"Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again."

"Oh! The snow is so beautiful," Yumichika said with an airy sigh, spinning around and looking up at the night sky. Ikkaku growled from behind him, opening up the trunk of his car and hefting out the gifts he'd brought to Ichigo's holiday party.

"Hey, can you help me with these, please?" he called, keeping some semblance of courtesy in his voice, because he had a pathetic little crush on Yumichika and wanted him to like him. They hadn't met that long ago and Ikkaku wanted Yumichika to think he was a nice person for as long as possible.

"Yes," Yumichika agreed, letting Ikkaku stack a few boxes in his arms. There weren't that many. It was just hard to hold onto them while digging through the rest of their luggage. "Thank you for bringing me to this. I…" Yumichika swallowed and looked down. Ikkaku didn't say anything but 'you're welcome', knowing they were skirting around a sticky topic.

Yumichika, to his knowledge, was quiet and reserved, at least around him. Whenever the guy spoke up, it was to interject something witty into the conversation. He did good in class and Ikkaku passed him in the hallway at the university a lot. Yumichika was in the dorm across from his, rooming with a handsome guy who seemed to have a brotherly interest in looking out for him. Ikkaku had been trying to get Yumichika to open up to him for a few weeks now, and when he'd heard Yumichika and Kaa talking in the hall, he hadn't been able to help himself.

Yumichika had shown Kaa an invitation to a Christmas party that he'd received – one that Ikkaku recognized, because he'd gotten one too – but he'd been disappointed, because he wasn't going to be able to make it. Kaa was still offering to take Yumichika with him over winter break, but Yumichika had refused, because Kaa was leaving the country to visit his family. Yumichika couldn't afford a plane ticket and he refused to let Kaa pay for him.

Ikkaku, who had been building a tentative friendship with Yumichika, sprung it on him right there that he was going to the same party and could totally drive him. Once Yumichika agreed and got used to the idea, Ikkaku offered to let him stay at his parent's house with him for the holidays if he'd like. Yumichika had thought about it for a few days, but agreed. Where else was he to go?

Ikkaku still couldn't believe that Yumichika's family would help him pay for college, but be so cold to him. Yumichika didn't like talking about it, and Ikkaku hadn't asked after Yumichika had explained that his family wouldn't pick him up until spring break, and that was only so he could attend his sister's wedding.

Ikkaku thought it was messed up that a family could act that way, and tried to be as warm and welcoming as he could. They'd driven all the way out here together for the party, and once it was over they would make the trip to Ikkaku's house for the holiday weekend. The conversation had been non existent between them on the ride there, since Yumichika had put in his headphones, and Ikkaku was left to think of a way that he might try to get closer to him over time.

Yumichika was just so pretty. Ikkaku didn't care if Renji and the rest of their friends knew Yumichika better and proclaimed that he could be unbearable at times. Ikkaku just hoped that he could be sweet for long enough that Yumichika might give him a chance. At the same time, he was terrified that Yumichika might find out that he liked him. If Yumichika felt uncomfortable with that, then the whole trip would become awkward and Ikkaku would feel like some big meanie for bringing him along.

Yumichika was still quiet and polite around him, never talking more than he had to, despite Ikkaku's best efforts to get Yumichika to show him some more of his personality. Hopefully Yumichika would warm up around their friends tonight.

"No, no… It's, it's really nice of you," Yumichika said quietly, not complaining about the cold. Ikkaku noticed that Yumichika didn't shiver, even though his cheeks were pink from the chilled air. He looked so cute and huggable in that lame-o Christmas sweater and with his scarf around his neck. He was wearing mittens, not gloves, and the snow was landing in his hair while he held the giftboxes. Ikkaku hoped there wouldn't be any mistletoe at this party. It might save him from doing something really stupid.

God, he felt like a teenager again. Maybe he should back off. He'd never dated a guy before. Hell, he'd never even kissed his high school girlfriend. He didn't know how to go about this; damn, he was so nervous all the time! All he could think to do was try to become friends with Yumichika, and then maybe start hinting that they'd be good together. That didn't fix the fact that his heart was causing him serious issues.

