gomen nasai

'A picnic by the lake would be nice…'

Normally I would have done three things. Nod, look at you with apathetic eyes and shrug. But not tonight… no definitely not this night.

I play with your dainty hands for a while. Not saying anything at all. Your hands are a little bit calloused evidence of your household chores. You, us, we sit in uncomfortable silence. Perhaps this is my way of affirming reality. Assuring myself that you're still here…breathing the same pungent air in this god forsaken land.

'You always say that every summer…' I hear myself speak.

Still gripping your hands that were now sweaty. To talk to you would imply something. And the only thing I want to feel at moments like these is your presence. Nothing more and nothing less.

You chuckle. 'And we end up doing other things…'

I could have admitted the truth. That I just didn't like picnics and everything about it. But that look in your peaceful eyes is worth the lie. Well worth it.

'Well I'm sure there are plenty of times.' You say now facing me. Sometimes I like the fact that you're oblivious to the truth.

I like that stare too… that gentle assuring stare.

We're strong, both of us. We will talk more about our dreams yes? Forever you would always say. And forever I would always answer. Yes, this is not the end, isn't it?

But forever fades away.

The inconsistency of the night mixed with a small droplet of the truth gave us both away. Because someone sobbed, perhaps it was me… or it could have been you.

I don't want to know.

This is it. Soft hushed whispers and sobs. Gripped hands, loud sniffs and a tight hug. This moment is now beyond my rational thinking. The truth will bleed to us like the rain itself. Slowly kissing the earth with its gentle downpour but in time eventually soaking her. This is the part where I let go…

No more make-believes, no more dreaming, no more late night snickers, no more story telling...

There is no more imagination offered for me as well as for you. It is forever gone into the vastness of nothingness. Rolling and tumbling and cascading, only to merge within the tiny space my memory has to offer.

And I know there is only one thing left for me to do. Do I say it now? While you're still in my arms, warm and sullen. Or do I say it after you're gone? Forever beautiful and tragic.

Either way, destiny wins.

So I will say it now for you…I will say it until we both cry ourselves to sleep. Say it until this endless night finally beckons. Say it until all my hopes are gone…

'Mayu…'

a thoughtful look and another sob,

'gomen nasai'

-end-
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a/n.. okay so it sucked. Bite me. :P