Sam don't understand Jack's behaviour. She started to doubt him. But for what reason?
Sam and Jack's house
I was hearing Daniel's voice rising up
D: Jack, it's a little bit exaggerated!
T: General O'Neill is correct Daniel Jackson.
D: So what? You're counting you too?
J: You know T' loves making count on everything. And I'm tellin'ya it's got to be a good 10th of them!
T: 7 more precisely O'Neill.
J: Ah, you see!
I came in smiling. As always, talking around a couple of beer makes all our conversations and team nights very much animated. I was watching Jack. He seemed relax. It's been a while I haven't seen him like that.
S: So what where you talking about?
T: O'Neill pretends that Daniel Jackson has a girlfriend in each planet we have been through.
S: Well, that's right Daniel.
D: Sam, I thought we were friends...
S: So, how's Vala?
I made a teasing smile at him. He didn't like us to talk about his "affair".
J: Oh yeah! So?
D: You know guys, I've got that horrible impression to be back to high school again with you! Being the geek...
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. He didn't get it once again. Even if it has been ten years that he's on earth, there were always one or two expressions that he couldn't catch.
J: Like i'm going to feel sorry for you, you poor man!
D: What about you? How's thing going on between you two?
Jack faces changed for 2 seconds and then was back to joy and happiness. But I saw it.
J: We're fine. Why we won't be?
Because, we weren't...fine, not anymore. And I didn't know why, even if I had some ideas...
D: I don't know... usually you two are like...glued together.
I looked at Daniel. Making him understand to drop the subject as quickly as he could. Suddenly Jack got up, putting his beer on the table.
J: Well, i'm going to take care of that barbecue so that space monkey can have something to put in his full beer stomach!
And he run away. Literally. It has been one month that we couldn't have a little talk about that situation. He was trying to avoid it every time he could. Teal'c raised up as well and went to see Jack. Daniel frowned and looked at me.
D: What did I say?
I smiled at him.
S: Nothing. Don't worry...
He put his hands on my knee
D: What's going on Sam?
S: Nothing, really.
D: Come on Sam, something's definitely going on. As soon as I came in I saw something was up, it's like the atmosphere is full of tension...
He was right. As always. I watched the floor, playing with my fingers. Daniel glanced at the window in order to see if Jack was still outside and couldn't hear us.
D: Sam, you know you can talk to me...
S: I think... he's seeing someone else...
He almost spit his beer.
D: What? You're kidding, right?
S: I'm afraid no...
Unfortunately a lot of proof were here. Everything started one month ago. He started to work more, coming back home later. He was making space between him and I. On day, I went to his office, wanted to surprises him with lunch.
When I came in, no one was there. I looked at jack's office, the door was ajar, which meant no one was with him. I walked and knocked on the door, letting my head showed up. And that's where everything started. In front of me, Jack was holding his secretary, Olivia, in his arms. I saw him kissed her on her hair. My blood rushed in my veins. When they heard me, they broken their embrace. She looked at me.
O: Colonel, I'm sorry, that's not what you think it is.
I looked at Jack.
S: And what I should think it's not?
I saw Jack grab her arm.
J: Are you going to be okay Olivia?
O: Yes Sir... thank you...
She tried to address me a poor smile, and she looked at the floor, getting out and saying "excuse-me" when she passed by me. I suddenly wanted to kill someone. I put my hand on my hips and looked at Jack who seems relaxed...
J: Whatcha doin' here?
I widened my eyes. How's that?
S: What were *you* doing here?!
He turned away from me and sat down behind his desk. Why was he suddenly so cold?
J: Sam, that's not what you think it is, no need to be hysterical or something, okay?
It got better and better...
S: I can't believe this ?... First of all, I'm not being hysterical, and second I think I've got the right to ask you why I find you hugging your secretary, don't you think? Won't you ask me the same question, if it was me?
J: Sure. But that nothing! She's going through something hard, that's all. She came to find a little comfort. Nothing's wrong 'bout that. And I'm asking you again, what are you doing here.
I think that an ice block would have been less cold than him right now. That was not what I saw that made me angry, no, but his attitude. Suddenly my stomach started to make a knot. Something was going on. I tried to calm down because I knew that it wasn't like that, that I was going to be able to talk to him.
