Title: Do not disturb
Author: Ceindreadh
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-15 / T
Summary: All Ianto wants is a day off
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Torchwood characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
Disclaimer #2: I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. (blame the plot bunnies for this fic!)
Notes: thanks to Betty for doing a quick Beta read of this
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"I can't believe you did that," fumed Ianto, scrubbing furiously at the floor with a mop.
"How many times do I have to tell you," said Jack patiently. "You weren't answering your phone, I thought something was wrong."
"I was on a day off for Christ's sake." Ianto scrubbed a bit harder at the floor before dropping to his knees and using his fingernails to try and scrape off a particularly stubborn piece of melted debris. He could practically feel Jack staring at him, eyes so focused they'd have burned holes in Ianto's suit…if he hadn't just been wearing a towel.
"Yeah, but you always answer the phone," said Jack, a plaintive note in his voice. "And it was urgent."
"What?" said Ianto, refusing to look at Jack, because he just knew that Jack was going to be wearing his number one most penitent expression. Unfortunately, said penitent expression was also filed under top ten sexy expressions in Ianto's mind and he was determined not to be sidetracked from his righteous indignation with the Captain…not this time anyway. But then he'd said that before.
"What was so fucking urgent? It can't have been the Rift; I have a remote sensor that would tell me if was acting up. Let me guess, you're all out of milk and wanted me to pick up a pint?"
"No," muttered Jack.
"Well?"
"I, uh…couldn't remember the combination to my safe," said Jack.
Ianto rolled his eyes. "That's the worst excuse yet," he snapped. "Last month I took a day off and you called me to get the security code for the Tourist Office alarm."
"Well it was going off every half hour," said Jack.
"Because you were throwing stones at it to activate the motion sensors. Then last week I took another day off and didn't even get a decent lie-in because somebody needed their dry cleaning picked up."
"But you know how naked I feel without my coat," said Jack. "And you wouldn't want me to be walking around Cardiff feeling…naked, now would you?"
His voice had dropped all attempts at penitence and was now back its usual seductive tones. Ianto wished he could stick his fingers in his ears to drown it out. He cursed inwardly, knowing how difficult it was to keep his focus when Jack turned that voice on him. "Should be classified as a dangerous weapon," Ianto told himself. "Filed under form 7a, in Archives subsection b." Out loud he said, "Wouldn't have bloody killed you to pick it up yourself. Not that it would matter if it did cause you'd only get up again." The stain was resisting all Ianto's efforts. "And anyway, I specifically told you that I was taking the day off and that I wouldn't be answering my phone!"
"Yeah, but you always say it…" Jack started.
"Yeah, and you never listen," interrupted Ianto. "You just come driving over here like a maniac, clocking up God knows how many speeding tickets that I'm going to have to sort out, and before you say anything, I am not using Retcon on any more Traffic Wardens. They're psychotic enough already." He took a breath, "And if that's not enough, you break into my house…"
It was Jack's turn to interrupt, "Technically I didn't break in…"
"Just because you used an alien lock pick to open a door without damage doesn't mean it's still not classed as breaking and entry," said Ianto, "And then you come barging into my bathroom without so much as a by your leave waving an alien weapon in the air like a lunatic! God knows what would have happened if you'd had it on a higher setting!"
"I've already told you," said Jack, "I heard…noises, moans, and I thought you were in trouble, maybe injured."
Ianto rolled his eyes, "You of all people should be able to tell the difference between a moan caused by pain and one caused by, ahem, pleasure. It's not like you haven't heard them both from me!"
"Look, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry," said Jack. He put his hand on Ianto's chin and tilted it so the younger man was looking up at him.
"Well it's not just me you have to apologize to," said Ianto, grimly. "Betty will never be the same again." He scrapped at a bit more of the melted plastic before finally giving up.
Jack sighed heavily, "If I get you another rubber ducky will you forgive me?"
"Maybe. Depends on if you put a camera in it like you did the last one."
"Uh, I didn't put a camera in there."
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The word "SHIT!" echoed around the Hub.
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The End