FF7 goes to the Super Bowl

It was about 5:00 in the afternoon. A car waited outside Sephiroths Mansion in the Northern Crater.

Cloud: *honking horn* Sephiroth! Hurry up, we're gonna be late for the Super Bowl!

Yes, the FF7 crew was going to the Super Bowl, one of the most prestigious events of the year. Cloud, Cait Sith, Vincent, Aeris, Yuffie, Tifa, Barret, Red, and Cid were packed into Clouds large, spacious buggy, waiting for Sephiroth. Soon, Sephiroth came running out and quickly jumped into the buggy, and they were off. Immediately, Cait Sith established his role as the most annoying of the characters.

Cait Sith(in the second row): 99 potions that cure on the wall! 99 potions that cure! take one down, give it to Cloud, 98 potions that cure on the wall.....98 po-

Cid(sitting in front of Cait Sith next to Cloud, who is driving): SHUT THE *&$#^)#)^% UP!

Cait: EXCUSE me! I was just trying to pass the time

Cloud(driving): well do it in a way that doesn't annoy the hell out of us

Cait: *pouting* fine!

Yuffie: hey, how much longer till we're there?

Cloud: about an hour

Yuffie: (*&%

Red(sitting on the floor under Tifa, who is sitting next to Yuffie and Cait in the second row): exactly who is playing in the Super Bowl?

Cid: The Rams and the Titans

Tifa: hey Aeris, how ya doin' back there with Barret and Sephiroth?

Aeris: fine

Tifa: good, we'll be there pretty soon

Aeris: awww, I was having fun sitting next to Seph here

Sephiroth: *groans*

Barret: this's coo'! I'm gonna get to see those Titans kick the crap out of da Rams! Heh heh

Cid: NO ()*&%ING WAY BARRET! Rams's gonna win it all!

Barret: Oh yeah? How much yo' wanna bet on that, foo'?

Cid: I'll bet 1,000 gil!

Barret: Ok foo'

Aeris looks away from Barret and Cids argument and turns to Sephiroth.

Aeris: so, do you like football?

Sephiroth: *turns to Aeris* well.....sort of, I guess....

Aeris: that's nice, who do you want to win? I'd have to say Rams

Sephiroth: *shocked (and horrified) that they actually have something in common(as miniscule a thing it may be)* same here

Aeris: Really!? Wow

Sephiroth: Yeah, uh, neat

Yuffie: are we there yet?

Cloud: no

Yuffie, about ten seconds later: how bout' now?

Cloud: no

Yuffie: now?

Cloud: No

Yuffie: then what about now?

Cloud: NO

Yuffie: are we there now?

Cloud: NO DAMMIT!!! STOP ASKING ME!!

Yuffie: sheesh, what's your problem?

At this last remark, Cloud proceeds to bang his head against the steering wheel, the sound of the horn can be heard after each bang, which promptly earns him the finger from a nearby driver in a station wagon.

Cid: Cloud, have you *&%#ing lost yer mind?

Red: the obvious answer would be 'yes'

Barret: No shit foo'

Sephiroth: do you have some sort of obsession with the word "foo"?

Barret:so what if I do, foo'?

Sephiroth: never mind

Sepiroth sits back in his seat and looks out the window. He see's the cars fly by on the road, he see's the sky and its many shades of different colors, almost like a rainbow, he sees the small number of clouds scattered throughout the sky, he see's the horde of flying chickens viciously blowing up cars left and right, he-

The horde of flying chickens viciously blowing up cars left and right?

Sephiroth thought for a minute. 'I don't even wanna know' Was his silent response.

Aeris: *looking worried* You okay Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: *turning to face her* Huh? I'm fine.

Aeris: okay, I guess...

Barret: Hey, there's the stadium!

Cloud drove the car through the parking lot and after about 10 minutes found a parking space. Everyone got out, and after another ten minutes were able to find their seats. Cloud had paid a hefty amount of gil for seats that were inside a suite. So the FF7 crew all got situated inside one of the rooms. Inside there were hotdogs, a couch, a TV, and a bunch of other food and a couple more pieces of furniture.

Cid: This is (*$#!ing sweet!

Red: I have to agree, only in a more civilized manner

Cid: stupid red thing

Red: Cid, my IQ is over 295, I am anything but stupid

Cid:*grumbles*

Cloud: *plopping down on the couch* I could get used to this!

Cait Sith: *looking out the full wall windows that let you see directly down to the field* This is so cool! When's the game gonna start?

Sephiroth: *glancing at his watch* Well, the stadium is packed, and it's 6:30, so it should be about half an hour

Cait: Well, at least I don't have to wait too long.

Vincent walked up to the window, and peered down at the arena.

Vincent: It's pretty bright out there

Cait: What's the matter? Afraid you'll poof up and die if the sun is too bright, Vampy?

Vincent: shut up *eyes begin to flicker the color red*

Red: Cait, need I remind you that we're responsible for any and all damages done to this suite?

Cait: Whoops, forgot

Red: *Mumbles* that never seems to be a problem for you, Cait

Vincent: *calms down*

*some ways away*

Cid:*jumping up and down with a #13 jersey on and A big hand that says 'Rams Number 1* GO RAMS GO RAMS!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!

Sephiroth: Uh, Cid? The game hasn't even started yet

Cid: I'm just gettin' warmed up, (*&%*^$#_%_(% jack@$$!

Sephiroth: .....

*Over a little ways more*

Man: Peanuts! Get your peanuts!

*No, a little the other way*

John Madden: and we're ten minutes from kickoff....

*Other way dumbass!*

Girl: I love you Kurt!

*No, over here!*

Dog: arf!

*$%^(%#!!! Let me!*

Cloud: Hey Barret, what time is it?

(Finally)

Barret: I dunno foo', go find someone with a wa-

Cloud: GAME TIME!!! HUZZA HUZZA BOOM BOOM BAM BAM WHIFF!!!*makes grunting noises like a lineman and throws punches in the air*

Barret: *backs away, hands raised defensively*

Aeris walks in and sits beside Sephiroth on the couch in front of one of those huge windows in the suites letting you see the game, now everyone is in the room

Aeris: isn't it a beautiful sight Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: *startled* uh, er, I guess....don't know whether I'd call a football field a beautiful sight or not...

Aeris: you're so intellectual

Sephiroth: *thinks* Will she ever stop?

Aeris: Oh, look, the game is starting

Cloud and Cid both join hands and start to square dance singing "Are You Ready For Some Football?", then do the Deon Sanders dance and chant "Priiiiiiiiime Tiiiiiiime! Priiiiiime Tiiiiiiiiime!"

Red: You are witnessing a phenomenon known as the football fan during kickoff, I suggest caution when approaching

Sephiroth:*looking from the couch* Can I kill them now or later?

Red: Later, Sephiroth

The first quarter went by without mishap, until about midway when Cid got out a football.

Cid: Cloud, go out for a pass!

Cloud: Okay!

Cloud ran across the room and Cid launched the ball into the air. Unfortunately, Cid is just about the worst aim in the world, and the ball bounced off the ceiling and knocked Cait Sith off his moogle.

Cait: Hey! Why you! Your gonna pay! Come on, put up your dukes!

Cid, a bit puzzled by the fact that a one foot tall cat was trying to rumble, casually shrugged and went back to watching the game.

Aeris: *puts her head on Sephiroths shoulder* isn't this fun?

Sephiroth: Yes *thinks: except for one MAJOR problem*

Sephiroth soon got tired of this and nudged Aeris's head off of his shoulder. Aeris reluctantly refrained from anything else.

Aeris: well.....uh....The Rams seem to be winning, don't they?

Sephiroth: yes they do, so?

Aeris: *nervous* well...um...that's good.....for them, I mean.....it's bad for the Titans, but good for the other team, so it's good and bad at the same time...so...there really is not right answer, so...

Sephiroth: Aeris, shut up, please

Aeris: *looking sad* o-okay....

Sephiroth turns his attention back to the game and continues watching as the Rams slowly build up a lead. Aeris meanwhile was trying to fight back tears from yet ANOTHER rejection by Sephiroth, she is contemplating what to do next.

Sephiroth: Hey, Aeris?

Aeris: what?

Sephiroth: sorry about that, I guess I kinda lost it

Aeris: *much happier* oh, that's ok!

Sephiroth: are you sure?

Aeris: of course!




Meanwhile, at the concession stand....

Yuffie is walking to the concession stand for some nachos, when a little kid walks up to her.

Yuffie: *kneeling down* aww, hey little guy! Are you lost?

Kid: HEY, GUESS WHAT!?!?

Yuffie:*sweat drop* uhh, what?

Kid: I JUST DRANK AN ENTIRE 12 PACK OF SUPER CAFFENATED COCA COLA!

Yuffie: *BIG Sweat drop*

The kid with whom Yuffie was conversing with suddenly started jumping around like an overstuffed bouncy ball and soon was out of sight

Yuffie: *shrug* now for the nachos

Yuffie walks up to the concession stand and whips out her purse

Cashier: what'll it be miss?