He'd find himself going places just because he'd wanted to see if Yumichika might be there. He'd think all day about what he'd say to him and try to sit next to him in class. It was pathetic. He totally admitted that he had some silly crush on this guy, but he wouldn't let that ruin the holidays. He would not make things awkward. It wasn't like he was taking his boyfriend home to meet his parents. He was just helping Yumichika out so that he wouldn't freeze to death on Christmas. It would help Yumichika to trust him, wouldn't it?

"I mean… Not just taking me to the party, because I'm sure I could've asked Renji to bring me, but… Thank you. You're letting me into your home, and that's really nice of you," Yumichika said. "We haven't known each other that long, and you're being so kind. We're not really even close friends."

That stung a little, but Ikkaku smiled and just added on "-yet."

Yumichika's smile just made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and it made him forget about how itchy his sweater was for a minute. "Just take these inside. I'll finish up here." Yumichika nodded and went up to the front porch, where Renji was already waiting with the door open, a beer in hand.

"Aw, no way! Hey, Yumichika!" Renji squeezed Yumichika pretty hard, not having expected to see him. Ikkaku couldn't see the look on Yumichika's face from where he was, but the undignified squawk as he was lifted off the ground was enough to cause him to start laughing as he brought in the rest of the presents the two of them had brought. Looking at their luggage side by side, he wondered suddenly if he and Yumichika would end up rooming together at his parent's house. He wondered what Yumichika's pajamas looked like. When he went inside, he hoped the cold weather was enough excuse for his pink cheeks.

"Whoop! There he is!" Renji shouted, noogieing his senpai. Ikkaku knew that Renji was a little sloshed, so he didn't kick him in the balls, but he still made it quite clear that you don't noogie a guy with no hair, and if Renji didn't want to end up bald himself, then he would let go right now.

"Aw geez, Senpai, here," Renji said, burping into his elbow and then handing him a glass of cranberry vodka. Ikkaku knocked it back right away, stacking his gifts in the corner of the room with the rest of the pile. Yumichika was sitting on the couch, sipping red wine and making small talk with Izuru, and Ikkaku resisted the urge to barge in on their conversation. Instead, he wandered through the front room looking around for their host. He wanted to say 'hi' to Isshin too, but Ikkaku couldn't find Ichigo anywhere.

"Yo! Renji!" he called from across the house. Renji stuck his head in the kitchen, seeing Karin kicking Ikkaku in the leg because he'd ruffled her hair in greeting.

"Yeah?"

"Where the fuck is Ichigo?" Ikkaku asked bluntly. Karin growled lowly and Yuzu gasped and covered her ears. "Sorry," he amended. Renji shrugged.

"Eh, he's probably with Rukia right now. They were visiting with Ichigo's friends. Yah' know, Four-eyes, Princess, Sado, and, uh... Tatsuki, and... Keigo?" Renji tried to remember the rest, but couldn't at the minute.

"What the frick?!" Ikkaku said in irritation. "You guys started the party without the host? He's gonna' be pissed!"

"Hey, he was here earlier," Renji explained, revealing that he wasn't as drunk as he initially had seemed. Ikkaku gave him a sly grin, elbowing him and saying he should hang up some mistletoe for when Ichigo came home. Renji turned red instantly. "What the fuck, man?" Yuzu gasped again, clapping her hands over her ears.

Ikkaku just laughed. "Forget it, Rudolph." Renji tried to punch him, but Ikkaku ducked, going back into the front room just in time for Ichigo to kick the door open. He looked steamed, holding a box of tangled ornamental lights. This wasn't the cause for his distress, as was made clear when a blue-haired gentleman with a menacing grin stomped the snow off his boots and came into the house behind him. Renji's expression soured, but he brightened up when he saw that Orihime and Rukia were accompanying them as well.

