So What?
Summary: Yamato is having a bad night while running into his ex at a concert and feels like picking a fight.
A/N: I seem to be on a kick of song-inspired fics lately. Hope you enjoy all these one-shots that will be popping up over the next month. Um, this unintentionally fits into my usual headcanon, but still makes for a fun read. Let me know what you think!
A/N 2: For anyone who is waiting on an update for my Mimato 'What Dies Inside Us', chapter 3 will be up in the next few days. I've just been swamped at work. 3
Warnings/Pairings: Ex-Sorato, Taishirou, hints of Jyoumato but nothing serious. Sora and Yamato bashing, I suppose? Some mild violence and cursing, too.
"So, I regret to inform you all that this will be our official last show," I said, turning away from the mic and the sea of disappointed faces. I would've taken shelter in the faces of my bandmates but we weren't on the best terms, either. The entire mess with my relationship with Sora had put such a strain the band that everything was crumbling around us. We had met before the show and officially called it quits, despite my protests. Still, 'people' had been lecturing about when I was going to get a real career. I didn't understand and I could tell my frustration was showing now, especially to those who could really see it: my friends all sitting in the front/center row. Sadly, that included Sora, too. (I had been in a good mood and under signifigant peer pressure when I made that decision.)
More than anything I wanted to give her a good punch in the face. Sora and I had never truly exchanged blows, but I knew from a few catfight stories that she could easily hold her own, complete with a right hook. I had once liked her a little, for that.
I tried to hide his disgusted look on my lips as I sang the last song, one I hadn't released ever and had no future plans to, if I had anything to say about it. The song was a little heavy, unlike the image the guys and I had created as a whole, closer to the style I would have loved to persue if I did decide to do this for a living instead of a hobby one day. The energy put into it made me sweat more than the entire concert to that point. It had been particularly cold outside and a little chilly inside and I could feel my skin sticking to my leather jacket and the sleeveless shirt underneath. My feet ached in my boots and radiated through my ankles. I kept my eyes closed because if I opened them I would leap from that stage and murder someone.
By the end of the entire thing, my blood was boiling and out of nowhere I took my guitar to swing at the mic stand, sending it skidding across the stage. Thank God for Takashi- he was like my own personal clone as he played this killer riff as the stand skidded and slid off the stage with a crash. I couldn't say anything to anyone as I left the stage, leaving my bass in a lump on the floor and rotating my tired shoulders.
Backstage I tried to catch my breath as I fumbled around a mess of important people: the club owner, some talent scouts, who the fuck-ever. I didn't care and brushed right past them. All of my friends had dispersed into the depths of the bar, save one, and that was Jyou. He waited at the end of the hall, rubbing his eyes. All the lights were getting to him.
"Hey," I greeted.
"I see... that was quite the announcement... and performance," Jyou said, crossing his arms. "You should have said that this was your last show and that's why we're missing our study group."
"We can still study at the bar-" "Really?" "-and I didn't know it was my last... it just kind of happened," I explained.
"Still... I don't think anyone was expecting that," Jyou said. I could tell he was trying to subtly pry into 'what's wrong?'. I couldn't blame him. I hadn't really explained to anyone anything about Sora and I's breakup and all anyone could do was try to tear apart the rumours and find the truth. Let them think what they want. I'm what they wanted to be now, anyway. Any woman here would take me and I was fine with that. Proud of it, even. I hadn't been that way before. I made that clear as Jyou and I entered the crowd, raising a hand to a fan's cheek as she passed me. She blushed more red than the lights overhead and it made me laugh.
Jyou started coughing and I put my arm around him, too, mostly so he could hear me over the noise of the music and the crowd talking. "Are you alright?"
He squirmed in my grip, but I had to hold him tight not to loose him as people were coming and going between sets. Or, maybe I didn't care who I held in my arms at this point. Nothing really mattered as I scanned the crowd for Sora- I knew she was here somewhere and I had been meaning to confront her about the wild tales she was telling for weeks. Now was just a perfect excuse. "I'm fine," Jyou coughed. "J-just the smoke."
I shrugged. Nothing new to me, but then we were literally walking through a dense fog of cigarette smoke. He pulled away from me suddenly and disappeared. I was a little hurt and called after him, but I lost sight.
"Figures, he disappears the first chance he gets," I sighed, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "Well, Jyou was never one for these places anyway. He's probably going home. Doesn't want to be seen with me, either, I guess. Asshole." I continued muttering until I reached some of the tables and saw Sora sitting at the bar. She was with Miyako and Mimi. All were dressed lavishly and in little, save Mimi, who tended to stay on the conservative side. She flashed a smile at me and my mind wandered over the possibilies if she hadn't moved to America... until Sora's glare met mine. I smirked at her and gave a wave, removing one hand from my pockets. She turned away quickly and began whispering to Miyako. Mimi gave me a glance and back to Sora a few times so I knew whatever it was wasn't good. I scoffed and went back towards the table, ordering a beer on the way, and managed to find Taichi and Koushiro.
"Hey, you two," I said, sitting down quickly. I pulled out a cigarette to add to the air of death around me.
