Things are suppose to be normal now.
Things are suppose to be normal now.
Things are not normal now.
Quinn takes a deep breath as she stares at her house. It's suppose to be her home, her mother is at the door, standing, waiting, smiling, but it still doesn't feel like home.
"Quinn dear, are you going to come inside?"
She hears her mother, picks up her bags and nods slowly as she walks toward the door. Everything should feel right again, no baby, no obstacles in her way, but nothing, nothing feels right anymore.
She walks in her bedroom and sits down her bags. She has no clothes, nothing that actually fits. Everything is too small, or too big, and she honestly doesn't care. She's a former Cheerio, getting in shape won't be a problem, but she's not sure she wants to be a size zero again. She's not sure of anything anymore.
She has stretch marks and no baby, out of control hormones and no child. Her body will never be the same, and her Beth will never be hers to hold again. She did this, and she doesn't regret it, but it doesn't mean she understands.
"Quinn, would you like to order out tonight? Your choice." Her mother calls. She wants to go back to Mercedes' house, it felt safe, felt like a home, but she can't. Her mother begged for a second chance, and she's allowed it. She's still a child herself, and deep down she wants her mother. Still, it hurts, everything that has happened hurts.
She walks quietly into the kitchen and stares at her mother. "Can we just have bacon and eggs," she asks in a soft voice. "I really want bacon and eggs."
"Quinn, what kind of…" Her mother begins, but stops short of finishing the sentence. "Breakfast for dinner is a nice idea darling."
"I'll be in my room. Call me when it's ready," she speaks with a nod as she turns and leaves her mother with her mouth slightly gapped.
Nothing will ever be the same again.
She gets a relationship request on Facebook from Puck, and has to refresh the page twice to make sure she's looking at it right. She doesn't confirm it, but she doesn't ignore it either. Instead, she just stares at it, trying to understand what it all means. She really isn't sure how she feels about Puck, but she knows it's apparently not the same as he feels about her. When she finally logs out of her Facebook she texts him and tells him they need to talk. This isn't a conversation she's prepared for, but that seems to be the theme of her life lately.
When she meets Puck at the football field, he's all smiles and she really hates it.
"Finn said Shelby is on Berry's Facebook! She has pictures up of Beth and Berry is gonna let us see them…"
"Puck, stop."
"Stop? Huh? Dude, you ever gonna accept the whole relationship status thing? Seriously, it almost hurts the ego."
She closes her eyes and looks away. "I can't."
"Can't what?"
"I can't do this," she speaks. "Any of it."
"Hey, if you don't want to talk about Beth yet.."
His tone is almost soft, very not Puck like, and it makes her squirm a little from her seat on the bleachers. "Beth isn't ours. She's gone, just let her be gone already," she speaks firmly. "I'm just done with it all okay?"
"You done with me too Q?" He asks in an icy tone.
"Didn't realize we had ever started," she speaks harshly.
He glares at her as he stands to her feet and she forces herself to stare straight ahead. She can't look at him, look at his eyes, the ones that look like Beth's, can't kiss him and not think about that night. She can't, just can't, and she won't.
"You said you loved me," he mutters staring down at the ground.
"No," she speaks directly. "I asked you if you loved me."
"Yeah, but dude, why would you do that if…"
"Maybe I just wanted to hear it from someone," she speaks staring him in the eyes. "Seriously, it was nice to see you have an actual heart in there," she forces with a tight smile. This is the part she knows will send him over the edge. This is the part she's been dreading since she sat down.
"Can't believe I screwed over Finn for the likes of you," he states giving her one final glare before he walks off. When he stops to look back one final time, she makes sure to look away.
The next day when she sees Puck and Rachel huddled up together by Rachel's locker staring at her iPhone and grinning like idiots she doesn't bother to question why. She just has to swallow the lump in her throat and will herself to walk away, before she's tempted to stop and look at the images on the phone herself.