Authors Note: This is very much an AU story so if you're looking for canon compliant fiction then I'm sorry to disappoint you but this is not the story you're looking for.
Disclaimer: I don't own Thor – either the movie or the character, nor do I have any claim to Loki, Frigga, Odin or any other recognisable characters in this story. I'm just borrowing them to have some fun.
Warnings: a bit of angst, a touch of drama, a dash of mpreg and just a touch of male/male romance. (I'm not sure why this sounds like a recipe but I hope you enjoy it none the less).
***Me and Mine: For the Child***
Loki lay on red silk sheets, regarding the man lying beside him in the moonlight. The flames in the nearby torches flickered with a gentle breeze but he barely noticed as his focus was on his lover, Thor Odinson.
Odin and Frigga had never hidden the fact that they were not biological brothers. So when Loki found himself lusting after the God of Thunder, he wasn't all that surprised. After all, the majority of Asgard considered Thor quite a catch.
The Thunderer was incredibly handsome. Some brave few even dared to call him beautiful. With his golden blond hair, vibrant blue eyes and muscles that made his limbs look like tree trunks, he was certainly not lacking in the looks department.
He was powerful. He wielded the war hammer named Mjolnir, the powers of thunder and lightning. He could vanquish a great many foes in a single swing of the mighty weapon.
He was brave, though some might call him foolish. He wasn't afraid to go into battle and defeat the enemy he opposed but at the same time he was more likely to be the one to call the enemy out in the first place.
He was also possessed of a great ego. He was so confident in his skills he rarely looked beyond his current actions to see how it might affect the future. He saw nothing wrong with this behaviour and no one was brave enough to call him on it.
This was probably his greatest flaw.
Loki had known this from the time they were children. Raised alongside the prince as a companion, the adopted Odinson often fell victim to his older "sibling's" adventures. It irritated, frustrated, hurt and angered him to varying degrees. It was usually left to Loki to clean up the mess his older companion made.
Despite this flaw however, Loki couldn't prevent himself from falling in love with the golden prince.
As they grew older, Thor grew more and more beautiful and Loki fell more and more in love with him. They reached their maturity and Thor seemed to accept the attentions Loki gave him, even seemed to return them sometimes.
As much as Loki would like to trust in that though, that one flaw in his golden lover made him doubt the whispered sentiments Thor kissed into Loki's skin after their lovemaking.
They kept it secret, which did not help Loki's insecurities. But their love would not be accepted by a great many of Asgard.
Odin had always treated Loki fairly but never let it seem like he was favoured. Thor's friend's disdained the smaller youth from following them around, resenting Loki's place in Thor's life. Loki wanted to blame them for their dismissal of him, but he was a mere companion, someone the Allfather had adopted to entertain his son, a practice not uncommon in the richer households. Loki didn't even know who his real parents were, and probably never would.
So Loki had no real contribution to make to a union between himself and Thor if their relationship was ever made public. He could not broker a peace between planets or add wealth to Asgard. All he could do, many would say, is trick his way into the prince's bed and destroy Asgard from the inside out.
They despised Loki for his magic, though Loki was never sure why. The Queen was quite an accomplished wielder of magic and she was praised for it, but Loki was condemned for the same. It wasn't fair or even justified. There were a number of Asgardians, both male and female who practiced magical arts, but only Loki seemed to receive the disdain from the people, even fellow magic users.
No, it definitely was not fair.
"What are you thinking about so deeply, Loki?" Thor's deep rumble of a voice, so like the thunder, interrupted Loki's maudlin thoughts.
"Nothing," he smiled up at his golden lover. The prince loomed over where Loki lay on his bed. Thor was still without a shirt and probably pants, seeing as he was under the blanket and had never been at all timid when revealing his body.
"That is a very deep frown to be caused by nothing," Thor noted, gently stroking between Loki's eyes as if to rub away the creases there.
Doing his best to mask his unease, Loki smiled and snuggled closer. There were not many occasions when they could relax together. But Odin was in a meeting and Frigga was…doing whatever it was she did. Despite having been raised by the woman, Loki could no more properly fathom the Queen of Asgard now than he had in his whole life.
"Are you still feeling ill?" Thor asked, brushing Loki's black tresses behind his ear and stroking the column of his neck, something he knew Loki loved.