"Yamato, how are things?" Koushiro asked nervously. He had always been opposed to many of my bad habits and never ceased to tell me to my face, either. Taichi had his hand in Koushiro's, moving his fingers soothingly with his boyfriend's.
"I've never been better!" I practically barked at him. I'll be damned if Sora didn't hear that.
"Yeah," Taichi remarked. "Where's Jyou, anyway? He said he was going to check on you. You were, intense?"
"Eh," I whined, slumping back in the wooden chair, noticing the next band coming up. It wasn't me so it wasn't good, I knew. In fact, it was a just-starting-out tribute band and I had never remembered approving the papers for them to play. I'm sure if you found the contract my name would just be a long line that ran off the page. "Jyou left."
"So, what are your plans, Yamato?" I heard Taichi ask. I just didn't shift my gaze from Sora, so he thought I wasn't listening. "Yama?"
"I could always use extra fists to pound her face in," I breathed, making a mental note that the band had stepped out and saying a bunch of junk I didn't care about.
"Ah, so that IS what this is about," Koushiro noted.
"I'm not gonna help you attempt to put Sora in the hospital, Yamato," Taichi snorted.
I knew what he was really getting at. "Attempt to? Is that a dare or something?" I smiled at Taichi as a worried look crossed Koushiro's face.
"H-Hey, why do you two always antagonize one another?" Koushiro urged, his spiky maroon hair flopping as he pulled on Taichi's shirt.
The band, after finally getting their unneeded introduction out of the way, finally played a song- one of my earlier ones I hated, for that matter. As I listened to a very horrible rendition from the notes which was a step up from where I tuned it and the voice which sounded more like a bad impression, I realized I had never gotten that drink I ordered and stole Taichi's instead. He didn't put up much of a struggle over it, either.
I could see Sora across the way and as familiar notes flooded the room, she smiled at me. She had the most concerned look I had seen on her face all night and I was beginning to suspect her inebriation was the cause of all that pseudo concern. Then, I listened as a few girls passed behind me and I drank the rest of Taichi's drink. I hated hearing my name in public but it always drew my ear with the constant 50/50 chance of it being a good or bad thing I was listening about, regarding me.
"-Ishida, Yamato. I heard he wrote this song about her. That's why it's so romantic."
Bad this time. Unfuriating even. Thank you, Sora. No, wipe that look off your face or I'll do it for you.
"I don't understand the bridge then... seems a little violent, then."
Thank you, friend with an actual brain of said girl who has none.
"Their earlier stuff varies," said the first one, like she had a clue. "Besides, you know he beats on women anyway. I wouldn't date him, no matter how cute he is."
As this went on, Taichi wasn't hearing the conversation behind me and was wondering what was wrong as my grip on the handle of the glass grew worse. Finally, it shattered as the song neared it's mid-point as to the bridge the girl had been referring to before.
"Something is definetly pissing you off. Why don't you talk about it instead of making me pay for that?" Taichi remarked.
"Fuck off, Taichi. Sora's an idiot."
"Well, it's a start," Koushiro said, giving a little giggle. I think he enjoyed seeing us fight, just to reassure him we weren't fucking. Not that I'd bother under usual circumstances. I stole Koushiro's drink this time, which was a lot further from nail polish remover than Taichi's. The taste was actually off-putting.
"This song is not about her, it's about my mother, damn it," I remarked, staring at an invisible mark on the wall. The comment definetly only confused them more and I finally had enough and stood, making my way over to Sora, Miyako, and Mimi at the bar.
"See? It's a metaphor," Sora chuckled. I clenched my fist a little tighter.
"I'm not so sure.,, Oh, here he comes," Mimi replied, giving me a wave. I cocked my head her direction. Sora gave me a quick glance and continued.
"Well, at least I thought it was until he tried to rape me. I'm telling you, Miyako. It's a good thing you never acted on that crush of yours," Sora rambled.
"Rape you? Don't flatter yourself," I blurted. "You're the rapist. I take it back, originally I was going to come over here and give you a long God damn lecture about not understanding anything, but now I'm thinking, no, you're totally on the fucking mark." I laughed at her.
She finally stood- stumbling a little and supported by Miyako's hand –then continued, "Women can't rape anyone."
"That's sexist," I breathed. "If I wanted you dead, by the way, you would know it. Like right now-" I raised my fist to her. Normally, I wouldn't, but I had forgotten the fact Taichi drinks like a fucking tanker truck and couldn't give a damn. Sora took back a hand and was about to slap me- bitch couldn't be bothered to throw the punch I knew she had in her, but then a hand stopped my from behind. Before I could move, my other wrist was pulled back, too. At first I thought it was Taichi and Koushiro, but they were back at the table. In turn, Miyako was holding Sora back with a weak smile to whoever was holding me. Or attempting to. I broke free and shoved Sora onto the ground, taking Miyako with us. I don't think we were sober enough to actually land blows and instead just made a major dent in each other's wardrobe cost. Finally, Jyou, who had grabbed me before, pulled my up.
