Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.
Author's note: After re-reading Xynedochy and The Heart Rate of A Mouse by arctic_grey and watching Marley and Me last week, I came up with the idea for this fic. It's a two-shot, it's kind of cutesy, kind of angsty, and I hope that you like it.
"You remind me of a former love that I once knew... and you carry a little piece with you."
I Have Friends in Holy Spaces | Panic! At The Disco
"No. No."
Eli rips off the page from his journal and he sighs exasperatedly, throwing it into the trashcan that is located next to him. It's a sunny day, and he's surrounded by laughing children, perfect lovers and beautiful weather… and he wants to kill himself.
His phone is still buzzing with Happy Birthday! text messages, but he doesn't care at all. He's 24 years old, single, he has a crappy job as a part-time copy editor at a weekly publication, and life is just not interesting.
He stares down at his journal and sees the little sketches of a girl on the margins, and he hates himself. After all these years, after not having any contact with her whatsoever, she still haunts him. Clare Edwards is permanently tattooed in his mind, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't get rid of her.
He attempts to start writing again, but he only ends up drawing Clare's face on the page, and he knows it's quite pathetic. Lovelorn Elijah Goldsworthy, still longing after the girl who dumped him after his mental breakdown. No wonder his relationships haven't worked out. Eli brings his journal close to his face, the tip of his nose barely touching the drawing, and he smirks at himself.
"Woof."
Eli puts the journal down and stares at the dog sitting in front of him, its head beckoned to the side. It's a cute pup, looks like a cross between a beagle and something else, undoubtedly a mutt. There's a black spot around its left eye, making the dog look endearing.
"Hey," says Eli softly and reaches out to pet it. The dog barks again and Eli puts his journal aside and tries to check if the dog has any tags at all. Its fur looks dirty, and there's a scar on one of its legs.
"Are you lost?" asks Eli quietly as some kids run by them, and he looks up to see if there's someone looking for it. Eli continues to scratch the dog behind the ear, and the pup starts growling contently.
"I have to go," says Eli, letting go of the dog and grabbing his things from the bench. The puppy whimpers as Eli stands up and looks at him with sad, huge eyes.
"Sorry, bud, I can barely take care of myself, let alone a dog," says Eli sadly, and starts walking away. The dog is stubborn and continues to follow him as he walks, and Eli feels uneasy.
"Seriously, just… stay," says Eli, turning around to face it. "Maybe your owner will come back."
The dog sits and just stares at Eli as if defying him, its tail wagging. Eli hesitates for a second and looks around before picking it up.
"Okay… Okay," says Eli, not convinced. "Maybe we can find your owner, sir. Or ma'am…"
Eli tentatively looks at the dog and realizes that it's a he. "Sir," smirks Eli, holding the dog closer to him. It feels so warm and the dog starts licking Eli's face, making the latter's heart flutter.
Later
Eli takes a picture of the puppy with his camera, hoping to put out a flyer tomorrow morning. He can't keep the dog, it's not his, and there's probably someone out there looking for it.
"What's your name, pup?" asks Eli, sitting on the cold floor. The dog yawns and lies down next to Eli, both of them ignoring the TV next to them. Eli doesn't have a lot of furniture (too expensive) and the only available couch is currently serving as a dresser.
He opens the bag of chips that he's holding, and the dog starts sniffing around. "I need to give you a name… hmmm…" Eli hands it a chip and the dog snatches it from his fingers quickly, licking his muzzle after swallowing.
"Not sure that's healthy for you," chuckles Eli and he feeds it another one. "Hmm. How about… Salty?"
The dog barks and nibbles on one of Eli's fingers, and Eli starts laughing. "Okay, that's a no…" Eli grabs the dog and gives it a little kiss on the top of its head, and it growls.
Eli has been feeling terribly lonely lately, and just having another living thing in his apartment makes him feel somewhat elated. Even if it's a dog that dislikes the name Salty.
"Chuck! I should name you Chuck," says Eli excitedly. "Not that this is permanent or anything, because we will find your owner… unless you don't have one?"
Chuck (yes, that will be the dog's name from now on, Eli has decided) licks Eli on the nose and barks happily, his brown eyes shining with emotion. Eli didn't know an animal was capable of showing that kind of feelings. Or maybe it's because he has been alone for too long.
"It's my birthday today," says Eli sadly, and Chuck licks him again. Eli smiles at him, trying to avoid feeling overtly pathetic. He needs a drink.
