Author: nakahime
Title: What matter?
Fandom: supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: K
Genre: nonsense, sad, romance
Warning: spoiler season eight, slash
Author's corner: hello! I'm new here. I'm not english or american, so I'm not very good with the language, but I try. So, let me know where I wrong and I can correct myself. Hope you like it. Kisses.
Plot: (Goodbye stranger 8x17) Cas' thoughts while is hitting Dean. Past, present and future of their story in his mind.
Disclaimer: supernatural is not mine, I write only for the pleasure to do it. I don't earn anything.

What matter?

I'm hitting you.
I want you to react, I want you to contrast me.
I'm pushing you to the ground.
I want you to stand up and beat me back, so hard as make me stumble.
-Do it! Do it!-
I can't, I don't want.
But I have to.
She says to me I must do it, and I continue.
I beg her to stop to make me do; I tell her you won't betray us, you are by our side.
She doesn't believe me.
I'm dying inside, I feel my Grace screaming by pain.
Your bloody face makes my heart cry.
-We're a family.-
Please, don't.
Don't try to stop me.
I'm desperate, I'm praying her and even you.
Stop! Stop.
Stop to take me in your poket.
Stop to shake me between you, as a toy in two capricious children's hands.
I'm not a toy.
I'm not a toy, Dean!
-We need you.-
No. No.
Please, don't.
I can't hit you, I just want this to end.
I feel the rage in my chest growing up, it's rending my essence.
Where is it coming from?
Stop.
-Stop.-
Am I talking? I don't know.
I cannot even consider me as real.
I'm a puppet.
A puppet in the hands of destiny.
Why did You let I become this, Father?
Why did You thrown against me, the same love I felt?
I loved you, and I passed away.
I loved him, I still do, and I'm dying inside.
I loved Heaven, and I destroyed it.
I'm tired, broken, used.
-I need you.-
You, Dean, you look at me with those eyes that should hate me.
You open your heart, you're honest.
I feel it.
I'm a celestial creature, remember?
I can read your mind, remember?
Do you remember, Dean?
I love you.
Do you love me?
It is the truth?
-I need you.-
It's the second time you say it.
The first time is a coincidence, the second time is Faith.
Dean.
Dean.
(-Don't ever change.-)
(-Damn you, Cas.-)
(-I'm doing this, for you, Dean.- )
(-I'm sorry Dean.-)
Dean.
(-Hello, Dean.-)
Hello, Dean.
I feel the Grace exploding inside of me.
I remember:
I see you burning through the flames.
I see you torturing a woman, and you like it.
I see you while you hold me, but screaming you don't deserve to be saved.
I recompose you, but there aren't all the pieces.
You're broken.
I see you in all your imperfections. But I feel you as mine.
You've not abandoned me.
You never did, even if I've disappointed you.
-It's ok, Cas. I know you're there, I know.-
Oh, Dean.
(-Dean and I, we do share a more profound bond.-)
It is true?
I love you.
What means?
Why I hear this thought in my mind?
Why don't you say it?
You're scared.
You know that if you say it, then this will be too much real.
I love you.
(-You can't save anyone, my friend. You can try.-)
But you've saved me, again.
As ever.
As ever.
You can't save anyone.
But your mind is telling me that doesn't matter how hard will be, you will ever try.
(-I did it for you, Dean.-)
(-You're just a man, I'm an angel.-)
-I...I-
Dean.
We will see again, right?
Hello, Dean.
Goodbye, Dean.
(Later.)