Injured

By Rainpath

Originally posted on the Warriors Forums

"Pack, pack; kill, kill."

The words echoed in my ears as I writhed and struggled, trapped forever in a world of darkness. Sounds and shapes flew past me and I yelped as I realized I couldn't see them out of one eye. Where was I, and what had happened to me?

The world dissolved in a flash of white, bright, bright light, and suddenly I could see again—but it was like in my dream. I could only see out of one of my eyes.

I think I was in the medicine cat den, because the soft ferns under me didn't feel like my comfortable nest of bracken in the apprentices' den. The tangy scent of herbs was everywhere—bitter, sweet, and spicy all at once. I breathed in the scent slowly, and then rolled over to face the roof of the den—only it wasn't just that.

Cloudtail was standing over me, delight alighting in his beautiful blue eyes when he saw me. "She's awake, Cinderpelt!" he called, his fluffy white tail waving with excitement.

"W-what happened?" I forced myself to ask. The look in my friend's eyes told me it was nothing good.

"Do you not remember?" he said slowly, choosing his words carefully. I shook my head slightly, and then winced. It hurt to move, even a slight move like that.

"Well, you and Swiftpaw went out to find what was stealing our prey and destroy it," he began. "And you came upon…something."

No memories were coming back, except for huge shapes, clawing me, and biting me…

"Pack, pack; kill, kill," I murmured.

"What was that?" Cloudtail asked me curiously, and I shook my head.

"Nothing." He would learn of my memories when the time was right. "But why can I only see out of one eye?"

"Oh." Cloudtail's eyes grew distant and he glanced away. "Well, um…"

He was interrupted by our medicine cat limping in and noticing that I was awake. "Brightpaw—I mean, well, um…It's great that you're awake!"

"Cinderpelt?" I asked slowly, pronouncing each word carefully so that she wouldn't take my question the wrong way. "I-is there something wrong with me?"

Cloudtail and Cinderpelt shared nervous glances. Finally the grey medicine cat replied.
"Well, you were very, very hurt in the attack, and so you've…" she coughed, as if clearing her throat, and scuffled at the ground with one paw, "You've lost one of your ears and one of your eyes. Swiftpaw has died, and Bluestar has given you a new name."

I blinked, and my eyes—eye—filled with tears. "Half of my face is just…gone? Like that?"

The two looked at me sadly, and I nestled myself back down into the space where I had been sleeping. Cloudtail started to say something but I cut him off.

"Please, just leave me alone. I just want to be alone now," I meowed sadly. Cinderpelt dipped her head and began to walk off. After a few seconds of staring at me sadly in despair, Cloudtail dropped his gaze to the floor of the den and followed her out.

I still couldn't believe it. Swiftpaw was dead. Half of my face was gone. Life would never, never ever be the same again.

*

"Are you sure you'll be okay going out in the forest?" Cloudtail asked me. I waved my tail and nodded in agreement.

"I know I just woke up yesterday, but I really think I'll be fine as long as you come with me," was my only reply. A warm purr bubbled up in his throat—I could hear it, even with only one ear—and we headed out.

Everything—all my senses, all my memories—seemed different when I was missing an eye. I was used to being able to gaze about me excitedly, but instead I was restricted to turning my head every which way if I wanted to see something. It was awful, but I couldn't let my discomfort show. Cloudtail would only get more worried about me than he already was.

"So…do you remember anything at all about the attack?" he asks me, his gaze skirting to a bird flying freely across the open sky. I shake my head, and then wince.

"Well, I might remember something," I admit. He immediately perks up, his fluffy white tail waving in the air.

"What? Do you know what's been stealing our prey? Is it ShadowClan? I wouldn't put it past them and Tigerstar, those mouse-brains—"

"No," I interrupt. Cloudtail blinks those big, blue eyes.

"Then what—"

"I remember shapes. Huge, giant shapes—it's very blurry, but they could have been anything. Badgers, dogs, foxes, or cats. They tore at Swiftpaw and I, and it was awful. They kept yowling, over and over—'Pack, pack; kill, kill.'"

I had to take a deep breath—all that talking in one breath had tired me out, but Cloudtail was staring at me with huge eyes.

"Pack, pack?" he repeated. "Kill, kill? You were talking in your sleep when you were unconscious, and that was the only thing you said."

I cocked my head slightly to one side. "Really? I had no idea." I didn't want to admit that these very words had haunted my dreams, however, and it wouldn't be hard to see why I was saying them.

