Though I wish at 11:11 every day and night I still don't own glee =(
There's a part of her that feels betrayed. As though he had done this to her on purpose, like the years of being slushied weren't enough. It's silly because Noah hadn't wanted to give away his little girl just as she hadn't wanted her mom to walk out of her life. Her birth mother. Not her mom… she still has to remind herself that there is a difference; a big one. She is Sophia's mom now. Underneath this misplaced sense of betrayal there is understanding and appreciation. When Rachel was born she was in no position to be the mom Rachel deserved. She was the birth giver, her fathers were the parents. It's this sense of understanding that draws her to Noah, because as much as he loves his daughter he knows that he's in no position to provide the life Sophia deserves.
He answers the door in a pair of board shorts and a beater, she ignores the bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand and confused look on his face as she walks in. She makes a beeline to the living room and pulls out bottles of Gin and Tonic. He doesn't say a word to her, why should he, she's got alcohol and isn't talking. This is one of those moments that he's pretty sure Rachel Berry knows him better than anyone in his life. "Visiting my aunt in Cincinnati" he says as she glances at the stairs. His aunt had invited them all but his mom thought he needed time to himself, which he did but at the same time being alone sucked. She nods, still not talking but he doesn't need her to, because he gets it. He knows who adopted his little girl. He knows what it's like to have a parent let you down. Somewhere his son of a bitch father is being a saint to his new wife. Fuck them he thinks as he sits on the couch while she lines up the dvds in the player.
Rachel was deliberate in her entertainment selection. It couldn't be emotional, nothing with mothers or children, no Disney and nothing really thought provoking. This cut out most of her collection so she brought her daddy's favourite action movies. Picking the ones with the most violence, explosions and swearing. She might not seem like it but she enjoys a good fight scene every now and then. She picks up one of her pre-mixed drinks and sits on the arm of the couch her feet resting in Noah's lap. There's a pull between them, not like with her and Finn. It's more natural, like she wants to be near him. With Finn, it's more like something shoving her toward him. Being near Noah doesn't make her heart ache.
He has no idea what is so different about Rachel, but there's got to be something because she's there in his empty house with alcohol and his first thought is not about her banging body and the possibilities. That's his second thought. His first thought is that she looks sadder than he's ever seen her; which says a lot because he grew up with Rachel and he's seen her upset quite a few times (usually he's the cause). Her eyes are more amber than brown and he knows they can get as light as hazel depending on her mood. He takes her ankle in one hand and the other on the small of her back guiding her from the arm of the couch to his lap. She picks up the remote and presses play as she gets comfortable.
She doesn't think about where she is, who she's with or the way his fingers are subconsciously tracing his daughter's name into her skin. She doesn't think about the fact that she's not the least bit drunk even after three bottles. She doesn't think about Finn's declaration of love. She doesn't think about her birth mom. She doesn't think about her fathers' worried faces when she left the house. She doesn't think about why she didn't tell Finn she loved him too. She doesn't think about the fact that in a weird way Noah's daughter became her sister today. She thinks about two things, one being the movie and the second being Noah's heart beating in her ear.
It's midnight and he's sure that she's lost track of time but he can't bring himself to remind her. He doesn't want to be alone and that's all he's felt the last few months. Sure he's had Quinn but they aren't really together, they were just learning how to be friends because they were having a baby. But they weren't, they weren't having a child. Quinn was giving birth and he was losing his daughter. It's not the same, not the way it should be and he feels like a failure. He never wanted to be anything like his dad and now he feels like he's the spitting image, just another Lima loser that had a kid way too young and bailed. Well at least its only one child, he and Quinn hadn't made the same mistake twice. Sometimes he was jealous of his sister, she never knew the man, never hated him. Hopefully Sophia would be like Sarah; better she not think of him at all than hate him with everything she's got. His daddy issues go deeper than he's willing to admit.
By the third movie Rachel's pretty sure Noah's sleeping because it's late and he hasn't kicked her out yet. Not that she would leave, but still. She looks up and is confused to find him awake. She would think about what this means but the whole point of being here is so they don't have to think. This is really easy when it seems like he can read her mind. "They won't be back for a week." In Puck that means you can stay as long as you want. She doesn't think about how fluent she is in the language and just turns back to the TV. She's curled into his lap trying to soak up all the body heat she can, which is the only reason she lets out a soft moan of protest when he moves her off his lap to stand up. "Bathroom" and with that he walks down the hall. She presses pause and waits for him to come back. She's sure it's the gin causing her to blush when she sees a blanket in his hand.
