"For God's sake will you try and pay attention!"

My mother's hiss stabs through the haze. I'm not sure where I was, or where I am, or why at all I exist. I know it's too big a question and I'd be stupid to try and ponder it. I blink rapidly behind my shades, it's too bright and the heat is irritating, it's underneath my skin and giving me a headache. Her voice was like sandpaper inside my skull.

I ignore her insistent stare coming from behind her GUCCI shades and I make sure no fraction of my body acknowledges her at all. The evil bitch. I come to realise she has her hand on my upper arm, a strong grip and that we've stopped in the middle of the smooth footpath leading to the entrance.
She huffs irritated and starts dragging me towards the prison impersonating a mansion, should feel like home. My mother steers us to the empty reception desk as a frumpy woman decides to attend to her job, my hand twitches as mothers grip releases. The blood rushes back to my arm and the pain is a relief, strange, the emptiness writhes in pleasure as it has something physical to consume.

"Hello, we have appointment with Mr. Michelson. My name is Terry Schuester and the appointments for my daughter." She leans forward over the counter and whispers unnecessarily, "She's being signed in for a little while, just for a little rest."

Like she really gives a fuck.

My fingers curl and I stretch my neck to the right, the woman's depth for attention was astonishing as it was pathetic.

Frump looks a little embarrassed, "That's something you will discuss with Dr. Mikaelson at your appointment."

My mom nods and makes a pathetic little sniff. Frump gestures to the door to the right and it's a plain waiting room.

"This place will be good for you. I feel it, time to relax, calm down, get this…anger out of your system and we can go back to normal." She says removing her shades and folding her hands in her lap, "I really think, oh for God's sake sit up, you were brought up better."

Funny how that's landed me in the mad house.

She sighs again, it's her tell-tale mom noise, and she pushes one of her hand into my stomach and the other between my shoulder blades.

The thick smack sounds out in the quiet room and the satisfaction I get from seeing her jump back and nurse her hand is the best kind of therapy. My hand itches to reach out to her face, to wipe off her hurt expression but it's there, burned into my mind and I clasp my hands in my lap to stop the shaking.

She hastily put her shades back on, "Um," she coughs to hide the quiver in her voice, pathetic, "I really think this will be good for you, Emma's already talking about a little welcome back party. Although she is under the impression you're at boarding school, I felt it was in your best interests not publicize this."

Your best interests.

She rubs the back of her hand, its tinged pink. I look everywhere but her, I can't acknowledge her, I'm a disgusting person, perhaps even more so than I find her and that alone makes me wish I were dead.

The door outlined on the wooden panelled wall opens and a tall man, with short curls and a lean but muscular frame appears in the doorway.

"Mrs. Schuester" he addresses her in a calm, soft, English voice. I wonder if I would be able to taste English roses off his breath and was his tongue as velvety as his voice.

"Naimh!" My mothers on her feet and hissing down at me. I blink myself back into the room, he's smiling like he understands, it irritates me, there's nothing to understand.

My mother sun hat twitches in his direction and slowly I stand, she walks behind me as he motions me into the spacious office. The door makes a quiet click behind me and that's it, the sound of boundaries and rules and supervision and people paying attention to everything I do. I fight the urge to run…or to scream. Instead I sit down and clasp my hands together.

"Thank you for seeing us on such short notice." My mother says, dripping with gratitude.

"Your perfectly welcome, besides your grand donation to our facility calls for some gratitude on our part." He smiles taking out a folder from a drawer in desk.

Fucking leech like the rest of them. Everyone in Sand Diego speaks money, breathes money, bonds over money, fucks for money, marries for money and dies for money.

"Niamh!"

I focus back in to the room and she takes my shades off my face.

"See this is the kind of thing I'm talking about" She says to the understanding man. I zone out and she looks like I've admitted to skinning puppies, I roll my eyes and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Niamh, I was just introducing myself. I'm Dr. Klaus Mikaelson and I am here to help."

This room's too bright. He has one huge window behind his grand leather armchair, it looks out onto the quad where there's a lot of green and stone.

