his thumb. She sat on his stomach and bent his finger back.

Shitshitshitshit. Fingers were not fucking meant to bend that way.

"You said you'd give me a ride!" yelled Lucy, showing no mercy. "But you left without me! Why?! I don't even know! All I know is that I went to meet you at the stupid tree and you weren't there and I had to stand there like an idiot without a car for an hour while the freshmen laughed at me. The freshmen!"

"I'm sorry! I won't do it again, I swear," promised Gray. He looked at his finger with sympathy. Sorry little guy. If you were a human, would you be screaming?

"Damn right you won't!" growled Lucy, finally releasing him.

Gray sat up, massaging his hurt finger. "Did you really have to bend it back that far?" he griped.

Lucy grinned to herself in victory. "If it made you listen," she smirked, tossing her hair. Which didn't really work, seeing as she got her hair stuck in her bracelet. "Owwww," she complained, trying to tug her hair out of the bracelet's dangly charm things.

"Whatever," dismissed Gray, dropping his finger so that she wouldn't know how much it hurt because ow. "I'm hungry."

"I would've made snacks if you hadn't abandoned me," pointed out Lucy, freeing her wrist from her hair. "You'd better not try anything like that again, 'cause Ur is teaching me all kinds of new self-defense techniques. Before you know it, I'll be just as good as you!"

"Yeah, and when 'Tear gets back from graduate school, she'll put both of us back in our places and we'll never brag about our awesome ninja skills again," reminded Gray, pushing himself to his feet.

Immediately, Lucy shrunk back. "I don't like it when she and Lyon visit," she admitted. "They make me feel out of place."

Gray sighed and reached out a hand to her to yank her back to her feet. "Yeah, well, it's their fault for being fucking old and already being in college by the time you came," he said. "'Sides, you're the only uncomfortable one. They don't care."

"You sure?" asked Lucy, smoothing down her skirt.

"Yeah, definitely."

"Y'know, you're kind of a good brother sometimes," grinned Lucy, flashing him a thumbs-up.

Gray groaned. "And you're a lame-ass sister. Who the fuck does thumbs-up anymore?"

"I do," scowled Lucy, offended.

"Whatever. Go make me some food, woman."

"That's sexist! You think all woman make food, huh?"

"What? If you were a guy, I would've told you to make food, too. I'm hungry. And I know you can cook, so…"

…

"… I'll make you the food if you give me rights to the car until we go to college," Lucy decided with a self-satisfied smirk.

"What? No way!"