"Bathroom" is all she says as she speed walks past him on his way back to the couch. He's pretty sure that's Berry speak for thanks when she's startled. He really did need to use the bathroom but the blankets were right there and he knew she was cold, it's not big a deal. Except it is, not that he got the blanket but that he cared or even noticed that she was cold. He thinks while she's gone. Not about Sophia but about caring. He cares about very few people but when he does care it's pretty much a lifetime commitment. He cares about Quinn (how could he not), Sophia, his mom and his sister. He cares about Finn even though he did what he did, he cares about Matt and Mike, and Rachel. It should surprise him but it doesn't. She's got this quality about her that makes her important to anyone who actually takes the time to get to know her. He takes another shot of JD cuz he's done thinking and Rachel's back.
The blanket is thrown down next to him and she doesn't know if it's cuz he doesn't want her in his lap anymore or his way of saying he's not cold and its all hers. She takes a sip of her drink and decides that unless he tells her otherwise she's gonna do what she wants. So she lays down placing a cushion in his lap and pulls her feet to her chin. He puts his feet up on the table as she pulls the blanket up. He runs his hand threw her hair as she presses play and then down her arm as the movie starts up again. When she shivers he pulls her closer to him she takes his hand in hers and brings it to her chest. His other hand runs through her hair as she falls asleep and he takes a shot before closing his eyes because he definitely doesn't want to think about this.
Rachel wakes up to find the room completely silent and empty. She clothes are a little askew but other than that she's in the same condition she left her house in. She looks around the room for a clock and sees a note on the table with her name on it. She doesn't really care where he went, he has to come back it's his house. She ignores the note and gets her phone out of her bag. So with the knowledge that it's four in the morning she decides she's going back to sleep. She grabs the note and her bag and makes her way upstairs. It might be an invasion of privacy but she'd rather sleep in a bed. His room isn't what she expected. There's a bed and a desk, a laptop on the floor and his guitar in its stand next to the closet. The bed isn't made but other than that he's room's pretty clean. She puts her bag on his desk chair and climbs into bed. She's asleep instantly and doesn't hear the door open.
Noah woke up at three and remembered that there was no food in the house. It was a little early to be thinking about breakfast but he was awake so he might as well. He hit the 24hr supermarket and then drove around for a bit. She was gone when he walked into the living room. He thought for a second that she'd left until he remembered her car was still in the driveway. He wasn't surprised that she had gone upstairs. He was surprised by how comfortable she looked in between his sheets. She rolled over when he closed the door but didn't wake up. He stripped down to his boxers, Rachel or no Rachel this is what he wore to bed. She rolled back over when he got into bed. There was this pull between them. It was natural like they had to be as close as possible. It was different with Quinn; that pull was rougher like two fuck-ups coming together. Being near Rachel didn't make him feel like a Lima Loser. He got into bed and under the blanket, he put his arm around her and she moved to lie against him. He didn't think about the kiss he placed against her temple and was asleep before he realized she had woken up.
She thinks as his breathing evens out. She didn't really know what to expect when she made up her mind to come over. Her fathers were worried about her, which was understandable; she'd come home extremely upset. She supposes skipping dinner and packing a bag hadn't made them worry less. She went to the den and calmly explained that Noah needed a friend and she needed Noah. They hadn't understood, really neither had she but the pull she felt toward him was stronger than ever and it was obvious that she wasn't taking no for an answer. Her fathers' hadn't said anything about the size of her bag or that she didn't really say when she was coming back. The Jewish community in Lima was small, they knew where Noah lived and his mother was an amazing woman so they knew she would be fine. Rachel closed her eyes and promised not to think again for at least a few hours. It was more confusing than anything else trying to figure out what was going on.
It was Noah's turn to wake up to an empty room. He turned his head toward the window and saw Rachel's bag in his computer chair. When his sleep daze wore off he heard the water running in his bathroom. He was pretty sure she'd brought her clothes in the bathroom with her but just in case he left to give her some privacy. He checks the clock in the hallway and realized that it's way too late of dinner and he might as well forget lunch and just start making dinner. He may not be the most domesticated guy but being raised by a single mom had made him a pretty awesome chef. Figure that Rachel was probably hungry he threw two steaks on the grill with some backing potatoes. The salad is all hers and he sets the patio table just in time. She walks down as he places the steak on the places.