Grimmjow had snow in his hair, probably the evidence of a snowball fight on the way to the porch, and he had an overlarge furlined jacket on. Luckily, he didn't plan on staying long, only having tagged along to irritate Ichigo before he got back to his Espada buddies. Orihime was in a red velvet holiday dress, and Rukia had a powder blue dress of her own on, coupled with a fluffy white muff that was likely an early gift from her brother.

"We're here," Ichigo announced unnecessarily, seeming to be displeased that the party at his house was made up of mostly Renji's friends instead of his own. They were all upper classmen, and even though they were his friends too, they mostly only knew each other because he and Renji were besties and roommates. Hopefully his dad would help him deal with them when he came back from the store, but probably not.

"Dude!" Ichigo shouted in exasperation. Renji looked up in confusion, wondering what he'd done wrong. "You were supposed to set up the ladder so we could put the lights up when I got back! What, did you just stop putting up the decorations once people started getting here?"

"I had ta' help Karin with setting up the food table," he retorted. "It's fine, I'll do it right now. Make Jaegerjaquez help before he leaves."

"Fine. Just put the lights up, and don't fall off the roof."

"Aw, that's sweet," Grimmjow jeered, pinching Ichigo's cheek, getting slapped back.

"Ugh, get offa' me, you sicko," Ichigo said in disgust, causing Renji's heart to plummet. It wasn't like Ichigo used the word 'fag' very often, but he could feel the sentiment in his expression. He had no chance, did he. "I don't care if you guys fall, I just don't want you to wreck the shingles."

Grimmjow just rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Red, let's get these up." The one thing the two admittedly had in common was that they both wanted the same thing - Kurosaki Ichigo - although Renji was pretty sure that Grimmjow didn't know that he had feelings for Ichigo too. No one did except Ikkaku, it seemed. How he'd guessed, Renji would never know.

Yumichika held a small step-ladder still so Hisagi could hang up some paper snowflakes in the doorway of the kitchen. Rangiku was frosting cookies with Yuzu, eating more than she was supposed to. Ichigo, Ikkaku, and Orihime were arranging the gifts for when Renji came back in, so that they could get started with unwrapping them.

Grimmjow made his departure after swiping some alcohol and messing up Ichigo's hair. "Good riddance," Ichigo mumbled, watching his friends dance around and watch holiday movies on the couch under some blankets. "You guys wanna' open presents?"

The moment Izuru got up to go sit on the floor with Shuuhei, Ikkaku took that seat on the couch next to Yumichika, who looked surprised and intimidated. Ikkaku suddenly got the feeling that the reason Yumichika wouldn't open up around him was that he didn't feel safe. His other friends knew about Yumichika's sexuality, but Yumichika was being pretty reserved around him, as if he didn't know how Ikkaku would react if he knew. Ikkaku just grinned nervously. "Can I sit here?" Yumichika nodded with a smile, folding his legs under him.

It was getting late, and Ichigo's sisters had been picked up by Isshin, who was taking them out to a late movie now that he'd restocked their cupboards with snacks. Ichigo and Renji were in charge of handing out the presents, making sure everyone knew who their gift was from and that they didn't have too many to open at once.

Yumichika smiled when Renji practically screamed and threw on the Brazilian soccer jersey he'd gotten him. It was bright yellow and clashed with his hair horribly. "Thanks, Yumichika! This is awesome!"

"I hoped you'd like it," Yumichika said with a smile. Meanwhile, Ichigo was opening up Ikkaku's present to him, which was meant to be a joke, but to Ikkaku's surprise, Ichigo put on that Grinch shirt the moment he opened it.

"Thanks man," Ichigo shot to Ikkaku, getting distracted when Orihime handed him her present to him. Renji mentioned that the shirt looked good on Ichigo, but the compliment was lost on him. He was too busy trying to figure out what exactly Orihime had given him without hurting her feelings. Was it a… bowl? An ashtray? No, it was probably too big for an ashtray. And who painted little snowflakes onto an ashtray, anyways? Orihime had probably made it herself.

