Remember When

By: CrushedEmoDreams

Summary: When Elliot slips into a coma, how does Olivia cope (one-shot)

Disclaimer: these people don't belong to me, they belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just playing in his world for awhile.

She sat in the plastic chair and watched him breathe shallowly. It was her fault he was there. If she would've just used her head, this never would have happened. Everyone told her it wasn't her fault but, she knew it was. No one really knew the real story. It was because of her that he was in a coma. She's been sitting here for days just hoping that he would wake up. All she wanted to do was apologize to him, to say she was sorry. That really didn't seem like an option anymore. She didn't know what she would do now. She has been in love with him since the day she met him. She put the fantasies of being a family aside because he was married and seemed to be very in love with his wife. Still, she loved him but, now his whole family hated her. She wished things would go back to the way they used to be.

Flashback

It was June 15, 2001. Everything was going great for the Special Victims Unit's best pair of detectives. They had just arrived at the Stabler home for a night of fun with the Stabler children. Everything was perfect. The kids all loved Olivia. They were always happy to see her when she came over.

Those were the good days. She was sure that his whole family, including his ex-wife would hate her. After all it was her fault. The kids said they didn't blame her but, she knew their real feelings. She was very good at reading people. She could tell that they resented her. Why couldn't he just wake up? Why couldn't she take back what she had done? If only she hadn't made Kathy angry. That bullet was meant for her. If Elliot hadn't let his superman ego overtake him, maybe he'd be here with her. She still couldn't get over the fact that he was in love with her enough to take a bullet for her. He shouldn't have done that. She wouldn't have done that for him. Well, maybe she would. But, that just proved how in love they were. Although, she would take a bullet for any of her friends. She wasn't in love with them. She loved them like siblings. Maybe that's why. They were like family to her. After her mom died, they were the only thing she had left. Now because of her, they were getting hurt. Kathy vowed to get even with her for stealing Elliot away. The truth was, she was the one telling him to go home every time he had the chance, to try and save his marriage. It turned out that he just was never "in love" with Kathy. Sure, he will always love her. She gave him four beautiful kids. But, he will always love Olivia more. The thing that would make her the happiest in the world would be for Elliot to wake up. She wished he could go back and change what happened.

Flashback

Olivia had woken up in the middle of the night. She heard a noise. She went to go discover what it was and found Elliot arguing with Kathy. Kathy was saying something about how Olivia needed to pay for ruining their marriage. Elliot was telling her that it wasn't Olivia's fault, that they had just fallen out of love. She knew it was true but, she had always suspected Olivia of sleeping with her husband. Suddenly, she pulled out a gun and shot towards Olivia and Elliot. The bullet hit Elliot square in the chest and punctured one of his lungs. She radioed for a bus and tried to stop the bleeding but, there was just too much blood.

The doctor came in. He said that there was only a slim chance that Elliot would wake up or, even live. Olivia couldn't help but, cry. Her best friend, the man she loved was never going to be able to be with her again. There was only one person she needed right now, Alex, her best friend beside him. She couldn't leave Elliot though, and she couldn't use her cell phone in a hospital. She would have to leave Elliot for a little bit. She went to the nurse's station and used their phone. Minutes later, Alex agreed to come to the hospital.

Olivia- "Hi Alex."

Alex- "Hey, how are you?"

Olivia- "ok I guess, considering-"

Alex- "What happened here? You called me in tears."

Olivia- "I did? Well, the doctor came in and checked on El and said that most people that wake up wake up by now, and that it's likely that he'll never wake up or even die. I just can't help thinking that it's my fault he's in that bed."

Alex- "liv, you know that's not true, if it wasn't for him, you could be dead."

Olivia- "I know everyone has been telling me that. It's just Kathy was there that night to shoot me. If Elliot wasn't there, then he would still be here with me."

Suddenly everything went silent. The only thing that could be heard was the heart monitor flat lining.

One Month Later (Olivia's POV)

I can't believe he's gone. Just a month ago, we were out chasing perps and having fun with the kids. This is all Kathy's fault. I'm glad she's getting the death penalty. She deserves it.

Flashback

"Will the defendant please rise. Jury foreperson, what is your verdict?" said the judge

"On the count of murder of a police officer in the first degree, we find the defendant, guilty. On the account of attempted murder of a police officer in the first degree, we find the defendant guilty."

"Your Honor, we would like to have sentencing now," said the lawyer.

"Your Honor, before you make you decision Detective Stabler's wife would like to make a statement," said Casey.

"Ok, Mrs. Stabler," said the judge.

"My husband was a wonderful man. By murdering him, she murdered the spirit of our whole family. She ruined my family, and my marriage just because she was jealous of my relationship with her children and her ex-husband. She was angry with me for having those 'perfect' relationships that she always wanted. I don't agree with what she did but, I understand why she did it. Even though she had as semi-plausible reason, she deserves to be punished. She deserves to die. She murdered our whole family that night. But, more importantly, she murdered the spirits of her kids," Olivia said. "Thank you for your statement Mrs. Stabler. I will take that into consideration when I make my decision. People of the jury, what is your recommendation?" the judge said. "We recommend that the defendant, receive death by lethal injection," said the jury foreperson.

The only thing that would make me feel better, is if El were here…I still can't believe he's gone. Olivia starts crying I miss him. I'll always miss him. I'll never be able to fall in love ever again. He was my one and only true love. I never got to tell him that I am pregnant. I was going to tell him that night. Now I know…I'm pregnant with twin boys. I already have names picked out. Elliot Regan Stabler and Andrew Regan Stabler. I know they have the same middle name but, it has sentimental reasons.

FUNERAL OF ELLIOT STABLER

9:00AM OUR LADY OF GRACE CHURCH

She sat there in the front row of the church. She couldn't even tell what the priest was saying. She just couldn't focus. She was still in shock; she still wasn't believing that he was gone…forever. She felt like it must be some nightmare, that she would never let that happen to her kids. They were hers now. Elliot is long gone and Kathy is sitting in prison waiting to be executed, not that they would want to live with her anyway. Olivia was very close to getting her badge taken away. The department thought that she was a liability, and that she couldn't handle her job anymore. The only thing keeping her from getting her badge ripped was the approbation of Captain Cragen. If it wasn't for him, she'd be gone… The service was over. She didn't realize it until Cragen came up to her and gave her a hug. Lots of people did, friends, co-workers, victims, everyone was there. Of course this was more of a memorial service. They had a private funeral a few days ago. They have to bury the casket. That's next. That was a funeral tradition she never understood. She always wondered why people wanted to watch their friends and family being lowered into their graves. Now, she understood, it was kind of like a last goodbye. Goodbye Elliot.