Yuffie: I'd like some nachos, please

Cashier: sorry, this booth is all out of nachos. But, there are four booths around this big stadium, maybe you should try the next one, about a mile that way *points to his left*

Yuffie trods off in the direction pointed out, silently wondering why they had to make this place so damn big.

Back in the suite, Cid was still too absorbed in the game to notice anything around him, and Cloud and Tifa had gone outside to get some fresh air. Red and Cait Sith were busy eating the hotdogs provided by the stadium. Barret walked up to them.

Barret: Yo, foo's! How dem hotdogs?

Red: simply put, delicious

Barret: *takes a big bite out of one* yeah

Cait: hey, having fun?

Barret: yeh', I guess

Red: That's good. The first quarter just ended, so it'll be a short break

Barret: Yeh'

Red: Barret, we really need to get you a speech therapist

Barret: Was' wrong wit da way I talk foo'?

Red: It's just.......never mind

Vincent walks over from quietly watching the football game and takes a hotdog, he takes a bite out of it

Vincent: hmmm...not bad

Red: they're good aren't they?

Vincent: yes, actually, they are

Cait: Quiet, the second quarters starting!

*a little ways away*

Aeris: I'm having a great time, this was really cool that we all got to go, don't you agree?

Sephiroth: I guess, I'm not having that bad of a time

Aeris: I'm so glad!

Sephiroth: *groans for the umpteenth time*

Aeris: oh come on Sephiroth, lighten up!

Sephiroth: Aeris, shhh, I'm trying to watch the game

Aeris: oh, ok

*meanwhile, Yuffie has made it to the next concession booth*

Yuffie: I'd like to order some nachos please

Man: We just sold the last of them to some guy, sorry miss

Yuffie: *thinks* not as sorry as I am

So Yuffie proceeded to walk another mile around the arena to the third booth.

Yuffie: *thinks* is it really worth it?

*back in the suite*

Cid: FOUL!?!? THAT AIN'T A DAMN FOUL YOU )*(&%*^%$ BLIND REFERREE!!!! WHY I OUGHTTA-

Vincent: Cid, we're trying to eat! Could you keep it down!?

Cid: I'LL YELL ALL I (*&$%_*$ING WANT!

Vincent: Then could you go outside and yell?

Cid: Fine! *storms out the door and outside into the stands*

Vincent: finally!

Cait: Go! Go! Dangit! Down at the 45 yard line!

Red: You seem into the game Cait

Cait: yup! I love football!

Red: That's good

Vincent: Sephiroth, come here!

Sephiroth: *walking over* what?

Aeris: *mumbles* stupid Vincent

Vincent: Sephiroth, try one of these hotdogs, you need something to eat anyway

Sephiroth: Al right *takes a big bite* hey, these are pretty tasty!

Cait: Aeris! You want a hotdog?

Aeris: *walking over* No thanks, but I will have some of these carrots over here

Aeris quietly munches on a carrot stick while everyone else is eating hotdogs, for once, the room is silent. And it will stay that way for a long time (or until Cid comes back).

*Outside.....*

Cloud and Tifa went to some empty seats right behind the end zone, and sat next to each other. Cloud looked into Tifas eyes, Tifa looked into Clouds eyes, their faces grew closer, closer, closer still, their lips were inches away.



Then came the football.


Seemingly out of nowhere, a football thrown by none other than Kurt Warner hit Cloud square in the face.

Cloud: (a la Marsha Brady) My nose!

*Just for the record, I have no idea how Marsha spells her name in the series, so this is my best guess, so please don't ridicule me on that. There are other problems in this fic you can worry about.*

Tifa: Cloud! Your nose! Are you Al right?

Cloud: I guess *takes out a mirror from his pocket*

Tifa: what's that for?

Cloud: To see the damage

Tifa: uhh...

Cloud: *lets out a huge girlie scream when he see's his nose is all scrunched up and purple* AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Tifa: Cloud, where are you going? Cloud!

Cloud: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! *runs off to the bathroom*

Tifa: *sighs*

*In the stands a little ways away, our favorite pilot Cid is yelling and screaming (so what else is new?)*

Cid: NO IDIOT DON'T PASS!! !#^#$!^@$!! DON'T RUN IT NOW!!! @$#&%@**^%#*!!!

Guy behind him: sir, um, some of us have children here, could you please be a little more civil?

Cid: WHY YOU )&(*%)*&$ DO YOU THINK I GIVE A )*&%!?!?

Guy behind him: sir, please...

Cid: SHUT THE (*^$@^ UP &^@$&%$@!!

Guy Behind him: well I never!

Cid: DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP!?

*Back with Tifa and Cloud*

Tifa is standing outside the boys bathroom. Cloud can be heard from inside sobbing.