"It's a candy bowl for the party," she said cheerily, beaming. Ichigo melted, smiling a little.

"Just what I needed." He slapped it down right in the middle of the coffee table, moving people's drinks out of the way, and then tossed a bunch of cookies in there. "Thanks." Orihime smiled, turning bright pink, which Rangiku loudly noted.

Ikkaku got a tacky Christmas sweater from Rangiku, holiday-flavored alcohol from Hisagi and Kira, and bunch of Pokémon cards from Ichigo. Renji had gotten him a subscription to this magazine that specialized in metal-work, but the thing that was interesting was that there was a small section with katana, which he had bookmarked and circled.

"Here," Ikkaku said, handing Yumichika a present casually. "This one's for you." Ikkaku pretended to look the other way, stomach tying itself in knots as he waited to see Yumichika's reaction. Instead of just ripping the paper off, Yumichika read the tag, which said that it was from him. Ikkaku inwardly cringed.

"Oh no," Yumichika said, face falling. Ikkaku bit his lip. Crap. He'd been too pushy, hadn't he? It was too soon. He'd thought it would be okay to get him something small for the holidays, but maybe it really was just too soon. They hadn't met that long ago and probably hadn't had more than five actual conversations. To his surprise, Yumichika was just put out because he hadn't gotten him something in return. "This isn't really from you, is it? I didn't get you anything," Yumichika admitted guiltily.

"Aw, pssh," Ikkaku replied flippantly, looking at his lap with a small grin. "Just open it."

"But I have to get you something," Yumichika said in distress.

"It's fine, just as long as we're buddies." Yumichika looked touched as Ikkaku patted his back, but he schooled his expression pretty quickly, opening the present.

"Hh!" Yumichika gasped, as if this was exactly what he'd wanted. Ikkaku cringed. Geez, it was just Flashdance on DVD. Nothing special, right? "Thank you."

"Pfft, you're welcome, you dummy." Yumichika was about to say something to him, but to Ikkaku's disappointment, they were interrupted when Renji flopped down on the couch next to them. Yumichika had finally almost warmed up to him and now it was ruined. Aw fuck, c'mon.

"Okay, Senpai, this better not be gag peanut brittle again," Renji said, opening up the small box that was from Ikkaku. Ikkaku watched in interest, still upset that he'd been cut off, but a shit-eating grin spread over his face all the same.

Renji started laughing a little when he removed a red and white striped bandanna from the box. "This thing is so cheap, are you kidding me?" he laughed, but it was still clear that Renji was glad to add this to his collection of bandannas. Yumichika giggled, pointing out that his head would look like a candy cane when he wore it.

"I blew so much money on you, you'd better shut up," Ikkaku said, still grinning when Renji tried to tie the thing around his head. Something fell into his lap, and as Renji picked it up, Yumichika got confused when Renji become so enraged that Ikkaku had to keep him from putting him in a chokehold.

"That's it! The hand that gives me date money is a hand you'll never get back, and by that, I mean I'm ripping it off your body and keeping it!"

"Dude!" Ikkaku shouted, shoving him back. Renji just scowled and looked at the giftcard, which was for a really nice restaurant. On the back, was written 'ask him out'. Yumichika still didn't understand what had just happened, but he didn't ask, getting up and walking away to Ikkaku's disappointment.

"Thanks," Renji said begrudgingly. "This money's just gonna' go ta' waste, though."

"You might feel differently someday, who knows," Ikkaku muttered, shrugging.

"What, you think I'll stop… feeling that way for him?" Renji asked under his breath. Ikkaku shook his head.

"Nah, that's not what I'm saying. I mean, you might feel a little braver." Renji just looked down at the card and sighed. He was gonna' go hang up that mistletoe.

"I need a drink."

"I hear that," Ikkaku grumbled, following him into the kitchen for another beer. He spent the next hour wistfully looking at Yumichika, wanting to go over and talk, but not having the guts to do so. This is what he hated about having crushes: being constantly mindful of everything that person was doing.