Dr. Mikaelson turns his head to the left although unable to see what I'm looking at. My mother is rubbing her temples like she's exhausted. Fucking drama queen.

"We have rather wonderful grounds here, with your record you should be permitted ground rights although if these rights are abused you will be deemed an 'R' which means restricted. " He tells me clasping his hands together on the table in front. His voice is formal and his face serious, "Today you'll be eased in, a check up with a nurse, you'll be shown your room, introduced to your roommate and maybe a quick tour if you feel up to it."

My eyes flash to my mother and then to him, a roommate?

"Caroline doesn't bite, I assure you" he smiles.

I try to smile but even to me it feels like a sneer. He reaches over and presses a button on a small black box.

"Rebekkah" he calls and a door behind me immediately swings open, "Ah, wonderful. Niamh this is my sister Rebekkah and our resident nurse. She's in charge of the ward you'll be on."

Ward... nurse… She's really leaving me here. I turn numbly in my seat and see a woman who's not remotely like her brother. Her blonde hair sits in a halo on her head above her wide, warm smile and crisp white nurse's dress. My nails dig into my palms and I turn back to Mr. Understanding.

"I need to pee."

I actually hear my mother's mouth drop open and my hands itch.

"First stop on the tour." She announces behind me in a mellow, rich English accent. The Dr smiles at me. I resist the urge to run.

"Myself and your mother will discuss the dull paperwork and then come and find you afterwards." He tells me and then rises, "I would like to formally welcome you to Mikaelson's, and you my solemn vow you will looked after to the best standards." Right, I've heard the stories about the fires, the crazies, the escapee's… save it for the woman who's paying for it. He extends his hand to me and I take it limply, letting go as soon as he grasps it and walking over to the she Klaus.

"Leave your bag." My mother calls after me. I feel a prickle of embarrassment run up my spine as I look back at her stern face, I'm already dubbed as a fucking lunatic and she's indicating I'm carrying a crack pipe or a blunt. I toss my bag in her general direction so the strap brushes against the brim of her sun hat.

As I walk out the door Dr. Barbie's holding for me I hear her say tiredly, "This is only a smidge of the ordeal I have been through."

Cry to the man, at least the silver lining was I wouldn't have to listen to it anymore. Stepping out of the cosy, warm and wooden bathed office with colour I was faced with a more diluted in colour corridor. Everything was white, or a pastel shades... or cream.

"This way" She says placing her hand lightly on my back and I shove my shades back on move out of her touch. The corridors so bright, the ceiling is glass, letting the brilliant sunshine through.

"We like to create the feeling of openness here, light and clear. Seeing it's the mindset we try and achieve with our patients."

"Far out." I mumble emptily.

"Here we are" she motions to a white door which is obviously a toilet. She stands beside the door smiling and I realise she's going to wait outside. Fucking ridiculous. I brush past her and close the door hastily… no lock. The windows sealed shut and the glass is thick… there's nothing to try and force it, I'd do more damage to myself than I would it if I tried using my fist.

"Fuck" I hiss through my teeth and sink to the floor, "This cannot be happening to me."

All the threats, all the yelling, screaming, fighting and she finally did it. She always had the upper hand because of my age and I'd been naive to think she wouldn't do it, just because I was her daughter. Like it fucking maters… it should matter.
I shouldn't have pushed it, I shouldn't have done it.

I reach around to the waistband of my jeans and pull out the silver flask that been pressed against my back. The vodka's warm and it burns but it's familiar. I could do, I could survive this place, I'd show her up, prove her wrong, she wanted to destroy me, get rid of well she wouldn't and when I get out I'd make her pay. She thought I was bad now…

Maybe I could reverse this, draw back time, convince that nurse to take me back to Dr. Michelson's office, take my mother back to the reception, she'd get back in our Cadillac and drive us back to the house, last night will come and I won't go out.

There's a tapping on the door, "Is everything alright?"

"Peachy" I call back and drain the contents and stuff the flask behind the toilet. I'll come back for it. I pull the chain and pop a gum stick into my mouth from my bra stash.

She smiles expectantly at me when I come out but I just stare at her until she feels uncomfortable. They must have training course for that because she doesn't falter but motions for me to start walking down the rest of the corridor to an elevator. "This will leave us up to the ward and out of the visitor centre."

