Baby, we were meant to be
Written by: That Person You Wanna Punch
Author's Note:
This is a crack fic. There. You have it. A warning. Basically, my best friend randomly loves the pairing Neville/Dobby, and she is upset that there are no romance stories about them. So, I have decided to write one.
I'm not going to lie, I don't expect any reviews. Hell, unless the reader truly finds this funny, I'm expecting flames. I don't care. I'm simply writing this so if anyone is crazy enough to go to the Harry Potter fanfiction, select 'character A' to be Neville and 'character B' to be Dobby (or the other way around) MY fic would show up. So there you have it. Please enjoy. Or try to enjoy at least. There's a reason I made my username the way it is ;D
(Takes place between the 1st book and 2nd book)
"Sweetie! The Hogwarts Train leaves soon you need to hurry up and catch it!" cried the house elf Dobby. He wiped his flour covered hands off on his pretty pink apron, picking back up his bowl of pancake mix. "Neville deary! Did you hear me?"
"Don't be so impatient honey bunches, I'm right here," said Neville Longbottom. He walked into the kitchen, putting on the green and gray tie his grandma bought him for his birthday. "Will I have enough time for pancakes?"
"There's always enough time for pancakes sugar plum." Dobby set down the mixing bowl and flipped up some buttermilk pancakes from the hot skillet. "Strawberry syrup is on the table."
"Thanks dear." Neville sat down and hurriedly started to eat his breakfast. "Oh no, I spilled coffee on my nice white shirt," he sighed.
"Oh sweetie, you're always making messes," Dobby giggled. He took a dish rag and wiped the stain from Neville's shirt. "There you go sweet pea. You look as brand new as a toddler riding a tricycle off of a cliff in the middle of winter."
Neville laughed. "Oh Dobby. You and your imagination." He stood up and yawned. "Well I'm off to Hogwarts."
"Don't let Snape get you down! You stand tall and proud!"
"Yeah! Bye now." Neville started to walk out the door.
"Wait! I need my goodbye smoochie smooch!"
"There's no time for a smoochie smooch." Neville left.
Dobby sighed. He put the rest of the pancake mix in the fridge for later and gathered clothes for laundry. After he started the wash, he realized Neville left his briefcase. "Oh no! I let Neville forget his briefcase!" he exclaimed. The house elf then proceeded to bang his head against the wall at full force. "BAD DOBBY! BAD DOBBY! BAD DOBBY!"
Meanwhile at Hogwart's
"And that children, is why Dumbledore is a big fat stupid old man with a smelly beard and a long history of hitting birds with rolled up newspaper and driving in cars while whacking mailboxes," said Snape to his class. The potion teacher glared at his class. "Instead of working with potion assignments, I will have all of you write a 5,000 word report on why house elves are useless and should be executed." The doors of the class opened. "Ah, there you are Mr. Longbottom, care to have a seat?" Snape asked sarcastically. "I'll take you have a good reason for your tardiness. Can anyone guess why Mr. Longbottom is late for class?"
Hermione, the girl who always raised her hand first, raised her hand first. "Because Neville spilled hot coffee on his shirt and was late eating his breakfast of pancakes," Hermione answered.
"How did she know?" Neville asked himself. "Hermione, have you been spying on me?"
"No Neville, I just know everything. I'm the best friend of freaking Harry Potter, which means I ALWAYS know EVERYTHING!"
"Silence!" Snape roared. "Everyone start your assignments on why every single house elf on the planet should be executed."
"We can't execute house elves! This is America!" Neville shouted.
"Foolish boy, this school is located somewhere in Scotland."
"It shouldn't matter if we're Scottish, American or Russian! House elves deserve to live!" Neville exclaimed.
Snape narrowed his gaze. "Why, you don't have a secret romance with one, do you?"
Neville shifted awkwardly. "N-no of course not."
"Imagine how weird that would be. What if the house elf my dad enslaved had a secret blooming romance? That'd just be weird," said Draco.
"Shut up MALFOY!" screamed a random student, throwing a shoe at his head.
Suddenly Dobby crashed through the classroom door. "GET OUT OF MY CLASS!" Snape screamed.
"No! I will not leave! Not until my schmoopsie poop baby bottle ring pop gets his briefcase!" Dobby yelled.
All eyes turned. Everybody gasped. "He's not talking about me!" Hermione screamed.
"He's talking about me!" Neville shouted. He stood up in his seat. "I'm Dobby's secret blooming romance interest!"
Everybody gasped again.
"What? I will have you expelled!" Snape cried.
"It doesn't matter! As long as I've got Dobby, I've got everything I need."
Dobby's eyes started to water. "Oh sweetie!" He started to run towards Neville. Neville started to run towards Dobby. Draco was going to trip Neville until another shoe was thrown at his head. And then, Dobby was in Neville's arms. "Now can I have my smoochie smooch?"
"Yeah baby, cause we were meant to be."
Author's Note:
LMAO! END!
~kthnxbai