A/N: This was something I had to write. I had a long day and went through some of my old files, finding an old paper titled 'Tolerance.' I wrote it about three years ago and I knew today, as I read over the yellow, tearstained paper that I never wanted to feel as I did that day. Today, I share it with you, put to fan fiction.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or the game, or anything but my thoughts.
Warning: Angst.
I'm not sure when it happened; when it started. Everything just seemed to fall apart, yet, it wasn't. Nothing was falling apart, nothing was changing. Maybe that's just what I wanted.
The days would go by, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, repeating, repeating, repeating. They past, but nothing changed.
I've been with Shin-Ra since the day I was born. Here I remain, twenty years later. There is nothing here for me, or anywhere else. So here I stay, doing whatever they ask, not enjoying it, or complaining about it, simply tolerating it.
I'll often ponder if I'm even still alive. I'll check my vitals, knowing full well I am. I'm alive but I'm not living. This horrible feeling. There's nothing good or bad. I don't even feel.
It's a tolerance. A tolerance to life, as if it were some commonplace narcotic. Yet, when that happens with a drug, you need more to have the same effect. I can't get more life. Does that mean I'm dying? Or simply going through withdrawal?
I can't cry; I'm not sad. I can't laugh; I'm not happy. I can't scream; I'm not afraid. I can't lash out; I'm not angry.
Then tell me: What do I do?
I guess I'll simply tolerate…