I wonder how big this place is exactly, I know they keep guys here to as well as women and then there are the grounds that stretch around the place… I wonder will they be a part of ground rights. That would make it too easy to run, surely they couldn't have enough surveillance to cover it … unless they were that trusting. I doubt it, the vast lawns in front of Michelson's would be for show, maybe we just have the quad and a nice field behind the building to roam.

The elevator dings open and we're in another corridor, the top of it has a closed off room with a glass panel and a door beside it.

"That is the nurse's station of this ward, the women's. Another one is downstairs but I needn't think there will be much call for you to be down there, unless you befriend someone that is" She smiles like the concepts likely. A nurse waves to her from behind the glass and she waves back before pulling out a key from her apron and sliding it into the lock, a series of clicks and it swings open. The floors white, the walls are white. Other colours are muted so there not noticeable, they don't even qualify as pastels… they're like deceased versions of vibrant colours they could have been. I can't help but feel the people will be the same.

The furniture is the starch contrast. One green long sofa that looks comfortable creates the boundary of the room. Further in there's a rich leather armchair, some wicket white chairs and a table, and a huge box like looking television. There are three, huge windows that curve around this end of the ward, all open and letting the afternoon breeze in through the bars the windows are covered by.

"This is the TV area" she informs me unnecessarily and some of its occupants turn to look at me, an old lady dressed like a girl in her pink dress with a cat print cardigan waves to me. A girl, hidden by her long brown curtain of hair in the arm chair doesn't look up, the rest simply stare.

I hold up my hand and let it twitch in greeting; the old lady beams and turns back to the TV. One girl glares at me, at least I think she is, her eyes aren't hard, opaque, they're like moving water and I can't see the base. They're rimmed black and I think they've always been that way, she came into the world with black rimmed around her eyes so she could never see the light. Her finger runs over a girl's hair who sits at her knee's looking trance like.

Rebekkah's arm slides around my shoulder as she steers me into the ward, the corridors wide and decorated with doors on either side, at the end there's a gap between the last door and the end of the hall.

"Down there's the living room but no one really goes down there, I can't fathom why I happen to find it quite cosy and relaxing. Perhaps you'll take to it. Here" she says pointing to a wall with wooden panels sticking out of it that nest phones between them, "are the phones, you want to make a call the nurse will connect you. If you wish to use your grounds rights you let the nurses' station know and they'll record it, check in with them when you come back to."

I nod trying to process the information; my head feels fuzzy…dream like, maybe this isn't real and once that's in your head that all you can think. You're not part of reality… I could be a part of someone else's reality… their dream.

Rebekkah stops and I jolt as I try to walk on; I smile apologetically at her feeling like an idiot. She raps lightly on the white door then turns the door knob and swings it open.

Light glints off bright blonde curls around a thin face, the girls big blue eyes glance up. Concentration drains from them as they light up and she puts a nail polish bottle on a white vanity table beside her bed.

"Caroline this is Niamh."

"Hi" She beams and sticks out her thin arm to shake my hand. Her figures hidden by her pink sundress and I find that sad, her dress isn't so big yet it pools around her. I gingerly take her cold hand.

"Niamh, Caroline will be an excellent roommate." Rebekkah acclaims.

"Why, thank you." Caroline grins and she nods.

"Would you kindly show Niamh the grounds and have her back by three for her check up and for her to say goodbye to her mother"

Goodbye… so final..so resolute… abandoning.

My palm burns and suppressing the urge to hit something makes my bones rattle.

"Of course." Caroline quips unfolding herself from the bed.

Rebekkah notices my shudder and places a hand on my shoulder, "Everything alright?"

I nod and my neck feels more floppy than usual, afternoon liquor kick. Then the nurse is gone and Caroline's taking my hand in her cool one and leading me out. Soon we're outside, it's too warm and I push my shades further up my face. Caroline's been talking…I'm not sure for how long.

"So it's not so bad once you get used to it, although my first night was the worst but I suppose it was because of the whole 'we think you're crazy go into the crazy home you crazy person' thing yano?" she finishes with a nervous giggle and then adds, "but seriously it's not so bad here."