S: I brought you lunch. You work so hard since Wednesday, we barely saw each other. And as I'm not working today, I thought about having lunch together... wanted to see you...
Apparently, it was a wrong time. He was in a bad mood obviously. He stood up and came closer, smiling at me, I could tell it was a fake one, kissed me and went to close the door.
J: That's nice... I'm sorry about these days... and apparently it's just the beginning of it.
Maybe he had trouble at work...
S: Something's going on?
J: Well, nothing that I can't handle, don't worry.
I came closer, encircled his hips with my arm, trying to catch his eyes. He was trying to avoid me, and I didn't like that. Because every time he couldn't looked at me was because he was hiding something from me. I kissed him softly, and he answered it instantaneously.
S: Jack, what's going on?... you are... a little weird...
He cupped my face with his right hand, touching my cheeks softly with his thumb. I closed my eyes. I love it when he does that, and he knew it.
J: Nothin', I'll pass, don't worry...
He kissed me again to prevent me from speaking. But I saw it in his eyes. Something was definitely going on but he won't say anything. I would have to wait when he will be ready for it.
J: I'm hungry!
I smiled. His stomach was always a good reason to stop a conversation he didn't want to have. Each time he was feeling a little awkward he talked about his appétit.
I didn't try to talked about that incident again. I tried to forget about it, when one week later something else happened. One night, we were finishing diner. He hadn't said a word since he was home.
S: Something again at the pentagon?
J: It's like they are all trying to drive me crazy or somethin'! Maybe they are trying to make me resign, I don't know. It's like crazy land over there!
I smiled. At least, he hadn't lost his sense of humor. His cell phone rang. He looked at me, and sight.
J: They have to do it here as well...can't believe it. (he took his phone) "O'Neill... No, I'm done... in a minute..."
He put his hand on the phone.
J: Gonna take this in the living room. Be right back.
I frowned. Why does he have to take this call away from me? I went to spy on him. He was walking all along the living room, brushing his hair from time to time. That conversation was private, I felt it. I tried to hear what he said, but only catched some words
J:... No, I can't... she's going to find out...tomorrow...don't have another choice...that's my own business Olivia... yeah, me too...
Her again! Damn it. How dare she calling him here. Suddenly Jack turned and saw me. He was blushing! wait a minute, blushing? Why was he...
J: Just put everything on my desk, I'll take care of it tomorrow. Yeah, have a good night too.
He hang up and went to see me. I started to wash the dishes trying to make myself busy with something.
J: Something else came on me...
S: And SHE has to tell you this now?
I was angry and he knew it. He rubbed his face.
J: Sam... what are you thinking again?
S: I don't know, take a guess?!
He stood up, and put his chair under the table.
J: Listen, I'm tired. I'm' going to bed. Tomorrow, I gotta get up early, I've got a meeting with...
I turned to face him and cut him
S: her?
J: You're being ridiculous.
S: Then why are you making it like it's a big secret or something?
Does he know how much I know him? How much his attitude speaks for him?
J: Because there's no secret, and it's stupid. Has if I could think about that now...
S: Oh I know that don't worry, you won't even think about taking care of your own wife.
He closed his eyes, understanding and agreeing what I said.
S: Look at you please! It's been two weeks that you're not talking to me anymore, you're coming back late every night, I saw you being closer to your secretary, and the icing on the cake, it's been two weeks that you haven't touched me. And that, with you, is a big red flag! So how I am suppose to think about everything?
J: I'm telling you again: my head's full!
S: Jack?... are you cheating on me?
My heart was beating strongly. I looked at him right in the eyes in order to make sure that he was not lying to me. His eyes always betrayed him. He closed them and shook his head, opened them again and fixed me.
J: No.
He looked sincere. But somewhere deep in my heart, I felt he was lying to me. He came closer , and hugged me. He kissed me furiously. It has been two weeks that he hadn't done that. Something was wrong. How could he make me feel how much he loved me with this kiss, while all his body was saying something else? His hands started to come under my shirt, and this contact with this so warm hands made me shiver. I let a moan escape from my mouth. I missed him so much. Suddenly he raised me up and took me on the table, deepener his caresses and kisses. He was trying to reassure myself, but I couldn't forget about what was wrong. But right now, I wanted him.
