...You took a knife to my heart
And cut out the rational parts...
I knew that you were just misunderstood - Mad Love. by Jojo
A/N: I'm cross posting this story, it's also on my Tumblr. It's Dean Ambrose x OFC with hints of Finn Balor x OFC on occasion. Lots of angst and eventually, some smut which is kind of why the story has an M rating. I don't want to get myself into serious shit by labelling it Teen when it's not going to stay teen, you feel?
Anyway, I split up the POV and I write OFC's POV in first person (I/Me) and Dean's in 3rd which is weird but it's how I do things and I'm used to it that way. I hope this won't confuse anyone. I've never posted anything on before, so if it's trash, I'm sorry?
If there are any triggers, I will tag them here at the beginning of the chapter so no one gets triggered or upset by anything I've written.
PLOT:
Kristina is in a fwb ( friends with benefits) relationship with Dean Ambrose. She wants more than just his friendship though. After another one night stand, as he's leaving, it hits her ( and him) and rather than talk about it, both of these stubborn little shits proceed to do the things that result in an angst filled love plot with some comedic relief (and awkwardness of course) along the way. Will they finally get themselves together? Or will things take a completely different turn with the introduction of another interested party in the mix?
He sat up and started to re dress and I bit my tongue. No strings attached means exactly that.. No strings. No commitment. No laying around in each others arms for hours after a night like tonight, watching the candles flicker on the walls while you whisper things to each other. The fact that I felt something for him meant nothing. There was nothing I could do about it because we both agreed to all this months ago after that first wild and passionate night.
But it didn't mean I had to like it.
It didn't mean I couldn't wish and hope that maybe one day, he'd change his mind, maybe he'd want more. Even though I knew going in that he wouldn't.
"See you around."
"Yeah." I answered, biting my lip, hesitating. I almost leaned in for a kiss, I almost asked him to stay but instead, I kept quiet.
I heard the door closing downstairs as he left and I just broke down.. I think I laid there for at least two hours and I just sobbed. My phone rang and I rolled over, answered it. "Becky, hey."
"What's wrong wid ya?"
"Nothing, I just.."
"Did ye two 'ave a fight?"
"No."
"Ah thought 'e was comin over. Did ye talk to 'im about how ya felt?"
"I.. I couldn't." I rolled over onto my back, pulling the sheet up over me as I sighed and twisted a strand of hair around my fingertip.
"And why da 'ell not? Do I needa talk to 'im?"
I wiped away tears and laughed quietly. "This isn't like when we were kids, Becks."
"Da 'ell et isn't."
"I'm just gonna end things I think." and even as I said the words, it hurt. I felt like I was stabbing myself in the heart. I loved him.
But I didn't honestly think that he could ever just settle and love me.
"Maybe endin things is for da best." Becky sighed, I could tell she didn't want to say it because she didn't want to hurt me.. But Becky has been my best friend since I was 14 and my mom moved me all the way to Ireland because she remarried a military guy and we got the house next door to Becky's family.
Becky and I have been through a lot together, she's like the sister I never got to have.
"Maybe you're right." the words were spoken softly and tentatively and I wasn't even sure I'd be able to do it. "Maybe I do need to just end it. Maybe it will be for the best." I felt the tears coming again and Becky sighed.
"Ah'm on m'way. Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, right? And Sons of Anarchy?"
I managed a smile and wiped at my eyes. "You don't have to do that, Becks, it's almost 3."
Dean lingered at the door for at least three minutes, staring back up the stairs. Deep down he knew where he wanted to be, but that wasn't what she wanted.. If she wanted things to be different, he had to believe she'd say something, she'd do something to make them different.
… 'Sides.. even if she did, you know ya wouldn't ever be good enough for her… and sooner or later, she'd run like hell… they all run like hell when ya get too intense. The taunting of his mind was another big reason he found himself walking out the door and driving away.