"I'm being committed" I say flatly.

"But once you get past that…" she says with so much hope in her voice, it was almost pathetic. Was she like my mother, pathetic at the core but just in a different spectrum? No Caroline wasn't pathetic, she was just stupid, and I felt sorry for her.

Her wide blue eyes search my face mutely before she breaks out into a grin again, how can she seem so optimistic, "The quads so beautiful, you're lucky you get grounds rights right away, I had to wait a month and it sucked. I love the sun." and she held her arms out, they were so thin I'm surprised there was enough muscle in them to do as she commands. I imagine invisible strings, Caroline's as a puppet manipulated by a higher force. I imagine these strings tying around my wrists and Klaus' smiling face comes to mind.

I rub my wrists and reach anxiously into my back pocket, "Want one?" I say lighting up.

Caroline's smile falls with her arms, "That's not healthy." I snort through the smoke as I exhale, my nerves ease, she's hardly one to judge me on what healthy is. Were in a fucking mental hospital and her waist is the size of my wrist.

"Irony" I mutter and she cocks her head indicating she didn't hear so I smile and confuse her further.

"C'mon" she brushes off taking my hand again and leading me around a corner where the grounds opened up into vast lawns and one huge oak tree stood at the edge of the fences. Well… at least it's bigger than a field. We come to the stop at the stop of the patio stairs and I really focus on the people loitering around. The opposing sides visible, there were about a dozen people fully dressed in white, usually two around someone, only a few with one escort.

I give Caroline's hand an attentive little squeeze and my thumbs able to feel the outline of her bones. She gives me a shy smile before turning to me abruptly and I'm momentarily afraid she knows the evil in me.

She purses her lips, "Can we be friends?"

I'm reduced to nothing at her request. "I thought we were" I stammer uncertainly. She inhales deeply so her collarbones strain against her skin and breathes out with a big grin.
Her thin arms circle around my neck although she holds her body away from me, she hugs me quickly before pulling away. I take a long drag on my cigarette.

"I've missed having a roommate." She sings taking my hands again and we follow the path around the building, passing benches, one of which occupies a rocking old man and his nurse.

"So were allowed to mix on the grounds" I ask quietly.

"Oh yes, and in the canteen but were not allowed in each other's wards." She tells me freely and then adds, "Obviously."

"Obviously" I repeat nervously.

"What happened to your other roommate? Did she get better?" I ask finishing my cigarette and throwing it away. Caroline spins and sits down on to the last bench on the stretch of path.

"Um, well, she killed herself." She says with an awkward laugh at the end before staring down at her hands.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I murmur feeling a rush of empathy and sitting down beside her. I notice at the end of the path, a wall cuts into our wide lawn. It pushes out from the hospital in a wide box shape, claiming a portion of our grounds. I hear a distant mewling sound from beyond the wall and I wonder if I'm imagining it.

"Its okay." she says softly, "She went down to storage and hung herself with a bed sheet."

"Oh…" I feel like I'm drowning because I need to say something insightful and caring, "Say Caroline, what's behind that wall…I mean is it to stop us going out the front?"

She glances up and crosses her legs, the bend of her knees resting on her mid thigh. When she speaks I stop gawking, she's so tiny, "That's 'The Wall'" she says ominously, "It's the point of no return, for most, once you go over you don't come back." She grins sadly at me, "That's where the real crazy people go, where they do shocks and there's no helping you."

The mewling gets louder to emphasis her point.

"You want to stay on this side." She says softly, getting up and taking my hand and pulling me back down the path. I light up another cigarette.

"So no one comes back when they go over the wall." I ask quietly.

"Just one." She replies simply and I don't pursue the subject.

I look out over the vivid green that shines in the bright sun. Some people look normal…others not so much, then again what is normal. Normal is for pretend. I look at the people in white, the expert pretenders. My eyes flick from face to face until they rest on one, unable to pass on. His black curls shine's like raven feathers. His head's bent over a book as he sits cross legged on the grass, he's reading to a little boy in a wheel chair.