"Be right back, Chuck," says Eli, standing up as he attempts to retrieve a beer from the fridge. These have been his weekends lately; he goes to the park and attempts to write a novel that will never get finished, then he comes back to his apartment and gets slightly drunk. Sometimes he will even go through the phone book looking for a Clare Edwards, but nobody needs to know that.
Eli stares at the contents of his almost-empty bridge and he wants to laugh at the mess that is his life. He needs to move on, he knows that. Five different therapists told him that. Adam tells him that every time they hang out, which is why Eli avoids talking to him. His parents will casually mention it whenever he visits.
The thing is, Eli knows that he needs to forget about Clare. It's the logical thing to do, it's the healthiest thing to do, but it's also impossible. He still loves her, and he probably always will.
Fuck, why is he thinking so much about her today? It's usually not this bad. He finally grabs the beer and walks to the tiny living room, and Chuck is gone. Eli looks under the couch but the dog isn't there, then he looks under the bookshelf, but... nothing.
"Chuck!" calls Eli, placing the beer down on the battered coffee table. He walks into his miniscule bathroom and yeah, no; Chuck isn't there either.
He hears a rustle coming from his bedroom and he sighs. Hopefully Chuck isn't chewing on one of his shoes, he really likes all of them. Eli stands paralyzed under the doorway when he sees that Chuck found a box, the box.
An old shoebox is flipped over, all the contents spilled on the floor. Eli hasn't looked through the box in years, but he has carried it around everywhere he goes because he can't let go of it. It's not really hoarding, it's just… something.
"What the fuck?" yells Eli angrily, and Chuck takes off in fright, hitting himself with the nightstand as he tries to hide from Eli.
"What have you done?" breathes Eli as he kneels down to pick up the things from the floor, and Chuck starts whining miserably. Eli checks all of the items and sees that they're all undamaged, and he gives the puppy an apologetic look.
"Sorry… sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," mumbles Eli, and Chuck has his own trembling tail between his legs. "Come here… please?"
Chuck considers him for a moment and finally moves over to where Eli is kneeling, and Eli hugs Chuck tightly. "Sorry," mutters Eli, his lips pressed against Chuck's muzzle. "You're too cute… and too sneaky."
Eli stops paying attention to Chuck for a moment and then sees Clare staring right at him. From a photo, that is.
He picks it up and sits down properly, causing Chuck to snuggle on Eli's lap. "She was so pretty," says Eli, patting Chuck on the head. "I'm sure she's still gorgeous. But I messed up."
Eli starts collecting the items and putting them in the box, all of them a reminder of Clare. "It must seem stupid to you… I don't know if you understand the concept of love," continues Eli. "You're a dog after all."
Chuck barks as if offended, and Eli starts chuckling. "Okay, you seem pretty smart," laughs Eli. "So maybe you do understand. I just miss her a lot, you know? She understood me, and it seemed like she was going to stick around and then… she didn't.
"It was kind of my fault," sighs Eli. "I pushed her away. I loved her too much. Still do, I guess."
Chuck starts sniffing the photograph and lets out a soft bark. "Her name is Clare."
The reaction from the dog shocks Eli to death. Chuck jumps off of his lap and starts howling, his ears perked up, and he starts running around in circles like a maniac.
"Whoa, boy, slow down," says Eli, trying to touch Chuck, but the dog merely bites him hard in the hand.
"Fuck!" gasps Eli as blood drops start running down his hand. The bite is starting to sting, and Chuck runs out of the bedroom, still howling.
"Shut up!" says Eli hysterically, knowing that his landlord has a no-pets policy, and grabs the dog from the floor. Chuck is struggling against Eli's arms, but Eli has a good grip on him.
"Maybe you need some air, come on," groans Eli, and they exit the apartment. Eli runs down the flight of stairs, hoping that the landlord is asleep or not home, and they finally hit the parking lot. Eli puts Chuck on the ground and the dog stays still, the cold air making both of them shiver. Eli buries his hands in his pockets and looks around, a bright-colored flyer glued to a post catching his eye.
"Chuck, follow me," he says, and the puppy obeys. Eli gets closer and closer to the flyer, his heart stopping for a second when he sees the picture on it.
It's Chuck.
But his name isn't Chuck, it's Ted. "They named you Ted? Sorry, man," snickers Eli. "What kind of name is that for a dog?"
Eli skips over the description and looks at the phone number at the bottom, and he tries hard not to start hyperventilating. He gives Chuck a glance and the dog is looking at Eli in amusement, if a dog can do such a thing.
It can't be, there is no way, and no, no, this is a fucking dream.
Contact Clare Edwards.