Even if he wasn't watching Yumichika, he was fully aware that he was tracking his movements through the room at any given time. A few times, he was sure that Yumichika had caught him staring, and he'd quickly looked away, and once he'd definitely been caught, and his face burned hot as he felt Yumichika watching him back.

He practically hit the ceiling when he felt a hand on his back. "Yikes," he gasped, desperately trying to keep from spilling his drink. Yumichika looked uncertain and perhaps a little put off.

"Um… Are you okay? Do you want to leave? It's okay if you do, I won't be upset," Yumichika said, knowing that Ikkaku might be suffering through the party because he was having a good time.

"No, no, It's fine. It's good," Ikkaku stuttered. "Yeah, nothing's wrong. I just… Eh, I don't know," he said with a sigh, sitting down on the couch. To his surprise, Yumichika just stood there awkwardly for a second before perching himself on the arm of the couch. Ikkaku moved over to give him some room, and Yumichika slid right into the space, their legs touching. Ikkaku took in a big breath and held it, eyes wide. Luckily, Yumichika didn't seem to notice.

"So, you're having a good time, then?"

"Yeah," Ikkaku said, air rushing out of his lungs as he tried to arrange his expression into something remotely normal, that wouldn't make Yumichika think he was about to puke - which he might be. "Yeah, I'm having fun. We haven't been able to all hang out at the same time in a while." Yumichika was nodding with a smile, and Ikkaku nervously looked off in the other direction, feeling Yumichika's eyes on his face like the sites of a sniper gun. Now that Yumichika was finally looking at him when they spoke, he didn't know how to deal with it.

When he added, "Best time of the year, huh?" Yumichika's expression abruptly fell, causing Ikkaku to reflexively look back to him, heart jolting when he realized he'd said something wrong.

Yumichika gave a labored sigh, putting an arm up on the back of the couch, and in so doing, he was pretty much putting his arm around Ikkaku's shoulders, which caused Ikkaku to lean forward in panic, letting his forearms rest on his legs in what he hoped was a casual-looking position. Yumichika pulled his legs up onto the couch, crossing one over the other, knees resting against Ikkaku's thigh. Ikkaku was more than happy that Yumichika seemed to finally be relaxing around him, but it was so sudden that it was freaking him out. Maybe it was the wine Yumichika kept drinking, sipping it out of that crystal glass. He had to admit that he looked really classy when he did it, but that just made Ikkaku more sure that Yumichika was out of his league.

"Oh, not for me," Yumichika admitted, seeming to be more relaxed and open around him now that he'd had a few glasses and had broken the ice. Ikkaku liked that Yumichika was being more active when they talked now. Instead of looking at his lap with a guarded expression, Yumichika nodded frequently and looked at his face when he spoke, genuinely interested in what he was saying. Ikkaku tried to return the favor even though it was suddenly murder to look into Yumichika's eyes. He really hoped that the butterflies in his stomach and the few beers he'd had wouldn't make him end up puking in Yumichika's lap. What a mood-killer that would be.

"Oh no?"

"No. Just the thought of spending the holidays with my family is unbearable, so in a way I'm glad they left me with nowhere to go," Yumichika revealed. Ikkaku had known that something was wrong with Yumichika's family situation. I mean, there had to be if they were leaving him homeless during the winter months, right? Ikkaku just hadn't known how to ask exactly what the details were, because it was fucking rude if Yumichika hadn't felt comfortable with it. Part of him still felt guilty that Yumichika was spilling it now, because he was sure that it was because Yumichika had a buzz.

"Things are rough with them, then, huh?" Ikkaku asked tentatively. "I mean, I figured, but…"

"Yes…" Yumichika nodded, repeating himself. "I've… I'm being disowned," he said, eyes finally dropping from Ikkaku's gaze and landing in his lap. He just looked so sad that it broke Ikkaku's heart, because he could practically see Yumichika getting a lump in his throat. Yumichika gave a sniff and then shook his head, taking a gulp of wine, which was rather alarming since he'd been only sipping it all night so far.