When I'm closer I can hear him, his voice is soft and rhythmatic, like he savours every word. He appreciates every word. I like that.

"That's Blaine" Caroline whispers in my ear and like a sixth sense he glances up. My heart stutters and a grin warmer than Caroline's breaks over his face.

"Hello Caroline."

"Hi" she says shyly with a little wave.

"Who's you friend" he asks politely, his brown eyes are kind and flecked with gold. I take another draw on my cigarette and look at his arms; their strong and I want to touch them.

"This is Niamh" Caroline says proudly, "She's my-"

"Friend" I quip exhaling smoke and pulling my glasses low to peek over the top. He's even more striking in clarity then in shade.

"Any friend of Caroline's is a friend of mine" he says turning his smile on me and I bite my lip in that way I know boys like. His voice is calming, soothing, he has a kind aura and I feel I could be in his presence all the time.

The boy reaches out for Blaine and tugs on his clothes and points furiously back at the grand house. I push my glasses back up to hide my annoyed stare.

"Okay, I'll take you back up now" he says kneeling down in front of him and handing him the book, "You hold onto this for me, I'll take you up and Vivian will read the rest and I'll go find Rebekkah."

The boy nods vigorously. Blaine stands up and takes the handles of the chair, "Pleasure meeting you." He says and his eyes linger before he starts wheeling the boy away. I want him to come back.

"Blaine's one of the best here." She says fondly and I hum in agreement. I watch him wheel the boy into the door furthest from the one we came out of, entrance to the men's ward, and the come out a while later laughing freely with a nurse. I want to know what makes him laugh. Caroline lies out babbling beside me on the grass.

"I'll be back in a moment." I announce standing up. Caroline stops mid sentence and leans up on her forearms.

"I'm meant to be your tour guide." She says anxiously.

"You are. I'll be back." I dismiss and start walking quickly up the lawn. When I reach the steps Rebekkah passes, walking briskly and doesn't notice me.

"They're bringing him back tonight" she says into a walkie-talkie.

I round the corner and Blaine's coming back out the side door and round the next corner, the fence cuts us off there so what could he be doing…

He leans against the brick, next to fence, in the shade and he lights up. His eyebrows rise in surprise when he sees me and he takes the cigarette out of his mouth looking bashful, it's cute, I envy the cigarette. He motions to the white stick in his hand, "I know it's bad for you, I really should quit"

"Can I bum one?"

He nods and holds out the carton to me, I take one and he lights it up. I trace the lines of his face, his cheek bones until he puts the lighter away and grins at me. I inhale deeply.

"I would say you deserve a guilty pleasure seeing you have a stressful job." I murmur leaning against the wall.

He smiles and looks at the ground, "I like my job, I like to help but your right, it can be a handful." He glances up and I smile like I understand.

"I think it's wonderful what you do."

He gives me a coy look, "Thank you. I want to do more though, I'm a carer now, hopefully one day I'll be a doctor. I'll be able to make the difference."

"I think you make more of a difference than you know." I say exhaling smoke and I feel his eyes on me, it makes me feel powerful, "Caroline's very fond of you."

He looks humbled and I'd proud of myself.

"Caroline's sweet" he says affectionately and my eyes flash. He looks up at me and says with such sincerity, "I'm glad she's allowed visitors again, she needs a friend."

I nod, "I've missed her."

He stares at me, a smile playing his petal pink lips and they purse around his cigarette. I stare at them longer than necessarily and I glance up at him. He looks away and grins shyly.

"So do you live in San Diego or are you visiting?" He asks and its evident he's trying to find a suitable topic. I move closer along the wall, leaning my shoulder on it and looking up at him from under my eyelashes.

"Why? Do you want to ask me out." I say softly, my heart travels up to my mouth. His eyes widen in surprise to my forwardness and he looks at the ground bashfully again.

"That would be nice" he nods biting his lip and I make it apparent I'm staring at it. A gentle breeze blows around us and carries his scent, he smells divine, masculine. He's finished his cigarette and I take the last draw of mine, throwing it over the fence.

"I should probably get back" He says looking uncertain and I reach out and let my fingers run over the curve of his bicep. He's statue still and I know I've got the control, he's mine for the taking.