Rachel had taken her time in the shower not really ready to be alone with him sans liquid courage. She wasn't ready to think or talk yet but she couldn't ignore her stomach much longer so she got dressed and followed the scent of delicious leading her down stairs. Seeing Noah at the grill made her feel lightheaded for some foreign reason she wasn't ready to identify. She grabbed the sour cream and cheese he had on the table and brought it out just in time to see him set the table. She smiled at him to say goodmorning/afternoon/whatever and was grateful when he just took them and smiled back. She didn't know if he wasn't ready to talk either or if he was doing it for her sake but they ate and cleaned up in silence. She finished the third movie while he showered and pretended not to hear her phone. It was Finn's ringtone and if she wasn't talking to Noah there was no way she was talking to Finn. The ringing had reminded her that she hadn't spoken to her dads.
Noah sits in the couch and watches her pace as she talks to her dad. His mom called while he was upstairs and she's actually glad Rachel's over to keep him company. If this had been a year ago he would have thought she was crazy, well crazier than usual but he and his mom both know he wasn't that guy anymore. Actually, he's not too sure who he is anymore. He's too messed up by what he isn't; he isn't a dad. He doesn't hear her hang up the phone, doesn't see her until she's kneeling in front of him with his hands in hers. "You would have been a good father." He doesn't know what made her say it, but he knows she means it and he's pretty sure he believes her. For some reason Rachel has always seen things in him before he did, before anyone did really (besides his family). But he sees her too, even when he's pretending he doesn't. "You were a good girlfriend, and he was an idiot". No matter what Noah had done to Rachel through the years no one had ever heart her the way Finn had, not even Jesse.
Rachel isn't sure how but she knows he means Finn and not Jesse, just like she isn't sure how he knows this was about Finn. She's just glad that he is as fluent in her as she is in him. He gets up and walks with her back to his bedroom. He tells her to get changed, they might as well go back to bed and they have school in the morning. She's pretty prepared to skip like she knows he wants to but she isn't opposed to lying in bed with him. She walks over to her bag pulls out her clothes and strips right there in front of him. It's not crude or sexual really; she just wants him to know that she's got no secrets from him and that she trusts him. He doesn't try to touch her and he keeps his eyes locked with her the entire time never looking down. He gets the message, even chuckles a bit, and then takes off his clothes. He takes her in his arms once she's dressed in her tank top and shorts and hugs her. Her arms move around his neck and she breathes him in "We're going to be okay".
He isn't sure how they'll get over their own personal issues, but he knows it's true, he wouldn't have said it otherwise. They were going to be fine. She walks them to the bed and gets under the covers. He just looks at her, taking her in. The curves of her body, the tone of her tanned skin, the shade of her eyes and natural curl of her hair. He pushes some hair out of her face and really looks at her. Both their fucked up lives had brought them here and as he kisses her he thinks this isn't the worst place to be. Actually this is probably the best place to end up, in bed with a girl that expects nothing from him but still believes he's capable of giving her everything she needs. She was going through hell and ended up here with him. They don't go any further than kissing. That's not what this is about. He pulls her on top of him and hopes she's comfortable because this is how he wants to sleep. He feels more than hears her whisper against his skin. "We're going to be okay."
She wakes up at 6 in the morning, he thinks she's insane and tells her to wake him up when she gets back from her jog. Yeah he works out, even jogs from time to time but please believe that all happens in the pm. She laughs because she really wasn't expecting him to be a morning person. They still aren't really talking, a few words here and there, some well placed kisses and soft touches are the only forms of communication they need right now. She grabs his iPod on her way out, all her music is memorized and she doesn't want to be reminded of anything. She gets back an hour later and he's fast asleep, it only takes 15mins to drive from Noah's house to the school so she lets him sleep while she takes a shower. He gets ready while she makes breakfast and they finish eating with a half hour to spare. She grabs his car keys and tosses them at him as he put his shoes on. After a trip to the 7-11 they arrive at school with plastic smiles and grape slushies.
Noah didn't kiss her after he dropped her off at her locker and he pretends not to see her fake smile get a little bit tighter. He wanted to but he wasn't sure how much of their home life they were carrying to school. When he goes to his locker during his spare he really wishes he'd kissed her. Finn is staring at her from across the hall and there was nothing to make it clear that she was off limits. So he's a dumb ass and Finn was free to stare, though by the looks of it it wasn't going to stop there. He tried to catch her eye as Finn walked towards her but she wouldn't look over. If he didn't know better he'd think she wasn't looking on purpose but she couldn't be that mad could she. She was looking right at Finn, or at least he thought she was until she seemed surprised to find Finn standing in front of her. That's when he notices Quinn a little to the left of where Finn was and realizes that he really is an idiot. While he was staring at the competition Rachel had been doing the same.
