KAI!

(Kai - -does the girl dance- Omg! Omg! I have my own fanfiction!!)

Ok...I've done it, I've finally done it, I said I would, and now I have... dear oh dear...hehe...

Ok, right, first things you aren't going to have a clue who I'm talking about if you haven't read Em the Elf's fanfictions. Kai is a character from there and I have a leetle obsession with him... ; hehem so this is a fanfiction OF a fanfiction, but seeing as it will have LOTR characters in it, as well as a few guest appearances if they allow, this will still be posted on , so mneeeeeeeh!! Hehe

I don't expect to get any reviews I'm just writing this for the hell of it. It's not going to be good, there's going to be a lot of bad humour in it and probably some adult themes, judging from Kai (and handcuffs are going to be a recurring theme )

Ooooooooooooooon with the show!

Oh yeah, this is weird-

Disclaimer – I do not own Kai or Kalin, they both belong to Em the Elf! Weird huh!?

( ( KAI! ) )

"Kai! Kai! He's the one! There isn't an elf he hasn't done!" Chorused the elflings in the playground, blissfully unawares that their chanting had awoken a certain dark haired individual. That is until-

"WOULD YOU LITTLE ORQURIM SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" (Orqurim – orc - methinks) Kai staggered to his window, raven hair mussed, glaring at the youngster rabidly.

"But they're only speaking the truth, dear brother" A reasonable voice said behind him. Kai jerked round, blinking randomly, almost tripping out of the window, even with his elf hearing he hadn't heard Kalin enter his room.

"I know that! But it's not the fricken point..." He muttered shamelessly, dropping to his knees and crawling under his bed, dragging the blanket with him.

"Well what is the point, oh Saurar" (Saurar – Foul one - brotherly love, aww ;) Kalin inquired, watching his brother with a raised eyebrow.

"The point, dear brother," Came the reply "Is that it is only 11am!!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaand" he questioned, sensing more.

"Aaaaaaaaaaand...I have a hangover" Was the answer, albeit quieter than usual. Kalin sighed, it was times like this he wondered why he had to be the younger, it was obvious who was more mature.

Upon hearing his brothers loud snores and sneezes emitting from the dusty underside of the bed Kalin stooped down and grabbed his brothers twitching leg, dragging him kicking and screaming into the light.

"IT BURNS!!" Kai curled up in a ball, protecting his 'sensitive' eyes from the sun.

"Get up, Kai! Father requests our presence!" The younger ordered, dropping the limb.

"Tell father to go to hell, I'll meet him there, probably...or not...shut up..." Kai murmured, not caring or not aware if anything he said made a bit of sense.

"Oh no you don't!" Kalin exclaimed, grabbing the hangovered elf's leg again as he attempted to return back to the darkness. This time he dragged his brother out of the room and down the corridor...still kicking and screaming.

The elves they passed on the way didn't seem affected by the ranting and explicit language used by Kai at all, it was, after all, a regular event.

Eventually Kai calmed down, a grin on his face as his brother pulled him down the corridor. After climbing to his feet Kalin knew something was wrong, his brother was being too damn quiet, and he had 'the look'.

"Who have you seen?" He questioned with a sigh, Kai's grin widened.

"Legolas is here"

"Oh yes, one of the few elves you haven't yet jumped..." Kalin smirked. The elder raven-haired elf's eyes blazed as he attempted to chase the Mirkwood Prince down the corridor. Unfortunately for him, Kalin had somehow managed to get a leash around his neck without him knowing and proceeded to tie it to a door handle, successfully choking the poor elf. "Gak!" Kai fell to the floor in a very ungraceful heap, glaring daggers at his younger brother.

"What?" Kalin asked innocently, untying the rope and tugging it lightly "come on doggy" The next thing Kalin knew he was being hung out of a window by his ankles, staring at the floor some 100m below him, with Kai yelling some particularly nasty expletives down at him.

A sharp cough caught the attention of the two brothers and Kai turned round slowly only to come face to face with a very pissed off looking Elrond. After screaming like a girl and almost dropping Kalin the two elves tried to 'inconspicuously' slink off. Of course this plan was ruined as Kai, having the attention span to match...let's say...Em the Elf...began singing the slinky song.

After maybe a few renditions of "Everybody loves a slinky!" Elrond was appropriately fuming and did the only decent thing he could think of. He locked them in a room and ate the key.

"Woooooooooooow" Kai gasped enthusiastically as his brother threw himself repeatedly at the door.

"Kai!! Would you get over here and- wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!" the two elves looked round, meeting a sight that almost had Kai fainting. Elrond had locked them in the wine cellar...

( ( 3 hours later ) )

 "Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo...where...wh-ere was I... ergh...oh yeah..." Needless to say both of the raven-haired elves were pretty much plastered. They had given up trying to escape after the first 15 or so bottles of Rivendells finest alcohol and were now content to sit (or lie in Kais case) and attempt coherently speaking.

"I think I'm...going to th-throw up" Kalin murmured, searching for a window, finding it, flinging it open hurriedly and projectile vomiting a purplish liquid in a 7 meter arc across the sky.

"Dude!" Kai commented, watching with amusement as it fell rapidly and landed... on a very shocked looking Thranduil "oooooh...crep..." Kalin at least had the smarts to pull his head back from the window before the lord of Mirkwood could look up.

"We-ell lil' bro, it's been...er... nice knowing yoooo" The elder elf saluted Kalin but the sharp action caused him to topple over and sit in a fit of giggles. His brother, however, had already passed out on the floor, a contented grin on his face.

( ( KAI! ) )

Well there it is folk!! The first chapter of a fanfiction which very few people are going to read ;. Thank you Em the Elf for letting me steal Kai and Kalin, now everyone doe as I say and read her fanfiction!! –glares-