So, this is just an introductory chapter, not much interesting is happening here and it just has some short bits at the end that are going to set up some of the main storylines for the future. I just needed this first chapter to lay out how I'm gonna work this crap. It may take me while to get into the groove but I'm hoping I'll have some fun. The future chapters will more or less be random day to day scenes put together.
I dedicate this story to my wonderful friends over at the Crap (and my friend Tony, who isn't on the Crap) who have given me some epic ideas for this. Special thanks go to Sharpy Snow, who gave me the idea for the title.
It's badly written... But that's the fun of it.
The first chapter starts before Survivor Series, so Cena hasn't been fired yet and Miz isn't WWE champion.
CHAPTER UN – I CAN'T THINK OF A TITLE
The Miz entered the mansion, shiny red briefcase in his hand, ready to start off his newest endeavor. This whole "reality show" business was old hat to him by now, and he was ready to teach the rest of the superstars and divas the ropes. This was why he arrived at the mansion two hours early – he wanted to be there to witness the arrival of every one of his housemates.
The entire WWE roster was scheduled to live in a mansion together for the next several months. Vince had gotten it in his head that reality TV was all the rage these days. Sure, building a mansion large enough to house several dozen people had been costly, but once the McMahons broke into the reality TV industry, nobody would be able to stop them.
At the entrance of the mansion, there were two staircases leading to the second story, where Miz assumed the bedrooms were. There was a door between the staircases, and Miz headed straight for it, still clutching the briefcase in his hand. He entered, finding himself in a stage area. On the stage stood a large screen, with an overhead projector pointing to it. Approaching the projector, Miz flicked it on, and text appeared on the screen.
'Welcome, superstars and divas! Bedrooms are first come, first serve. There are six single bedrooms, all others are doubles. Men room with men, women room with women. I don't care if you're married! This makes for more interesting television. There are placards in the bins in the back to put on your door. Cameras are set up in every room. Now go make some reality TV!
Vincent Kennedy McMahon'
Miz left the projector on, turning around to see the two bins. He approached them, reeling back in slight horror when he saw the details. Inside the bins was a plastic placard with each wrestler's face printed upon it. He ruffled through the bins of faces until he located his own, feeling as if each set of eyes was staring him down. Slowly backing away from the faces, he made his way back to the entrance of the mansion.
When he got into the entrance, Miz saw the door swing open, and Christian walked in, hand held to his brow, searching for his peeps. When he noticed The Miz, he put his hand down, frowning slightly.
"Oh, are you the only one here?"
Miz scowled, refusing to dignify that with a response. Instead, he shook his MITB briefcase at Christian and headed up the staircase to select a room. He would be taking a single – he was, after all, Mr. Money in the Bank, so naturally heshould get a room all to himself.
As Miz hung his own face on the door of the room he selected, he heard Christian climbing the staircase as well. He selected a double room a few doors down from The Miz, marking it for himself and Edge.
Soon, the building was beginning to fill up with wrestlers, some eager and some irritable about the living situation they were being forced into. Friends rushed to claim one another as roommates, while the people who arrived late found themselves stuck living with somebody unpleasant.
Curt Hawkins stood by his door, guarding it closely. He was hoping that he could find somebody decent to be his roommate. He watched as person after person came up the staircase, each one seeming as undesirable as the last. He began to consider switching over to a single room, but right when the thought crossed his head, the worst of his fears were realized.
"Bro! Hey! Bro! This is perfect, we can be roomies!"
Curt's eyes widened as he saw Zack approaching, waving his arm frantically around, making a scene. "No, uh, I already have a roommate. The room is taken."
Zack looked slightly dejected, "Oh. Who?"
"…Uh… Vance. Vance Archer. We made up."
"I thought Vance got released…"
Curt looked madly around, trying to find a way out of the situation. But Zack just grinned, "So we can be roomies, then!" he shoved Curt to the side and slammed the bedroom door open, throwing his bags in the middle of the room, shouting "Woo woo woo!". Curt slid to the floor, running his hands through his hair, dreading the next several months.
_O_
Once everybody had arrived and rooms had been selected, much to the dismay of many wrestlers, they all made their way into the stage room, waiting for the rest of their instructions. Michael Cole stood at a podium on the stage, wearing a grey suit and a pair of reading glasses. Once he saw that everybody was settled into the seats, he cleared his throat.
"Hello, everybody. May I have your attention?" he said, looking around at everybody, waiting for them to quiet down. "Welcome to the mansion! You will all be living here for the next few months. Two superstars or divas will be eliminated from the mansion each week: one on Wednesday, and one on Sunday. There will be challenges every so often in order to gain immunity. The winner will receive $100,000! Okay, that's all! Dinner should be served in the dining room. Go eat!"
Cole started to leave the podium, when Edge yelled from the crowd, "Wait, that's it? That's all you're going to tell us?"
"That's… That's all I was given, yes."
"This is stupid. How are we being eliminated? Are we voting? Does somebody lose a challenge? How do we know?"
Michael Cole shifted from foot to foot, not entirely sure what to say. "I don't know. This was all I was told."
"STUPID!" Edge stood up, pointed threateningly at Cole, and stormed out of the room.
_O_
There were several tables set up in the dining room, as well as a large buffet table. Daniel Bryan wandered around the buffet, trying to find something to eat, when he felt a presence behind him. Turning, he saw Michael Cole hovering over him, a smirk on his face.
"Kinda hard to eat when there aren't any veejun options, isn't it?" Cole said.
Daniel turned back to the table, looking around at the food. "There are tons of options for me. I'll manage."
"What? I told them not to make any veejun food! Dammit!" Cole walked off, ranting and raving about the chefs, Daniel Bryan, and people who don't eat meat.
At one table sat Edge, Christian, and Zack Ryder.
"Bro, this is gonna be so much fun. Like a sleep over every night! You know it!" Zack punched Edge in the arm, causing him to sigh loudly, looking to Christian to save him. Christian shrugged, and Zack continued. "Me and the Hawkmaster are roomies, too! Just like old times! Edgeheads reuinite! Woo woo woo!"
Edge looked at his fork, considering jamming it into Zack's face.
At another table across the room, John Morrison sat next to his new roommate, Joey Mercury. Joey was looking rather ratty wearing a tattered fur coat. To Morrison's annoyance, Joey kept calling him "Nitro". Every time Morrison tried to correct him, Joey gave the man a weird look and kept talking, ignoring the correction.
A few tables down, Cody Rhodes sat between Goldust and Ted DiBiase. On Goldust's other side sat his roommate, Drew McIntyre. Drew and Ted glared at each other for the entire conversation, while Cody stared at the reflection in his glass and Goldust attempted to catch up with his little brother.
Meanwhile, Nexus sat together at one table, Justin Gabriel pouting into his soup. He had gotten to the mansion quite late and hadn't been able to get a room with Heath Slater, or at least another Nexus member. Instead, he was rooming with Big Show because David Otunga managed to get Heath first. John Cena looked uncomfortable as the rest of Nexus stared at him.
"Cener, after dinner I want you to unpack my bags," Wade Barrett said. An evil smirk crossed his lips. "Or you're fired."
Cena frowned sadly.