Loki purred and leant into the touch, closing his eyes with a sigh. He sensed Thor waiting for an answer so he murmured a quite "Yes" as he relaxed into his pillow. For the past few weeks, Loki had woken up and promptly lost whatever meal he had eaten the night before. Sometimes it made him so ill he had to lie in bed for a time. He had tried to hide it from Thor but the prince wasn't as stupid as others might think him. He noticed Loki's waning interest in eating most meals and had demanded to know why.
"What have the healer's said about it?" Thor asked now.
Loki remained silent.
"You did go and see a healer didn't you?"
Loki hummed and kept his eyes shut.
"Loki."
With an aggravated groan Loki frowned up at his lover. The frown immediately softened though when he saw the worry on the prince's face. "I'm fine, love, just a virus I probably picked up from one of the meetings with foreign representatives."
Thor sighed, "I hope you are right."
Loki watched his beloved for several moments as the golden prince played with a lock of dark hair.
"When do you leave?" Loki murmured. He knew of Thor's plan to go to Jotunheim. He didn't approve, and with him being ill, Thor wouldn't let him accompany him either. Instead Thor was going with his group of like-minded friends. Loki hadn't been able to dissuade his lover from going either, which irked him greatly.
"In the morning," Thor abandoned the lock of hair and leant down to kiss Loki on the lips. Loki eagerly reached up to meet him and for a moment he forgot his worrying illness and Thor's foolhardy plan.
"Sleep, love," Thor murmured after pulling away, "I'll try not to wake you when I leave and I'll see you when I return."
Loki smiled, effectively masking his fears. Thor doused the lights and settled back on his bed. No one disturbed the heir of Asgard in his chambers and not even Odin could sneak in to witness their secret. If worst came to worst, Loki could slip through the joining door to his own rooms. Heimdall might know by now but so far he hadn't said anything so Loki hoped the all-seeing Gatekeeper was ignoring their frequent dalliances.
Loki fell asleep after listening to the comforting sound of his lover's heartbeat. In the morning he would worry. But if he was going to survive without Thor for a day, he was going to need his sleep.
***For the Child***
As promised, Thor was gone by morning. Loki went about his now-normal morning routine of throwing up his breakfast and settling down in his own bed until the nausea left him. It took longer than usual however, probably brought on by Loki's anxiety about Thor's plan.
He was just beginning to move from his bed when his magic alerted him to the presence of the woman he had called mother. He had been so long in bed that it had garnered attention from the guards who, in turn, notified the Queen.
"Good morning, Mother," he greeted softly as she strode in, as always looking perfect and serene. The Asgardian Queen had always insisted on Loki calling her mother, and Odin father. It warmed his heart to hear someone claim him and he appreciated their effort, not all fosterlings such as he were permitted that luxury.
"Good morning, Loki," the Queen moved towards him and kissed his brow before leaning back to study him. "You are unwell." It wasn't a question but a statement. Coupled with that intense stare that seemed to see past all of Loki's layers, and he knew it was pointless to deflect.
"Yes," Loki admitted simply, because she always knew when he was lying. She always knew. Which was why he was glad she had, so far, not asked him if he had his eye on any Asgardian women to marry. He couldn't stomach lying to her but he would have to if she asked. Loki had never been interested in women; he wasn't entirely sure what to look for in a female partner. Desiring a male partner wasn't uncommon, but if the Queen asked him whom he thought to take as a husband, Loki would not be able to hide his deepest wish.
He didn't want to see her pity, or worse her disgust.
"Have you spoken to a healer?" Frigga asked in her quiet but clear voice. The one she used when she demanded an answer, both her children and her husband knew better than to try and evade her when she used that tone.
"Not yet," Loki admitted, looking away.
Frigga sighed, "I know you dislike healers but we must know what ails you."
Loki groaned but didn't bother to fight her. She would get her way no matter what so it was best to just give in and let her have her way.
"Do you feel up to making the trip now?" Frigga wasn't going to give him any chance of escaping.
With a roll of his eyes, Loki dressed and followed his mother from his rooms toward where the healers practiced their craft.
The royal healer immediately made room for Loki in her schedule and ushered him to a separate room. The old healer was one of the few Loki trusted not to look down her nose at him. The woman cared for healing her patients and didn't care where they came from or what was wrong. If it were within her power, she would fix it. That was why she had been made the Royal healer above others who might have been more qualified at the time she was appointed.
She had Loki lie down on a table and set to work examining him. Loki closed his eyes and dozed as she moved around him, trying to relax and blank his mind.
After what seemed like hours but was probably only a fraction of that time, the healer ushered in Frigga and had a hushed conversation with her in the corner. Both women looked concerned so Loki looked away. Outwardly he remained calm but inside he felt sick and scared. What were they going to tell him?
"Loki," Frigga's soft voice sounded questioning. Frigga rarely sounded so unsure so Loki felt his tension rise.
"What's wrong with me?" he asked, whisper soft.
"There is something we should have told you a long time ago, my son." Frigga looked sad. She sounded strained. She held her hands clasped in front of her, a sign of nerves.
This was not going to be pleasant. Frigga was not one to lose her composure. She was too well versed in her duties as Queen to let herself appear so obviously flustered.
Loki had a sinking feeling in his gut that had nothing to do with the illness he had been suffering from.
"What should you have told me?"
***For the Child***
Loki spent the remainder of his day sitting in an isolated section of his mother's rose gardens. It was a hiding place he and Thor had found and used as children to hide from their nannies. As they grew and their relationship changed, it had become a favourite meeting place where they would have little to no interruptions.
Now it was a place where Loki listened to the sound of wind gently rusting the rose petals while he contemplated that his whole world was shattered around him.
Loki wasn't normal.
That was the one thought that kept circulating in his head as he sat and stared down at his hands. Pale hands, the hands he had looked at his whole life. But even they were a lie.
Loki wasn't a born-prince of Asgard, a fact he had always known. It mattered little as when the royal couple had adopted him, even if it was as a companion, he had become second in line for the throne after Thor. But that wasn't the whole story. He had assumed, as many had, that he was a peasant child the king had adopted. That wasn't the truth at all.
He was a child Odin had snatched from another world. The world of the Frost Giants; Jotunheim
Loki was a Jotun.
Loki wasn't normal.
Odin had found the infant Loki when he laid siege to Jotunheim decades ago. He had taken pity on the runt and carried him home. Frigga masked Loki's true form with her magic and raised him alongside her biological child, claiming he was a fosterling. No one would think twice about the presence of another child in the royal house with that story.
The signs had been there, Loki just hadn't even known to look for them.
He trained in magic rather than battle, proving himself different from the beginning. Was that why others hated him? Did they somehow sense that his magic was different to theirs? The Jotuns were known for their ice magic but they also wielded other magical powers as well. Was it somehow different to what the Asgardians used?
It didn't really matter anymore.
Loki wasn't normal.
Then there was Loki's personal life to consider. He fell in love with the prince. Thor. Who didn't know about Loki's true form, or what that heritage would mean for them. Thor who was even now, attacking the realm of the Frost Giants, their – no Asgard's - sworn enemy, the monsters in the dark. Would the prince treat Loki the same when he found out about Loki's true parentage? Worse, what would he think now that Loki's heritage could not be hidden?
Now that he was even less normal.
In Asgard, the sexes were clear. There were males and females, both with clear roles when it came to reproduction. Women bore children, men seeded them.
Jotuns though, were dual-gendered. They could do both.
Which was why Loki's predicament was so perilous now. He was pregnant.
Pregnant.
He carried a child while appearing outwardly male, something he could change with his magic but how would he explain his baby? Besides, everyone knew he was supposed to be male. He couldn't simply pretend to be female and not have anyone question it. How could he tell the realm about his biological differences?
How could he tell Thor?
He was pregnant not only with an Asgardian child. Not only with his adopted brother's offspring, something some might take offence to. He was also pregnant with the heir of Asgard.
That was something Odin would not accept. A great many Asgardians would not accept that either. Polluting the royal line with Jotun blood? Impossible. Unheard of. Wrong.
Would Thor accept it? Could he afford to? If he sided with Loki he might lose his birthright. Odin might appoint someone else as his heir, one of the more notable warriors perhaps, an elder's son or council member's offspring.
Thor might lose everything if he sided with Loki.
Loki had entertained the dream of Thor choosing him, of the pair living happily ever after as Asgard's royal couple. He imagined the realm accepting him, adoring his child.
Yes, it was a happy dream, but a dream nonetheless. For it wasn't possible.
Loki wasn't normal, and now he was going to pay for it.
***For the Child***
The announcement of Thor returning home came to him almost too late.
The mission had been foolish from the start and Loki had known it would probably backfire somehow.
Thor had been found out upon returning and the Allfather was not happy. In fact, he was furious. So furious, that he was banishing his son and heir to another realm until the prince learnt humility.
Only then could he return.