When he got home, he poured himself a good measure of Jack and he slammed it back, feeling the bitterness and the burn as it made it's way down his throat. "Maybe I oughta avoid her a while.. Stop doin this every single time one of us is a little too lonely. Because the more it happens, the more I don't wanna leave at the end and I can't fuck up another thing."
He flopped down onto his bed and took a long and deep breath and he made up his mind.. Rather than try, rather than completely fuck something up, he was going to stop their little arrangement, he was going to avoid her and he was going to do his best to move past it, save her from the misery that he was a lot of the time.
It was just better this way.
[ two weeks later - Kristina]
"And now we know.. All I was to him was a convenient piece of ass whenever he wanted. I mean look at him over there, laughing and smiling and not caring.. Meanwhile, I'm over here and I feel like I'm dying." I shook my head and sighed bitterly, signaling for another mixed drink. Becky eyed me with a raised brow and I raised my glass. "To getting over him.. Finally."
She eyed me and we clinked glasses and I slammed the drink back and stretched, eyes darting around the crowded club.
I wasn't expecting my eyes to find his and I wasn't expecting him to already be staring at me. I quickly dropped my gaze and feigned interest in the countertop in front of me as I fought back tears again.
"Maybe ye needed ta. Ah mean et's been two weeks and he hasn't called, hasn't tried talkin to ya." Becky eyed me and I nodded. "It's just.. Harder than I thought it would be, okay? I'm fine, I swear. I just have to work through this, I have to stop wanting what we were never going to be in the first place."
"Want me ta go over and beat his arse?" Finn asked as he glared at Dean and all I could do was shake my head no. "Guys, I love you both but it's over.. Just let it go. He didn't do anything to me, okay? I fucked up.. I got attached and I knew that's not what he wanted. It's better this way."
Even as I said the words out loud, I knew I didn't mean them. For him, yeah it's better.. For me, not so much. I still feel like this is going to kill me..But friends with benefits only means that.. And he pretty much said a time or two he wasn't cut out for an actual relationship.. And I know I'm not.
[two weeks later – Dean]
"She was fuckin usin me. Can we stop discussin it now, huh?" Dean slammed his fist down on the tabletop, earning him a raised brow from Jimmy and Jey. Naomi shook her head, sipping her drink as she mused aloud, "You are both messy. This stuff does not work. I mean they made an entire movie about why this very thing never works, Dean. One of you always wants more in the end." as she toyed with the straw in her drink and stared down her husband's friend. Jimmy nodded with her in agreement and told Dean, "My woman's got a point. Have you even tried talkin to her though?"
"What the hell would I wanna do that for, huh? If she wanted more she woulda tried.. Somethin."
"Typical." Naomi snorted and Dean glared. Naomi went on to explain, "She wouldn't if she was afraid that asking for what she really wanted meant she'd lose you, you stupid assface. We're not like y'all, okay? There's emotions attached in sex for us. All I know is when we were all in NXT, man… She looked at you like you were the best thing alive."
"She did not. Didn't even know who I was until we got off our face drunk and kinda slept together that first time." Dean insisted, finding himself staring across the bar as he sipped his Jack Daniels and tried to fight the urge he had, he wanted to walk over to her so badly he could taste it.
"You really are blind as fuck." the twins snorted in laughter and Dean eyed them, then looked back at Kristina, shaking his head. If she really wanted him, she'd have cracked by now, called or something. She wouldn't be out at a bar with Balor and Lynch having drinks.
Just the fact that she was even friends with Finn Balor was enough to make the most primal jealousy surge through him and lately, it had only gotten worse. Lately, Kristina never seemed to be anywhere without Becky or Finn and Sami.
"What's she gonna want my ass for anyway. She's got that guy." Dean gestured to Finn and Jimmy and Jey shared a laugh.
"You do know he's dating some other girl, right?"
"And?"
"Dean, just hush now before I tape your mouth shut." Naomi shook her head and finished off her drink as Jey mused aloud, "One of you should at least try to say something about what happened.. If you want more."
"I don't." Dean practically growled the words, even knowing that as he said them they were a complete lie. He wanted more.
He just didn't feel like he deserved more.