Summary: The hardest thing in life is to lie, to look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you. It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do to turn around and walk away. [The story and title was based from the Song – The Hardest Thing]
Disclaimer: I absolutely, admittedly don't own the characters and the show Glee.
This was never supposed to happen. I know deep down I love my wife or else why will I be married to her. The problem is and I'm also at fault, I got into a situation I don't know how to let go and I guess I don't want to because just the thought of kissing this woman on the lips - her sweet and delicious thin lips - I noticed that I am crazy for her and I'm craving more of her.
My wife, Lara is a very important person to me. She was once my best friend and we fell in love along the way. I've been with her for four years and those long years was spent with me giving sacrifices to tend to her needs and happiness. We were envied by other couples because we get along so well and aside from that we were very much in loved. Lara and I are no different to other married couples out there. We fought verbally sometimes and she got to be very stubborn than me so it was me who constantly tries to understand her and it was fine since she is my wife.
Something must've changed along the way. It's wrong in many ways to love another woman aside from your wife. Which led to the conclusion that we need to stop whatever this is or everyone will get hurt in the end.
I sit tensely on the couch waiting for a long blonde hair to come out of the kitchen as she prepares a drink for me. I fiddled with my hands that was in my lap to calm down my senses. I don't think I can do this it was never my intention to fall for someone else. You can't control who you fall in love. I told myself that.
But how about my wife?
This was a tough decision to make and for weeks of thinking this over I've made a choice.
"Here's your drink miss. Anything else you want?" A very gentle voice can be heard in my ears. Her voice is like a melody to me I couldn't stop but wanting to have her voice in repeat.
I smiled up at her. I can see she was flirting again. She's so darn cute! I was about to throw something flirtatious back but I remembered what I was here for. So I stopped myself from saying, that I really want her.
"Thanks, Britt. The juice is okay" Brittany nodded and hands me the drink. Our skin touches just a little bit but even with just a simple touch sends an immediate reaction to my skin. Like a teenager who just experienced making a skin on skin contact with her crush.
Brittany sat a few inches away from me on the sofa. She must've caught something when I was acting kind of weird the moment I step foot in her apartment.
"What's up, San? I wasn't expecting you to be here." Oh, right! Dammit! I should have called first before arriving here. When the guilt overflowed I begun to panic and I wasn't thinking sooner. Maybe she doesn't want me here right now?
"Sorry. I should have called you before running short here but this can't wait any longer Britt. You have to hear me out, please.." I uttered in a plea. Brittany throws me a worried look.
"Are you okay, Santana?" Brittany closed the remaining space we have on the sofa so she's sitting next to me.
But I didn't reply. I'm not sure what I feel this moment it's just so confusing.
"San.. You're freaking me out what's wrong?" Brittany puts a hand on my shoulder, she was trying to comfort me but it was no use.
What I know is that, it was now or never.
"I don't love you Britt." I closed my eyes so tight. I have my speech ready and have it memorize in my head a hundred times so I won't forget what I am trying to say.
I waited for Brittany to explode, I was ready to get those because I know I deserve it but few minutes later the place was still so quiet. I peeked one eye open finding Brittany staring at me with no hatred or anger which surprises me but what drew my heart aches was the sadness you can see in her eyes. The spark was gone and she was almost pouting at me.
"Why do you have your eyes closed?" What I can't believe in this situation was for her asking me that instead for a reaction so it made me a little angry that I snapped at her suddenly without meaning it to.
"Is that all you can say? I just told you I don't love you and you're asking me that!?" I shut my mouth up after yelling at her. I can't believe her sometimes. I don't get her either. Why is she not mad? I hate to say this and feels kind of hurt but doesn't she loves me enough not to care!
Brittany was not looking at me anymore. I guess I must've scared her a little.
The living room is filled with tension and I almost get up and run away. I can't handle being in this situation with her. It's just too much! I was about to say something to kill the silence but she began talking. At first I thought she wouldn't say anything or not wanting to talk to me after what I did but she speak so silently that I almost couldn't catch what she's saying.
"I know you're lying Santana. Admit it." Am I too obvious for you Britt?
I sighed. She peered into my eyes straining to see through my lies if I was being honest or not but I didn't let her. I made up my mind to get up from the sofa and look away from her gaze.
"This is wrong. We both know so well that what we're doing is wrong so it needs to stop right now, Britt. I have a wife at home waiting for me at our house. I'm married and I'm so sorry because I used you. Lara and I were kind of off this past few months and I needed someone to fill my own needs as well and then I saw you. " I was struggling so hard to look straight in her eyes to make her believe what I said is true. Of course! I wasn't using her. The first time I laid my eyes on her there was an instant connection and since then I can't stop but think of her. Why is it possible not to control your feelings anyway?
"I know," Brittany nodded, her eyes brimming with tears and she wiped it away quickly. I feel so badly for her. I want to go to hell for hurting her like this. A woman like her should not be with a person like me. She is too good for me. She should be with someone who can be with her. Who can treat and love her more than anything. She needs someone who's single and not to get involved with a married woman. I hope she understands why I'm doing this. I'm falling so hard for her and it's not safe anymore. I have a wife and sooner she will ask for kids so our family will be the perfect family she wanted and I can't bare hurting Brittany so much more than anything.
"I'm so sorry Brittany" Brittany shakes her head no. She looks so small right now and I just want to wrap her in my arms so I did. I went back to my seat to embrace her. How much I will miss her tender body and sweet smell and how her soft silky hair slides down my fingers when I reached for it.
Brittany doesn't respond instead she hug me back tightly as ever making it harder for me to leave but we both know that I have to and the right moment was now. No one wants to break free from the hold. I was relishing the very last moment to remember her touch forever. I also cried, it hurts this much.
She pulled back first from the hug. Without thinking I kissed her on the lips, at first it was slow but it gets heated and sooner we are kissing with our tongues and mouth. I wrap my arms on her neck pulling her impossibly closer. This is where I want her to be. In my arms. But I can't, my hands are tied and my heart's not free. I also have promises to keep and someone else who loves me and it brings me back to Lara.
I stopped kissing Brittany standing up abruptly. I panicked. I looked at Brittany's face one last time before running away from Brittany, out on her life.
...
Ikr? Phew. So anyway guys please tell me what you think. I need some feedback from you to keep moving, It's my way of motivating myself to continue this story and I'm improving my English as well so help me. :)