Loki rushed from his garden hideaway in time to see his lover hurtle down the Bifrost to that odd little world called Midgard. It wasn't advanced enough yet to interest many realms and the planet's population couldn't fathom others existing yet either so it was considered a primitive place by many.
Loki found it quite interesting, usually, though not when his lover had been banished there in order to learn something that decades in Asgard had not taught him.
It could take years for Thor to learn his lesson. Years that Loki did not have. He had to come up with a plan. He needed Thor here.
He hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye. Now he may never get the opportunity.
Because Loki could not stay. Asgard would not accept him or his child. Perhaps Jotunheim would, but all the tales he had heard suggested the ice planet would not.
Loki hid himself away in his rooms that night and curled up in his lonely bed, weeping quietly.
He rarely slept alone anymore and now he was feeling that emptiness so much more. Panic was edging in, panic and fear.
What was he going to do now?
He placed a hand on his belly, cradling his child for the first time. He wasn't showing. He wouldn't for a while and he could probably hide it for longer. But for now the contact comforted him.
His baby needed him alive. Which meant leaving Asgard.
It was that simple, even if Loki was reluctant. Asgard might be a hostile place for him with few allies or allures to keep him, but it was home.
He had travelled between worlds before, exploring. When Thor had been lured away by his friends, Loki had gone on his own adventures. So, he could escape Asgard and go…somewhere.
He could hide on another world. But he needed some sort of plan as to how to get there, and how to make sure he wasn't followed.
He needed to talk to the Allfather.
***For the Child***
The talk did not go well.
Loki yelled, Odin yelled.
Loki wanted to know about his true heritage; Odin didn't want to tell him.
Loki wanted Thor back, Odin refused.
Then Odin fell.
Loki blinked at his adopted father's prone form for several long seconds before he approached the old king. The Odinsleep had taken the Allfather.
Now he was never going to get his answers.
Worse, he could never get any sort of assurance as to whether or not his child would be welcomed on Asgard. He still held out a small kernel of hope that he could stay. That Thor would keep him. It was what kept him sane in the growing mess that was his life.
"Guards!" Loki screamed for the guards outside the door. They rushed in and took care of their king, taking him away.
Loki stared after them in numb shock.
Now he was legally King of Asgard, without Thor here. Frigga would be by her husband's side until he awoke, leaving Loki as the only male heir fit to rule. Despite their advancements, the hierarchy in Asgard was still slightly primitive. Men ruled and women obeyed. Though anyone stating that out loud to Frigga or Lady Sif probably wouldn't live long enough to regret it.
In this case though, with Loki as the King, he would have the power to influence things to the best outcome for him and his baby.
The plan he had concocted was not the best, nor would it cast him in a favourable light, but he wasn't left with many options. His heart ached with what he had to do in order to get out of this alive and well. He wasn't looking forward to it at all.
***For the Child***
He was starting to show now, Thor was still not home and the Allfather was still asleep. Loki was roughly three months along now. Jotuns apparently carried for ten months, as the babe needed the extra time in the womb before entering the harsh ice-covered world. Asgardians only carried for eight months, as their world was so bountiful. Loki could carry for anytime between eight and ten months since his child was a hybrid between two peoples.
Loki had journeyed to Jotunheim to investigate whether that would be a safe haven to give birth to his child. After all, he was technically a Jotun; perhaps he could make himself a new home amongst his own kin. Perhaps Jotunheim would prove to be a better place than Asgardians claimed.
It wasn't.
Loki had met with the King of the Frost Giants and received no signal that he could find a place for himself amongst them. They were a harsh people, a suffering race, Loki could not find safe harbor amongst a people who themselves were not safe.
Worse though, was that he had aroused Heimdall's suspicions. The Gatekeeper didn't like how Loki had managed to hide from him.
Now not only did he have to face the complaints from Thor's friends, but Heimdall was a dangerous enemy to make.
Unfortunately, it was part of The Plan he was rapidly forming.
In order to get Thor to come back, he would need to create a crisis. If he pushed hard enough, Thor's friends would take the initiative and head down to Midgard to see Thor, to bring him home. And now that Heimdall was suspicious of Loki's motives, the Gatekeeper would let them pass. Once there, Loki had a plan to hurry along Thor's discovery of humility, fulfilling Odin's decree that Thor not return until he learnt his lesson.
"Are you sure this is the course you want to take?" Frigga asked as she approached him that evening. Loki had just sent Sif and the Warriors Three away. No doubt they would soon make an attempt to get to Midgard, so Loki was waiting on the balcony to see the Bifrost open.