"Mhm" I hum, "just one second" and I reach up and press my lips against his. He doesn't respond but his lips part and I kiss him again, this time he does. He places his hand gently on my waist and tilts his head. My hands travel up his chest to his shoulder, slowly and I let them run down his arms. It's thrilling and I press my body against his so he's pushed against the wall. His chest heaves gently and I run my tongue against his bottom lip, his finger curl lightly around my neck. His touch is delicate and makes me feel more powerful. I lean up onto my tip toes and in the same movement dip my tongue into his mouth and he moans. My grip on his arms tighten. We break apart and I lean back on my feet.

"Wow." He says, blinking. I smirk and lean up again but he resists gently, "I think you should let me take you out on that date." He murmurs.

"There's a canteen, you could buy me a coffee." I murmur playfully and he grins. The hand on my neck drops to my waist and he straightens up so it's less intimate. I resist pouting.

"You're unlike any girl I've ever met before." He says looking at me like I'm a foreign jewel.

"This isn't allowed!" Caroline's stands by the corner looking frightened and wide eyed.

"Caroline" Blaine says dropping his hands and looks rueful.

Oh shit.

"Its frowned upon, yes." Blaine tries to joke, his cheeks turning pink. I rush over to Caroline and start pulling her away.

"I hardly think making out with a patient is frowned upon!" She protests more angrily.

"Patient?" His brows furrow in bewilderment before realisation hits his face, he looks stricken.

"Come on Caroline!" I urge and take her hand as she realises too.

"You didn't tell him?" she exclaims as I pull her towards the women's entrance. I don't answer, why did I do that?

What the fuck was wrong with me.

"Don't tell anyone" I plead.

"I won't" she murmurs but she looks disapproving. I ignore it.

"You wouldn't want him to lose his job" I snap and her eyes widen.

"No" she whispers as we start up the stairs. By the time we reach the ward Caroline's leaning heavily on me and panting. I'm disturbed by how light she is, how thin her skin feels to me.

"Are you okay?" I ask as fear pangs in my stomach.

"Tired" she murmurs and I support her back to our room and set her down on to her bed. Someone's left my suitcase on mine.

"I don't want him to get fired…" she says quietly and then I think she's asleep. I sit down on my bed and wonder should I call someone, oh shit what if I've hurt her.

She looks more like a marionette more than ever; her limbs folded toward her little body like the strings have been cut and she's waiting for someone to bring her to life again.

"How are we doing in here?" Rebekkah asks in her soft voice, coming into the room. Her eyes find Caroline and I try and suppress the panic.

"She got tired." I explain trying not fidget. Her lips purse and she writes something down on her chart. Caroline stirs.

"Too many stairs" she mumbles with a sheepish grin and props herself up on her pillow.

"We've talked about your energy levels Caroline and if they continue to drop…"

"I know." She interrupts the gentle rebuke and traces the dress pattern on her knee. She looks so sad.

"Hello there" Rebekkah greets and I look up to find my mother in the door way, scanning my room. The walls are bright blue, I hadn't noticed. The furniture's white and glossy, so the room look cool and calm.

"Well this is lovely, isn't it Niamh?" she manages to say. I stare at her.

"Caroline why don't you help me make some tea." Rebekkah asks subtly and Caroline unfolds herself from the bed, excusing herself with a little wave.

"That girl looks awful, poor thing." My mother simpers when they're out of ear shot. I don't offer anything in return. She shifts uncomfortable and then holds out my bag to me, I take it.

"Well this is nice" she says again looking around the room and then at me expectantly, I shrug.

"You're such hard work." she sighs and rubs her forehead.

"Good thing it's not your problem anymore then."

"Oh don't be ridiculous, it is not like that." She snaps and then tries to reason, "I'm at my wits end, last night's stunt… I'm so worried about you. What if you killed yourself?"

"What if I did?"

She lets out a little sob and covers her mouth with her hand, I feel ashamed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..."

She holds up her hand to silence me and sits down on Caroline's bed. The silence is uncomfortable and I want her to go but I'm also terrified that when she does everything will be so finale.

