"I'm merely suggesting that in stead of red piping and blue ties, we'd do blue piping and red ties," Blaine tried to say through the thunderous noise of every single warbler protesting against his suggestion. Blaine rolled his eyes. He let his eyes dart over the group of uniformed boys. Again, he concluded the boy with light skin he was looking for wasn't there. He worried wondering why Kurt wasn't there. Kurt should be there, Kurt was always there when he was at Dalton.
Suddenly the door opened slowly. Every single Warbler in the room held their mouth, looking up to who was coming. Blaine knew who it was, even before he saw him. Kurt was clothed in black, his face had fallen into a frown, his eyes were thick with tears. Blaine frowned, too, worried about his best friend.
"Kurt what's wrong?"Blaine asked immediately. Kurt's eyes darted towards Blaine and Blaine looked at him still, his eyes worried. He didn't know what was wrong with Kurt but he did really want to know. Kurt certainly looked like he had been crying all day.
"It's just my mother," Kurt said, staring at Blaine now, like nobody else was there. Blaine was very impressed of how Kurt was able to block everyone else from a room. Right now he wish he could forget everyone else and just hug Kurt. But Kurt probably even didn't want to get hugged. Maybe it was better if he didn't.
"You mother?" Blaine asked, even more worried. Everything he knew from Kurt's mother was that she died when Kurt was really, really young. He wondered what made him think of her like this again. He worried, maybe he needed to do something?
"She died ten years ago," Kurt whispered. His eyes were still only focused on Blaine, staring into Blaine's eyes with a certain fire Blaine couldn't understand.
"Oh my god I'm so sorry," Blaine whispered.
"I know it's weird to grieve over something like this- ten years- but-," he sniffed. Blaine wanted to tell him it wasn't weird, not at all. But he couldn't because Kurt didn't let him.
"Now I know we're supposed to duab behind Blaine while he gets all the solos but I would really present a song for my mom," Kurt whispered. Blaine's eyes shot at Wes and he nodded.
"Of course," he mouthed. Kurt didn't seem to notice, he just passed the music to David who put it in the CD player.
Kurt's voice sounded high in the first notes and as Blaine recognized the song he felt goose bumps over his entire body, shivering slightly.
Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
Kurt looked so beautiful while singing this. Tears were streaming down his face. He was walking through the choir room and looking up like he was singing to his mother. He was wonderful, beautiful.
It struck Blaine then. How could he ever missed the love he felt for this boy? So beautiful even in grieve, even in tears? All he wanted to do was make him feel better, in any way possible. His yes followed Kurt as he sang further.
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting youSome days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
Now Blaine felt like crying and he just watched Kurt. Kurt was now looking back at him and all Blaine could do was stare back in those beautiful blue-green eyes, touched by Kurt's voice, his beautifulness through the sadness on his face. He felt the tears suddenly spreading down his face as he heard the hurt in Kurt's voice clearly while he tore his eyes away from Blaine and he felt a hand on his shoulder. Wes was looking at him, and he knew Blaine knew. Blaine couldn't do anything but wipe a single tear off his cheek and then watching Kurt again.
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohIf I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back timeI'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you
He ended the song as perfectly as it had begun. Blaine blinked. How could he have bene able to not recognize his love for Kurt? It was warm in his heart, crying for attention. Blaine took a deep breath but it didn't go away. He wasn't going to held it back. He needed Kurt to know he cared about him. A lot. Kurt deserved to know.
Blaine pulled his car into the parking lot of the church and looked at the rain. It was pouring down, making the streets soaking wet. He knew he was going to be soaking wet if he'd go outside, but he didn't even mind. He opened his door and got out. His eyes scanned the graveyard behind the church and the boy he was looking for wasn't hard to be found. He was the only one there, standing in the rain at a white gravestone. Blaine felt his throat hurt as he tried to hold the tears and cries back and walked over to where Kurt was standing. He didn't hear Blaine, at first. He was talking to his mother, probably. His voice wasn't much more than a whisper. Blaine couldn't hear it yet, he was too far away. He walked closer, finally getting into hearing distance.
"It's really annoying, but it's better this way. I know it's disappointing, but I will once make it well again. I just couldn't stand it anymore. But you know how I feel about clothing. I'm still feeling the same. I mean you thaught me that, didn't you? The uniforms are actually boring. The school is great, though. At least there's Blaine. I hope I can introduce him to you soon-," Kurt babbled on. He didn't seem to have a problem with it at all. Blaine didn't doubt he did this more often.
"Why don't you, Kurt?" Blaine whispered softly not to startle him. Kurt turned around and looked at Blaine, surprised. He then blushed slightly.
"Hey Blaine," he just said and then he turned to the white stone again. Blaine looked over his shoulder.
Elizabeth Hummel – Johnsen
I will miss you mommy
We will all miss you, dear.
Blaine thought that was one of the most touching gravestones ever, just because it was so unprofessional and direct. Blaine was sure young Kurt had put his foot down to put something on there as well. Something personal. Blaine felt tears welling up.
"This is him, Mom. This is Blaine," he simply said before turning around to Blaine again. He screwed his eyes shut just a tiny bit.