"It's not something the family wants to talk about, because it would bring them dishonor," Yumichika said with a level tactful voice, "So they're putting me through school and allowing me to keep the family name, but I'm being cut off. I won't inherit anything, and I mean, that's fine, but…" Ikkaku's eyebrows pinched together, and he began begging mentally for Yumichika to stop before he made himself break down in tears. Ikkaku would feel so horrible if Yumichika was going to be bummed out for the rest of their trip. He hadn't meant to get him talking about this if it was going to hurt him this bad.

"But they just don't want anything to do with me otherwise," Yumichika said, smacking his lips nonchalantly as if to try to brush the hurt out of those words. "Well, I shouldn't say 'they'… It's my father mostly." Ikkaku nodded understandingly, glaring at his hands. He was the cause of this. He never should've asked any leading questions that would make Yumichika feel that he owed him an explanation. This was private, and he felt like he'd made Yumichika tell him.

"I don't know if the rest of them agree, but they're not disagreeing loud enough for me to hear," Yumichika said with a false laugh, resting his wine glass on his leg, leaning a little closer to Ikkaku, who was beyond uncomfortable.

"What… what about your mom?" Ikkaku asked, cursing himself for prying. Yumichika shook his head woefully, but it suddenly seemed as though he felt better the more he was honest with Ikkaku. Maybe this was Yumichika's way of trying to put up the first bridge of trust between them. Ikkaku listened hard.

"She has my younger brother to think about, and… Well, if she were to go against my father, he will divorce her. I understand," Yumichika said, and it truly did sound as though he had soft feelings and sympathy towards his mother. Ikkaku couldn't hear any ill will in his voice, not like he had when he'd mentioned his dad. "I don't hold it against her, truly. She still sends me care packages and calls me on the phone, but… It's just not the same, is it?"

Ikkaku was silent for a few moments, wondering what on earth he could possibly say to make Yumichika feel better. "Oh… I've ruined your mood. I shouldn't have… "

"No, it's fine. I'm glad that you trust me."

"Don't feel sorry for me. You wouldn't feel sorry for me if you knew why they… I… Don't waste it on someone like me," Yumichika tried to say, putting on a smile and coming out of the gloom. Ikkaku shook his head, leaning back and looking up to his face, painfully aware of how Yumichika's arm was wrapped around his shoulders and how close their faces were.

"No… You're right," Ikkaku said firmly. "It's not the same, but you know… You still have family, right?" He smiled questioningly, gesturing around the room to where their friends were chattering. "We're all here… and, we love you," he said tentatively, stuttering a little.

Yumichika looked desperately sad for a moment, but touched, and he looked back to Ikkaku with a slow-building smile that grew in brilliance with each passing second. "You're right." If Ikkaku didn't know better, Yumichika looked like he saw something in him, a reason to hope, something that he liked? Maybe… just… There had better not be any mistletoe around, because Ikkaku felt dangerously and recklessly smitten. "Ikkaku, I-"

Renji barged in again at the worst possible moment, sitting down on the couch next to them. Damn it all. They'd been having a serious conversation! Ikkaku really felt like kicking Renji, but he refrained when he saw how sad he was.

"Just look at 'em," Renji said as he glugged down everything that was in the shot-glass in his hand. Ikkaku looked across the room where Renji was nodding towards and saw Orihime kissing Ichigo in the next room under the mistletoe, not completely out of sight. Renji clenched his eyes shut and loudly complained about feeling sick, which caused the two to startle and jump apart. After one moment of looking completely mortified, Ichigo's expression revealed nothing. The giveaway was that Orihime was blushing madly and biting her nails as if she knew she'd done something she shouldn't have. To Ikkaku it looked like Ichigo had pushed her back, but he wasn't quite sure.

He gave a glance to Renji, who looked so down in the dumps that Ikkaku wondered if it was safe to leave him alone tonight. Had Renji purchased a firearm? Did he make rash decisions when he drank? The poor guy. Yumichika looked horrified on Renji's behalf, scrambling to find something that he could do to keep his heart from breaking into too many pieces to put back together.

