Title:Saying Goodbye

Author: Nerwende

Summary: Tony writes a very special letter

Disclaimer: You know how it goes… don't own them… blah, blah, blah…

Author's note: Sorry for all Tiva or TonyJeanne fans, but I'm a real Tate shipper! Maybe I'll write one of those two later, but write now, this is all I've got. Hope you'll like it!

Saying Goodbye

Hey Kate!

Okay, first, I don't know why I'm writing to you. It makes no sense. But I found a piece of paper and suddenly felt the urge to write something. Won't be too long I guess cuz I have no idea what to write.

So, let me say it once and for all: I miss you. There. I feel better.

Even though I get along with Ziva, it's not really the same. I miss these childish games between the two of us. Remember that food fight we had once? Man that was huge! Too bad Gibbs interrupted it.

I also miss these little moments when we could talk. About everything. Most of the time I'd crack a joke and sometimes it even made you laugh.

I miss your laughter too. It made me smile when I could get you to laugh openly.

I even miss our fights. When you'd rant about me being childish, or make allusions about my life as a bored rich kid. I remember once I almost yelled in your face: "you think money makes life easier, huh? Everything was just a big old cakewalk for little Anthony DiNozzo?"

I shouldn't have blown up like that, but it was sincere. You'd be shocked if I told you what my childhood's was like. You said it was better than to have to work everyday but believe me, it wasn't.

In fact, I miss about everything about you. I know you wouldn't believe me if I'd tell you that, but it's true.

I don't know if there's some kind of an afterlife but if there is, I hope you're happy. And maybe it's selfish, but I hope you remember me. Because I'll never forget you.

Sometimes at night, I dream about that day. When we thought we'd lost you. But your bullet-proof vest had taken the shot. We got you on your feet and we were all laughing. Then a gunshot came and you fell, never to get up again.

On these nights I'd wake up screaming, or crying, or both.

I remember Abby told me you were still around watching over us. She said that when she feels down she talks to you, tells you about what's upsetting her, and that it helps. So I kept it in mind for later.

When Jeanne left, I went home and broke down. First I told you that I loved her and that it hurt, but then I couldn't stop myself and I started to tell you about everything that'd been upsetting me for the past years.

Abby was right, it helped a little. But when I was done talking I found myself crying even harder, because it made me feel even more alone. I'm pathetic, aren't I?

Great, now I'm crying. God, can I get any lamer? If you were here, you'd say that it's normal, that men do cry too.

But you're not there, and I'm sitting alone in my apartment crying over a freaking piece of paper.

You know, I heard somewhere that when there's something you really need to tell someone, you just have to write it and even if the person never read it, it would help. And I think it did help.

What more can I say now? Oh yeah, there's something I should have said for a long time.

I love you, Kate.

A knock on the door brought Tony back to reality. He looked up and waited a little, just to make sure it wasn't his imagination.

"Knock, knock!" came a cheerful voice from outside. Tony quickly wiped his tears away and went to open the door. Before him stood Abby, who was carrying a large bag.

"Hey Abs"

"What's wrong?" Abby asked as she saw his red eyes.

"Nothing. Just painful memories" Tony manages to smile and she shrugs.

"I noticed you had a pretty bad day, so I decided to help" she said as she held the bag open for him to see what was inside. There was a pizza, some beer bottles and a couple of DVD's.

"I knew I loved you for a reason" Tony said as he let his friend in. Abby grinned and went to put her things on the table, spotting the letter as she did so.

"What were you doing?" she asked, smiling softly as she read the last line. Tony took the letter and put it in the desk drawer.

"Just saying goodbye" he said.

- Fin - -

So… if you're in a sharing mood, one thing I love is reviews!! So, don't hesitate!

And that theory about writing a letter to someone when you feel down? It really helps, trust me ;)

Thanks for reading, people!

nerwende