He nodded rapidly and continued walking. I had no idea what to say, and I guess he was in the very same situation. Instead of talking, I decided to concentrate on the beauty of the forest, the leaves sparkling and shimmering in the sunlight.

Suddenly I had an idea. "Do you want to go down to the river? I bet it's beautiful, with this sunshine." For reasons I don't understand, Cloudtail looks nervous for a minute, and then nods his head.

"Okay. Race you there!" he teased, pushing ahead with his lithe white paws. I laugh and race after him as fast as I can—and for the first time since I had woken up the day before it was like everything was normal again, before Swiftpaw died and I was…misshapen? I didn't know how to put it without feeling like the whole world was crumbling down around me.

Sunningrocks is absolutely beautiful in the light, and warm on my pelt. I scramble up one of the rocks with my hind paws and stretch out in the direct rays of the sunshine. "Oh, Cloudtail!" I purred, "You have to feel this. It's amazing!"

He scrambles up next to me and purrs. "Yes, this is perfect!"

Lying there in the sun, on the Sunningrocks, with Cloudtail by my side, I had to agree that it was perfect. I could forget about everything. All my troubles and all my worries were gone. There was nothing but the rocks, Cloudtail, myself, and the beautiful water…

The water…

"I'm kind of thirsty, Cloudtail," I said slowly, choosing my words carefully. "I'm going to go get a drink from the river."

How fast he responds to this astounds me. Cloudtail jumps right off the rock and lands in-between me and the river, his fur on end and bristling. "No, you can't! You…you won't want to."

"What do you mean?" I asked, but I had a horrible feeling I knew exactly what he was talking about. Did I really look that terrible, that I would scare myself? My eye begins to well up with tears again. "Do…do I look that horrible?"

Cloudtail suddenly seems really uncomfortable. "Well, um…"

I push him aside and start to sprint now. "Let me see myself! Don't you think me, of all cats, should know what I look like? Why the kits have been flinching away from me? Why the others won't look directly at me without shuddering in pain? Or is it sympathy?" I whipped around and glared at him fiercely. I guess even with one eye, my glare was rather strong because the warrior shrunk backwards.

"I don't want you to become…" he started to mutter, but then I cut him off.

"Scared of myself?"

My tone is taunting, or even teasing, but I could tell that that was exactly what Cloudtail was going to say. I stole the words right from his mouth, and now he was gaping at me, his jaws hanging open. Then he dips his head slowly and takes three steps backward, allowing me a free passage to the water. I nodded at him and he lets out a small, nervous smile as I approach the river.

As I lean over, I have a fresh image of the last time I looked at myself in my mind. My fur was as pure white as snow, and the ginger patches looked like dots of fire, contrasting the white perfectly. My sky blue eyes had been twinkling cheerfully, amused, and my fur was short and clean.

When I looked at my reflection in the water, I almost choked.

This was not the Brightpaw I remembered. This is a horrible, scarred, awful, bloody mess. This is a cat who has one whole half of her face ripped apart and roughly healed into pink scars. There's a giant pink blob where her eye used to be, and her ear is torn apart into shreds. Her fur is matted and dirty, making the white look more like grey and the ginger more like brown.

"T-this can't be m-me," I murmured, my eye welling with tears again. One splashes into the river, leaving tiny ripples across my reflection. "This isn't what I look like!"

Behind me, Cloudtail lowers his tail in sorrow.

Now I'm wailing. "This is impossible! This—this—this isn't anything like me at all! I-I'm a monster! I'm hideous!"

I collapsed by the side of the pool, wailing into my paws. Cloudtail tries to curl up next to me, but I push him away with my hind paws. After another minute of sobbing, I looked at my reflection again—just a peek, but enough to make me see that now my one remaining eye is puffy and bloated, and this sets me off again.

Cinderpelt's words from the day before echo in my mind. "You've lost one of your ears and one of your eyes. Swiftpaw has died and Bluestar has given you a new name."

A new name…

"Cloudtail?" I managed to choke out. He looks up at me, sorrow reflecting in his blue gaze.

"Yes?"

"What did Bluestar rename me?" I asked, knowing I wasn't going to like the answer. But I had to know.

His gaze is tinged with sadness as he leans over and lays his tail on my shoulder. "Are you sure you want to know this?"

I nodded once, and he sighs.

"Lostface."