Tifa: Cloud! Come out, I don't see what's the problem here!

Cloud: *sniffling* m-my....face....

Tifa: It isn't even that noticeable! Come on out!

At this moment a guy walks into the bathroom. Suddenly, he runs out yelling and screaming.

Guy: The horror! The horror!

Cloud: *still inside* I am NOT coming out!

Tifa: this is gonna be a LONG night...

*In the suite*

Aeris: Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: Yes?

Aeris: umm...uh...I was wondering....um...never mind

Sephiroth: okay

*now wasn't that the nice little waste of space? Anyway, it's halftime now, but no one seems to really be paying attention to the game. Oh well, here we see Yuffie again*

Yuffie, a bit fatigued after walking a very, very long ways, finally comes to the next concession booth. Luckily, there is no line

Yuffie: Hi, I'd like to buy some nachos

Guy: Oh, I'm sorry we're out of nachos, try another concession stand

Yuffie: AAAARRGH!!!!!

Yuffie storms off to the last concession stand, really really peeved now.

Yuffie: stupid concession stands running out of stupid nachos, grrr

Meanwhile the guy manning the concession booth suddenly turns around to find a bunch of crates stacked high, there appears to be something inside

Guy: Hey, I wonder what N-A-C-H-O-S spells

(the plot thickens...........or not)

*The suite*

Aeris: hmm, so the score is 9-0 in favor of the Rams, that's good. Now lets see, that means four field goals, two touchdowns, or a touchdown, extra point, and field goal to win it for Tennessee, providing St Louis doesn't score anymore. Neat! This could get fun!

Suddenly, Cid comes in dragged by two security guards, all the while screaming profanities by the truckload.

Cid: WHADDYA MEAN I GOTTA STAY IN HERE FOR THE REST OF THE GAME!?!?

Guard: Sorry sir, but you were making too much noise and disturbing those around you

Cid: *&^$(&^$

Security Guards leave

Aeris: Cid! What happened!?!

Cid: I got into a teensy argument with some dumb@$$ and they tell me I'm disturbing the peace. For crying out loud this is a *)&%*^)$ football game!

Aeris: *Sighs*

Suddenly, Aeris's PHS rings

Aeris: hello?

Tifa*from the phone*: Aeris? I'm taking cloud home, can you guys get home on your own?

Aeris: sure, bye *hangs up* Okay everyone, Cloud and Tifa are going home, so we need to think of another way to get back

Barret: Damn! It's Marlenes bedtime! I gotta go put her ta bed! I be goin' wit' Cloud and Tifa, bye

Aeris: Okay, anyway, any ideas?

Sephiroth: I could make us a car

Aeris: how?

Sephiroth: Like this *snaps fingers and immediately a black Jag appears*

Aeris: *gives Sephiroth a really big hug* Oh Seph! Your my hero!

Sephiroth: *groans*

Aeris: anyway, lets watch the game!

Cid, who is watching the game, suddenly jumps up to the window and starts to yell (and curse, by default)

Cid: !#^&#!&%$#*^@*$^@ YOU STUPID REF!!! YOU COULDN'T CALL A GAME IF YOUR DAMN LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!! *^$#^*$#(&^#(%&#

Red: Cid, calm down

Cid: CALM DOWN!?!? HOW THE )*(&%(&%#^%$_ AM I SUPPOSED TO _)*&$)&^$ING CALM DOWN!?!? THAT'S THE SEVENTH BAD CALL THAT DARN REFS MADE TONIGHT! I'M GONNA GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND!! (*%$(&^$)$

Cid storms out of the room and slams the door. After the group exchanges blank stares, they simply shrug and return to watching the game.

*Yeah, I know, you're dying to know what happens to Yuffie right? Does she finally get nachos? Well...*

Yuffie is staggering slowly toward the final concession stand, her last hope.

Yuffie: *tiredly* hello, I'd like some nachos please

Concession worker: I'm sorry, but we're all out, try another- *Yuffie grabs her*

Yuffie: *hysterical* listen toots, I've been all around this @#$%ing arena, and I WANT MY NACHOS!

Concession worker: *hands Yuffie a big bin of nachos and cheese sauce* here

Yuffie: *brightly* thanks!

Yuffie begins the trek back to the suite, but at least she's happy

*back in the suite*

Cait Sith: Red, where's Yuffie?

Red: She went to get some nachos before the game started

Cait Sith: must be some big@$$ line

Yuffie comes in.

Cait: dang, what took you so long?

Yuffie: Don't ask *plops down on the couch*

Yuffie: Hey Sephiroth! How's it going?



