The feeling was back again, an urgent hot ache between my legs. I laid awake, staring at the canopy of my four poster bed, and tried not to think about it. I was to have a board meeting the following day with a the directors from a handful of my smaller county branches of Funtom. I was under a lot of scrutiny as head of the company since I was only fourteen years old, an age some people felt was far too young to be in my position. The idea of feeling like... this... while I tried to maintain my authority was utterly unacceptable.
These episodes usually happened only at night, but it had started happening a few times during the day now too. And more frequently. One moment I'd be sipping tea or practicing the violin or completing some accounts at my desk, and the next I would feel an uncomfortable tightening in my shorts. I grew flushed and distracted, feeling a need for some kind of relief, but I never gave in. I was better than that and I had responsibilities far more important than pawing at myself like some kind of animal. I had always looked down upon those that couldn't control their urges, I saw them throw everything away for a fleeting feeling that meant nothing in the end. This feeling would only slow my progress if I gave in to it. I couldn't allow myself to become distracted.
So I would ignore the feelings, breathe deep and carry on with what I was doing and hope no one noticed. Sometimes I would have to think of particularly mundane thoughts to will it away, but in the end I always won and could see another day through without any more interruptions.
It had never felt this intense though. Since it was the middle of the night I had nothing to distract me, and my thoughts of paperwork and fencing were doing nothing to help alleviate the ache of my erection. A fog was taking over my brain, the feeling in my dick becoming more urgent than anything else. It throbbed painfully underneath my nightshirt and the bed covers. I could feel it resting against my leg and the ache grew with every twitch against my skin. A small wet patch was growing underneath the tip, and it slipped against it with every pulsation sending a jolt right through me.
I shifted my hips a little to get my erection into a better position where it might not feel so intense, but it scraped up against the soft fabric of my nightshirt, making me gasp. I had never felt this sensitive, the weight of the covers seeming to press down on my flesh, rubbing at it with every inhalation. I couldn't ignore it any more. Feeling defeated, like I was sinking to the level of every disgusting adult, I threw back the covers and rucked up my nightshirt to get a better idea of the problem. My prick stuck straight up, flushed a deep red and a drop of some fluid running from the tip all the way down to rest in my sparse, soft pubic hair. It looked bigger than I had seen it before and my hand reached out of it own accord to wrap around it.
My body was betraying me. On autopilot, I gritted my teeth and stroked my hand gently up the length gasping at the feeling. I was so hard, I could feel ridges and veins that I didn't even realise existed. When I reached the tip I stroked my thumb over the slit on instinct. It was slippery and i dragged my digit in little circles feeling it slide deliciously. The muscles in my legs clenched, an intense feeling pooling low in my belly and my brain was no longer useful at all. My hand moved over my skin faster, my grip becoming firmer as my eyes screwed shut and a whining sound left my lips. I wanted to stop, I really did. I tried to slow down, feeling like something bad would happen if I didn't. I truly couldn't stop though, and a rush of unfamiliar feelings hit me as I dimly registered the spasm of my cock and a wetness running over my hand and hitting my belly, but it all seemed so far away and my head was spinning.
When it was over I felt my body relax and my thoughts became clearer. Oh god, what had I done? Had I wet myself? I'm sure I had felt something come out of me and I held my hand up to look at it. It was dark but I could just make out something glistening on my fingers in the weak moonlight. It looked like the same substance that I had woken up to on some mornings after a troubled nights sleep. I felt just as disgusted as I did on those mornings, more so, and I rubbed it in my bed covers grateful that there didn't seem to be as much as I had thought at least. But why hadn't I been able to stop, could I not control myself? I was Ciel Phantomhive, I was better than this. I raged at myself, feeling disappointed in giving in so easily to these futile urges, obeying their command. But the truth was my body felt good now, thrumming with endorphins I had never previously experienced. I drifted off to sleep, still upset but finding sleep came easier than it had in a long time.
I was in for a very rude awakening the next morning. The curtains were thrown back as usual letting in the weak early morning sunlight, and I heard the rattle of the trolley bearing my tea and breakfast as Sebastian brought it to rest next to my bed.
"Good morning, young master. Today you have a blend of apple tea infused with cinnamon. Would you care for assistance with your attire first or would it please you more to take your tea as you are?"
He always woke me this way, supplying my tea straight away to placate my groggy morning moods. That last part was a bit different though, he usually didn't dress me until afterwards. I groaned and sat up to fix him with a glare, about to ask him what on earth he was speaking of, when I noticed my nightshirt was still pulled up to my chest, the bed covers pushed to the side and an unpleasant substance dried stiff on my belly. I was mortified.
Sebastian seemed to find nothing out of place though. He had his usual polite smile fixed to his face and held the teapot and teacup, still awaiting my answer to his question. Hastily pulling down my nightshirt to make myself decent, I tried to will away the pounding of my heart in my ears and slow my breathing back down. I felt so ashamed of myself, for him to see me like this. Just another disgusting human.
"Just give me the tea, Sebastian" I said, and was pleased when my voice came out haughty and even.
He poured it gracefully and handed it to me, telling me that today's breakfast was an assortment of pastries and blackberry preserve. I had never been less hungry.
Instead of informing me of the days schedule, he turned to me uncharacteristically and asked "Might I make a suggestion, young master?"
My heart leapt all over again at that question. This was Sebastian and I didn't t trust him at all not to take advantage of the situation. "If you must" was all I could think to say.
"I believe the reactions you have been experiencing are quite usual for a human your age. I have been awaiting this change in you in order to educate you appropriately in the matter. If you'll allow me, I can imbue you with a comprehensive knowledge that can allow you to gain leverage over others in a unique and powerful manner. It is an essential part of your education that I see you are now ready for".
I didn't know how to respond. I had been shying away from this side of myself after viewing the matter of sex as nothing but weakness. The idea that it could be used as leverage over others, a manipulative tool... of course it would take a demon to think of that. Looking back, I remembered a few occasions in which Sebastian had influenced others with seduction and how he had been able to gain favour in these circumstances. I myself had played to the Viscount Druitts weaknesses once, thoroughly coached by Sebastian of course. That time I had only to wear a certain outfit and say a few terribly embarrassingly lines to enable the response I needed. Surely a more thorough coaching would result in access to whole range of new opportunities.
I thought it over to myself, Sebastian waiting patiently for my reply. To think of exactly what this tutelage might entail made me hesitate and a wave of shame overtook me when I realized exactly what he was suggesting.
He sensed my reluctance, and added "To deny yourself knowledge when offered is to keep yourself in a state of ignorance, wouldn't you say? After all, how do you ever hope to gain control of these matters if you reject all awareness?"
His tone was becoming more of a challenge. Now, instead of seeming weak for indulging in pleasure it would seem the weakness lead in rejecting it. To say no would expose my vulnerability, and I had little choice in my answer. I needed to gain experience to overcome it, and the only way to do that was to agree to his lessons, uncomfortable though the idea made me.
I sipped at my tea. "Very well, Sebastian". My voice sounded authoritative but I couldn't quite make eye contact. "How do you propose to go about this education?"
"We will undertake these lessons as with any other, my lord. A scheduled time and detailed plan will be prepared for each and I expect you to dedicate yourself to your studies with the same determination you show the rest of your affairs. I'm certain that if my lord can learn how to win an esteemed cricket match in a few short weeks he will excel at this practice in no time at all."
I did not find this reassuring, but Sebastian had gone back to preparing my breakfast and we continued with our usual morning routine as if it were any normal day. I found the changing of my clothes to be more uncomfortable than it normally was, with Sebastian taking a wash cloth to my belly to clean up last night's mess before he dressed me in the days attire. As he was hooking my stockings into my garters he told me of the days schedule, which eased the tension I felt. Fastening my shoes, he finished his recitation by adding that this evening I would retire early to begin the first lesson of my new education. He said it so casually and I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Either way, this was really going to happen and I hoped I could get through it without shaming myself too badly.
The day went by quite quickly. The board meeting began in the late morning in a conference room specially prepared for the occasion. Five of my county managers attended to discuss distribution and compare figures. Sebastian was on hand to serve tea and a light lunch and I was irritated to see almost all of the questions and comments aimed at him, as though I were a mere mascot of the company and nothing more. It amused me no end to answer all of these questions expertly, throwing a few particularly technical remarks back at them. I was satisfied with the result of this meeting and felt I had done myself justice, receiving much more respect from my guests as the day wore on. By the time they left in the early evening they were calling me 'Sir' and promising to mail me all the further details I had requested as soon as possible.
I took dinner in my study so as I could see to some paperwork immediately after the meeting. Sebastian hates me doing this and says I get crumbs all over the documents. I don't see the problem since I'm sure he would dislike it more if I never saw to my paperwork at all.
All too soon, Sebastian came to notify me that it was time to retire. He attended to my usual bath and I felt more uncomfortable than ever letting him undress and bathe me. His actions were the same as any other day, however, and I did my best to remain composed while my mind raced.
The idea of him doing to me what I had done to myself the night before... I tried to imagine it, my immaculate butler touching me there. He had done so before for purposes of washing but they were fleeting touches with the washcloth and for cleanliness alone. For him to touch me in a way that he never had before, the thought made me nervous. I had never noticed just how much bigger he was than me, how long his fingers were. I watched them as he lathered soap up and down my arm and felt the strength in them. That hand would be touching me elsewhere soon, those fingers encircling me completely.
My prick was growing hard, responding to my thoughts. This was the worst possible time for it to happen, and I willed it away fiercely. Sebastian had moved on to the other arm and I breathed deep trying to return my body to a state of disinterest. I had almost succeeded by the time he held a towel out for me to step from the bath, but I wasn't as soft as I could have been. I wonder if he noticed. This whole situation made me feel so dismally out of control, and I did not know where to put myself once he had dressed me. I usually went straight to bed but to go there now seemed a little eager or presumptuous. Maybe I was over thinking it.
Sebastian picked up on my reluctance and took the lead. He escorted me back into my bedroom and told me confidently to lean back against my headboard, plumping pillows behind me until I was comfortable.
"Now for your first lesson we will be focussing solely on the experience itself and your body's response. This will aid you in knowing what to anticipate and allow you to feel more comfortable. Once you have experienced these feelings enough times there will be no more surprises and you will be better equipped to deal with situations that might call for your proficiency".
I nodded as though I understood exactly what would happen next, but I couldn't stop drawing away from him a little as he moved closer to me. I tried harder to stand my ground as he leaned over me and placed one hand behind me on the headboard to bear his weight while the other came to rest just above my knee. Dimly I realised he had taken his gloves off, and his hand was warm as it rubbed small circles into my skin. "Do try to relax young master" he said ,and I did a little, feeling the sensations soothe me. This was a little like getting a massage after a difficult day, a service that Sebastian did provide for me at times though his face was usually not so close to mine. His hand began to move higher, and I caught his gaze as I tried to adjust to these new feelings.
My vision was filled with the image of his eyes, as he leaned over me on the bed. They seemed so endless, the beautiful colour of rubies. How had I never noticed how brilliant they were? I grew lost in them before I felt his hand come to rest between my legs over my nightshirt. I felt that stiffening feeling of my body responding and, embarrassingly, a loud breath rushed out of my lungs. To feel that pressure there, the place where I had denied myself so much, it was such a conflict of emotions. I was uncomfortable, disgusted and elated all at once.
These expressions must have been transparent on my face, and Sebastian even went as far as to say "Please try to persevere, young master. It will feel good soon." I don't know why I was being reassured by a demon, of all things, but it helped a bit. He himself had a neutral expression, his eyes on my face, and I closed my eyes to try and hide how exposed I felt. He began to move his hand in a slow, small circle on my now hard cock.
"Very well" I said breathlessly, trying in vain to regain control over the situation. I was in complete unknown territory here and we both knew it, a feeling I hated. I could order him to stop though and he would obey me. He was my servant. He would do as I said. I felt my confidence grow a little, until he removed his hand from my crotch. The loss of the pressure made my cock stiffen further until it was pushing at the nightshirt to stick straight up. The feeling was intense and slightly painful, and I made to grab for it, my eyes widening.
Sebastian caught my hand and laced his fingers through mine, bringing it above me to rest once more on the headboard. He slid his other hand underneath my nightshirt to wrap around my naked flesh. He cocooned my erection completely in his fist and stroked it slowly up and down as I dug my nails into his hand, making a whining sound in my throat that I couldn't control at all. I threw my head back as he pulled my foreskin down and exposed the head of my cock, and I jumped as all my nerve endings were set alight when he gently rubbed his thumb over my leaking slit. He moved his whole hand up to squeeze the head, massaging it and then pulled his fist down to rub the slippery substance over my whole length. The way his hand slid over it now, so easily, felt incredible. My jaw had dropped open and I was panting.
It was too much and I felt the same feeling as last night, that warm numbness in my lower belly and my muscles starting to twitch on their own. It was going to happen again, that feeling of blind instinct, my body acting utterly on its own. The loss of control. And Sebastian would be there to witness my weakness. I realised what I must look like, panting like a dog as he stroked me, utterly defenceless. This consciousness of my state kept me inhibited, and in a moment of weakness I gave in to my need for reassurance. I gripped his hand tightly with mine and searched his face for a sign that everything was OK, that I truly wasn't shaming myself. What I saw was not what I expected. His head was bowed a little, his hair hanging in front of his face and swaying gently with each motion of his hand. And when I caught sight of his eyes I realised they were looking right at me through the curtain of his hair, and they had a ruthless, hungry predatory look to them I had seen once before.
I couldn't do this. Just as I felt the spasms reach my cock I threw my hips back to get away from the overload in sensation, whining loudly. To his credit, Sebastian stilled his fingers as my hips twitched and I tried not to grab for my prick and throw myself into it anyway. It ached horribly to deny it attention at this point, and a single dribble of some milky fluid oozed out of the tip to dribble down leaving a trail of fire in its wake. I scooted back as much as I could, daring to look at him as I panted and tried to think clearly, shaking.