"I knew it would come sooner or later. I knew it would, so why does it hurt, huh?" Renji muttered, head flopping back on the couch's ledge. Damn mistletoe. One way or another it breaks hearts.

Yumichika leaned across Ikkaku and patted Renji's leg, starting a conversation with him that would keep anyone from realizing the true cause of Renji's misery. Ikkaku didn't say anything, sending a few glances to Ichigo, who seemed to be acting like nothing had happened, like it wasn't a big deal to him. That kiss could have meant nothing, but it could be a sign that the two of them had been in a relationship for a long while.

Soon enough, Renji brushed off Yumichika's attempts at discreet comfort. "I need advice or something. Maybe if I make out with someone for a while I won't feel like this," Renji mumbled to the two of them. "Hisagi-Senpai?" he called, getting up and heading into the kitchen.

"Oh dear," Yumichika mumbled. "I always thought that broken hearts heal the slowest when it's chilly outside." Ikkaku shrugged, feeling overwhelmed.

"He shouldn't have fallen for a guy," he said insensitively, regretting it the moment it came out of his mouth. Yumichika's face fell immediately, startling Ikkaku into realizing how mean that had been of him to say. He thought he could see a mix of rage and despair swirling there, but it was too late to take it back.

"Perhaps he misjudged the person he fell in love with," Yumichika said coldly, and Ikkaku flinched back, knowing that Yumichika was indirectly speaking to him as well. He couldn't meet his eyes anymore, terrified of the ice he'd seen there. Yumichika got up and moved away from him. Aw fuck.

He didn't mean that. Renji shouldn't have fallen for Ichigo in the first place, not just because he was a guy, not because Renji wasn't good enough for Ichigo, but because Ichigo didn't date. Ichigo was straight. Ichigo could never love him back. Renji should just stop loving him, because all this could bring him was pain.

It probably wasn't something Renji could help, and this Ikkaku knew, because he felt that way for Yumichika no matter what he told himself, but still he was positive that in both of their situations, things could only end in tears. It was better for Renji to either kill those feelings or speak up about them, and hesitating in his decision had brought this on. He had only ended up mangling his heart by holding it in.

The point was, was that it had been a dumb thing to say. It was thoughtless and insensitive. It was cruel and mean, it was none of his business, and Ikkaku knew that. He knew that Renji had probably told himself those things a thousand times, that Ichigo was his best friend, his brother, and that there could never be anything more. Renji had probably tried everything and failed, he'd probably thought of himself as some perverted freak, and Ikkaku knew that, because there was nothing to be done about fond feelings for another person.

Yumichika had given him the cold shoulder so quickly, that it was impossible for Ikkaku not to sense the bitterness in the gesture. Yumichika's family had probably disowned him for this very reason, and Ikkaku had just made light of that, just insulted Renji and Yumichika too for their inability to change who they were.

What a jerk.

He was a scumbag, and he had known that it would only have been a matter of time before Yumichika discovered that. It was just disappointing that it had happened so soon. It had been a slip of the tongue, but in doing so, he had hit Yumichika's one sore spot, and that would not be easily forgiven.

Ikkaku tried to change the subject and got everyone started with playing monopoly, trying to find an opportunity to explain to Yumichika that he didn't really feel badly towards homosexuals and that he hadn't meant to say something so hypocritical. He wanted to tell him that he knew that falling in love – with anybody, not just with someone of the same gender – was something anyone could help, and that he hadn't been thinking when he'd said that.

It seemed like it was too late, because Yumichika was being distant and cold again. Over the next hour, he'd gotten him to drop his cruel attitude, but Yumichika was still just being polite and quiet like before, not letting him in again. By then Renji had gotten himself under control and was being cheery again, although he had stopped drinking rather abruptly.

That was one thing Ikkaku prided himself on when it came to his kouhai and his untakeable heart. Renji never lost hope.

Every mile is two in winter.