A/N: Aack! Another particularly vicious midnight plot bunny. Can't get enough of F/S, and I have yet to find a kindred spirit... review anyway, will ya? Can you believe that late last night I titled this story "Angst, Wrongs, and Sam/Frodo Snogging"? I wrote a A/L the other day and was tempted to call it "Elessar Being." I'm haunted by my corny puns. Everything belongs to Tolkien and everything else belongs to Evanescence.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
I stood on the hill overlooking the brown winter Party field. I could see half of Hobbiton from here, though not a hobbit was in sight; snowflakes were flying all around and anyone in their right mind would be inside by the fire. But not this one. The wind tore through me, but instead of cowering I unbuttoned my shirt and let the cold have its way with me. The wind howled ever louder in my ears; still, I stood there, eyes closed against the whirling snow, the scar on my shoulder somehow warmed by the chill. I know not how long I was there, surrendered to the cold's icy embrace, but I quickly looked up when I heard soft footsteps behind me.
"Sam! What are you doing out here?"
Snowflakes were lodged in his golden tousled hair. Had I never noticed how lovely he is? "If you don't mind me sayin', Mr. Frodo, but what are you doing out here? You'll catch your death for sure!"
"Why must you insist on nagging me about everything I do?" I hadn't meant for it to come out that harsh, but before I realized it, tears were standing in his Sam's eyes.
"I do it because I love you, Mr. Frodo! I don't want to see you get hurt, not if I can help it. Tell me, wouldn't you rather be sitting by the fire than out here in the cold without nary a scarf?"
Truth to tell, he was right, as always. I had come up here to seek solitude and refuge. To try and heal my aching heart with cold, since warmth had only made it worse. Suddenly, staring into Sam's concerned eyes, I felt old. So very old, worse than butter scraped over too much bread. Like an old dusty wind-worn cobweb. I shuddered at the memories that surfaced all too often these days.
Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
"Oh, Sam," I whispered. "Why do you even bother? I'm just an empty shell of a hobbit. Corrupted by evil that's never even left." I allowed myself to be gathered up into his comforting arms.
"Did you not hear me? I love you, Mr. Frodo, always have, always will. Just because you want to give up don't mean I want to."
"It hurts, Sam," I mumbled into his shoulder. It did. My shoulder was throbbing, my heart was bleeding, my head was swimming. "It's no use living anymore. You must understand. There's nothing but despair left for me."
"Mr. Frodo, look." He pointed to the land before us. I wiped my face and complied. Had there ever been a time when I could refuse my Sam? "Do you remember the way it was when we came back? All dead and everything? Look at it now. It's just the way it used to be. There's smoke coming out of each of them chimneys and there's plants growin' in almost every yard. You can be like that, too; stronger than you were before. If only you'd try."
He broke from my grasp to take my clammy hands into his own, and hold my icy gaze in his fiery amber one. He was so warm, and I never realized how cold I'd been until he'd brought me near. Oh, don't let go. The ache in my heart seemed to lessen, and at the same time increase with a different ache. "How, Sam?"
He kissed each of my fingertips, even the short stump of a finger that to me was a constant reminder of my failure and corruption. I could no longer fight back my tears. He then quoted my own words, in a distant echo of years ago; something I'd said about Smeagol. "You have to believe you can come back."
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
Wake me up inside
He kissed my forehead, and smoothed tears from my face with a gentleness I'd never fully realized he'd had. He kissed my cheek too, and suddenly, naturally, perfectly, he planted his mouth squarely on mine. Without another thought I drank in his warmth hungrily, and my hands were lost entirely in his silky tangles like my entire mouth was lost in the caresses of his lips and tongue. I could feel his hands moving up my back as I arched against him. The snow whipped around us, and for once we paid it no heed as we drowned in each other.
We would have stayed like this forever, but finally broke apart to breathe. We both were gasping for breath when my senses returned to me.
"What," I cried, "was that?"
The look on his face was priceless. Had I always loved him this much? "I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo. I just couldn't help it, with the snow all in your hair and eyelashes, and your shirt was-. It won't happen again." He made to back away.
I laughed mischievously and gave him a mock pout, under which he seemed to wilt in spite of himself. I pulled him back to me. "Oh, really? What if I prove you wrong?" I did so. "And don't you dare call me 'Mr.' Frodo again," I murmured into his mouth.
"All right... Frodo. Wouldn't like to think of what my old Gaffer would say if he saw us now."
"Sam, for now, just today, to hell with your Gaffer. And Rosie, and anyone who thinks they can come between us."
He grinned with a scary glint in his eye that surprised me as much as it made me want to melt into it. He took advantage of my undone shirt, making me giggle. "That's the first time in quite a while I've heard you laugh!"
I giggled again at the sheer joy of having him in my arms. "Thanks to you, it shan't be the last."
He pulled me in for another deep kiss. The sun suddenly broke through the heavy clouds, and a golden ray fell upon us, banishing the flurries of snowflakes. We didn't notice.
Frozen inside without your touch without your love
Darling only you are the life among the dead
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems