Title: Not Enough
Pairing: Kurt/Puck
Rating: NC17? It has some language and smexy images
Fandom: Glee
Warning: Slash
Summary: Puck reflects on his life
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. No profit is made of this fic. Just having fun.
Notes: This is a departure of my usual smut. I was feeling kind of sad the day I wrote it. All feedback is appreciated. Thanks a ton to the wonderful byte366 who betaed this. All errors are my fault.
Puck loves Finn. Like a brother. Even with the whole baby drama, he loves him. But he also hates him, 'cause Finn always gets everything. He got to be the adored Quarterback. He got Quinn. He got to be the lead in Glee – not that Puck really cares-. He got to be liked, the good boy, everyone's favourite boy scout. And he got Kurt.
Because Puck is not stupid. He might look it, but he isn't. He notices how blue-green eyes trail on his friend's body when no one's paying attention. He sees the blushing cheeks and hears a soft, caring voice. He's painfully aware of the times Kurt sits stiffly in rehearsal, legs tightly crossed, messenger bag on his lap.
Puck doesn't know when he started caring.
He doesn't remember when Hummel became Kurt, but he suspects that it was around the time that fag was replaced by cute as the chosen adjective for him. Maybe it was football and all the adrenaline and testosterone floating in the locker room after a match.
But it makes no sense to over analyze it, Puck thinks. No matter how or when, the thing is he started noticing how soft Kurt's skin is, or how he rolls his eyes or how happy he looks on stage or in the field.
The next step was wondering. Wondering how would Kurt's mouth taste (cherry lip gloss? Mint?), wondering about Kurt's smell (nothing too manly, like himself, but nothing too girly, either, like Quinn). Also, Puck wonders about the soft touch of white fingers, the noises Kurt would make, the tightening of his body, the taste of his cock.
It was then when Puck knew he was really screwed. Because while he was wondering about how it would feel to thoroughly fuck Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel was thinking the same about Finn.
And Puck knows, he just knows and he hates it; he hates knowing that Kurt's eyes don't brighten for him, knowing he gets hard thinking of Finn, that he jerks off to his friend's image, that he fucking loves him.
It feels cold and damp inside, watching him smile beautifully at others and Puck thinks that maybe, just maybe, he should give it a try. Go and talk to Kurt, ask him out, tell him how much he cares…
And then he remembers that he has to be at Mrs. Carlson's at 3PM, to "clean her bathtub". He remembers that his only income is cleaning pools (in Ohio) and that Kurt wears nothing but criminally expensive clothes. He remembers he has knocked his best friend's girl up. He remembers he used to throw him into dumpsters. He remembers he's a Lima loser and will die a Lima loser.
So, he doesn't talk to Kurt, don't tell him how beautiful he is, how much he wants to hold him. He stays in his spot, watching, wanting and knowing that Kurt, his Kurt, deserves much, much better.