"Hey, I didn't expect you here," Kurt said. Blaine shrugged.
"I didn't want you to be alone," he simply said. Kurt had been crying, of course.
"Ten years," he continued, and Kurt nodded.
"I can't believe you lost her when you were seven." Blaine sighed in a whisper. He'd never been good with all this, but he didn't want to make Kurt feel worse.
"No, me neither. It seems a whole lot longer than ten years, Blaine," Kurt said, he was still staring at his mother's grave.
"How was she like? If you don't mind telling, of course?" Blaine asked silently. Kurt smiled, it looked like something like this was exactly what he needed and Blaine wondered why that always seemed to happen between them. Kurt got hold of his hand for the support while starting to talk and Blaine didn't mind.
"My mother always knew I was special, she said. She let me burrow her shoes and once even a dress. I ruined it, trying to make it fit, and then I had my own dress. She was mad at first but then called me 'her pretty little designer'. My dad never really got that, but she was right." He sniffed, and Blaine squeezed his hand. He felt a tear well up and stream down his cheek.
"In her old closet it smells like her perfume. It's amazingly sweet and it reminds me of her. Sometimes I lie there just to be able to be with her. She was beautiful, Blaine. I miss her." He tilted his head up to catch some rain drops before continuing.
"She always took me to these dancing classes and we did karaoke. She loved to sing, too. That's why I love it. She had an amazing voice. We took a few ballet lessons together. Mother and daughter, the folder had said. My mom put her foot down so I could join. It was the best time of my life," Kurt went on. He fell silent then, going back into his memories.
"You can do ballet?" Blaine asked softly. Kurt laughed.
"Yes, I can," Kurt simply told Blaine. Blaine stared at Kurt for a while. They then both heard footsteps coming closer and Blaine turned around to see Kurt's father walking towards him.
"Hello Kiddo," he said, and then he watched Blaine.
"I didn't know your friend was coming, Kurt?" he asked. Kurt nodded and sniffed.
"Can he stay?" He just asked. Kurt's father didn't seem to have to think about it, seeming he nodded at once. Kurt smiled. His father put down flowers and then looked at Kurt expectantly. Kurt smiled.
"I always sing, because she loved my voice. I prepared something. Take a step back, okay?" Kurt whispered. Blaine did so. He looked at the tears falling down his cheeks. He looked so beautiful, and all Blaine wanted to do was hug him. To make him feel better. That made him realise just how much Kurt meant to him.
In my head
like a see of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can almost see you smile
Feel the warmth of your embrace
There is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?
Sweet darling
You worry too much
My Child
See sadness in your eyes
You are not
Alone in life
Although you might think
That you are
Never thought this day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world
Just carry on
I feel so lost when you're not at my side
There is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?
Sweet darling you worry too much
My child
See sadness in your eyes
You are not
Alone in life
Although you might think
That you are
So sorry
Your world is so dark
I watched you feel these lives
Rest your head
And go to sleep
'cause my darling
this is not
our farewell
This is not
Our farewell
And when Kurt turned away tears streaming down his face, to hug his crying father, Blaine realised he looked so beautiful. He wanted to make it right for Kurt.
"Hey Kurt," Blaine said as he walked towards Kurt, sitting on the grass far away from his father, who had just gone home.
"Oh hello Blaine,"
"What were you doing?" Blaine asked, sitting down next to him. Kurt shrugged.
"Nothing special. What are you doing here?" He asked curiously. Blaine tried to hold his eyes from Kurt's face all the time, but didn't succeed.
"It wanted to- talk to you about something?" Blaine mumbled, his heart already racing like crazy.
"Okay. Can I say something first?" Kurt asked quickly. Blaine nodded.
"Thank you for today. You were amazing, Blaine, really. I'm sure my mom liked you, too," Kurt said, flashing Blaine the most adorable grin. Blaine smiled, too.
"You are welcome. I surely hope she did," Blaine said. Kurt smiled.
"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked. Blaine just stared down at Kurt's hand, folded into his lap. He couldn't take his eyes away from those soft hands. Finally he knew why, now. He reached down and took his hand.
"Kurt I- you were so strong at your mother's memorial today. That was really- you looked so strong. You miss her so much, but you can live with that, I really, deeply, respect that," Blaine began. Kurt didn't seem to be able to do anything but stare at their strangled hands.
Blaine looked at his soft face. How didn't he notice how absolutely amazing he was? How did Blaine not notice before? He took a deep, deep breath and squeezed Kurt's hand again, looking into his eyes.
"You singing at the memorial and seeing you be that strong, even though you miss her so much. Seeing how you showed your emotion like that in front of me, your dad, your mom. It got me thinking, Kurt," Blaine felt himself choke up and so did Kurt. Blaine's hazel eyes were locked into Kurt's Green and blue ones, and there didn't seem a possibility they were ever going to look away from each other again. Kurt still looked astonished, as if he thought he was dreaming.
"Kurt we need to be honest," Blaine said, he squeezed his hand before lifting it from Kurt's. He felt Kurt try to grab it back and Blaine almost let him. But he had thought this out very well.
"Kurt I- I deeply care about you," Blaine whispered. Kurt's beautiful eyes grew a little bigger and his hand made soft thud as he gave up on getting Blaine's hand back.
"I think that us, being friends…" Blaine paused, not sure if he was able to continue. Kurt looked at him, tears welling up in his eyes again. He couldn't stop now, he would hurt Kurt and he was never going to allow anyone to hurt Kurt anymore, not even himself. He locked their eyes again.
"Us being friends would just be us lying to ourselves, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice a soft whisper.
"We are so much more than that."
Blaine still looked at Kurt, now putting his hand on Kurt's cheek. Kurt's eyes grew big and he softly looked down at Blaine. Blaine's eyes darted towards Kurt's lips and Kurt's eyes did the same, examining Blaine's. Blaine felt Kurt slightly lean into his hand and that did it for Blaine. He softly bend over and Kurt closed his eyes just before Blaine did. Then their lips met and it was the most amazing feeling. Kurt's lips were as soft as Blaine had always imagined them to be. And Kurt was kissing him back. He was breathing heavily and now Kurt's hand cupped Blaine's cheek and Kurt's lips moved against Blaine's lips, synchronized, as if their lips were made for each other. And Blaine was now sure they were, because otherwise this was not able to feel this good. Blaine screwed his eyes closed more. He then pulled away quickly and Kurt's hand fell into Blaine's lap. They were pushed up close to each other on the grass, knees knocking against each other, rain pouring down their faces as it had started to fall again. They seemed to stare into each other's eyes for ages before Kurt giggled nervously.
"Blaine- I-," but he didn't say more because there was nothing to say. Everything was perfect. Blaine smiled, feeling his cheeks warm with a blush. Kurt's eyes traced the blush, it going all the way down his neck. He then leaned forward again and their lips touched once more. It was even better than the first time. Blaine now felt Kurt's hand in his hair and now Kurt was actually tracing Blaine's lower lip with his tongue, examining him, and Blaine moaned. Kurt pulled back hesitantly. Blaine took a deep breath and leaned towards Kurt, his head on his shoulder. Kurt put his arms around Blaine and Blaine copied them. It was silent for a while.
"Took you long enough to realise," Blaine heard Kurt say then, and he pushed back just a little bit to be able to look at Kurt. His blue-green eyes were shining with tears, but he didn't seem sad at all.
"What do you mean?" Blaine asked with a confused tone in his voice. His arms were still draped around Kurt's waist. He didn't feel like ever removing them again. Kurt chuckled then, the most adorable sound.
"Well-," he said, hesitatingly. Blaine raised his eyebrows to push him to tell.
"When you were drunk, you-," Blaine groaned, hiding his face in Kurt's shoulder and Kurt laugh rang through his ears. It was the most beautiful sound he knew.
"Let me finish, Blaine," Kurt mumbled in his ear. Blaine nodded silently, still his head on Kurt's shoulder. It felt comfortable and this way he wouldn't have to look at Kurt telling a story about that awkward time he got too drunk.
"When you were drunk I took you to my room, and you told me you wished we could have kissed with spin the bottle because you thought my lips looked so soft. Softer than Rachel's. Which you found odd because she was a girl and I wasn't," Kurt explained. Blaine groaned again.
"I did?" He asked, now lifting his head. Kurt nodded in all seriousness.
"And then you kissed my cheek and fell unconscious on my bed." He seemed to find the memory funny. Or at least he thought about it as a good memory, judging by his smile.
"Oh I did. I can't remember any of that," Blaine mumbled, feeling his cheeks redden.
"I think you don't remember how you hugged me in your sleep, twice."
"I didn't really do that, did I?" Blaine said, blushing. Kurt nodded.
"You did." Blaine just sighed and hid his face in Kurt's shoulder again and Kurt chuckled again.
"Then you woke up, totally not remembering any of it. With those adorable curls you didn't seem to be aware of," Kurt mumbled softly, almost as if he hoped Blaine didn't hear. His hands were going through Blaine's curls at the exact moment. The rain had washed out all of his hair gel, but Kurt didn't seem to mind a bit.
"That must have been terrible for you, Kurt," Blaine finally knew to choke up. Kurt didn't answer at first, he seemed lost in the smaller boys curls. Finally, he started to talk.
"It was, at first. But then I realised. I realised that you actually did like me, and even though you didn't know that yourself, I did. I realised there might be a chance you would realise yourself too. I hoped so." Blaine felt Kurt putting his chin on his head then and Blaine closed his eyes at how close they were.
"I'm sorry for being oblivious, Kurt," Blaine mumbled. He could feel Kurt laugh.
"I'm glad you realised eventually," Kurt said simply. Blaine couldn't but agree with him wholeheartedly. He pulled back a little bit and Kurt pulled his head up, wondering why Blaine had pulled away.
"Now you have to put up with me, though," Blaine whispered, a smile playing around his lips. Kurt smiled, too.
"I don't mind at all," he said. Now Blaine leaned forward slightly, cupping Kurt's face in his hand and staring in the most beautiful eyes he would ever see. Kurt closed the little space between them and his sweet, soft lips pressed against Blaine's ever so slightly.