She can't be jealous of Quinn, the mother of his child, because she's in no position to be. They weren't a couple. A few kisses didn't make them a couple. Neither did her staying at his house. Or sleeping in his bed. Or driving with him to school. They weren't a couple and Noah had made that perfectly clear seeing as he hadn't so much as touched her once since they left the 7-11. She was fine with them not being a couple, they were both damaged and when, yes in her mind it was a matter of when not if, when they became a couple they would be all patched up. However not being a couple and not being anything are two very different things, they could still be something, something on its way to being a couple. But no, yet again she was disappointed. Except this time she was sure the guy was worth it. Before, with jesse and more importantly with Finn she had hoped and prayed and begged that they were worth it, because she cared about them. With Noah it was different, she knew he was. Sometimes though, he was really frustrating. All these thoughts were so distracting she didn't even notice Finn walk up to her.
He knows this is something she's going to have to deal with eventually. He doesn't know what Finn's latest crime is but he does know that sooner or later Rachel is going to have to decide how she's going to handle Finn. He doesn't have to like it though and he definitely does not. He walks over to Quinn, asks her how she's doing, offers his help and support and makes a promise to continue building that friendship because whether they were raising her or not, Sophia was their daughter and she deserved that. He hoped his body language showed Rachel that his feelings for Quinn were completely platonic as he walked her to her next class. Maybe, hopefully, if there was a God, knowing that he wasn't into Quinn would make up for this morning and keep her from forgiving Finn for whatever the fuck he'd done.
She knows he has a spare and if she didn't speak Noah she would be a little worried about him walking away with Quinn. Thankfully she does and she knows she has nothing to worry about from that end. Puck is the most wanted male in the school, maybe the town and Noah was the sweetest guy she'd ever known, that made for a deadly combination and competition was a fact of life. So was Finn. One problem at a time Berry. She skipped her third period and sat with Finn in the bleachers. She heard everything he had to say and realized that he was not the boy her heart had worshipped, he was not perfect or innocent or confused. When he had broken up with Rachel that was what he had wanted, and when he told her he loved her it had been impulsive, just like all his kisses and she knew better than to trust him with her heart. She tells him this in a way that he can understand, though she thinks maybe he didn't get it because he says he'll wait for her to come around. But there's only so much you can do in one conversation and she figures that's enough. She doesn't think about all the times before when she'd said she was done only to come back, things were different now. She was too jaded to think Finn would change and she had Noah now, or she would soon, either way she didn't need Finn.
He's standing outside of her English class but she never walks out. He goes to the cafe but she isn't there, he checks every place he can think of until he gives up and just texts her. He has no idea why she's sitting in the bed of his truck or how she even got up there. He just wants to make sure she's okay and find out why she skipped class. She isn't crying but she isn't happy. He doesn't say a word just sits behind her and pulls her into his arms. She says she's sorry too and he has no idea what she did but he's glad she forgives him. They spend forth period in his truck and then walk back into the school together, he still doesn't kiss her but his arm is around her shoulder and every guy that checks her out is given the Puckerman death glare. He doesn't know how to be a good boyfriend, but he's working on it. It's on his to-do list with everything else. When the boys ask him what's going on he pretends he has no idea what they mean.
Rachel barely says goodbye to Noah before she's dragged into the bathroom. Kurt has his hands on his hips and if this had been a year ago she would have been very afraid because every female member of glee is standing behind him looking fierce. Well all but Quinn, she's off to the side a little bit in front so he's in the middle. Rachel takes this as her way of saying she really isn't a part of the mob. They demand she tell them everything starting with why she drove with Puck and ending with why she skipped two classes. She tells them about Finn saying he loved her and her mom and talking to Finn on the bleachers. When Tina asks her what that has to do with Puck she says it doesn't and walks out. She doesn't miss the huff from Kurt or Mercedes coming up with scenarios on why she and Noah are suddenly friendlier or Quinn's smile of support. She wasn't lying, Noah has nothing to do with what's going on with Finn or her birth mom. She just didn't tell them that he has everything to do with why she hasn't lost her shit.
She calls her dad while Noah drives back to his house, they're wondering when she's going to come home. She looks at Noah and he gets the message to get lost so he hops out of the truck once it's in the driveway and takes their bags inside. She likes that he just knows she isn't going anywhere. She doesn't fight with her dads, just lets them know that she won't be home for the next couple of days and if anything happens she has her cell phone on her and if it's really bad they know where Noah lives. Her dad hangs up on her claiming that she is too stubborn to try and talk to over the phone and he'll see her in a week. Her daddy stays on the line and has the usual conversation about her day and her feelings and realizes she really is where she needs to be. Being a shrink did always come in handy when dealing with Rachel's personality.
