I hate her. Or maybe I don't? Who knows these days I certainly don't.

But even If I say these things I know she has dug her way into what little heart I have.

My first meeting with her had been simply a way for me to pass the time while I think of a way to break out. Maybe even use her to break out. But our "game" of ours was too fun to leave Arkham. We would talk about loads of things mostly she sat quietly and listen as I rambled on about nonsense. She was so sweet. But there came a day when my mind went blank and next think I knew I was trying to kill her. Maybe it was my instincts but all I wanted was her dead. Was that so much to ask? I don't think so. So I tried chocking her to death. Oh how I savored it. I had my eyes closed waiting for the best moment to look, right when the person is about to die, I love looking at their face full of horror as their life flashes before them and the life leaves their eyes. But as I looked into her eyes it surprises me! Beautiful bright stunning! Blue eyes staring at me with no horror, no life flashing instead a look of a person who's worried and maybe a loving way. She caught me off guard you see so I let her go. Soon after my mind was berserk with her! And she soon after fell into my little circus. Life with her was a pain. Mr. J, Mr. J, Puddin, Puddin, Puddin is all I heard all day the first few weeks. Nothing like a good beating that say "Will you stop bothering me woman?!" It did its job I should say. But someday's she doesn't understand when I want to be alone, so another beating is in call. But as I do this The look in her eyes are the same as when we were in Arkham. Loving and worried. Worried? Why worry for me? You're the one getting beat! So hitting her on the head tends to knock her out so I wont have to see that face. After a while she gets the idea and looks away while I'm in one of my moods. But during one of my hitting moods I always seem to fight with myself in my head.

Why are you doing this? Don't you care about her?

Of course I don't shes only here to erase my bordem

How long are you going to be bored then? Its been for over a year!

I get bored easily

And what will you do when you finally aren't bored?

I'll kill her

And how long have you been saying that? Face it you can't live without her now. Shes apart of you! So why do you keep beating her?!

….Its because...because I Lo-

"Are you alright Puddin?" Dear Harley looks at me with her beautiful eyes still swollen. I take a good look at her. Her pale skin covered in cuts and bruises slightly bleeding, her hair a ball of mess on top of her head. Tears still flowing down. She gazes at me with the same worried and loving look like she always does. This time I'm not mad. I put my hands down and motion for her to sit with me. A big smile creeps along her face and she runs to my side as I sit on the edge of our bed.

Its really been over a year? So long. I've grown accustom to her. She does everything for me and what do I give her? A good beating thats what! I'm the worse...

I put an arm around her. Her body starts to flinch and I know she wants to hug me but is too scared to act on it so I do it for her. I hug her as tight as I can. I'm in one of my rare caring moments. I smell her hair soaking in her sent, my favorite scent. I want to squeeze her until she pops. I don't want to let go and want her to take my pain away I just want to cry in her lap and have her tell me that everything will be okay, I want to tell her anything and everything she wants to hear but most of all I want her to keep telling me she loves me. Maybe I can't say it now but someday I'll be able to tell her how I feel.

"Mr. J? Are you feeling alright" I move to face her.

Can I tell her now? Is this the time? I'm so nervous!

"Shut up Harley" I hit her. But I make sure its not as hard as before. I get up and start to walk out the door but before I do I want to tell Harley something I've been trying to say to her for a long time and nows the time.

"Harley, I'm sorry my dear. But you know how I am. Just don't do anything that makes me angry anymore okay?"

"I know Puddin"

I look at her once more before I leave

"Harley you know I really do Lo-"

Can I really say it?