The way he was looking at me right now reminded me horribly of how others had looked at me once before. I had seen it in the looks of those men from my capture when I was ten. They had wanted to touch me too. Thoughts of them and their sick fascination with my body had brought me to a halt every time I had entertained the idea of this, even though my body strained to accept the attention my mind fought to keep it at bay. I knew I couldn't keep this denial up, my body was demanding and urgent and it hurt to ignore it. I needed to know what exactly Sebastian wanted from me before I could continue, if just to placate my mind a little.
"Is there a problem, young master?" Sebastian asked politely when I had been silent too long.
"Why are you really doing this?" I asked shakily "Tell me the truth. That's an order"
I got caught in his gaze again and he seemed to consider for a moment before saying "Ah Master, it is a servants duty to cater to his masters needs is it not? And our contract stipulates that I assist you in reaching your specified goals. What kind of butler would I be if I allowed you to remain ignorant to the sensations your body is so clearly signalling to you. Your denial renders you vulnerable, and that is something I cannot allow. For just as I suggest you use this knowledge against others, others will try to use it against you. Without practice you will be unable to shield against your own weakness. What a shame if your end were to come because of something so trivial."
I thought there might be more to it than that, but at any rate I knew he couldn't lie. He really did believe our actions were necessary to keep me safe and allow me to achieve my revenge. His words rang true as well, the more I got used to these sensations the more I would be able to control them and the less vulnerable I would be in time.
"Might I remind you that you can dismiss me at any time. We can continue our lesson at a more convenient time for you, if you wish".
Of course. I had forgotten in the throes of passion and the fear of that look that I had real control here, whether I felt it or not. He would stop or leave whenever I told him to. That was a luxury I did not have in the time of my capture and the reaffirmation of my place as master boosted my confidence. I met his eyes once more, which I was pleased to see had softened considerably and were subservient once again.
"Continue" I commanded him, and laid back against my pillows deciding to throw one arm in front of my face. I was still horribly exposed, but the covering of my expression gave me a sense of protection and I felt a little better.
Sebastian said nothing, but I felt a hand come to rest on my erection once more. It had not softened in the least during our exchange, and feeling that touch once more brought such relief I struggled not to gasp again. I felt my nightshirt being lifted and I allowed it, lifting my hips so that it could be pulled up to my middle. He made soothing shushing noises as the cool air hit my heated shaft, and slowly began to move his hand again staying away from the sensitive tip for now.
" To control your own pleasure you must be accustomed to it. Please relax yourself and concentrate on your bodies response" he said softly.
I was beginning to block out the feeling of vulnerability and I was left with only the sensation. Sebastian's hand moved a little closer to the tip with every motion, still dragging lazily up and down the shaft. I begun to move my hips slightly, feeling like he just wasn't moving quite fast enough, and this seemed to please him.
"Good, you are starting to take your pleasure instead of just receiving it" he said and I felt his words ghost over my flesh. I realised he had moved his head much closer to my crotch and stilled at the shock of having his face so close to that place. His strokes slowed further and I could feel his eyes on me, even though I still hid my face with my arm. There was an inquiring silence and when I could not bear the sloth of his pace any longer I tentatively raised my hips.
That was what he was waiting for. He engulfed my member completely into the hot, wet sheath of his mouth. I lost it, my brain shut down completely as I felt the sensitive head of my cock push roughly over the roof of his mouth, all of me taken in to hit the back of his throat and his tongue running over the underside. I had never felt anything like it and my whole body shook with a wave of relief as I was thrown into an orgasm so much more violent than the one the previous night. Each spurt had me tensing and releasing, a loud "ah!" being wrenched from me each time and I grabbed the covers tightly with my free hand, the intensity almost unbearable.
He sucked and licked at me through all this and when it was over I was left shaking and breathing heavily.
He removed his mouth from me and I felt cool air hit my sensitive flesh.
"Very good, young master" he praised me. I felt that was a little patronising and peeked out from under my arm to witness him lick his lips, his eyes shining a little brighter than normal. It was a slightly disturbing sight and my temper flared to think how much he had enjoyed himself. Was that what that look from before was? He liked this?
He wouldn't have me so easy next time. Just for now though I let him pull my nightshirt back over me and relaxed a little as he went to fetch me some warm milk with honey, a reward perhaps since he usually did not allow me sweet things before bed time. It was unlike him to be pleasant but I wouldn't complain. For now.
An idea was forming in my mind for our next lesson. I didn't want that vulnerable feeling again anytime soon and I shuddered to think how my weakness had been completely displayed before him. No he wouldn't get the satisfaction again. He would be the one on display next time, not me. He deserved to be the one exposed and as long as I commanded him it would be only too easy to see him in that position. I looked forward to it.
.