"I'm taking you outside, okay? Before the bouncer does," he lectured. "Why do you always gotta pick fights lately?"
"Get off me, Jyou," I barked. "Besides, I'm a fucking rock God. I can do whatever I want."
"I'm taking you home, before you realize how inflated your ego is..." Jyou sighed.
Sora's face was burning red. She was as mad as I was, but Miyako didn't have to hold her back. She stood with a huff. "Yamato, you aren't going anywhere with him. We all know all you do is get drunk and fuck women, even if they don't want it, or am I wrong? Does the woman part not matter, either?"
Jyou was blushing hard, but the entire thing amused me. If she had any idea what we had done eight years ago she wouldn't be saying that. I pulled Jyou over to me and kissed him on the lips. He shrugged in my arms and Sora began to beat my shoulder with her fists. I coudn't hold it back and began to laugh as Miyako pulled her back.
"Come on, Sora. He's obviously as bad as you say," Miyako sighed.
"Later, Mii," I said, saluting Mimi as she followed the two friends quietly.
"Yamato, let's go back home and get you to bed before you have to listen to your Dad's lecturing," Jyou urged, tugging on my jacket. He began leading me out when Taichi stepped in front of us.
"Where are you taking him?" the big haired doofus asked.
"He's trashed."
"I know. He had my drink. He owes me for not only the cost of that, but the glass he broke, too."
"I don't owe you or anyone fucking anything," I remarked.
"Stop laughing, Ishida. Maybe if you gave a damn about anything but yourself, Sora wouldn't have left you. Or are you just looking to make yourself miserable?"
"I'm glad she's gone. I'm so fucking happy. I never wanted her around in the first place."
Jyou squeezed my wrist, "Taichi, he can barely stand. I'll give you the money in the morning."
Taichi crossed his arms, "No. I've had enough of watching him treat all of us like shit lately."
"Oh, you noticed my new attitude," I mumbled. I'm not sure if that was exactly what came out of my mouth, but whatever.
"You're so laughable, Yama," Taichi sighed. "Your life is falling out from under you. You have been given everything and you're throwing it away. First, you hurt Sora. Now, you don't even want your band anymore? Are you on drugs, too, like the rumours say?"
"Fuck no, I'm not stupid," I hissed. (Again, I think that's what I said. I'm sure it was close.)
Taichi moved over next to me and pulled back my arm, "Then what's that?"
"It's not a damn track mark. I had this argument with Sora already," I explained. "It's a birthmark."
"Sure, Yamato, sure," Taichi blurted.
"Can we go now? Here," Jyou said, somehow managing to keep my balance and rangle a twenty from his wallet. "Yamato, this way."
Jyou lead me outside and the cool air gave me goosebumps even through the leather. He sighed at me as we walked the few blocks to my house. I wanted more than anything for him to just stay. He didn't judge me like everyone else, ever. He had his critisisms, but it was based on his own assumptions and not bullshit lies like Sora was telling.
"You're squeezing my arm again. Did your mother say something to you? I've only seen you this angry once and well, I'm not going to bring it up since you've probably blacked it out from doing this to yourself for three weeks. I thought you wanted to study to get good grades so you could do something with your life." Jyou tended to ramble and although I was only taking in a few words, his voice was comforting.
"It's nothing like that," I slurred. I didn't- I couldn't –explain further. I didn't know what I was doing here with my life in shambles. I felt like the world was against me and from the get go I had decided that night that I wanted to just vent my frustrations somewhere. When music wasn't helping me anymore and alcohol only made me forget it for awhile, what was I supposed to do? I saw the fucking red flag that was Sora and swung. And missed.
The way Jyou carried himself, like he was thinking all the time, reminded me of myself. I had a feeling he had a really good understanding of what had gone on in that motel room between Sora and I a three years ago and the fact I still wasn't letting it go. He was the only one that could know, the only one I had ever told my deepest secrets to. Hell, even Takeru didn't know. I huddled into Jyou a little as my stomach began to turn to knots.
"We're almost there," he told me reassuringly. "I'm sorry that you're feeling alone, for what it's worth."
I wanted to say thanks, but my legs felt like lead and my head was spinning so hard I couldn't focus my feet in front of me. Jyou nearly carried me the rest of the way (after a small stop to puke) and I don't remember getting to my door.
"Just don't rape me," I pleaded as I leaned against the front door. I couldn't deny I had been thinking about the incident the entire night and it made a deadly cocktail with memories of my childhood as I clung to the door for dear life.
"I'm not her," Jyou breathed (whether he was referring to Sora, my mother, or both, I had no idea), then he reached under me to unlock the door with the keys he had taken from my pocket. He lead me inside and I fell onto my bed and the comfort of the soft sheets and warmth of my comforter. I heard Jyou walking around, probably taking off my shoes. "Even if you don't care about yourself and Sora doesn't give a damn about you, I do. If this goes on much longer... I can't stand around and watch as you kill yourself. I..." he didn't say anything after that and left quickly. I could hear the door shut before I finally lost consciousness and with it, Jyou's near confession of love to me.