After everything is done, Jon retreats North, to what once was the wall.
He never forgets her.
He could still hear the way his name had being chanted in King's landing, not Jon but Aegon Targaryen, the true king of the seven kingdoms. Daenerys's body was still warm in his embrace and they were already screaming, demanding him, and the only thing he could think about was that she was even smaller than Ygirtte, that she was, even for a fleeting moment, the smallest ruler that this land ever had. Did they know? Did everyone got to see her at least once before his sword had killed her?
The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.
He was a traitor and there had being too many tittles placed upon him without his permission and this once, just this once, he decided he could not bear it. Who sat upon the throne wasn't his concern anymore, nothing was, so before they could put a crown on his head, he marched North alone with no intention to come back.
Winterfell was never an option. He knew Sansa would welcome him with open arms and a warm heart, but he didn't deserve that anymore. He would never deserve anything good anymore, not after what he had done. If Daenerys didn't have the chance to be loved again, he should take the same route. Not by his family, never again. Two sides of the same coin.
Jon wasn't sure where he was heading until Ghost appeared in front of him, wary. His most loyal companion and someone he had failed as well stood in front of him, assessing him and must had seen some of his sorrow in his look, because he moved towards his horse, leading him somewhere.
He never stops dreaming about her.
In the good nights, he dreamed of the screams of the people in King's Landing. He remembers her madness, her grief, and how everything had burned to ashes in matter of hours. In his better dreams, he sees himself killing her, the disbelieve placed in her eyes just before they lost their spark forever. When he wakes up, it's easier to remember why he is there alone, attorning his sins. Jon renews his vows to her and he can carry on with his day, with all the world on his back.
But the worse nights, oh lord, the worse nights.
Those days he doesn't see her at war. Daenerys is bright on his memory those times, bathed with the light sun of the North, smiling at him. Her checks are kissed by the cold and the smile she gives him makes him feel free. He gets the feeling of her skin under his fingertips, the way she tested on his tongue, the way she felt when they were one. In his worse nights, Jon remembers the happy days they shared together and even imagine how a future would had look like, happy and fulfilled.
When he wakes up alone, he screams.
The cries and sounds he makes can be heard from miles away because he simply can't help it. There was a time when Jon was a strong man, but those days were over. Those days would never come again. So, he screams, again and again until his throat is sore and he can't say her name anymore. She never appears, not even as a ghost, no matter how many times he calls for her. Maybe it was her way to punish him for everything he did to her.
For making her mad, for making her lonely. For not loving her enough, nor the way she wanted to be loved.
He guesses that she never forgave him, so he never does either.
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