D: Sam, honestly, I don't think he could cheat on you. That's not him.
S: That's what I thought as well Daniel... But... it's been one month, he's keeping space between me and him... damn, even yesterday again...his shirt...
The tears started to show up. Daniel took my hand.
S: It smell like her... his shirt... he came back at one...
Daniel stood up. He looked furious.
D: I've got to talk to him!
I grabbed his arm.
S: No! Please... don't.
D: Sam... you're not going to stay like that... someone has to talk to him.
S: Let it go.
Daniel shook his head, resigned. The night went through, Daniel tried to do as if he didn't knew but couldn't help himself being mad at Jack. Sometimes being harsh on him. Jack was surprised, but didn't change, sometimes being distant, sometimes being lost in his mind.
I was cleaning the table, he stood still next to the kitchen door, his arms crossed on his chest.
J: Sam?
I turned to watch him. His face was serious, and his eyes dark. My heart jumped suddenly without knowing why, and that ball inside my stomach was here again.
S: Yes?
J: We need to talk.
That was it. Why was I seeing the end? My eyes started already to be full of tears. I wiped my hands up and tried to calm down. He reached for my hand.
J: Come here please.
I didn't like that at all, but I was going, at least, to find out what was going on. He sat on the couch, making me sit next to him.
S: So that's it... you've finally decided to talk to me...
J: I'm sorry, I kept you in the dark Sam.
I stopped talking. He was going to broke up. This time there was no doubt. It was like I couldn't breathe anymore.
S: Since when?
He frowned. And watched his knees.
J: You knew about it?
He looked so surprise. I didn't understand. I shook my head and smiled.
S: Was hard not to... when I think that you...
He stopped me.
J: I panicked.
Panicked? And what was I suppose to be?
J: I had to find something to do, ya know...
S: I can't see what...
J: That's why I came back later and later... and also, it's true... to avoid you.
S: So now you admit it?
He turned and fixed me. But I didn't understand what I saw. Love? How's that possible? He stood up and put his hand in his hair.
J: It felt on me like a bomb Sam.
S: That's what you all say! And you don't like cliché, well that's a big one.
I was mad, disappointed, and sad.
J: I should have talk to you right from the beginning.
S: When I think that you lied to me all that time! And that I tried to believe you.
He looked at me with a curious look. His eyebrows frowned. Something was disturbing him.
J: Whatcha talking about?
I stood up, and walked. He wanted to leave me, fine, but I wasn't going to let it go that easy.
S: Oh come on Jack! As soon as I saw you two, and when I asked you about it, you should have say the truth right away.
He blinked several times, and frowned again.
J: But what are you talking about?
S: So, is she better in bed?
He looked shocked. Probably because he wasn't expected me to say something like that. And that was not over. He went closer to me and grabbed my arms. I pulled away from him.
S: Leave me alone!
J: Sam? Are you thinking I'm really cheating on you?
I went away from him, taking me aback.
S: That's not what you're trying to say to me?
J: I...no...I mean no! Not at all!
I was lost.
J: Wait a second, you think I have an affair with Olivia?
S: What else?
He shook his head, breathed hard and rubbed his face. He went to his coat and looked for something in his pocket. He grabbed an envelope.
J: No way... I can't believe you can think I'd do that... (he shook his head again), like I was this kind of guy.
S: I don't understand Jack! Tell me!
He tapped the envelope in his hand.
J: One month ago, I received this.
He showed me the envelope.
J: I had to give my authorization and sign it up.
I was looking at the letter and then his eyes. He looked sad. Sad? I was missing something, I couldn't see otherwise.
S: What it is?
J: A mission's order for Atlantis.
I froze. I was trying to collect every piece of the puzzle in my head. He sat on the couch, his look lost somewhere. I didn't know what to say, so I opened the envelope and start to read the letter.
S: Colonel Samantha Carter...Atlantis... Commander of the outpost... departure.. Oh my God!
Everything was clear now.