Sephiroth: fine

Yuffie: cool, hey Red! *gets up and leaves*

Aeris sits down beside Sephiroth.

Aeris: hello

Sephiroth: Hi

Aeris: lovely night, huh?

Sephiroth: you could say that

Aeris: *scoots closer* yeah

Sephiroth glances at Aeris, but his eyes remained transfixed on her. Aeris blushes red as a strawberry.

Aeris: *thinks* He's looking at me! He's...staring! Could this mean he likes me? Yes! Oh please oh please oh please....

Sephiroth:...

Aeris: *still thinking* I've dreamed of this moment, oh, where he finally realizes his love for me, I'm getting goose bumps!

Sephiroth:...

Aeris: *thinking* Maybe I should kiss him? Oooooooooh! I can only imagine what a kiss with him could be like!

Sephiroth:...

Aeris: *thinking* Here goes nothing, pucker up Sephiroth, your dream date's coming home!

At closer inspection, we realize that Sephiroth is not staring at Aeris, but rather the commotion going on out the window behind her. Where our friend Cid Highwind has been arrested by the police, and is being pulled away, and yes, his foul mouth is in full swing ladies and gentlemen. The police car rolls away, and Cid Highwind has left the building-er-arena/stadium.

Aeris: *grumbles* if your gonna spoil the moment for me, at least let me have the moment.

Me: sorry, but we gotta move along with the fic here

Aeris: *sulks*

3rd Quarter ends

Cait Sith: only one more quarter to go! Yay!

Red: hmm, this is quite interesting

Vincent: I agree

Yuffie: *yawn* I'm tired

Sephiroth: lessee, Titans ball, and we have about ten minutes left, close game. Yeah, I guess this's kind of exciting

Aeris: *grabs a bag of popcorn and sits by Seph again* neat

Cait Sith: hey Aeris, can I have some popcorn?

Aeris: sure! Sephiroth, you want some?

Sephiroth: no thanks

Aeris: Al right

*7:45 left in the game*

Vincent: Hmph! It's almost over, darn, I was getting to like this game, it appeals to my destructive nature

Sephiroth: I agree

Red: we should try it some time

Yuffie: You guys playing football!?!? Ha! Okay, I can definitely Sephiroth playing football, Vincent, maybe, Red.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Red: grrr....

Cait Sith: hey, she does have a point you know, I mean, can you even hold a ball?

Red: in my mouth!

Yuffie: Yeah, I can just see it now, Warner fades back to pass, suddenly the ball slips from his hands because of some animal slobber on it. *Yuffie rolls over in uncontrollable fits of laughter*

Aeris: Yuffie, that wasn't very nice, you should apologize

Yuffie: It was a JOKE! Don't you people have any sense of humor?

Vincent: no

Yuffie: besides you

Sephiroth: I have a sense of humor when it pertains to things that don't involve harassing endangered species

Yuffie gives him a dark look, but Aeris just gets little hearts in her eyes.

Aeris: Oh, how nice of you to stick up for Red, Sephiroth! Your so kind!

Sephiroth: *sighs*

Vincent: hey, there's less than five minutes left in the game, who do you thinks gonna win Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: Rams

Aeris: me too

Red: Statistically, I'd say the logical choice is the Rams

Vincent: I agree

Cait Sith: me too

Yuffie: me three

Vincent: well, at least we won't have any arguments then

A couple of minutes passed in silence. They were all too wrapped up in the game, then the two minute warning came. Then one minute.

Aeris: I'm nervous, Sephiroth.

Sephiroth: *looks at her with an eyebrow raised* Aeris, this is a game, nothing else

Aeris: I know, but-

Sephiroth: *sighs* don't worry

Soon, it was the final play of the game. Every ones eyes turned toward the field. And then, it happened.

(For you Amish people that don't watch football, on the last play of the game the Titans were down by a touchdown in the last play, McNair threw a pass and the guy ran, but he was stopped at the one yard line and the game was over. Rams won)

Yuffie, Aeris, and Cait Sith cheered. Sephiroth and Vincent exchanged a glance, then sighed and sat back in their seats.

Yuffie: Hey, this means Barret owes Cid a lot of gil!

Sephiroth: can we go now?

Aeris: yeah, lets go home

So they all got into the jag and rode off......







Into the wall, the concession stands, another wall, ticket booths, *another* wall, the parking lot, and then into the sunset

The End

Authors Note: I don't own anything in this fic, Super Bowl belongs to NFL, and FF7 is the property of Squaresoft. Hope you like it, and sorry it took me so long to write. I personally don't think very much of this fic, but it had its moments.