"No," Loki murmured, "But I think it is the only one. I cannot stay."
"And Thor cannot leave," Frigga added just as softly.
It had shocked Loki when Frigga made it clear that she knew about Loki and Thor. She had been working on sweetening Odin to a union between them when Thor had pulled his stunt.
Now there was no chance for a union.
"First, Thor needs to return home." Loki snorted, allowing a small smile on his face. He sighed softly, "Will you tell him, after I'm gone?"
"Yes. He deserves to know," Frigga said, no shame or hesitance, "But I will not tell the Allfather unless you wish it."
"I don't. If he learns Thor has an heir out there, he will not hesitate to retrieve it." Loki and Frigga both knew this. Odin would be relentless and blind to any harm he might cause. Thor's bastard heir was a threat to the throne if not brought up in his or her rightful place.
Frigga nodded her acceptance. "I will miss you."
"I will miss you as well," Loki tried not to cry, but his hormones were out of balance and he found himself weeping at the worst times.
"I hope to see you again one day. And my grandchild." Frigga told him with a warm smile. She looked beyond him, then, "Now however, I fear the next phase of your plan must be enacted."
Loki followed her gaze to see the Bifrost activating. He kissed Frigga's cheek before sweeping from the room.
He confronted Heimdall at the Gate and as expected, the all-seeing Asgardian turned on him. Using his magic, Loki froze the big male where he stood. He smiled sadly at the warrior encased in thick ice. Eventually he would be able to fight his way out, but for now he was stuck.
"I am sorry, Heimdall, but I cannot have you interfering," Loki told the Gatekeeper. Heimdall had been a friend once and Loki genuinely liked the wise seer. Turning away, Loki paused then turned back to face the ice statue, "When they call, I trust you to open the gate."
With that he left, he had a lot to do and not much time to do it.
The Destroyer Loki sent attacked a tiny little Midgardian town, scattering human residents everywhere. It didn't hurt anyone, as ordered, but it sure did a lot of damage.
Loki's heart broke when Thor approached the Destroyer, begging him to stop. The prince knew Loki was behind the attacking drone. It was part of his plan, but it didn't hurt any less.
It hurt even more when a Midgardian woman clung to Thor and the prince let her. Loki let one of his hopes die, that Thor would welcome a child between them. The golden prince seemed smitten with the little mortal. Perhaps he would make her his queen some day, gift her immortality and marry her.
Loki almost wanted to smite her for that. But he reigned in the jealous urge. As much as it hurt, he had known from the beginning that Thor probably didn't return Loki's love. Their relationship was likely little more than fondness on the Asgardian's part.
With a shuddering breath, Loki ordered the final strike and cried out when the Destroyer smacked Thor aside like a bothersome fly.
Thor would get up. He would have to. That was the plan.
He ordered the Destroyer to walk away, waiting, waiting, waiting…
There.
Thor's inner core of righteousness brought him back, gave him that inane goodness he had always been capable of.
Mjolnir finally answered the prince's call and gifted him back his true self. Loki watched in awe and fondness as Thor beat the hell out of the Destroyer. That show of power had always managed to get Loki hot and bothered and it did the same now.
But there wasn't time.
Loki hurried to his balcony in time to see the Bifrost activate. Evidently Heimdall had broken free of the ice. Thor and his comrades would be storming the palace soon.
Now that the moment was upon him, he was terrified.
He would likely never return to Asgard. He would never see his beloved or the ones who raised him. He would live a new life, under a new identity, raising his child alone.
Because the only one who wanted the innocent life Loki carried, was Loki himself. Loki and Frigga, of course, but against Odin, Thor, and the rest of Asgard, Loki didn't stand a chance.
It was best to leave, get a head start.
Yes, it was time to go.
***For the Child***
Frigga watched as her son's transport left under the cover of darkness. She didn't know where he was going but she wished him safe travels and hoped to see him someday.
Thor and his friends burst into the royal chamber, no doubt looking to confront Loki.
"Mother? Where is Loki?" Thor asked. Her golden son, returned to her in all his glory, as proud and noble a warrior as she had always wished him to be.
"He is gone," Frigga said, gesturing for Thor to sit beside her, "Come, we must talk."
Thor looked hesitant and wary, looking for a fight that wouldn't come. The Warriors Three and Lady Sif exited upon her command and then Frigga turned her full attention to her son.
"Oh, Thor, there is much I have to tell you." Frigga told him on a sigh.