"You have a therapy session with Dr. Ben Harmon sometime later this week, he'll be your regular therapist and then you'll meet with Dr. Mikaelson once a month so he can what progress you're making." She tells me. Her heads bowed so I can't see her face through her sun hat, she's still upset. Fucking drama queen.

"How long for?" I mumble to the floor.

"Recovery can't be measured in an allotted time but only by progress." It's obvious it's something she's already asked and has memorized the answer, "But I'm hopeful you'll be back in time for Christmas."

Christmas. Cocktail party season. Four parties at our house, a gala and winter dance at the Berry's...all the same mindless people, all the same endless chatter. The thoughts depressing.

Warm hands slide around my face and I'm startled to find her so close.

"I love you very much." And she kisses my forehead. It's a simple gesture, why can't life be simple. What happened to me…I'm not even sure what 'me' is.

"Now, I have a yoga class at half four and I promised the girls I wouldn't be late." She says standing up and adjusting her hat and sliding on her lace gloves, "I'll call you darling." She smiles, but there's a wild scream from the ward followed by a crash and maniac laughter.

"Gracious." She whispers and looks at me anxiously, her eyes start to glaze but she covers them with her sun glasses and heads for the door. Caroline's on the other side, holding some polyester cups and looking uneasy.

"It was a fucking joke, lighten up Becks." A female voice teases.

Caroline comes into the room giving a shy smile to my mother, who's eyes look at her tiny frame critically. I actually think she's jealous, her sick twisted little mind wishes she could get closer to Caroline's size.

"Bye sweetie." My mother says and she closes the door behind her.

"You mom seems nice." Caroline says.

"Don't they all" I reply tiredly and she gives me a sympathetic smile.

We drink our tea in silence, strange noises coming from the ward outside from time to time. Caroline never looks up at these though, she carries on doing her nails and I guess she's used to it. When the sun's lower and shadows cast around the room I change and get into bed.

"Don't you want to go to dinner?" she asks.

"No."

"Me neither."

I hope I'm not a responsible influence on her decisions, surely they wouldn't make me, they have to have some idea of what they're doing here…

*

"Checks" a voice pipes as a fluorescent light shines harshly into the room. My eyes adjust to see one of the nurse's scribble on her chart and then close the door.

"Caroline" I croak and she stirs, "why do they do that?"

"To make sure you haven't run away" she mumbles, "They'll space checks out the longer you're here."

I've nothing to run back to, nothing I find compelling, maybe I should tell them that…

I'm being lulled back into the depths of my mind, Caroline's soft snores pushing me into slumber… then there's a distant disturbance and I wonder if I'm imagining it. My mind punishing me by denying peace but then I hear it again.

I sit up in bed wondering if I've lost it but Caroline leans up to, we look at each other confused. It sounds like a far off voice, echoey, and like someone shouting in a distant corridor.

Then it's quiet.

"Is that normal?" I breathe, my heart beating rapidly in my ears.

"No" she moans.

The voice starts again, and now it sounds male…and they're singing.

"Goin down, Party time..."

There's a bang and I imagine the door to the nurses' station being flung against the wall.
Caroline yelps and dives back under her covers.

"My friends are gonna be there too! IM ON THE HIGHHHHWAY TO HELL"

There's shouting in the distance, I can more authortive voices scrambling around, nurses yelling. The singing continues and it's like they're taunting them.

Other women on the ward have come out of their rooms at the commotion, one persons singing with him mixed with urgent voices trying to shush them.

Maniac laughter rings down the corridor, the male voice, "Did you miss me?" and then he's laughing again and a girl laughs with him. Someone tells her to go back to her room and he starts shouting in protest to something and then it's quiet again, only the scuffle of shoes on lino floor.

Our doors flung open again and a light shines in, "check" a faceless nurse says before closing the door quickly. I can hear her repeat the same gesture up and down the ward.

"What the hell was that?" I whisper into the dark. Every hair is standing on end and for the first time in a long time, I don't feel safe, not stuck in my rut of unfeeling, I'm afraid.

Caroline squeaks from under her covers.

"What?"

"Tate" she whispers.