Noah starts to make lunch and gives himself a minute to think. He doesn't like where his thoughts take him. Rachel hadn't told him what she and Finn talked about today, just said she probably wouldn't be speaking to him much anymore. Come to think about it Rachel hadn't talked to him much about Finn in a while. Not that he wanted to hear about Finn but there had been a time where that was all the girl could think about. None of this would matter if she wasn't sleeping in his bed. No one had ever slept in his bed, not even Quinn. He cared about her in a way he hadn't ever cared about a girl, he wanted it to be more than just the physical with Rachel and if she couldn't be honest about what was on her mind then there was no point in any of this. Except he's pretty sure he would have fallen apart without her here and now he feels like a girl. He just needs to know what's going on, if they aren't sure where this is headed that's cool but he wants to make sure they're on the same page. He blames her for all this emotional bullshit.
She doesn't know what happened while she was on the phone but by the time she walks into the house Noah is gone and Puck is back with a vengeance. He's back to not touching her, back to cold eyes and brooding, she hates it. Mood swings are so not her thing and since she was in the car during the change she knows her actions had nothing to do with it. She lets the hours pass but when he suggests he sleep on the couch she's positive it's time to cut the crap.
"You are not sleeping on the couch. What's wrong with the bed? Are you sick of me already Puckerman, huh what did I do? What's going on with you?"
Sure he was surprised, clearly what he thought acting normal was and the way he was actually acting were two different things. Surprised or not the lady had asked him a question and he had a few of his own but he cared about her which meant not fucking this, whatever they had up.
"Why are you here Rachel?"
And well she'll be damned. she's got nothing to say. Sure she's got reasons for being there but they're kind of hard to explain and the best she can come up with is I needed you. So she says that. And when he asks why she can only think to tell him what had happened the day before she showed up. That being her mom telling her she needed to start fresh somewhere away from Rachel and Finn telling her he loved her, them losing sectionals and her avoiding Finn and her mom adopting Sophia. Then there's the part where she went home crying and after a five minute conversation with Finn she had to hang up before she either killed him or threw-up because he basically demanded really that she forgive him and love him back and become his girlfriend. Then she tells him she packed her bags walked out the door and came here.
"I'll be downstairs." Because he really doesn't know what else to say after that. What do you do when the one thing holding you together tells you that she's only around because your former bestfriend broke her heart and then demanded forgiveness? She's confused, she doesn't know what to do about Finn and she sought him out. That's sound familiar, too close to home actually. He was not going back down that road, he was no Finn substitute. So he walked away as much as it might kill him not to hold her while she slept. And tomorrow he would talk to her about going back home, to her own house. He took all Berry related things off his mental to-do list and got comfortable on the couch.
She doesn't know why he doesn't sleep in his mom's room, or his sister's. She doesn't really care, all she knows is he isn't in bed with her like he should be. Sure it was only one night but she slept better than she ever had and that was a sign. In the big picture of life Noah Puckerman was it for her and she wasn't about to lose that. She waited until she knew he was asleep before creeping downstairs. She lies down next to him and wakes him up with kisses. She doesn't let him talk just touch, just feel. She'd tried talking before and it hadn't worked she needed to start speaking in a language he understood. He picked her up and carried her back to bed. They didn't say a word to each other just explored and worshipped. She doesn't want him to be Finn, that's not why she's there. She thinks he gets that now.
He doesn't know how he went from being pissed off sleeping on the couch to in bed making love to her but he's glad it happened. Glad they aren't fighting anymore, glad he didn't ruin things again by letting his insecurities make decisions for him. He can feel her breathing even out and there's just one thing he needs her to know before she falls asleep. She needs to know what she's getting herself into, needs to know this changes everything. "Mine"
One word, four letters and she thinks it may just have been the sweetest, most loving thing anyone's ever said to her, ever. They've got issues, less today than yesterday but they've still got them. They aren't a couple, yet, but they're getting there and they still aren't really talking but they are communicating. She doesn't know what to do so she brings her lips to his, her body on his and connects them in the most natural primitive way. The way he whispers mine against her skin lights her soul on fire. She doesn't know where they're going from here but she's certain they're going there together. Mine is the last thing she says before drifting off to sleep.