Author's Note: Me and Mark are on the same page right now, so I guess I'm speaking through him.
I OWN NOTHING (only plot).
Please read, review and enjoy!
"Who said I was hiding?"
"Mark, please. You don't have to lie to me man, I know you."
The film maker's eyes cast down to the floor. Collins watched him tenderly. "I care about you. I know that you haven't been the happiest of people when it comes to Maureen and Joanne making a real commitment. It's hard man, I know-"
"You know? You know? Collins, you don't know anything about how it feels to be me!" Mark shouted, his arms tensing. "Every day of my life, I'm faced with my own reality. And you know what that is Tom? Nothing. Nothing and no one!"
The professor's eyes pressed at his friend. "Mark, I-"
"You what? You understand? No, you don't understand. None of you will ever understand how I feel. Ever. No matter how hard you may try, you never will." Grabbing the railing, Mark exhaled deeply tears welling in his eyes. "I see you and Angel…you're in love…that real kind of love you know? I've…I've always wanted love like that. True. Real. Everlasting. But I shut my mouth because, it's always poor Mark…well fuck that!"
Collins watched his friend, not knowing where to begin to comfort him.
"Love is always something I've watched other people experience. When Maureen came along I honestly felt that maybe someone was meant for me, someone could love me for who I am…issues and all." He chuckled to himself a bit, before continuing. "When you're surrounded by this love, you admire it, you almost think you're apart of it…until it's the end of the day when everyone has gone home to their respective lovers, and you realize that home is really nothing or no one at all. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"
"Yeah, I do actually." The professor said, eyeing his friend. "There were times when I wanted to blow my fuckin' brains out. There were time when I got pretty damn close too…but somethin' told me to just wait…and as hard as that was for me…somehow I managed to do it."
"I'm sick of waiting Collins. I want someone. I need someone. I deserve someone."
"Yes, you do. I agree." He said as he lit a cigarette. "But not now."
"Why the fuck not?!" Mark said angrily.
Collins exhaled, smoke filling the air. "It ain't your time."
Mark crumbled onto the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. "Fuck this…I'm so fucking tired of this…I'm tired of being this way…"
"I'm gonna tell you somethin' that my grandmother used to tell me…sometimes all you can rely on is yourself…people ain't always gonna be around to help you…that's when you find out what your real character is…when you're the most lonely." Collins could hear Mark's sobs through his crossed arms, and quietly put out his cigarette.
"I hate this…I can't do this…" the film maker sobbed into his arms.
The professor slipped next to his friend, putting his arm around him. "I tell you what…you can sit here and cry about it…or you can keep yourself busy with things that mean a lot to you…and I promise…you won't have time to worry about it. Why do you think that I'm such a damned good teacher?"
Mark wiped his face. "Your school hates you."
"No, only my colleagues do man. But if you saw the look on their faces when you've really got their brains going…when they're really thinkin' about shit…it's like magic."
"Magic huh?"
Collins nodded smiling into the night sky. "Magic."
"So…moral of the story is to keep myself busy huh?"
"Yep, that's about the best thing I can give you…believe me…I've tried everything. Why do you think that AIDS has been bestowed upon me? I ran out of shit to do." His beeper sounding, Collins pulled himself up patting Mark roughly on the back in the process. "Time for me and a little thing called AZT to meet." The professor walked back into the loft, hanging on the door. "Something special is waitin' for you man…I can feel it. Don't wallow in your loneliness…kick it in the ass. Get up, I'm tired of seein' you bitch and moan…"
"Collins?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell anyone what I talked to you about."
"Never that man, never that. But remember what I said."
"Magic?"
The professor cackled. "Magic!"