J: They want you to go to Atlantis in order to take command of the base, since Doctor Weir...
I put my hand on my mouth, understanding everything. He received this letter and he had to say yes or no to my departure for Atlantis. It meant that I was going away from him, and for a long time. I looked at the end of the page. He hadn't had sign up yet.
J: Sam, this is great for you. When I saw what it was, I was first so happy and proud for you, and then I realized what it meant...
S: That I was far away from you.
I stated. I sat next to him, taking his hand in mine.
J: I'm sorry...I didn't know what to do. I've try to find a way out. First, I even tried to cancel that order...
S: Jack...
He turned to face me, and looked at me with that looked full of love.
J: I don't wanna lose you, you know... But I thought about it, and I don't have any right to influence your decision. Even if it's me, who will have the last word, it's up to you.
S: You're not going to lose me Jack. It's me that thought I was losing you...
J: I haven't been easy on you those days huh...
S: The way you acted... I made a story of what I thought I've seen...
J: It never existed. There's nothing between Olivia and me. She just tried to help me. She hasn't stopped saying that I was making a mistake.
S: Why it took you so long?
J: I told ya. I panicked. I needed some times... to get used to the idea that you're not going to be here anymore.
S: And that's why you were so distant with me, isn't it?
He made me a poor smile. He did it in order to make it less harder if I was leaving.
J: It was a mistake.
S: What makes you think that I will accept?
He held my hand.
J: Sam, it's something big.
S: But the price to pay is also big, don't you think?
J: Hey, you're not going to convince me on that one.
He smiled but looked so loss. And I was being so beyond what he was doing. How could I have had doubt him? I was so relieved that my ideas were false, that I didn't realized the extent of that letter. I took Jack's face, and kissed him like never before. I smiled when I heard him groan.
J: Hmmmmm...
I carried on kissing him, eating him was more accurate. I stood up without breaking contact and sat down on his lap. He instantaneously put his hands under me and grabbed my butt in order to get me closer to him.
S: I was...(a kiss)...so afraid...(another)...that you were (he kissed me in my neck) going to leave me...you know.
He froze and looked at me.
J: Never. Without you all I'm going to be is incomplete. I will miss you, you know that?
One month later.
I was so excited. I watched my clock. It was time.
S: Dail earth.
?: Yes, M'am.
I never found that gate being so slow then right now! I looked at the screen and I finally saw him. He had a huge smile on his face. God I missed him and that smile. I grinned too.
S: Jack!
J: Hey Honey! Damn, it feels good to see you!
S: Likewise.
I saw him looking around him and wince. He talked to someone
J: Don't you have something else to do?
And suddenly I saw Daniel on the screen.
D: Hey Sam! How's it going?
Jack pushed Daniel.
J: Get out! It's MY call, and you better go somewhere else, unless you want me to call Vala?
I laughed. Daniel came back on screen again.
D: Well, as you can see, I'm not allowed to say hi... So gotta go. Hope I'll see you soon Sam. I miss you. Have fun!
S: Thank you Daniel. I miss you too.
He waved at me, and I saw him leaving the room, but I heard him talking again to Jack.
D: And please, get a room!
Jack was on screen again. He looked at me.
J: If only... So? Miss me?
S: I wish I was there with you.
J: Me too. Everything's okay on that part of the universe? Mckay didn't drive you nuts yet?
I laughed again.
S: You know how it is...And mckay... well, let's not talk about him.
I looked all around me to see if someone was watching or listening to me.
S: Can't wait to see you... I need to feeling your kisses, your hands all around me, hearing you...
J: Damn it Carter! Will you shut up!
I giggled.
J: You better be in a good shape in two days if you know what I mean! Cuz I have plan for you.
He winked at me. Damn he was hot and sexy...
S: I can't wait. And don't worry, I've got plan for you too.
J: Is that a promises?
S: I love you.
He smiled.
J: Love you too. Come back home.
In two days I'll be home, with him. Even if I took that position in Atlantis, it never stopped our love to grown up forever. We just had to adjust ourselves to that new situation. I loved my life the way it was. I just hoped that soon, someone else would come into our everyday life. And I indented to work on it in two days!