'' Every shinigami get the zanpakuto which fits and complements him. Zanpakuto are, to a great extent, part of their shinigami. They don't just drop out of nowhere. So there has to be a reason why this shinigami has got this zanpakuto and not another'
---Zanpakutology for dummies--
''And then, she grabbed Ouzoukimaru. Man, I'm telling you it doesn't feel good at all'' Ikkaku said, shuddertng at the memory. '' That's why, going out with non-shinigami girl is problematic, they don't know the basic of shingami rules...''
''How does it feel?' Kira inquired,curious.
''It's like somebody suddenly grabbed your balls, just like that, you know?'' Ikkaku said , scratching the side of his shiny head.
'' God, I know what you mean''Shuuhei nodded '' They are always perverted people, who take advantage of crowded place , to grope you. I swear, there was that one time ...''
''Yeah, right'' Iba cut off , as he downed another bottle ''You sure you weren't the one groping the other...''
''OI!''Shuuhei yelled ''I don't go around groping people! I may be a pervert but even I have limits...''
Yumichika massaged his temple as he was listening to the idiotic conversation.
'' How unbeautiful!'' He huffed. '' How can you talk about the ultimate demonstration of love and trust between two shinigami so lightly''
The others merely blinked at him, confused.
'You can't compared the action of touching another shinigami's Zanpakuto to ''grabbing his balls'' Yumichika said calmly, as he was making the quotation marks gesture with his hands.'' Your Zanpakuto is linked to your soul, it a very intimate object that you don't play with, idiots! Touching somebody's zanpakuto without permission, is like breaching in the shinigamy intimacy, but in the deepest place in your soul. It's like grabbing somebody's heart with bare hand when they are still alive,; every single hair stand on your skin and your are immobile as statue, like you've been frozen. And believe me, it takes time to recover.''
Yumichika nodded to himself as the other finally understood the deep meaning of his words. They were now all looking at him with captivated eyes.
'' But when, it somebody you love who do this'' He continued. '' It feel impossibly good. Nobody can, in all honesty describe this feeling, since it uncomparable, but the souls of the two shinigami merged together and they create the deepest bond that exists between two shinigami. '' He finnished.
''How cheesy'' Ikkaku said after a while, interrupting the hazy silence that followed Yumichika's speech ''I said exactly the same thing but with different words, you didn't let me finnish'' Ikkaku shook his head disapprovingly. ''You need to let the other talk as well...''
Somebody with a minimum of self-preservation would have stopped talking , at the word ''Cheesy'' (Somebody even more clever wouldn't have said that to the fYUmichika Ayasegawa's' face) The fifth seat of the eleventh division glared murderoulsy. But Ikkaku, being , visibly, deprived of such an instinct, continued, ignoring the fifth seat left eyebrow that was twiching dangerously.
'' So , let's continue with my metaphore: it's like somebody's grabbing your balls, sometimes it feel good,because you like the person , but when somebody you don't like grab your balls, man, it weird. Lemme show you, Yumi... Ow!''
Yumichika slapped Ikkaku across the head with a rare violence and stomped away. The blow send Ikkaku crashing on the floor, who visibly had some trouble to stand up.
''Such a scary guy, the eleventh's fifth seat'' Kira whistled.
'' I can't believe , he actually tried to grab Yumichika's balls'' Shuuhei said.''He's crazy''
The others nodded silently...